Aries… Stop banging your head against the wall over Dennis Miller. Your neighbors don’t like all that noise.
Taurus… Your DIY project will be a disaster when you nail yourself to the floor.
Gemini… You will be detained by airport security when you try to smuggle a walrus in your wallet.
Cancer… The news is out. Hide before it’s too late. They found out you are of a different species.
Leo… You will have a problem with a cat over your Oedi-pus tendencies.
Scorpio… The constant statement made at office meetings, “That’s fine if you consider in terms of underoos.” is getting old. Time for a change.
Sagittarius… You will be tickled senseless by a roving gang of Oompa Loompas.
Capricorn… Your chronic dandruff problem will cause you to look like a snow monkey.
Aquarius… You will awaken to find yourself in the bottom position of a totem pole.
Pisces…Your parents will not be happy about your engagement to a Mukluk.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh 
Comments on: "Your HORROR – scope for the week of Sep 2, 2012" (8)
Yes, clicking is essential to your success.
*phew* Now I can walk a straight line without looking tipsy 😀 Thank you…will go and start healing kicks…oooops wait…you asked me to click my heels 😛 😛
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Smile and someone thinks you’re up to something. They could be right.
I might just make that the thought of the day in days to come. Happy to see you are happy, Enjoy the rest of your day.
i’m laughing too hard to write a proper response to that!
omg!
🙂
I’m sorry, really. But you see, the predictions are unpredictable, as it were, so to speak, if you know what I mean, as they say. They come out of the atmosphere. Horror-scope Central has no control over them. Have you ever heard of automatic writing? It’s kind of like that. Most of the Horror-scope advisers are in a trance when they come up with their predictions. After all, they have spent many hours observing the skies, consulting the star charts, scratching their butts, and drinking Tokyo Sunsets.
BTW, I’m sure you will be happy when you discover that mukluks will soon be categorized under the Endangered Species Act. So in a way, you should be honored to think one of them may appeal to you. (Perhaps while you are speed dating if you are inclined to do that. I heard it’s very popular in NYC. I saw a Nightline Special on it a while back. The host of the show, Mason Von Henklestich, made a comment that mukluks were actually in vogue.)
Also, for your esteemed information, to correct the record, and to appease the demi-gods of the celestial circumference, the unintentional exclusion of the two signs (Virgo and Libra) has been corrected. I understand the culprit has been sent to a rehab center somewhere in Soho.
Oh, and there is this…at least you don’t have to worry about a walrus in your wallet, as this week’s Gemini’s do. Better luck next week, dear. Have a nice day
a mukluk? a boot?? engaged to a boot? forget about how my parents may feel about that – what about me, ron? what about how i feel about mukluks? i wished you had forgotten to include pisces instead of libra & virgo.
;(
Thank you dear friend. The problem as been corrected. You have been given the appropriate recognition for your keen observation. Hopefully, it won’t happen again. Now your balance will be restored to its original condition. Just close your eyes and click your heels three times saying, “There’s no place like home.”
How could you forget the horror-scope for Libra 😦 Now I feel completely imbalanced 😉