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Archive for August, 2012

Cloud Company Compromised


Dropbox, a cloud storage company revealed that an undisclosed number of their clients have had their accounts hacked.

I’ve seen elephants in clouds but never hackers.

I think it was a disservice to deserving servers.

 

Hmmm…

They say that Dropbox was cracked,

Some accounts were silently hacked,

They went to the cloud,

Though they weren’t allowed,

I imagine some people were sacked.

Thought For The Day…


Here it is… “Never give someone the finger while thumb wrestling.”

Hello, Bunky Bellwhistle Bledsoe here.

I was asked to be a guest poster on this blog. The regular guy is cleaning up after Tropical Storm, Isaac passed through the area where he lives. He told me to write about thumb wrestling. Here goes.

I never thumb wrestled in my life. I figure, since it’s not an Olympic event, why bother.

I do know someone who does thumb wrestle. He’s my cousin twice removed named Dunlap Tapeworm. His nickname is Wormy. He  never loses. But he has an advantage. He has unusually large thumbs. I think it’s called Macrodigitalis or something like that. He’s the undefeated Thumb Wrestling Champion of Muddobber County, Arkansas. He’s won contests with both hands. In fact, no one wants to thumb wrestle with him any more cause he always wins.

Dunlap got a trophy and a blue ribbon for winning the county competition. They didn’t have a thumb wrestling trophy at the local trophy shop so they gave him a bowling trophy instead. He liked that. He said it was all right since he uses his thumb in his bowling ball when he goes bowling. They had to drill the thumb hole in the ball extra long just for him.

He once bowled a perfect game. The manager of the bowling place, Shatner’s Shady Lanes, put Wormy’s photo on the wall next to pictures of Don Carter and Dick Weber who were World Champion bowlers. Neither Carter nor Weber ever bowled at Shatner’s Shady Lanes. Their pictures were there just for show along with pictures of bowling balls.

They also gave him a baseball cap from Shindig’s Catering, and a bowling pin from the lane he bowled on. It wasn’t during an official league game so he didn’t qualify for the regular awards which are a trophy and the hand carved statue of a naked Indian woman made out of a bowling pin.

Dunlap bowls on Wednesday nights with the gang from work. He works in a pickle packing company.  It’s called Poppy’s Posh Portuguese Pickles. He’s the guy who shoves the last gherkin in to the jar while it goes by on the canning line. Dunlap says it’s a special skill which took him four years of training. He got that position after the other pickle pusher got his thumb cut off when the jar accidentally broke. When the guy saw his hand bleeding, he passed out. He never returned to work. Rumor has it that the thumb was never recovered. But I saw the jar with the thumb among the gherkins in Poppy’s office.

I asked Dunlap if he was afraid to be a pickle pusher after Ginzey Clutchfinger got his thumb cut off at the cannery. He said he wasn’t afraid because he has two of them.

Dunlap also is the State Hitch-hiking Champion. Guess why? You’re right! He has an advantage with his big thumbs. Drivers can see them for miles. Dunlap says drivers always stop and offer him a ride because his thumbs are so large. It’s something everybody wants to talk to him about.

Wormy once hitch-hiked across the U.S. twice from Moosedropping Maine to Octogon Oregon. He was raising money for his favorite cause, Macrodigitalis. He raised a total of forty seven dollars and nineteen cents. It’s still in a jar over his fire place.

Dunlap  hoped Jerry Lewis would find out about his fund driving efforts and do a telethon for him. Lewis never called Dunlap back. One of Jerry’s staff sent Wormy a letter saying that Macrodigitalis wasn’t a big enough problem in the world to have a telethon for it.

While hitch-hiking, Dunlap once spent thirty seven days in a row in the cab of an eighteen wheel tractor trailer with a Polish driver who just couldn’t get over Dunlap’s condition.

It turned out that the truck driver, Hargrove Skiderski, who drove for Menche’s Mints Company had an unusual condition himself. His big toes were unusually large for his feet. He drove barefooted. According to Dunlap, Hargrove’s big toes were so large, he just used his big toes on the gas, brake and clutch pedals while his feet were flat on the floor. Dunlap said Hargrove’s toes were photographed by Ripley’s Believe it or Not.

Dunlap said Hargrove drove over a million miles with ever having an accident. When they departed, Mr. Skiderski gave Dunlap a carton of Menche’s Mints. There were one hundred and fifty tins of mints inside.

