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Archive for October, 2012

Texter’s Terrible Timing Turns Into Tumble


A woman fell off a 60 foot cliff while texting.

She suffered multiple injuries as a result.

I think she also fractured her reputation.

Too bad she didn’t have a jet pack smart phone app.

Then again, she probably wouldn’t have thought of using it.

We are not sure who she was texting at the time. It might have been her Guardian Angel.

Hmmm…

A text-er fell off a cliff,

She’s lucky that she’s not a stiff,

A sixty foot fall,

While making a call,

It’s something that we can all riff.

Your HORROR – scope for the week of Oct. 28th, 2012


Well Halloween is right around the corner. The planets are going to have a big party. They predict appropriate harrowing happenings for one and all.

Have a horror filled holiday.

Aries… Neptune can’t decide what costume to wear for Halloween. This week you will have the desire to embrace the entrails of fresh road kill in Skukill.

Taurus… Pluto has decided to buy a Snoopy costume for the big party. Be ready for many rumblings. Your kids won’t be happy when you suggest they trick or treat dressed as zippers.

Gemini… Mars is upset because it hasn’t received a party invitation. You’ll be a big hit at your Halloween party when you dress as a piñata.

Cancer… Venus has finally gotten her Halloween treats for the kiddies (little tins of ozone). Watch out. This week you will be plagued by a pirouetting pumpkin from Paducah carrying a pitchfork.

Leo… Mercury has decided to hand out last year’s Halloween leftover candy to unsuspecting visitors. Beware! You will be spooked by the scary skeleton of a scullery maid from Scranton.

Virgo… The Earth is in opposition with the decorating committee for the event this Wednesday. Forget your idea for a unique surprise for the trick or treaters this Halloween. They won’t appreciate little plastic bags of pus.

Libra… Uranus is making its own costume again this year. It will go to the party as the comet, Hale Bopp. Travel may be in your immediate future. You will have the urge to bob for apples in Appalachia on an Appaloosa.

Scorpio… Saturn is busy buying snacks for the big event this week. This Halloween you may just awaken to find that you are a wiggly worm attached to a wire hook dangling over a pond full of petulant piranhas.

Sagittarius… Mars is in opposition to all the other planets this week. Scorpion juggling is apparently in your immediate future.

Capricorn… Neptune is worried that it won’t be able to afford a costume for the party. It wants to go as the solar system. You will certainly win a prize for the most original costume when you go to the party dressed as scar tissue.

Aquarius…The Moon is busy carving its pumpkin. You will scare the socks off your Halloween party guests when you dawn your Dennis Miller mask.

 Pisces…Venus was supposed to mail out the invitations for the gala event this week, but she misplaced them. Your Halloween party game of  Bobbing for Bobcats will be a scream.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Facebook Fraud Fiends


This isn’t funny at all…

I got this in an email from  Kim Komando site today:

http://www.komando.com/tips/index.aspx?id=13509&utm_medium=nl&utm_source=alert&utm_content=2012-10-25-main

Hackers are sending out more scam email than ever before. That’s probably because it works!

Too many people click on links in email without thinking about how unsafe it is. Don’t be one of those people!

The latest scam to watch for is a fake email supposedly from Facebook. The email says that someone left an offensive comment on your Facebook wall and tells you to click a button to see the comment.

Of course, if you click the button you’re taken to a malicious site that looks like a Facebook profile page. The page installs the Blackhole exploit on your system, which allows hackers to remotely install other malware, including viruses that can steal your personal information!

There is a quick way you can tell this email is a fake. The sender address is faceb00k.com instead of facebook.com. That’s a common hacker trick that’s easy to miss.

However, even if the email sender did say facebook.com, it might still be a trick. Your best bet for staying safe is to open your browser and log in to your Facebook account manually.

If someone really did post something on your wall, it will show up as a notification in your profile. And you don’t have to worry about accidentally visiting a malicious website.

Hackers are sending out more scam email than ever before. That’s probably because it works!

Too many people click on links in email without thinking about how unsafe it is. Don’t be one of those people!

The latest scam to watch for is a fake email supposedly from Facebook. The email says that someone left an offensive comment on your Facebook wall and tells you to click a button to see the comment.

Of course, if you click the button you’re taken to a malicious site that looks like a Facebook profile page. The page installs the Blackhole exploit on your system, which allows hackers to remotely install other malware, including viruses that can steal your personal information!

There is a quick way you can tell this email is a fake. The sender address is faceb00k.com instead of facebook.com. That’s a common hacker trick that’s easy to miss.

However, even if the email sender did say facebook.com, it might still be a trick. Your best bet for staying safe is to open your browser and log in to your Facebook account manually.

If someone really did post something on your wall, it will show up as a notification in your profile. And you don’t have to worry about accidentally visiting a malicious website.

Sleeping Seascapes?


Now people are analyzing sleep patterns to determine what kind of paintings the patterns would produce.

Someone in a hotel has hooked up over 80 bed sensors to a robot that can paint to find that out.

Could it be Renoir the Robot?

I’m not sure how a robot’s sleep patterns correlate to a human’s.

Besides, who ever heard of a robot sleeping. Turned off maybe, but sleeping?

I wonder what kind of painting a nightmare would produce.

Maybe it would be a portrait of Freddie, or Jason, or maybe Lady Gaga.

Hmmm…

Make a painting in your sleep?

Is it something you would keep?

Is it different when you sleep deep?

Is it something that would make you weep?

