Finding The Humor In Life|A Place for Laughs|Poetry|Humorous Stories…

Archive for March, 2014

Your HORROR – scope for the week of: March 30th, 2014


horoscope chart

Hello fellow Horror-scope followers.

I see you are back for another weekly reading compliments of Horror-scope Central.

Our crack staff has compiled its latest readings of the celestial sphere to provide you with the best worst prognostications available anywhere.

We hope you don’t suffer too much.

If you do, just remember we are here to support you in your hour of need, or not.

Enjoy…

Aries… Soon, you will seek the advice of a balloon artist, then you will come to blows with him.

Taurus… You will soon meet someone named Buster who will fluster you with a floozy from Flushing.

Gemini… You will soon have a tendency to be tentative.

Cancer… In the near future, you will leave everything behind. You will go to Africa and join a diatribe.

Leo… In the future, you will have the urge to buy a seeing eye dog for some Venetian Blinds.

Virgo… In the not too distant future, you will gain fame and fortune for your cookbook called, “Cooking With Cuckoos”.

Libra… In the future, your design for clothing made of vegetable matter will be a success, however your customers will be molested by roving bands of vegans.

Scorpio… You will soon be vulgar on the Volga while reciting Voltaire.

Sagittarius… Soon you will be accused of improper verbiage by a Virgo.

Capricorn… You will soon have the urge to incinerate anyone who Insinuates.

Aquarius… You will soon suffer from nighttime glare in the cold nighttime air or a scare from Dennis Miller.

Aquarius… Soon, you will cook over a campfire in Cucamonga. Hopefully, the police will rescue you before you get too tender.

Pisces… In the not too distant future, a mutant from Munich will mute you.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

Horror-scopes, Humor, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

Clueless Clothes Consulting


Men's Curling Gold Medal Match Between Canada And Norway

Canadians Sledders
Strange Olympic Uniforms: Wacky Outfits

The HuffingrtonPost

The Winter Olympics isn’t just about the sports: fashion plays a huge role in the Games.

It’s an event where teams get outfitted by famous fashion designers , where judges have been known to be swayed by figure skaters’ pretty outfits and where costumes are carefully scrutinized and often ripped apart by critics, as Team USA recently found out.

It’s also an event where athletes can have a lot of fun with their style as Team Mexico’s only skier recently proved when he showed off his mariachi-inspired uniform complete with black bolero jacket and ruffled tuxedo shirt.

Sometimes, as the Canadian bobsled team recently showed us, they need not wear anything at all.

To celebrate the 2014 Winter Olympics, we take a look at the creative and strange uniforms of Olympics past and present.

Found @:
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/01/28/strange-olympic-uniforms_n_4682488.html

Hmmm…

A guy wears loud pants while he’s curling,
His teammates pants were all unfurling,
The pic made my mind ago a whirling,
I thought that I would be then hurling.

The Canadians were almost bare,
In that ice cold wintry air,
They did it without a care,
Inviting many a stare.

Who designs such weird attire,
And then sells it to a clothes buyer?
Should the outfits be thrown in the fire?
Should the strange concepts then be retired?

It’s all about custom designs,
To last through the games daily grind,
If they’re weird should you really mind?
Or say nothing and be extra kind.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

Humor, News, Olympics, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

Your HORROR – scope for the week of: March 23rd, 2014


horoscope chart

Hi there friends.

It’s time for another look into the future.

The past is now behind us and It’s very upset because it couldn’t catch up.

We are stuck in the present, and to make matters worse, it’s an unwrapped present.

Oh well, I guess we have to keep marching on.

Good luck and have a great life.

Here is your Horror-scope for this week.

Aries… Neptune is angry with Aries because he left cracker crumbs in bed again. Someone wants to cherish you forever…by putting you in plastic resin.

Taurus… Soon Jupiter will align with Mars but won’t be happy about it. Be on the alert. Some people will try to void you, others will try to avoid you. Some will ask you to listen to Dennis Miller.

