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Archive for June, 2014

Grateful Thanks To All Of My Wonderful Followers


Thank you again for following Humorous Interludes.

I am truly grateful!

I’m giving you a big round of applause!

By the way, I just started anther blog. It’s a photo blog.

If you have the time and interest in photos and interesting places, stop by and follow me on my reflections of places and things, here and there.

You can find the latest post @: http://bigron42.com/2014/06/28/salem-massachusetts-part-1/

You can work your way back from that post under “Browse” near the bottom of the page.

Please leave a comment on my photo blog. Tell me what you think. I’m anxious to find out if I’m doing it right.

Thanks again.

Cheers! And, the best to all of you.

Ron

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: June 29th, 2014


astrology

Welcome friends.

Ready for another week of pain? (Well some of you.)

We have another variety of prognostications for you.

Looks like many of you will become famous authors.

Write on!

And, enjoy the week if that’s possible.

Aries… The Earth is trine with Aries now and it feels good about that. Sorry. This will make a lot of tiring work for you. You will invent and produce, “The Happiness Parade”, but no one will show up for it. Not even you.

Taurus… The Moon is square with Taurus at this time. We are not sure if either prediction will bring you pleasure. You will soon find yourself surrounded by creatures, or preachers. It is unclear at the moment
.
Gemini… Pluto is in its ninth house having new drapery installed. Just between us friends they look horrible. Let’s hope you like eggs. You will write a bestseller called, “Omelet Tossing For Fun And Profit”.

Cancer… Uranus is suffering from a sinus condition at the moment. You may need to see an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor after this. You will make a fortune after you write a bestseller called, “Creative Screaming”.

Virgo… Venus is deliberating about changing orbit. We don’t know the consequences of that, if it should happen. You may want to invest in a lot of air fresheners. You will make a fortune after you write a bestseller called, “Fish Licking for Fun And Profit”.

Libra… Mars is laughing like crazy at this time because the rover is in its tickling zone. We’d like to see a copy of your endeavors. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “Fringe Farming For Fun And Profit”. Please let us know how it is going.

Scorpio… Mercury is on the cusp of Scorpio at this time. You may just end up in Egypt doing research for this project. You will write a bestseller called, “How To Make Money Marrying Mummies”.

Sagittarius… Saturn is trine with Sagittarius and also descending now. Poor, poor you. We already feel your pain. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “How To Live Life In A Rut”.

Capricorn… The Moon is in opposition with Capricorn at this time. In the near future you will witness a quick brown fox jump over a lazy dog. Then the fox will go straight for your throat.

Aquarius… Jupiter is in its ninth house changing light bulbs to those new, twisty ones. I guess it wants to go green. You just might lose a lot friends over this (assuming you have any friends). In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “How To Be A Pest With Lemon Zest”.

Pisces… Neptune is tuning up for a celestial concert. We suggest you take slow and even breaths. In the near future, you will awaken to find yourself suspended in thin air which will later change to thick, hot, and humid air that will make you quite uncomfortable. Then you will vomit on Dennis Miller.

And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: June 22nd, 2014


astrology

Greetings lovers of the future.

We offer you another round of prognostications on topics ranging from pentagrams to the Post Office.

We urge you to be on the alert when necessary.

The planets are prone to plotting predicaments for us.

Enjoy yourselves and have a good week in spite of any future difficulties which may come your way.

Aries… Mercury is rising now and is getting light headed. In the future you will write a bestseller called, “How To Meander With Mucus”.

Taurus… Uranus is in its fifth house cleaning up after a water leak. In the near future, you will suffer from pent up emotions in a penthouse after drawing pentagrams.

Gemini… Neptune is on the cusp of Gemini at the moment. In the distant future, you will be arrested for socking a Sockeye salmon in Saco, Maine.

Cancer… Venus is in its fourth house polishing the silverware. Get ready to scratch yourself all over. Soon you will become extremely familiar with burlap, and perhaps Dennis Miller wearing a wool suit.

Leo… Mars is square with Leo at this time but wishes to be trine with it for some unknown reason. You should be aware of this. Your enemies are plotting to use you like a doormat.

Virgo… The Earth is in opposition to Virgo at the moment. Get ready for some complaints from everyone you know. You will soon be dependable as a weather forecast.