Unfortunately, they were peppermint flavored. Dunlap didn’t want to tell Hargrove that he was allergic to peppermint. Dunlap found out about his allergy when he was a teen ager. After he chewed a mint before kissing his girlfriend, he began to talk Yiddish like a real Jewish Rabbi from New York City. He said he was worried and scared out of his wits because he loved to eat pork, and his girlfriend was a strict Catholic.

Dunlap said he is going to write a book about his adventures. He hopes they’ll make a movie about him like they did about that Forest Gump fellow. In the meantime, Dunlap still tries to thumb wrestle now and then. He bowls, and hitch-hikes. He also writes to his pen pal, Hargrove who is on a world tour with his toes. Hargrove is going to be interviewed by Dennis Miller, a comedian.

Oh, and then there’s this. Dunlap tried to get on that TV show, American Pickers, but they turned him down. He said that the show’s producer told him he wasn’t looking for nose pickers.

Thank you,

Bunky Bellwhistle Bledsoe

Thought For The Day…Aug 26, 2012


I decided to add to my repertoire of whimsical alliterations and provide you with something sensational, sizzling, with star studded satire, and Non sequiturs.

Now, for the first time from the recesses of the inner sanctum of my very private and Top Secret brain comes the advice the world has been waiting for.

Hold on to your hats.

The reveal is about to be disclosed.

You my faithful, fellow bloggers, will be the first to be blessed with these quirky quips and questionable quotes, before the world at large catches on.

You will be the first to profit enormously from these tidbits of wit and wisdom never before revealed outside the secret chambers of my cerebral cortex, except for the part my hippocampus disclosed on a date with my pineal gland.

Your life will be changed forever after you ponder the preposterous and yet prophetic philosophical pronouncements proffered in pleasant pedantry.

We are cleared for take off.

Now… here it is … your thought for today…

Remember this. You will never measure up to anyone’s expectations without a rule of thumb.

 

 

Your HORROR – scope for the week of Aug 26th, 2012


Aries… Mars is in its neighbor’s house. A potter is about to pop the question, “Do you want to buy this pot or what?”

Taurus…The moon is blue at this time. Just because it’s a pool table doesn’t mean you should place in a pool.

Gemini…Saturn is trine with Jupiter. Every time you see a policeman you will shout, “May the force be with you!”

Cancer… Neptune is on the cusp with Pluto. Your date with a horticulturist will turn bad when you get planted.

Leo… Mercury will be stationary this week. Bring a lot of change for the parking meter.

Virgo… Venus is out of phase now. You will find yourself discussing politics with a mannequin while sitting in a vat of hominy grits.

Libra… The Earth is a favorable place now. You will find true peace and harmony while bathing in a tub of granola with Dennis Miller.

Scorpio… The charts indicate good fortune for you. There is a pork pie hat in your future.

Sagittarius… Uranus and Saturn are fixed, and they don’t like it. You will soon be asked to appear on the new TV show, “Whisker Wars”.

Capricorn…The moon sextiles Saturn at this time. Liver and onions will be an obstacle to your romantic evening this week.

Aquarius… Venus is transiting Mars. Failure is not an option, but life will make an exception in your case.

Pisces…Uranus is in a new cycle now. Getting a tattoo is questionable, especially putting the word “Guacamole” on your forehead.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions
are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Your HORROR – scope for the week of Aug 19th, 2012


Aries… Uranus is unfavorable now. You should be aware that a curmudgeon is in your future.

Taurus… Mars is trine with itself. You will be arrested for eating arch supports in public.

Gemini… Saturn is in its seventh house for a house warming party. You won’t be happy when you discover that your cell phone has cellulite.

Leo… Venus is in opposition to Mars now. Your morning breath will soon become a military weapon.

Virgo… Pluto is having a flea problem at the moment. You will have a lot to explain when you start coughing up fur balls.

Libra… Mercury is fuming over an argument with the sun. Your idea for a new parlor game will fail. Do you really expect people to compete in Chia Pet grooming?

Scorpio… Uranus is on the cusp with its second house. A urinary infection is in your future.

Sagittarius… The Earth is mutable now. Your collection of belly button lint will not sell for much at the auction.

Capricorn… Jupiter is in opposition to Pluto. You will be trampled on by a flash mob of dancing taxidermists.

Aquarius… The sun is trine with Uranus this week. Your heart throb will be plagued by the heartbreak of psoriasis.