Gemini… Your Gemini moon is in retrograde again. You will become confused and tell everyone you meet, that The Game of Thrones involves toilet fixtures.

Cancer… Your stars have crossed in an illegal manner and have been ticketed by the Solar Police. You will have the uncontrollable urge to tighten a loose woman.

Leo… Libra’s trine with wine but prefers sherry. You will put so much fiber into your body that you will become a place mat for your table.

Virgo… A Virgo moon is on the cusp of Jupiter and Neptune Your next haircut will end in shear madness.

Libra… Leo is in opposition to your mooning in Miami. You will soon suffer from sulphur while taking a selfie.

Scorpio… Scorpio is on the cusp of The Moon. You will write a bestselling book called, “Cooking With Cobwebs”.

Sagittarius… Sagittarius is on the cusp of The Sun and is about to go into retrograde. You will date a clown, then become a ringmaster in a flea circus.

Capricorn… Pluto’s alignment at the auto center tells us that in the future you will be shocked to see your electrolysis bill.

Aquarius… Your stars have crossed their legs again. Your enemies are planning to involve you in a chain reaction.

Pisces… The Earth is trine with the square of Orion. You will be thrown out of a cabinet makers office when you ask for a stool sample.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Category:

Horror-scopes, Humor, Laughs, Lifestyles, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

Drone Dilemma Discussed


drone

Sen. Feinstein calls for regulation after drone spies on her through window

“This is a whole new world now and it has many complications.”

March. 17 (UPI) –

During an interview on CBS’ 60 Minutes as part of a segment on the growing controversy surrounding the use of drones for law enforcement as well as commercial and private enterprise, Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif. called for the federal government to regulate unmanned aerial vehicles, describing privacy concerns associated with drones as “very, very major.”

The Senator shared a personal experience: “I’m in my home and there’s a demonstration out front. And I go to peek out the window and there’s a drone facing me.”

The 60 Minutes segment, “Drones Over America,” evokes a sci-fi cityscape, the sky above abuzz with unmanned aerial vehicles — taking bird’s eye photos, shooting video, delivering packages, even medevac’ing patients.Not to mention enforcing the law.

“This is a whole new world now and it has many complications,” Senator Feinstein said. “When is a drone picture a benefit to society? When does it become stalking? When does it invade privacy? How close to a home can a drone go?” she asked.

Feinstein has been a supporter of the NSA’s surveillance programs in the past. Her concern about drones invading privacy echoes her recent concerns about government espionage, in the immediate wake of her heated head to head with the CIA last week, in which Feinstein accused the agency of spying on the Senate Intelligence Committee.

Congress and the FAA have already passed a bill to welcome commercial drones to the U.S. by 2015, and some people think that’s not soon enough. The FAA released its first drone “roadmap” last November.

Unmanned aerial vehicles have a growing presence in the military and in law enforcement, but no one knows quite yet what the reality of having a sky full of UAVs will be like.

“And the question is,” Senator Feinstein asks, “how does it all get sorted out? What is an appropriate law enforcement use for a drone? When do you have to have a warrant? When don’t you have to have a warrant? What’s the appropriate governmental use for a drone?”

The Senator’s answer?

“It’s going to have to come through regulation, perhaps regulation of size and type for private use. Secondly, some certification of the person that’s going to operate it. And then some specific regulation on the kinds of uses it can be put to.”

Read more: http://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2014/03/17/Sen-Feinstein-calls-for-regulation-after-drone-spies-on-her-through-window/3011395087011/#ixzz2wLrD7ne5

Hmmm…

What do we do about drones?
Their numbers have really grown,
Will they be as prolific as cell phones?
Diane spoke in worried tones.

Will they monitor each one of us,
When in our cars or in a bus?
It’s causing a lot of fuss,
Who is it we have to trust?

Should the government keep on spying,
Then when asked, they keep on lying?
And continue with denying?
It is something we’re not buying.

It is something complicated,
And it now must be debated,
Cause we are quite aggravated,
Some in fact are agitated.

