Our analysis of the stars in the Celestial Sky bugged us this week.
We couldn’t figure it out at first.
Suddenly, it hit us like a bug hitting the windshield of a speeding car.
The planets are aligned just right to indicate future happenings in the insect world.
Oddly enough, they relate to you in various ways.
We hope you aren’t allergic to any type of insect.
We also hope you do not suffer from any kind of insect phobias.
Good luck, and try not to scratch too much. You could get an infection.
Aries… Mercury is cooling now. Your ant colony will suddenly demand statehood.
Taurus… Saturn is in its apogee at this time. Your praying mantis is actually an atheist.
Gemini… Venus is trine with the Moon now. You will awaken to find that a nest of carpenter ants have built an addition to your dwelling.
Cancer… Neptune is square with Mercury. You will dial 911 and ask for a Dalmatian when you sit on a Fire Ant mound.
Leo… The Moon is getting smaller in the night sky. You will be smitten by the scent of a centipede.
Virgo… The Earth is rising now. You will be poked in the ribs by a rain forest stick bug.
Libra… Pluto is trine with the rising Earth. Your stink bug, and Dennis Miller, will embarrass you in public gatherings.
Scorpio… Jupiter is declining at the moment. You will witness the execution of killer bees.
Sagittarius… Mars is its perigee now. You will elope with a locust, but your relationship will only last for seven years.
Capricorn… Uranus is in its seventh house. You will be proud when your cricket is asked to join a local Cricket Club.
Aquarius… Neptune is square with Mercury and is rising now. You will have the winning bid at an auction for a Carmen Miranda hat, only to find it is full of fruit flies.
Pisces…Saturn is trine with itself. You will tell your family of your desire to marry an earwig, but they will say they never heard of such a thing.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
Copyright 2013, Ronald J. Yarosh. All rights reserved.