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Archive for March, 2013

Your HORROR – scope for the week of Mar 31st, 2013


Aries… The Moon is in its seventh house. People are conspiring to have your bones removed.

Taurus… Mercury is rising now. You will have frogs legs at lunch. Later your legs will change back to normal.

Gemini…  The Earth is in its fifth house this week. Someone wants to warm the cockles of your heart. Don’t let them. They want to do it with a flame thrower.

Cancer… Venus is in opposition to the Earth now. Watch out for ghostly gables, jumper cables, and someone telling ancient fables.

Leo… Pluto is square with the moon. Sorry your information is incorrect. Sea otters eat abalone not fried baloney. Tell that to Dennis Miller.

Virgo… Saturn is descending now. You will awaken to find yourself unplugged.

Libra… Uranus is in its eighth house. You will have a tendency to be lean, mean and consume some Mr. Clean.

Scorpio… Neptune is at right angles to Venus. Watch out for a cleege light, a menacing mosquito bite, and an over active overbite.

Sagittarius… Mars is square with a right triangle. Be aware of fairies, canaries, and dromedaries.

Capricorn… Mercury is on the cusp now with the Moon. Careful. Someone wants to dismantle you and put up a high rise building.

Aquarius… Pluto is not favorable to all Aquarians. A Realtor you know will turn out to be a groundhog.

Pisces…The Earth is rising now. Your idea for a theme park based on foot orthotics will not go anywhere.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Copyright 2013, Ronald J. Yarosh. All rights reserved.

Battery Blues Brings Brilliant Breakthrough


According to the web site Mail online http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2286714/

There is a battery breakthrough that could charge your iPhone in five SECONDS.

It’s a Graphene-based supercapacitor that can charge and discharge thousand times faster than conventional batteries.

Researchers stated that prototypes of the charger can be produced using a standard DVD burner.

The battery that can charge a mobile phone or even a car in seconds.

Called micro-scale graphene-based supercapacitors, the devices can charge and discharge a hundred to a thousand times faster than standard batteries.

It’s made from a layer of carbon, only one-atom thick. It can be manufactured and integrated into your gadgets.

Hmmm…

A battery than can charge super fast,

A quick charging miracle at last.

It’s made from Graphene,

Right on your machine.

It can make your device a real blast.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

Battling Beasty Beavers in Bridgeway


Imagine waves of beavers scurrying through a West Sacramento, Calif. neighborhood toppling trees and damaging public property.

According to city officials. those residents are living in the vicinity of as many as 30 wood-chewing rodents. The beavers first moved into a Bridgeway Lakes neighborhood in much smaller numbers three years ago, but have since multiplied and spread to other areas. And it appears like at least a few are on the ginormous side of the gene pool.

Observers said that the critters can weigh upwards of 70 pounds and some of them, by the damage done to the trees, were a good four feet tall. The damage has been on a massive scale. The beavers have taken down as many as a dozen local trees.

Read more: http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/03/02/four-foot-beavers-invade-town-damage-city-property-and-trees/#ixzz2MheYesk8

Hmmm…

A town invaded by beavers?

The animal, not the kid, Cleaver.

They chew on the trees,

They’re down in a breeze.

Talk about hairy achievers!

 

They’re a plump forty pounds,

They’d frighten all hounds,

And they run about four feet high.

 

Their damage is massive,

They’re active not passive,

They make all tree lovers cry.

 

What to do? Yell the folks,

While others make jokes,

Their plight is really appalling.

 

They called a Tree Guy,

He just looked on and sighed,

And the trees keep on a falling.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

Your HORROR – scope for the week of Mar 24th, 2013


Aries… The Sun is in retrograde now. Be careful around a risqué ring, a medical sling, and some blinding bling.

Taurus… Mars is on the cusp of its seventh house at this time. You should be aware that sucking on electrons will lead to negativity.

Gemini… Saturn is rising this week. You will awaken to find yourself in a table of contents.

Cancer… Venus is square with Mars. Be aware of a sizzling steak, a forgotten rake and a minor earth quake.

Leo… Mercury is unusually hot this week due to solar activity. You will be scorned when you attempt to take the rumpus out of the rumpus room.

Virgo… Uranus is in its fourth house welcoming new renters. You will lose a law suit over a Zoot suit. Dennis Miller will be the plaintiff.