Looks like we need some new laws,
With a specific drone law clause,
Drones may be the one last straw,
And it’s stiffening our jaws.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

News, Security, Technology, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

Terrible Tweeting Tactic Tried


Tweeter

A Los Angeles man was arrested for allegedly offering to shoot someone for 100 retweets.

March. 14 (UPI) –

A Los Angeles man who allegedly offered to shoot someone in exchange for 100 re-tweets and then post the results on Twitter, was arrested when police were able to trace the account back to his home.

Dakkari Dijon McAnuff was arrested on Wednesday on suspicion of making criminal threats.

A tweet from the @StillDMC account, which has since been taken down, showed a picture of a rifle pointed down at a street accompanied by a caption reading, “100 [retweets] and I’ll shoot someone walking.”

When police arrived at the 20-year-old’s home, they discovered an air rifle.

He was being held on $50,000 bail and either posted it, or got access to the Internet in jail.

Read more:
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/03/14/Los-Angeles-man-arrested-for-allegedly-offering-to-shoot-someone-for-100-retweets/5161394801386/#ixzz2vxD98Mem

Hmmm…

Man threatens others for re-tweets,
Cops got him later on their beat;
He wasn’t so nice,
Please take my advice,
It’s something he should never repeat.

Why shoot someone for recognition?
That’s really a psycho condition;
Be kind toward all folks,
Just smile; tell some jokes,
Engage in a little cognition.

He was caught for making some threats,
Would he do it is anyone’s bet;
He was holding a rifle,
And that is no trifle,
Now the guy is under arrest.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

News, poetry, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

Your HORROR – scope for the week of: March 16th, 2014


horoscope chart

This week the world will celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

It’s the day when everyone becomes Irish.

The staff at your Horror-scope is green with envy over all those Irish folks out there.

We will have the traditional celebration with green beer, pickles and Irish soda bread.

The celestial sphere is in tune as well, predicting events in line with the holiday.

You can bet your brogue that you will survive this week and be the better for it.

Enjoy…

Aries… Venus is rising now but will be reclining later in the week. You will awaken to find yourself a large, green float in a St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

Taurus… The Earth is in perigee now but wishes it was in apogee. You will be conned by a leprechaun from Connecticut.

Gemini… Mars is on the cusp of Gemini now. You will have a colorful St. Patrick’s Day when you fall into a vat of green beer.

Cancer… Mercury is square with Cancer at the moment. You will awaken to find yourself in a kettle of Irish stew with nothing to do.

Leo… Neptune is tuning up for a St. Patrick’s Day party. You will soon pay a fortune for a moon rock then realize later that it’s a sham rock.

Virgo… Pluto is sniffing around for a shamrock. You will awaken to find yourself surrounded by the snakes St. Patrick drove out of Ireland.

Libra… Saturn is descending to new lows now. You will catch mononucleosis after kissing the Blarney Stone or Dennis Miller. It could go either way.

Scorpio… Uranus is approaching trine with Scorpio. You will awaken to find yourself smoking pot at the end of a rainbow.

Sagittarius… The sun is exceptionally quiet at the moment considering it has a gas problem. You will be given a sheleighly by Donna Shalala.

Capricorn… Saturn is in its seventh house getting ready for a St. Patrick’s Day party. You will lose a gem stone on the Emerald Isle while singing to someone named Pyle.

Aquarius… Uranus is in its ecliptic at the moment and is enjoying it immensely. You will awaken to find yourself engaged in a Gaelic conversation with an Irish wolfhound.

Pisces… The moon is full of itself at the moment. Your enemies are out to decaffeinate you to make Irish coffee for a St. Patrick’s Day party.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Category:

Horror-scopes, Humor

Tagged with:

Spider Stash Surprising


BANANA_SPIDER2_2848268b family

Britain…

Family forced to flee home after deadly spiders found in bananas.

Father Jamie Roberts, 31, found hundreds of potentially deadly spiders in a bunch of bananas bought at the local shop.

