Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh

This is the week to be aware of unexpected events in your life.

We hope you will cope with whatever transpires.

Be strong. Be brave. And most of all…behave.

Aries… The moon is in its ninth house checking on a plumbing problem. That is not good. Sometime this week, you awaken to find yourself a lonely tadpole in a pond full of hungry fish.

Taurus… Neptune is square with Mercury now after being oval. The votes have been tabulated. Here is the committee’s response. Your idea for a theme park based on accounting principles just doesn’t add up.

Gemini… Mars is becoming itchy due to an allergic reaction to the new rover running about. Beware! Your attempt to drive viewers to your web site will fail when you experience car trouble.

Cancer… Saturn is trine with the Earth right now. This week expect to become flagrantly flamboyant over flambé in Florence.

Leo… Uranus is still in court petitioning a judge to have its name changed (see last week’s prediction). This week you will have the urge to shout the word chutney repeatedly when you find yourself in crowded situations.

Scorpio…Venus is avoiding the sun as much as possible due to a rash that is forming near its poles. A solution to your problem has been found.  Everything will be fine when you stop bobbing and weaving.

Virgo… Mars is fuming over a remark made by Pluto which we can’t divulge at this time. A future surgery will go terribly wrong when the surgeon leaves an instrument in your body. You will be horrified and sue him when you realize it’s a tuba.

Libra… The Earth is in its seventh house awaiting the outcome of the Fiscal Cliff deliberations in the USA. You will get hit in the head with a golf ball when you search for a diamond in the rough.

Scorpio… Pluto has fleas again. This forebodes disaster. You will die of old age, or a bullet wound. It could go either way.

Sagittarius… Mercury is rising to the occasion. You will visit the Dalai Lama and attempt to play dress up with him.

Capricorn… Jupiter is in declination now. This week, beware of a dryer, a flier, a Town Crier, and a dangling wire.

Aquarius… The sun is thinking about seeing a Dermatologist concerning its spots. Stay away from all foods containing a vowel in their spelling.

Pisces…Venus is upset over a cable bill and is considering satellite TV instead. Stop doing your impression of Denis Miller, you sound like Sponge Bob Square Pants.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”: 

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Copyright 2013, Ronald J. Yarosh. All rights reserved.