Libra… The Moon is rising at this time. Remember this: Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

 Scorpio… Jupiter is square with a celestial triangle. You will encounter a fairy tale, a beached whale, and a flagon of ale.

Sagittarius… Mars is on the cusp of its seventh house. Watch for a bore, a door, and a musical score.

Capricorn… Pluto is in retrograde. This week be aware of your follicles, your cuticles, and some obstacles.

Aquarius… Neptune is now out of tune. Be cautious. They are out to remove your brain and fill your head with Fiddle Faddle.

Pisces…Uranus is in its fourth house now. You will awaken to discover you have become somewhat of a shifty shucker.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Copyright 2013, Ronald J. Yarosh. All rights reserved.

Government Gathering Goods on Guys and Gals


The National Security Administration (NSA) denies it is collecting data (and storing it) on U.S. citizens.

But, an ex-NSA employee thinks it is really happening.

Gee, I can’t remember my hat size. I wonder if they can tell me what it is.

Looks like  the novel/movie 1984 is coming to pass.

That’s scary stuff.

Hmmm…

The government is stashing our data?

The thought of it’s making me sadder.

They are always snooping,

Our data they are grouping,

It’s something that’s making me madder.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

Shark Snags Shooter’s System


An underwater photographer lost his camera  while he was fishing for a good shot.

The camera was taken by a shark.

The swimmer was mugged by a shark.

If  there was a photo of the event, I guess it could be called a mug shot.

You just can’t trust those scary, slippery, spineless, scale-less, sea monsters.

Just joking. They’re not really sea monsters, unless you’re being attacked by one.

I wonder if the shark took the photographer’s picture with its new camera.

The fish is probably showed it to his family and friends along with his vacation photos.

By the way, it wasn’t a Loan shark, but it was a lone shark.

Hmmm…

A camera was taken by a shark,

While the owner was off on a lark,

The camera was snagged,

It wasn’t a gag,

He yelled an X-Rated remark.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

Your Horror-scope for St. Patrick’s Day Week


The week begins with the annual St. Patrick’s Day festivities.

Of course, they will include barrels of green beer, parades, green food, green clothing, and green faces laced with hangovers.

They say everyone is a little Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. A little Irish? I guess that means we all can be lephracons. Hey, where’s my Pot o’ Gold?

The planets in the Celestial sphere are aligned just right to make St. Pat’s Day, and the rest of the week a memorable one.

Relax and enjoy this week’s predictions.

Happy St. Paddy’s Day!

Aries… Mars is busy cleaning up for a St. Patrick’s Day picnic for all the other planets. Be cautious at meal time this week. You may find a lephracon swimming in your soup.

Taurus…The moon is trying hard to get out of the Earth’s shadow at the moment. You too can become legendary in Ireland. Just round up some snakes (non-poisonous) and drive them to the sea. First, make sure you put the snakes in the trunk, and don’t forget your driver’s license.

Gemini… Mercury rules your sign this week. He’s a benevolent ruler, and a little mercurial at times. This week, be wary of that pain in your back. You may be passing a Blarney Stone.

Cancer…Venus is making a new outfit for the party Mars is having. Your costume idea for the St. Patrick’s Day party is unique. Who would imagine anyone dressed as corned beef and cabbage.

Leo…Neptune is rehearsing the song, “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling”, for the party. You should know when Irish eyes are smiling they are probably up to something.

Virgo… Saturn hasn’t found a baby sitter and is worried about attending the party. Don’t open any emails from Ireland this week. They could be sent by a Lephra-Con-Artist.

Libra…Pluto is green with jealousy because, not being an official planet, it can’t attend the party Mars is hosting. Keeping that in mind, don’t bother looking for a lephracon and his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It’s been confiscated by the U.S. Government to cover its debt.

Scorpio…The Earth is shadowing most of the moon now. You will be the hit of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade when you appear as a large float based on The Dennis Miller Show.

Sagittarius… Jupiter is busy teaching its moons Irish dancing. Your idea for a theme park based on green beer will only be appreciated on March 17th.

Capricorn…Mars is anxiously awaiting the arrival of party guests. (See Aries). You will be green with envy when your best friend elopes with a lephracon.

Aquarius…Venus rules your sign this week. She is planning to launch a new tax. You may be wrong in your thinking. Your green grocer isn’t necessarily Irish.

