Something very unusual has happened in the Celestial Sphere this week. Pisces, the sign of the fish rules the sky.
This makes for a wave of rather unusual ichthyological predictions.
Believe us. We are not trying to bait you. But, you might just get hooked on this weeks predictions.
Seize the moment, but scale down your activities.
Don’t let this week make you crabby.
Don’t get caught off guard.
Aries… Uranus is on vacation fishing at the moment. You will be groped in the groin by a grouper from Galapagos.
Taurus…The Earth is teaming with snorkelers right now. You will not be wise to hitch your wagon to a star fish, or Dennis Miller.
Gemini… Neptune is on a cruise this week. You will cuddle up on the couch with a cute cuttlefish.
Cancer… Saturn is having a ring job this week. You may think it’s a good idea, but we warn you against putting a moray eel in your underwear.
Leo… Venus is water skiing this week. You will find yourself discussing music with a tuna who’s out of tune.
Virgo… Mars is boiling at the moment because it can’t expand its orbit. A sea cucumber will try to make a salad out of you.
Libra… Mercury is learning how to fly fish this week. You will have a devil of a time with a mischievous angle fish.
Scorpio… The moon is set to affect tides in a big way this week. You will join a choral group comprised of colorful coral.
Sagittarius… Pluto is upset because it can’t get a fishing license due to its demotion from planet status. You will be forced to perform surgery on a spiny lobster.
Capricorn… The Sun is warming up the Earth’s seas now. You will be willfully walloped by a roving group of scallops.
Aquarius… Jupiter is looking to rent a fishing boat now. You will be charmed by a slippery sea snake.
Pisces…Uranus is on holiday at the moment. A perky parrot fish will mock you mercilessly.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
Copyright 2013, Ronald J. Yarosh. All rights reserved.