This week, the celestial bodies have revealed a pattern which frankly frightens us. In fact we may have developed a phobia over their relationships.
Of course, their positions in the Celestial Sphere directly affect your lives in frightful ways.
Don’t panic.
Your immediate future reveals a temporary condition.
It will be over before you know it—or not.
Be prepared.
Here goes.
Aries… Saturn is descending now at a great speed and it feels great. We hope you like late night TV. You will suddenly develop a fear of sleeping.
Taurus… The Moon is in its first quarter. That’s small change. Your sudden fear of air will take your breath away.
Gemini… Neptune is trine with Pluto at the moment. Try not to travel this week. You must first come to grips with your fear of luggage.
Cancer… The Earth is in its seventh house again getting ready for new tenants. Have a broom handy this week. There will be a web of mystery over your sudden fear of spiders.
Leo… Venus is on the cusp of Saturn. You may wish you never learned how to spell. You will fear all things with vowels in their names.
Virgo… Mars is at its perigee now. Please don’t go postal. There will be no way to stamp out your fear of mail.
Libra… Uranus is square with the Sun. Keep a low profile this week. Your fear of heights will prevent you from attending basketball games.
Scorpio… Mercury is in retrograde at the moment. Try to keep dry this week. Your life will be awash in fear after you develop a phobia of plumbing.
Sagittarius… Jupiter is on the cusp with Neptune now. Avoid all Ring Masters this week. Your life will become a circus after you develop a fear of clowns.
Capricorn… Pluto is trine with Neptune now. You must sit this week out. Your life will come to a temporary stand still when you discover your fear of feet.
Aquarius… The sun has just released three solar flares. Find a cave immediately. You will have a desire to become a hermit when you begin to fear conversation, especially with Dennis Miller.
Pisces…Saturn is descending at the moment. Your mobility will be curtailed when you suddenly develop a fear of floors.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
Copyright 2013, Ronald J. Yarosh. All rights reserved.
Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh 
Comments on: "Your HORROR – scope for the week of May 19th, 2013" (4)
Thanks for your comment, Brad. We looked that up for you. According to the Intergalactic Astrological’s
Handbook of Common Phobias, it’s called “vowelaphobia”.
I wonder what a fear of vowels would be called…..LOL
A very large tip. LOL Have a great week.
“…Your immediate future reveals a temporary condition. It will be over before you know it…”
Now, that’s really comforting.
You’ll be fired and unemployed as of this week. Its only temporary, so don’t worry – for a large tip, we’ll make it permanent 🙂