Libra… The Sun is on the cusp of Libra now. In the near future, you will meet someone completely enchanting named Channing. But, you will soon grow tired of their constant chanting.

Scorpio… Saturn is descending at this time and is worried it won’t stop in time. Be totally aware of everything around you. Your enemies are planning to paint a target on your back.

Sagittarius… Neptune is trine with Sagittarius now. Bring some tissues with you at all times. In the near future, you will bawl in a ballroom after losing a valuable ballpoint pen.

Capricorn… Mercury is in opposition to Capricorn at this moment. You will soon buy a hound’s-tooth jacket infested with fleas. And…it will bark all night, and leave little buttons all over the floor.

Aquarius… Jupiter is in its second house getting it ready for a new renter. This could be serious. Be on the alert. Your enemies are planning to mail you to The Dead Letter Office.

Pisces… Pluto is on the rise right now and ready to go. You will have a confrontation with an unstable stable boy while discussing his instability.

And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Cautious Cultural Contact


colleagues pic

Trailblazing Colleague Makes Historic Contact With People Who Work On Other Floor

PITTSBURGH—

In an unprecedented encounter with a culture heretofore shrouded in mystery, Northco Logistics customer service specialist Ryan Barlow reportedly established historic contact Wednesday with the people who work on his office complex’s fourth floor.

“I met this guy Kevin who said they’d been having the same problems with the air conditioner we’ve been having,” said the 28-year-old explorer in reference to the peaceful words of greeting he exchanged in the elevator with an inhabitant of QuestTech Learning Solutions, a meeting that to this point had been considered far too perilous to be undertaken.

“He also said they had some leftover food and cake from his coworker’s birthday and that we could stop by if we wanted. He seemed very friendly.”
Though admitting that no one had yet dared journey so far, the intrepid adventurer then regaled his colleagues with the legend of the remote and uncharted seventh floor, where there was rumored to exist a vast open layout and, according to lore, a ping-pong table

Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/trailblazing-colleague-makes-historic-contact-with,36311/

Hmmm…

He met someone from another floor,
Something not seen before,
It wasn’t much of a chore,
He did establish rapport.

He is a history maker,
This company risk taker,
It wasn’t a deal breaker,
But maybe a hand shaker.

The man offered Ryan some cake,
Perhaps while he’s on his break,
An offer he might just take,
There wouldn’t be too much at stake.

Will Ryan do it again?
Risking some personal pain,
For some sociological gain.
Will his friends think him insane?

There are legends of things in that place,
Like floors with vast open space,
Maybe work done at a slower pace,
It’d be nice if that was the case.

It was a major breakthrough,
Something some others may do,
On higher floors with a good view,
Perhaps they’ll meet someone like you.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: June 15th, 2014


astrology

Here we are again good people of Earth.

It’s time for another rendition of Your Horror-Scope brought to you in living color.

It brings a variety of spot on predictions ranging from frogs to bumper stickers.

Isn’t life exciting?

Enjoy…

Aries… Uranus is in its eighth house wondering why it has eight houses. You will soon discover that a sledge hammer can be a real deal breaker.

Taurus… Mercury is nearing its cusp of Taurus and is getting nervous about it for some unknown reason. You will soon encounter some children’s togs, or aggressive frogs. It isn’t quite clear at this time.

Gemini… The Gemini twins are constantly arguing at this time over how to decorate their seventh house. Get your writing instrument ready. In the near future, you will make a fortune after you write a bestseller called, “How To Make Cash From A Rash”.

Cancer… The Moon is trine with Cancer now but wants to be on its cusp for unsavory reasons. You should really pay more attention to your vital organs. Soon your unseen spleen will be mean because it feels you neglect it too much.

Leo… Mars is rising fast and it’s getting dizzy. Get ready for a visit to an ophthalmologist. Soon your eyes will become very itchy, then they will become very twitchy.

Virgo… The Sun is in its fourth house cooking for some dinner guests. Get out a good cook book. You will soon marinate a very unsavory character in your life.

Libra… Venus is trine with Libra but square with itself. You should have some first aid supplies with you at all times. In the near future, you will be mauled in a mall by a mysterious mammal or, Dennis Miller. It could go either way.

