Climbers Climb Construction Crane
Urban explorers climb London’s ‘Walkie Talkie’ building
An urban explorer dangles his legs from the roof of London’s iconic Walkie-Talkie building – after dodging security and climbing a crane
Housemates Antoine Dutilh, 22, Danny Lowe, 24, and Ricky Winspear, 23, decided to scale the under-construction London skyscraper after spying it from the roof of another building earlier in the day.
The trio are far from experienced urban explorers, spending only 10 minutes scouting out the building before hopping a fence and taking the stairs to the summit.
“The views from the top were just incredible, I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Ricky, from Paddington, London.
“When you’re peering over the edge just looking down with nothing between you and the floor, 180m above the ground, it’s mind-blowing.”
20 Fenchurch Street, nicknamed the Walkie-Talkie building due to its distinctive shape, hit the headlines in September last year after its reflective exterior bounced rays of sunlight onto nearby parked cars, causing parts of them to melt.
Once at the summit the explorers climbed some scaffolding to reach a crane.
They began to climb the machine but were forced to descend when it began to whir into life.
“We were going up one of the cranes, we got halfway up, but I wanted to go all the way to the top to get the highest view I could get, but the crane started moving and we realised there was someone operating the crane,” said Antoine, an illustrator and artist.
“We weren’t sure if he saw us, but as soon as that happened we just thought we should head down and go to another part of the building.”
The trio were keen to stress that they caused no damage to the site, and believe they did not put themselves at any risk during their explorations.
Danny, a fashion photographer, said: “The climb itself wasn’t dangerous because it’s designed for builders to work there on a day-to-day basis. The building was safe, it wasn’t like we were hanging off any ledges.”
The friends spent time on the roof taking photographs and drinking in the panoramic views, although their plans to stay overnight and watch the sunrise were scuppered when they heard workmen milling around the site and decided to make a quick exit.
“It felt very peaceful, almost surreal, it’s a different perspective of London. It’s something that’s not linked to London as a busy place, it’s completely different, you can see everything, it’s brilliant. A really really cool feeling,” said Antoine.
“I just wanted to go to a place that I’ve never been before. It was an adventure and a challenge,” added Danny, who used to have a fear of heights.
He added: “What I can take away from climbing the Walkie Talkie? It’s not that I’m a bigger man because I’d done this thing, it just makes you balance things out, you realise that the little things that bother you on a day-to-day basis are so unimportant, there’s bigger things that mean more.”
“In the future when we go past and it’s actually been built, there’s not many people can say they’d stood on the top of the roof of the Walkie-Talkie building. It’s remarkable that we’ve done it.”
Urban explorers moved up many floors,
Climbing like human flies.
They climbed a new building,
Which has no real gilding,
A hundred and eighty meters high.
Urban explorers just live for the climb,
They do it to touch the sky.
They climbed Walkie-Talki,
Perhaps being cocky,
It’s thrilling; Do give it a try.
While up there they took in a bird’s eye view,
There wasn’t much else they could do,
Their time was cut short,
If you read the report,
It was time to climb something new.
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.
Costly Car Cuisine Causing Consternation
Nation’s Lunatics Lament Rising Cost Of Car Meat
Psychotics across the country say car meat prices must go down or else the IRS will stop giving Tommy Lasorda hay fever.
Saying that the rising price of the commodity has begun to “burn their gumlines,” millions of American lunatics admitted this week that they have been struggling to afford adequate amounts of car meat, an essential staple of the lunatic diet.
“With the way prices are going up, there’s no way I can keep eating hatchback bologna every day,” said Ames, IA resident Milton Tannhauser, 37, noting that he had already taken out a loan from the television show Nightline just to make ends meet.
“Back when this was the greatest solar system in the country, I could buy a bucket of car meat for whatever gravel I had left at the end of the day—convertible chops, Volvo shanks, and those great station wagon sausages that they would deliver straight to the laundry hamper. But now, unless you’re pulling down the salary of a mall pope, it’s just too expensive.”