A family was forced to flee their home and have it fumigated after hundreds of potentially deadly spiders were found in a bunch of bananas bought at the local shop.

Jamie Roberts, 31, spotted white patches of what he thought was mould covering the fruit. However, on closer inspection, he saw tiny legs and realised the bananas were hiding a nest of spiders.

He soon discovered the creatures had spread to other parts of his home.

Mr Roberts, a civil servant, said: "I knew something was wrong because then I noticed the white patches were all over the window sill and the curtains and I could see tiny legs and realised they were spiders.”

"At that point, I wasn't too concerned because I thought they looked dead. I was freaked out but I started to sweep the patches into the bin but then they all started moving.”

"It was like something out of a horror film because suddenly the window sill was moving with hundreds of these spiders."

The family called pest control and was told to immediately leave the house while it was fumigated.

Mr Roberts, his wife Crystal, 30, and their two children Georgina, seven, and five-year-old son Joshua, left their home in Hednesford, Staffordshire, on February 24.

The spiders have not been officially identified but the
family believe they could have been the world's most poisonous spider, the Brazilian wandering spider.

Guinness World Records lists the species as the most toxic spider on earth and its venom is said to be 30 times more powerful than that of a rattlesnake.

Humans bitten by one can suffer an irregular heartbeat, high blood pressure, vomiting and eventual death.

Mrs Roberts, who works for HMRC, bought the pack of bananas from the OneStop store near their home.

A OneStop Stores spokesman said an investigation was under way, adding it arranged for the family to stay in a hotel while the fumigation took place.

Found @ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/10689098/Family-forced-to-flee-home-after-deadly-spiders-found-in-bananas.html

Hmmm…

They found some spiders in fruit,
Those critters sure weren't cute,
They wanted the spiders to scoot.
Cause in England they couldn't shoot,

First they thought it was mold,
Within the bananas folds,
They thought the fruit was too old,
But then why was it sold?

They said the spiders were awful,
And may even be harmful,
They knew they had to be careful,
So they were really prayerful.

They called in some fumigators,
Who are real spider haters,
The things will be cleaned up later,
And sent back to the equator.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

News, poetry, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

Your HORROR – scope for the week of: Mar 9th, 2014


horoscope chart

Welcome to another fun issue of Your Horror-scope.

We hope you had a good week in spite of any celestial influence on your lives.

If you didn’t have a good week, there is always the next one to look forward to.

In an event, the celestial bodies are smiling on you this week.

But, we’re not sure if it is a good smile or a sly smile.

Check it out…

Aries… Mars is rising slowly now since it pulled a muscle in its back. You will soon have the desire to buy spectacles for a speckled trout.

Taurus…The Earth is on the cusp of Taurus and Taurus is trying to get away for some reason. Soon you will soon meet a Buddhist, a flutist, and a nudist.

Gemini… Mercury is descending at this time and is getting light headed. Be on the alert. In the near future you will encounter a suitor, a brooder, and Roto-Rooter.

Cancer… The sun is on the cusp of Cancer. Watch out. You will soon be harassed by a lyricist, an empiricist, and an antagonist like Dennis Miller.

Leo… Pluto is trine with Leo now. This week your interests should lie in teas, fleas, trees, and honey bees.

Virgo… Venus is in opposition to Virgo and they aren’t getting along. In the near future you will have the sporting desire to have a boxed lunch with Mohammed Ali.

Libra… Saturn is in apogee at this time. In the future, your search for a vein in Transylvania will be in vain.

Scorpio… Neptune is square with Scorpio now. Chances are you’re not a music conductor, but you will have the urge to inject the phrase, “Take note of this,” in all your conversations.

Sagittarius… Uranus is descending at this time and is square with Sagittarius. The Soon you will be associated with a fish, a fist, and a fistula.

Capricorn… Moon is in its first quarter now. You will soon grow very fond of your medulla oblongata, often taking it to dinner and a movie.

Aquarius…Jupiter is in opposition to Aquarius at this time. In the future, you may get a hernia when you have the urge to strain carrots for a child.

