This week the planets in the Celestial Sphere were a bit more difficult to interpret, but we managed to get it done.
We hope these forecasts will alert you in sufficient time to avoid any unfortunate outcomes.
Thank you for following our predictions.
Stay alert.
Aries… Venus is on the cusp with Mars. You will have the urge to float, buy a boat, and gloat
Taurus… Mercury is rising now, especially in the Southern Hemisphere. This week, you may be troubled by a lounge lizard, a computer wizard, and a chicken gizzard.
Gemini… Uranus is in retrograde now. Taking your medicine with a spoonful of sugar is fine, but stop swallowing the spoons.
Cancer… Mars is trine with the Earth now. This week you may encounter a box, some locks, a variety of clocks, and the Dennis Miller Show Call Screener.
Leo… Jupiter is aligned with the Moon. This week, be aware of your shins, and evil twin, and a crazy grin.
Virgo… Saturn is square with Mars. Stop shouting, “Wombats are wonderful” in social situations.
Libra… The sun is trine with Venus now. You will feel much discomfort after swallowing a flugelhorn.
Scorpio… The Earth is in its seventh house at the moment conferring with a realtor. You should know that your family loves you, but not as much as late night snacking.
Sagittarius… Pluto is trine with itself for some reason. This week, turn your attention toward a waiter, a gator, and The Equator
Capricorn… Uranus is in a favorable alignment with Venus now. This week you will find love in a cul de sac in Hackensack.
Aquarius… The moon is in transit now. You will awaken to find yourself trapped in an episode of a Sit-Com called, The Nanny.
Pisces…Neptune is in retrograde this week. Heed this advice. Stop bothering yourself. Otherwise, you won’t get anything done.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh 
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