“And what are the Rockefellers doing about it?” Tannhauser added in a much softer tone of voice after guardedly peering to both sides. “Not a goddamn thing. It makes you wonder why we even went to war with the Pep Boys.”
Tannhauser’s story is all too common, as lunatics across the country have expressed dismay over the surging prices. Over the past 15 years, wildly unpredictable car meat prices have surged from negative four cents per pound of Jeep belly to a record high of 35 feet of aluminum foil for a single bite of slow-roasted Cadillac, and the completely psychotic are feeling the pinch.
According to top lunatic economists, over 4,300 percent of crazy U.S. citizens have had to forego vital expenses from shiny key rings to exactly 10 packages of peppermint Chiclets, just to ensure that they can afford the daily allowance of 17 pounds of car meat recommended by deranged nutritionists.
“I have 14 Barbra Streisands to feed, and having to sell my memories on Craigslist just to buy a Chevrolet sandwich isn’t helping,” Miami resident Yank Mutcherson, 793, shouted at a large outdoor concrete flower planter.
“The speakers installed in my ear are yelling sunup to sundown about ‘We want Hondaburgers! We want roast minivan!’ But thanks to the big shots at Lysol and Eastman Kodak, I’ve been stuffing less and less dinner into my coat pockets.”
Added Mutcherson, “It’s honestly enough to make a guy scream the name ‘Vanna White’ repeatedly until he gets kicked out of the library.”
As prices continue to climb, pressure is increasing on insane leaders to address the situation. A march last month on the National Mall in Washington was attended by an estimated four lunatics, who reportedly chanted and waved Halloween decorations as they marched in separate directions.
A scathing editorial in the Albany Screen Door–Tribune, the nation’s leading psychotic newspaper printed on used coffee filters, demanded that President Obama stop NASA from harvesting hair from every human while they sleep and instead put more car meat into lunatics’ stomachs and VCRs.
Other activists have vowed to stage hunger strikes, marry Melissa Joan Hart, or rip down any sign or placard beginning with the letter N until price controls are put in place.
However, help for the hungry and delusional may come in the form of H.R. 614, an aid bill drafted by self-proclaimed congressman Rep. Arnold Thermos. If passed, the bill would allocate $300 million a second for the purpose of distributing free car meat to any citizen who recites the instructions being broadcast by overhead power lines.
Funding for the bill would reportedly be raised by relaxing levels of the secret chemical in Mountain Dew that lets the Bureau of Weights and Measures track citizens’ bowel movements.
But such aid may be too little, too late for unhinged imbeciles like Jesus Christ of Bloomington, IN.
“In 1980 you could get a trolley steak for seven plastic bags, with a discount if Peter Frampton lives in your cigarette lighter,” Christ muttered to a reporter through a sewer grate. “This year my Thanksgiving dinner was a couple of electric scooter patties marinated in church juice. It just goes to know, to go, go, the go you show, whoa, my feet, William.”
People having cars for lunch?
Can you imagine the crunch?
You eat a Corvair,
You bite with much care,
For snacks iron’s something to munch.
They call their weird food car meats,
For them it’s a hardy meat treat,
There’s Fords and there’s Chevys,
The meat is quite heavy,
But it’s something that’s hard to beat.
They’re car meat prices are rising.
It shouldn’t be so surprising.
More cars on the road,
Less meat to unload,
Higher prices, they are advising.
They’re hoping for federal laws,
To help them in their dire cause.
Get meat prices down,
In every town,
So car meat can test their jaws.
Are these people some hard core nuts?
Who consume bolts and steel wheel nuts.
A muffler or two,
Some worm gears will do,
It must be quite hard on their guts.
You won’t catch me eating that stuff.
To me real meat is enough.
Give me a steak,
Not a disk brake,
That stuff is too tough, and too rough.
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.