Or is it something that should be bleeped?

Come On, Spit It Out.


Really, I’m not all wet when I tell you this.
Public beware. According to a new study, frequent cell phone users slobber and spit more than the average caller.
It sounds to me like some real juicy conversations are going on.
It looks like DNA is flying all over the place.

Hmmm…

Don’t slobber when you use the phone,
It will only make some folks groan;
Don’t spit when you talk,
Or drool when you squawk,
If so, you’ll be left all alone.

Your HORROR – scope for the week of Oct. 21st, 2012


Aries… Mars is in transit across Venus now. You will awaken to find that you look exactly like your driver’s license photo.

Taurus… Neptune is in its eight house for an inspection. A  pesky  prairie dog named Dennis Miller will partake of your pralines.

Gemini… Mars and Venus are in opposition to Mercury and Saturn which is bad because tomorrow is their bridge tournament. You will be an instant hit in your next car crash.

Cancer… Uranus is on the cusp with a cuspidor. Watch it. The lumberjack you’re dating may be a timber wolf in disguise.

Leo… The Earth is approaching Pluto’s apogee. Your proclivity for Polish polo players may prove prophetic.

Virgo… Saturn is rising now. This week you will constantly think about your mommy, a mummy and Billy Mummy.

Libra… Pluto is happy in its seventh house. Remember, Cajun food doesn’t include blackened toast for breakfast, or does it?

Scorpio… Mercury is trine with itself right now. This week you will have the urge  to catch, scratch and bake a batch.

Sagittarius… You have a heart of gold, and someone wants to trade it for cash.

Capricorn… Venus is planning to elope with Mercury. Your love of a leg of lamb will prompt you to buy it some pantyhose.

Aquarius… The moon is breaking wind right now. You will have a penchant for parchment, Parcheesi, and par boiled parsnips.

Pisces…Venus is square with the Triangle Nebula. Stay alert. You are being stalked by a zoo keeper.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Texting Teen Tried


An 18 year old became the first driver in Massachusetts to be convicted of motor vehicle homicide by texting.

 According to the Associated Press the boy has been sentenced to two years in prison and loss of his driver’s license for 15 years. (I think he should have lost his license forever.)

 The family of the man killed will be husband and fatherless forever. It’s a sad situation.

Hmmm…

A kid got into a collision.

Texting interfered with  his vision.

He killed a poor man,

Something he didn’t plan,

Now he has been driven to prison

Tweets From Surgical Suites


Three surgeons in Detroit rotated between working on a patient’s brain while watching a computer screen. They typed answers to tweeted questions which were sent in by medical students.

In another town, joint surgery was performed on a patient while a live-tweet session was in progress.

Overall, there have been a number of surgeries performed in the USA using Twitter in the background.

It’s becoming a useful educational aid in the medical field.

Hmmm…

They’re now tweeting live operations.

It’s the latest surgical sensation.

They’ll cut through a bone,

While using the phone,

You can see it while you’re on vacation.

Your HORROR – scope for the week of Oct. 14th, 2012


This week the stellar stars shoot for stunning starlit alliterations in the constellations without constant consternation or constipation.

Hopefully you will have happy, humorous and heartwarming Horror-scopic happenings…

Aries… Saturn is preparing for Halloween. Your date with succulent steamed veggies will go terribly wrong when you suddenly become ravishingly hungry.

Taurus… Jupiter is shopping for a new moon. You will awaken to find yourself on the Canadian border smothered in cold, clammy, Canadian bacon.

Gemini… Saturn is having its rings polished. You will be involved in some chicanery with a chickpea eating chicken in Chicopee, Massachusetts.

Cancer… The moon is going in for maintenance this week. You suddenly have a penchant for parchment, Parcheesi, and par boiled parsnips.

Leo… Mars is on the verge of Venus. While on vacation, you will vie for a viaduct near a villa in Veracruz.

Virgo… Mercury is pondering over appearing in a Reality Show. Your darling doggie wants to do its dastardly doody on the doorstep of Dennis Miller.

Libra… The Earth in its ninth house with a Realtor  You will engage in cogent conversations with a toastmaster, a milquetoast, and Post Toasties.

Scorpio… Pluto hasn’t gotten much sleep lately and is grumpy. Your date with a transient Techno Geek will go wrong when he/she tries to troubleshoot you.

Sagittarius…. Neptune  is considering taking up painting as a hobby. You will awkwardly awaken to discover  that you are a hoax.

Capricorn… Jupiter is thinking of switching orbits with Mars. You will be stopped in your tricky tracks while paying taxes in Texas.

Aquarius… The moon is going in for maintenance this week. You suddenly have a penchant for parchment, Parcheesi, and par boiled parsnips.

Pisces… Mars is having its third house redecorated. You will pucker up to a hockey puck in Pawtucket, Paducah, and Patagonia.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Downloader in Doldrums After Denial


The U.S. Supreme Court denied a request by Attorneys for a Massachusetts man accused of illegally downloading songs.

He now faces a fine of nearly $700,000. (USD).

Hmmm.

A man was caught music downloading,

Sony said he was freeloading.

He downloaded songs,

They said it was wrong,

And his fine had no sugar coating.

 

This isn’t the first time someone has been fined for illegal file downloads of copyrighted material.

A federal jury in Minneapolis ruled that a woman has to pay $1.92 million or $80,000 on each of 24 songs, after concluding she willfully violated the copyrights on those tunes.

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