Scorpio… Pluto is on the cusp of Scorpio but wishes it was trine. We hope this works out for you in the end. Sometime soon you will experience something inferior in the interior of your posterior.

Sagittarius… Saturn is descending now due to some mild depression. This is one magnificent obsession. One day, you will become obsessed with your idea to find chain smokers by using your metal detector.

Capricorn… Neptune is in its eighth house replacing the dish washer. Be especially alert at this time. Your enemies are planning to dissolve you.

Aquarius… The Moon is square with Aquarius at this time. Someday your cleverness will be apparent. In the future you will publish a bestselling bumper sticker which will say, “My heart belongs to my donor”.

Pisces… Venus is on the cusp of Pisces and is very excited about it for unknown reasons. Get ready for a surprise gift. You will soon get a statuette or an ornery, wet pet. It could go either way.

And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Sweat Seeker Sounds Silly


Sweaty

Warm Weather Finally Allows Man To Get Outside, Explore New Ways To Sweat

CHICAGO—

With the long winter over and summer weather finally arriving, local man Bill Klocek told reporters Thursday that he was glad to finally get out of the house, walk around a bit, and discover entirely new ways to sweat.

“This time of year, there are so many street fairs, farmers markets, and music festivals that offer great opportunities to just drench myself in my own sweat,” said Klocek, who added that he especially looks forward to perspiring heavily at restaurants with outdoor seating, on road trips, at baseball games, and at his parents’ cabin in Lake Geneva, WI.

“There’s really no excuse for avoiding it. Practically all you have to do is step out your front door and you can sweat completely through your shirt. My friend is having a party on his roof deck tonight, so I’m thinking about heading over and feeling sweat drip down my face and back at his place a little later.”
In addition to getting sweaty, Klocek stated that he also plans to set aside a little time this summer to explore entirely new ways to get sunburnt and thirsty.

Found @: http://www.theonion.com/articles/warm-weather-finally-allows-man-to-get-outside-exp,36265/And

Hmmm…

A man wants to make himself sweat,
Imagine the looks he will get,
When he walks in the streets drenching wet.
It’s something I wouldn’t forget.

He’s looking for places to go,
Where his sweaty body will show,
When is sweat glands begin to flow,
Making his foul odor grow.

He want his sweat on his face,
Though it may be a disgrace,
He’ll show up at any hot place,
To sweat he’ll pick up the pace.

There’s something else that he yearns,
He also wants a sun burn,
He’ll follow the sun and he’ll turn,
For redness that he’ll surely earn.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: June 8th, 2014


astrology

A hearty salute to all you Celestial Sphere watchers.

Here is the latest edition of your weekly look into the future.

We bring you Google, gravity, and greatness.

It’s all just for you, our dear readers.

Enjoy…

Aries… Neptune is on the cusp of Aries now. Soon you will become visibly embarrassed and run away when you hear the word appendage used in conversations.

Taurus… The Sun is parallel with Taurus at the moment. You will soon oogle something on Google while you gargle with gorgonzola.

Gemini… Saturn’s rings are shining more than ever at this time. Here’s something light but scientific. Soon your status will become gratis…in zero gravity.

Cancer… Uranus is trine with Cancer and approaching the cusp of Virgo. You are lucky at this time. Saturn is only three degrees off of its radiant plane at the moment. One more degree either way spells misfortune. In the future, you will meet someone rotund named Rhoda in a rotunda.

Leo… The Moon is on the cusp of Leo at this time but wishes to be square with it. We hope you get the point of this prediction and act accordingly. In the future, you will be lost in the folds of a quilt made of quills. Ouch!

Virgo… Mars is trine with Virgo now and that is fine. Have some pain medication handy. In the future you will take things with a grain of salt, a grain of sugar, and pure grain alcohol. You will then end up with a migraine.

Libra… Mercury is declining at this time, but hopes to do better soon. Don’t worry. Soon you will make all the right connections. In no time, electricity will be flowing throughout your entire body.

Scorpio… Rejoice! Venus is in apogee now. In the future, you will gain fame and fortune when you reveal Victoria’s hidden “Secret” to the world. Then you will be sued for millions of dollars.

Sagittarius… Pluto is in its fourth house now building a new dog house in the back yard. You will suddenly become visibly embarrassed and scream when hearing the word bodice spoken in conversations.

