With the unexpected crash of that meteor in Russia, we should pay more attention to the stars and the sky above.
We offer our deepest sympathy to those affected by that tragedy.
We do however, feel obligated to continue with our weekly forecast, such as it is. Hopefully it will bring some light hearted fun and hope in this time of sadness.
Aries… Mars is in retrograde at this time. This week you should be aware of a large saddle, a dangerous rattle and a swinging paddle.
Taurus…Venus is on the cusp with its second house. This indicates you have a future in follicle farming, or co-starring on the Dennis Miller Radio Show.
Gemini… The moon in rising now. Beware. Stay away from all sponges this week. They are planning to absorb your brain.
Cancer… Mercury is being double crossed by Pluto. This means only one thing. You will be double crossed by a Carpathian.
Leo…Saturn is upset over its rings being tarnished. We advise against taking the plunge with that plumber you are dating.
Virgo… Uranus is in its sixth house. The watch maker you are interested in is two timing you.
Libra…The Earth is in retrograde now. You will be stalked by a crazed Chiropodist.
Scorpio…Neptune is on the cusp with Mars. Watch out. Your friends will try to mislabel you.
Sagittarius… Jupiter is rising now. You will soon awaken to find you have been hung out to dry.
Capricorn… Mars is about to enter its fourth house for some cleaning. You will try to argue with an angry sea, but you will not get far.
Aquarius…You will have a date with an amphibian so bring along lots of tasty water snails, insects, and small fish.
Pices… Uranus is flying high at the moment. You definitely have a future in farfegnugen.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
Copyright 2013, Ronald J. Yarosh. All rights reserved