Cadillac’s Super Cruise model has a new device which is expected to become standard equipment soon. The option works like an advanced cruise control, but it also navigates the car to avoid crashes.
Hmmm…
A guy in a self driving Cadillac,
Hopes he won’t run into a caddy shack;
It wouldn’t look cool,
For this new driving tool,
The owner would certainly take it back.
Confused? Puzzled? So was I. Don’t worry. There’s help on the way.
Check out Wordnik. http://www.wordnik.com/word-of-the-day
It’s an online dictionary and a thesaurus. It publishes an unusual word every day under the tab, “Word of the day”. They even provide audio of how to pronounce them. The words are so unusual, they may be difficult to bring into normal conversation. If you do manage to use them, people may call you a genius.
Here’s my take on that:
There was a young girl, who loved words,
Her mate thought that it was absurd;
She studied real hard,
Learned words like Asgard,
A divorce shortly after occurred.
Aries… You came up with the winning Power Ball numbers. Unfortunately they’re under twenty tons of trash right now.
Taurus… The stars have crossed. Love is in the air. You will have a heavy date soon. Hope you like sumo wrestlers.
Gemini… Leo is on the cusp and is about to mix it up with your best friend. That means your speech impediment can easily be cured. Just take your foot out of your mouth.
Cancer… Libra’s trine with wine indicates you should have that surgery. Half a brain is better than none.
Leo… Pluto’s alignment at the auto center tells us you cannot find your perfect match. So, rub two sticks together.
Virgo… Neptune is angry with Virgo because he left cracker crumbs in bed again. You will be stalked by a leg of lamb on the hunt for a great mint sauce recipe.
Libra… Act quickly Libras. The moons of Mars are rising fast. So are gas prices.
Scorpio… Soon Jupiter will align with Mars. That’s when they will plot against you.
Sagittarius… A Virgo moon in trine with Jupiter and Neptune will prompt you to smear ointment on your neighbor’s jowls. Do it already!
Capricorn… Your Virgo moon is in retrograde. You should change your underwear immediately.
Aquarius… Leo is in opposition to your moon over Miami. You’re right. The best place to trace your family tree is at the monkey house.
Pisces…Gemini tendencies are tempting you. Listen to that wise old owl. After all, he is in, “Who’s Hoo”.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictionsare all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
In honor of Earth Day, Phillips electronics is going to start selling LED light-bulbs. They say the bulb can last 20 years. The bulb is priced at $60.
Twenty year bulb? I'll burn out before the bulb does!
Aries… Your million dollar plan for edible Pampers is a bad idea.
Taurus… You will be held for questioning by the Vice Squad after you touch your inner child.
Gemini… A new job is coming your way. Soon you’ll be a scarecrow on a fish farm.
Cancer… You’ll overcome your fear of eggs, but not Canadian bacon.
Leo… Fame and riches will be yours with your fabulous quote, “The hands of fate need a manicure.”
Virgo… Eat plenty of greens to get your chloro-fill.
Libra… It’s in the stars. You will fall in love with an Armenian shepherd.
Scorpio… This week, someone will point to you and say, “You rock.” So get your sledge hammer ready.
Sagittarius… Eloping is not the answer. They’ll spot the elephant miles away.
Capricorn… You will be delivered into the hands of your enemies by a midwife.
Aquarius… Cash in on your oily T Zone. It could keep you in gasoline for a year.
Pisces…Relax. Take time to smell your armpits.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictionsare all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh 
Watch Out…”Spammed” Books Are Here
Not only do we have to watch out for spam in our email, book spammers are selling rip-offs of best-sellers on Amazon to innocent book buyers. In a way it’s weird because many of the stolen books were originally published using Amazon’s self-publishing tool, Create Space.
My humble take on this:
There is a bunch of bad spammers,
They are usually mailbox jammers;
But these guys steal books,
They’re out and out crooks,
Let’s hope they all end up in slammers.
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