Pisces… Pluto is trine with Pisces now. You will find much happiness, a sense of serenity and good colon health when you constantly say, “Give peas a chance”.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Category:

Horror-scopes, Humor, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

Meat Munchers Maudlin Mortality


food pic

Study Links Meat, Sugar Consumption To Early Death Among Those Who Choose To Be Happy In Life

WASHINGTON—

According to a study published Wednesday in the Journal Of The American Medical Association, researchers have discovered a strong correlation between regular meat and sugar consumption and premature death among those who choose to lead happy and fulfilling lives.

“Our data indicate that people who eat large amounts of red meat and saccharides have, on average, markedly shorter and more satisfying life spans,” said the study’s lead author, Aubrey Schrader, adding that frequent ingestion of animal protein, chocolate, and sweetened snacks and beverages lowered the average age of onset of diabetes, heart disease, and cancer for those who take pleasure in their daily existence.”

“Evidence from our study suggests that diets rich in prime rib, pulled pork, strawberry cheesecake, flank steak, and Snickers bars were directly related to younger ages at death among men and women who embraced their life and made the absolute most of their time on earth.”

“Moreover, these individuals appeared to exhibit a greater peace in dying, able to pass on without any regrets in their lives whatsoever.”

The study also revealed that the loved ones of those who passed away prematurely and contented were typically far better suited to handle their grief due to their high levels of alcohol consumption.

Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-links-meat-sugar-consumption-to-early-death,35447/?ref=auto

Hmmm…

We’ll die from eating all meat?
And having a tempting sweet?
The data is in,
There’s no way to win,
We just have to give up those treats.

We have to watch out for all proteins,
And avoid all meats that are quite lean,
Many have died,
From those saccharides,
And maybe from consuming all beans.

Many who died were content,
Knowing their lives were well spent,
They ate all things bad,
But they were sure glad,
Mourners weren’t sad when they went.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

Healthy Living, News, Observations, Poerty, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

Your HORROR – scope for the week of: Mar 2nd, 2014


horoscope chart

Welcome back to another week of, “This Is Your Life” (horror-scopically speaking).

Once again we have a mishmash of magnificent musings for you.

The charts have been read by our crack staff who have come up with the best predictions money can buy.

Wait! These readings are absolutely free.

So, I guess it’s the best free can buy, or a freak can buy. Whatever.

Enjoy…

Aries… The Sun is parallel with Aries at the moment. You will write a bestselling cook book called, “Cooking With Salmonella”.

Taurus… Neptune is nearing its cusp with Taurus now. In the near future you will encounter a voyeur, a lawyer and a Navy Destroyer.

Gemini… Mercury is square with Gemini at the moment. You will be influenced by something with friction, a powerful addiction and stimulating fiction.

Cancer… The Earth is approaching an equinox. In the future, you will be placed on the ecliptic of a heavenly body or a dead body. It isn’t clear at this time.

Leo… Mars is trine with Leo now. You will soon be bugged on a dune buggy by a Bugs Bunny fan.

Virgo… Saturn is rising now and getting ready for another great ride thru space. You will eat bonbons with a vibrant, Bon vivant. Enjoy.

Libra… Venus is in opposition with Libra at this time. You will master the metric system and become one of its liters.

Scorpio… The moon is doing its new moon thingy now. Sometime in the future, you will fail to be empirical when you need it most.

Sagittarius… Neptune is rising at this time. You will write a bestselling book called, “How To Make A Plum Plumb”.

Capricorn… Pluto is going to a grooming salon this week for a flea dip. Very soon your interests will lie in a boat, a tote, and an ice cream float.

Aquarius… Uranus is just passing the cusp of Aquarius at this time. They are waving to each other. You will run into a lawyer in a foyer discussing a Naval Destroyer.

Pisces… Jupiter is receding now and wants a hair transplant. You will find yourself engaged in a craft while floating on a raft as you become daft.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Category:

Uncategorized

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: