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Archive for June, 2012

Leave the driving to us.


Google will start testing its newest development (self driving cars) in Nevada. They will be the first licensed automated vehicles in the U.S.

I can see it now. As we’re going down the road, a computer voice will yell:

“Will you kids stop arguing back there?”

“Stop it or I’ll turn this car around and we’ll go right home.”

“You should have gone to the bathroom before we left.”

“I’m never using Google Maps again.”

“I don’t need to stop and ask for directions. I know how to get there.”

 

Personally, I hope the program knows when I want to take a restroom break.

Hmmm.

Google has got a new plan,

For a self driving car or a van;

Nevada said sure,

If it’s really secure,

If it’s bad we will put out a ban.

 

Category:

Cars, computers, Developments, Driving, Google, Humor, Laughs, Life, Lifestyles, Nevada, News, Observations, Self Driving Cars, Technology

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Are they Siri-ous?


IBM, also known as Big Blue, will not let its employees talk to Apple’s “Siri” application on their 4S IPhones while at work.

The company is concerned about voice commands which are given to Siri. They think the commands may be  saved in the Siri/Apple system. IBM thinks their employees will unwittingly divulge IBM corporate secrets to Apple.

I think IBM should take a bite out of Apple, like Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden. (I know, it was a different kind of apple. Just go with this.)

Wait a minute. If IBM took a bite out of Apple, Big Blue would be thrown out of Computer Heaven. Then they would have to spend the rest of their days facing problems, law suits, falling stock prices, and lost profits.

But those things have already happened to Big Blue. Is there something else we don’t know about IBM?

Hmmm. 

Now people at work can’t use Siri,

It’s making the workers quite weary,

They work for Big Blue,

They’ve always been true,

But their bosses are making them teary.

Category:

computers, Humor, IBM, iPhones, Laughs, Life, Limericks, News, Observations, Phones, problelms, Security, Siri, Technology

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Your “Horror”- scope for the week of June 24th, 2012


Love is in the air this week as the planets do some dirty orbiting with each other  in space.

Aries… Your moon has reached its zenith. You will co–star in a movie with a gerbil and fall madly in love with it.

Taurus… Mars forgot Uranus’ birthday again this year. It could get nasty. Your partner will be happy when you dress up as a ferret for your upcoming anniversary.

Gemini…  Mercury is angry with Venus over who misplaced the high SPF sun blocker. Pack your bags. You will elope with an Armenian hairdresser.

Cancer… Earth is in opposition with the second moon of Neptune. Your desire to win over a wombat at the local zoo will meet with success.

Leo… The Earth’s moon, Luna is ecliptic at the moment. It’s time for a new relationship, but first take the tuna fish out of your pockets.

Virgo… The sun is on the cusp of Phobos, a moon of Mars. You will be so fascinated with a car wash attendant, you’ll want to know every detail of his life.

Libra… Jupiter is aligned with the Earth this week. You will discover the rewards of divorce when you date a dromedary.

Scorpio… Uranus will be attending an AA meeting this week. You will be bored by a boar in your bedroom. Bring plenty of DVDs and popcorn.

Sagittarius… Jupiter’s great red spot will be mistaken for a wart. You will fall in love with a Polish conscientious objector and move to Krakow.

Capricorn… Aries and Taurus are crossed at the moment. You will date a radical racoon.

Aquarius… Neptune is nearing its tenth house. Your date with a mad masseuse will leave you feeling tired and greasy.

Pisces…Pluto is equilateral with Neptune’s moon Despina. Your encounter with a milkman will turn sour. You will seek the advice of Dennis Miller.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictionsare all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Category:

Advice, Astrology, horoscope, Humor, Laughs, Life, Lifestyles, Observations, Planets, Predictions

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A Hopper, skip and a jump.


Dish Network has been sued by Fox, CBS, and NBC over its Hopper DVR. The TIVO like device automatically skips over ads, cutting into broadcasters’ revenue.

God forbid we should miss an advert on TV.

Oh, where did I put that box of tissues? I’m going to ruin the new wood flooring with my copious tears for the networks.

I haven’t felt this bad since my last colonoscopy prep.

Hmmm.