Pisces…Neptune is on the cusp now. Your interests this week should center on bold blogging, lephracons logging, and Irish Clogging.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Copyright 2013, Ronald J. Yarosh. All rights reserved.

Cop Catches Commuter Cruisin’


A Maryland woman received a very unusual “speeding” ticket.

Local Maryland NBC affiliate, News4 reported that the woman was driving 63 miles per hour in a 65-mph zone. She was driving on Interstate 95.  Read more at: http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Laurel-Maryland-Ticket-Driving-Too-Slow-197285901.html

Police say the reason they ticketed her was that she was driving in the left lane reserved for speedier commuters.

“[I was] really shocked,” she told the station. “I thought, ‘Oh my God, you’ve got to be kidding me.'”

Then again, commuters who get annoyed by someone hogging the right lane might salute the ticket.

The woman explained that the area was experiencing heavy winds at the time and she was only driving under the speed limit as a safety precaution. “Sometimes when it’s dangerous, you have to do what you can to stay safe,” she said.

She has one ally on her side: the local branch of AAA.

“The reason [the ticket] is silly is because it’s sending the wrong message,” said John Townsend of AAA Mid-Atlantic. “And that message is, ‘We will tolerate you driving at more than the speed limit, but it you drive below the speed limit, then you’re penalized for that.'”

Hmmm…

A woman was driving too slow,

In MD, we thought you should know.

She was charged a large fee,

For doing sixty three,

It was sixty five there don’t you know.

 © 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

Apps Actually Acquiring Advantage


According to Kim Komando…

http://www.komando.com/tips/index.aspx?id=13912&utm_medium=nl&utm_source=notd&utm_content=2013-02-15-article_1-cta

Apps you use every day could be taking advantage of you by stealing your data without you knowing it.

Researchers compared the top 100 apps on the Google Play store and found that many of them ask for your location information, contact lists and identifying details about your gadget.

Which apps are the worst of the bunch? Researchers said these 10 took the most information.

  • Talking Tom Virtual Pet
  • Backgrounds HD Wallpaper
  • Dictionary.com
  • Mouse Trap
  • Horoscope
  • Shazam
  • Pandora
  • Google Maps
  • Brightest Flashlight

It makes sense that an app like Google Maps would need your location information.

The folks behind Brightest Flashlight did not immediately respond to questions about why a flashlight app would need it.

If you use these apps, make sure to check out the app pages in the Google Play store.

Google makes developers reveal what permissions they ask for.

So, use caution when ordering Apps.

Hmmm…

Be careful when buying some Apps

Right now they’re causing some flaps,

They collect your stats,

When you do this and that,

Even when looking at maps.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

Your HORROR – scope for the week of Mar 10th, 2013


There is weirdness and wonderment in the Celestial Sphere this week.

Some of you may be happy with the outcome.

Many of you won’t.

But, don’t blame us for any misfortune you may encounter.

Blame the heavenly bodies which control your every action and reaction.

Enjoy…..

Aries… Venus is in retrograde at this time. You will find the weight you lost. It will appear in unflattering places.

Taurus… Mercury is rising now. Be careful this week. A Foley Artist wants to sound you out.

Gemini… The moon is in its perigee now. You will go deep in debt if you buy wedding gifts for seven brides for seven brothers.

Cancer… Neptune is in its fourth house meeting prospective buyers. Don’t be surprised when people mistake you for a thesaurus.

Leo…Saturn is on the cusp with Mars. Be wise. Don’t let a flamenco dancer step all over you.

Virgo… Uranus is rising at the moment. You will be stalked by a furtive futon while listening to The Dennis Miller Radio Show.

Libra… Mars is on the cusp with Venus. Your family will not be happy when you announce your engagement to a Furby.

Scorpio… The Earth is in its seventh house meeting with a Realtor. You will be swept off your feet by a chimney sweep.

Sagittarius…Pluto is in retrograde at this time. Your life will become as complicated as an Escher drawing.

Capricorn…Venus is rising now. Don’t be surprised when you discover that your fisherman lover is a hooker.

Aquarius…The moon is in its fourth house at the mment. You will soon become very familiar with a tape worm. And you will not measure up to the challenge.

Pisces…Mars is in retrograde and on the cusp with Venus. Be aware of a floundering flounder, a rowdy rounder, and a brash bounder.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Copyright 2013, Ronald J. Yarosh. All rights reserved.

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