Capricorn… Mars is in opposition to Capricorn at this time in the Celestial Sphere. This one is short and sweet. Someday, you will meet a zombie on a zamboni in Zaire.

Aquarius… Jupiter is aligned with Mercury at this time. It’s a touchy arrangement. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “Cordless Cooking For Cockneys”.

Pisces… The Earth is in its second house to make it energy efficient and green. You will soon visit the beach where you will be mesmerized by a shell game, and Dennis Miller.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Raise Raises Rebellion


Replaceable Man

Single Most Replaceable Person In Company Will Walk If He Doesn’t Get Raise

WAUKEGAN, IL—

Though he has limited skills and performs his job adequately at best, the single most replaceable person at Lucas Research Associates announced Monday that he will resign immediately if he does not receive the salary increase he has demanded.

“I walked into [department supervisor Eric] Shaw’s office and told him I get a 10 percent raise or I’m out of here,” said Stanley Morgenstern, 37, who according to company sources holds a position that would immediately draw hundreds of equally qualified applicants were it to become vacant.

“I am not bluffing. If they say no, that’s it—I’m gone.” At press time, reports confirmed that negotiations had ended with Morgenstern agreeing to stay on for two weeks in order to train his replacement.

Found @: http://www.theonion.com/articles/single-most-replaceable-person-in-company-will-wal,36177/

Hmmm…

Morgenstern wants a big raise,
He’s not satisfied with mere praise,
He’s willing to quit in just days,
His boss, Mr. Shaw was not phased.

Currently he’s not content,
He’s looking to get ten percent,
But how will he pay the rent,
If the company will not relent?

He can be replaced in a flash,
He’ll be gone with no increase in cash,
Quitting sounds extremely rash,
He shouldn’t have started that clash.

He’ll stay on to train someone new,
And show them just what they should do,
His options are now very few,
He’ll end up in the unemployed queue.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: June 1st, 2014


astrology

Welcome again to another week of astrological logic.

The Celestial Sphere is abound with predictions for all.

What a gift, and it’s free.

The charts have been read and are ready for you.

Enjoy…

Aries… The Moon is in opposition to Aries at this time. Eat hearty while you can. Your enemies are plotting to secretly remove your gums and sell them on the black market.

Taurus…The Sun is beating down and enjoying every moment of it. Go figure. You will be obsessed with becoming an artist by constructing a draw bridge.

Gemini… Saturn is rising to a new week. The possibilities are numerous. You will soon get a real deal on a wagon wheel, an electric eel, and/or a fishing creel.

Cancer… Venus is trembling at the moment. We don’t know why. Get out the pots, pans and a red, rubber nose. In the future, you will gain fame and fortune with a new book called, “Okra and Kale Cookery For Clowns”.

Leo… Mars is rumbling now and trine with Leo. Get ready for some excitement. You will soon be involved in something oral, something floral and/or something pectoral. It isn’t clear at this time.

Virgo… Uranus is descending and is square with Virgo at this time. Get ready for a lot of money. In the future, you will gain fame and fortune when you write a bestseller called, “Cooking With Carbuncles”.

Libra… Mercury is in its fifth house planning a big celestial pool party. Take what life gives you. You will soon meet a Phi Beta Kappa, a soul rapper, or Dweezil Zappa. It isn’t clear at this time.

Scorpio… Neptune is trine with Scorpio but wants to be square. Get out your autograph book and don’t drink the water.. In the future, you will be accused of chicanery with Sean Connery in the Congo.

Sagittarius… Venus is on the cusp of Sagittarius, but will soon be in opposition. You must be very clever. Sometime soon, you will become world famous for your manipulations of people and things. But your efforts will backfire on you.

Capricorn… Jupiter is square with Capricorn and on the cusp. You may just get caught up in this activity. You will soon grapple with grappling hooks and thieving crooks.

Aquarius… Uranus is square with Aquarius at this time. This sounds like fun. In the future, your ear lobes will thrill the globe.

Pisces… Pluto is in opposition to Pisces now. Keep your eyes open. Someday soon, a guard dog will guard you in a garden then leave at a critical moment. Perhaps when Dennis Miller arrives.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

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