Dish has been sued for its Hopper,

It is a real ad stopper;

It skips over ads,

For me that’s not bad,

I won’t have to watch that floor mopper.

 

Category:

Developments, Hopper, Humor, Laughs, Law Suits, Lifestyles, Limericks, News, Observations, TIVO, TV

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This makes lots of scents to me.


Relax and breathe deeply.

Oily, a small robot, monitors your social media. It puffs perfume whenever your name is mentioned.

You can even import custom scents, for a few cents, which makes sense to me.

Hmmm.

Oily is a new kind of puffer,

It’s one that does not need a buffer

It puffs nice perfume,

Right into your room,

But, don’t become a hooked huffer.

Category:

computers, Humor, Laughs, Lifestyles, News, Oily, Perfume, poetry

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Stainless Steel Shampoos Scalp


What will they think of next? It’s a futuristic follical friendly fixture.

Now you can have a robot shampoo your hair! This wonderful service bot uses 24 magical fingers to shampoo and massage your eager scalp. It really gets to the root of your problem.

Does the Woody Allen movie, “Sleeper”, ring a bell?

I don’t know if I can wrap my head around this one. Robots run on electricity. It washes your hair with water. Water and power don’t mix well unless you are looking for a new kind of thrill.

Hmmm.

A robot can now do your hair,

It’s a marvel that’s really quite rare;

It washes and rinses,

Without any winces,

When it’s done you have hair with a flair.

Category:

Hair, Humor, Laughs, Life, New Trends, News, poetry, Robots, Shampoo, Technology

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It’s not just for the birds.


Now you can tour Angry Birds Land. It’s an amusement park in Finland. Like most amusement parks, it has restaurants (where you can pig out), games, rides, and Angry Birds related toys. You can even have a fling.

And, it’s okay to give someone the “bird” without ruffling anyone’s feathers.

Way to go Finland.

BTW remember this:  Just watch out where you step. You never know where one of those nasty pigs have pooped.

Hmmm…

Angry Birds are now living in Finland,

In a park somewhere on the mainland,

The place is quite big,

It has many pigs,

Souvenirs are in really high demand.

Category:

Amusement park, Angry Birds, birds, Finland, Humor, Laughs, Limericks, News, Observations

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Your “Horror”-scope for the week of June 17th, 2012


Aries… Mercury will be opposition with Venus. You’ll be up all night this week listening to their arguing.

Taurus… Soon the Earth will be in trine with Mars. Your best bet for love will be the goat herder.

Gemini… Neptune is tangent to Leo. Polish your swords. Get some new tats. You will soon discover a rewarding career opportunity as a side show entertainer.

Cancer… Venus is keeping a low profile after party crashing at the White house. Your potential as an athlete will be revealed when you become a life guard for dumpster divers.

Leo… The lion is on the prowl. You will be avatar’d and feathered while on line this week.

Virgo… The seventh moon is in the eight house. You will awaken to find yourself on a mammoth mound of manure.

Libra… Mercury is in transit and on the cusp of Pices. A crazed kleptomaniac will steal your gums while you sleep.

Scorpio… A lunar retrograde is near. Your enemies are closing in on you. You must hide in the folds of a fat gerbil, or in Dennis Miller’s beard.

Sagittarius… The sun is in trine with Venus. You will be persecuted unmercifully by a paranoid pigeon

Capricorn… The moon will soon transit Jupiter and Mercury. You are going to find an inch worm in your foot long hot dog.

Aquarius… Saturn’s transit near the moon indicates you will be run over by a terrible troll on a tricycle.

Pisces…Uranus is in conjunction with Aries. A crazed centaur will ransack your residence.

 

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his hit song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictionsare all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Category:

Astrology, horoscope, Humor, Laughs, Life, Observations, Predictions, The future

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PC Protection Pitiful


According to security firm, McAfee, nearly 20 percent of Windows PCs in the U.S. alone aren’t running any anti-virus software on their machines.

Sixty three percent of those computers have no security software at all.  That’s risky business!

Hmmm….

There are folks who have no protection,

It’s sure to give them infections;

The percentage is high,

Though it’s easy to buy,

They’ll get hit without any detection.

Category:

computers, Limericks, News, PCs, Technology, Virus

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Category:

Cartoons, Humor, Laughs, trash

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