Welcome back to another week of, “This Is Your Life” (horror-scopically speaking).
Once again we have a mishmash of magnificent musings for you.
The charts have been read by our crack staff who have come up with the best predictions money can buy.
Wait! These readings are absolutely free.
So, I guess it’s the best free can buy, or a freak can buy. Whatever.
Aries… The Sun is parallel with Aries at the moment. You will write a bestselling cook book called, “Cooking With Salmonella”.
Taurus… Neptune is nearing its cusp with Taurus now. In the near future you will encounter a voyeur, a lawyer and a Navy Destroyer.
Gemini… Mercury is square with Gemini at the moment. You will be influenced by something with friction, a powerful addiction and stimulating fiction.
Cancer… The Earth is approaching an equinox. In the future, you will be placed on the ecliptic of a heavenly body or a dead body. It isn’t clear at this time.
Leo… Mars is trine with Leo now. You will soon be bugged on a dune buggy by a Bugs Bunny fan.
Virgo… Saturn is rising now and getting ready for another great ride thru space. You will eat bonbons with a vibrant, Bon vivant. Enjoy.
Libra… Venus is in opposition with Libra at this time. You will master the metric system and become one of its liters.
Scorpio… The moon is doing its new moon thingy now. Sometime in the future, you will fail to be empirical when you need it most.
Sagittarius… Neptune is rising at this time. You will write a bestselling book called, “How To Make A Plum Plumb”.
Capricorn… Pluto is going to a grooming salon this week for a flea dip. Very soon your interests will lie in a boat, a tote, and an ice cream float.
Aquarius… Uranus is just passing the cusp of Aquarius at this time. They are waving to each other. You will run into a lawyer in a foyer discussing a Naval Destroyer.
Pisces… Jupiter is receding now and wants a hair transplant. You will find yourself engaged in a craft while floating on a raft as you become daft.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.