Pisces…The moon is on the cusp with Saturn. People may call you swell, but it’s just because you’re retaining water.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictionsare all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

The wi-fi gets the wrong guy.


A police SWAT team raided a house where threats were being made via wi-fi. It turned out to be the wrong house.

The guy apprehended wasn’t making the threats. He was just stealing the wi-fi from a neighboring house where the threats were really being made.

I guess stealing wi-fi put the first guy in double jeopardy, legally speaking. It’s best to buy your own wi-fi. Give it a try.

Hmmm…

The cops followed somebody’s wi-fi,

It turned out to be the wrong bad guy;

They moved on a threat,

It was a bad bet,

They did get the perp on their next try.

Medical Media Malpractice


Doctors and Medical Students are being told they shouldn’t use Facebook or other social media sites.

Security experts believe they could unwittingly break the doctor-patient confidentiality if they discuss patients’ medical problems.

Personally I don’t want my colonoscopy photos on Facebook.

That would be the end of me.

Hmmm…

Med people cannot go a tweeting,

Or Facebook to post a new greeting;

They can’t break their trust,

That’s really a must,

Even if a patient is bleeding.

Your HORROR – scope for the week of Aug 12th, 2012


Aries… Mars is firm about this: Stay away from German cuisine this week. You will sneeze every time you hear someone say Braunschweiger, or Dennis Miller.

Taurus…The sun is in juxtaposition with itself. You will be safe this week. Your enemies will be giving enemas to each other.

Gemini…The stars have a warning for you. Your idea for a town constructed entirely of bras will fail. The city will eventually go bust.

Cancer… Mercury is flirting with a new comet. Living in the present is good, if the present itself is expensive. Think about it.

Leo… Neptune is out of tune this week. Live each day as though it has just twenty four hours.

Virgo… Pluto has suddenly gone wild, and it isn’t even Spring Break. Stop being negative about your photos. So what if you are over exposed.

Libra… The moon is in a blue mood now. You will foxtrot in a farce with a ferret.

Scorpio…Earth is in trine and on the cusp with Pluto. Your life will be as simple as an Escher drawing.

Sagittarius… Venus is on the wagon this week after a bad hangover. You will have the urge to talk dirty to a mud pie.

Capricorn… Uranus is suffering from hemorrhoids at the moment. Expect the unexpected this week. Who knows, it just might happen.

Aquarius…Mars is in its second house fixing a plumbing problem. You will do a jig with a gerbil in your pajamas.

Pisces… Saturn is square all around. Don’t play chicken with a freight train. You may get your feathers ruffled.

 And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

This Item Is Really Taxing…


Many U.S. state governments have voted to tax on-line purchases made in their states.

They want companies like Amazon to collect the fees.

Soon we’ll be paying taxes just to surf the net. What’s the web coming to?

Hmmm…

A tax will be added on line,

Don’t charge it and get a big fine;

They’ll take out the cash,

It’s really quite rash,

I’d laugh but the money is mine.

Your HORROR – scope for the week of August 5th, 2012


The planets are aligned for the Olympic games. They show promise for some, and the agony of defeat for others.

Read on…

Aries… Mars is favorable for you now. You will win the gold in the volleyball swallowing event.

Taurus… Pluto is trine with Uranus. A bronze medal will be yours when you speed date with Polish wrestlers.

Gemini… The Earth is in its tenth house now. You will win the gold medal in the synchronized sneezing event.

Cancer… Venus is in its ninth house and trine with Pluto. You will not win a medal in the skunk sniffing event.

Leo… Saturn is on the cusp with Mars. You will be beaten out of a bronze medal in the grave digging event by a zombie from Zaire.

Virgo… Mercury is in high orbit now. You will win a gold medal in the individual sneaker tying event.

Libra… Uranus is square with the sun. You will win the Silver medal for mingling at a Dennis Miller event.

Scorpio… Earth is in opposition with Uranus. You will miss the bronze by a thousandth of a second in the rubber ducky bobbing event.

Sagittarius… Venus is in sync with Saturn. You will come in fourth in the cross country running event when you are beaten by a Chia pet.

Capricorn… Neptune is now trine with Mars and Venus. You will win the silver medal in the kayak kissing event.

Aquarius… Pluto is on the cusp with Uranus. You will win the gold for groveling.

Pisces…The moon likes you now. You will proudly wear a silver medal for your sterling performance in the medal polishing event.

 

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