Ready for another week of pain? (Well some of you.)
We have another variety of prognostications for you.
Looks like many of you will become famous authors.
And, enjoy the week if that’s possible.
Aries… The Earth is trine with Aries now and it feels good about that. Sorry. This will make a lot of tiring work for you. You will invent and produce, “The Happiness Parade”, but no one will show up for it. Not even you.
Taurus… The Moon is square with Taurus at this time. We are not sure if either prediction will bring you pleasure. You will soon find yourself surrounded by creatures, or preachers. It is unclear at the moment
Gemini… Pluto is in its ninth house having new drapery installed. Just between us friends they look horrible. Let’s hope you like eggs. You will write a bestseller called, “Omelet Tossing For Fun And Profit”.
Cancer… Uranus is suffering from a sinus condition at the moment. You may need to see an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor after this. You will make a fortune after you write a bestseller called, “Creative Screaming”.
Virgo… Venus is deliberating about changing orbit. We don’t know the consequences of that, if it should happen. You may want to invest in a lot of air fresheners. You will make a fortune after you write a bestseller called, “Fish Licking for Fun And Profit”.
Libra… Mars is laughing like crazy at this time because the rover is in its tickling zone. We’d like to see a copy of your endeavors. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “Fringe Farming For Fun And Profit”. Please let us know how it is going.
Scorpio… Mercury is on the cusp of Scorpio at this time. You may just end up in Egypt doing research for this project. You will write a bestseller called, “How To Make Money Marrying Mummies”.
Sagittarius… Saturn is trine with Sagittarius and also descending now. Poor, poor you. We already feel your pain. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “How To Live Life In A Rut”.
Capricorn… The Moon is in opposition with Capricorn at this time. In the near future you will witness a quick brown fox jump over a lazy dog. Then the fox will go straight for your throat.
Aquarius… Jupiter is in its ninth house changing light bulbs to those new, twisty ones. I guess it wants to go green. You just might lose a lot friends over this (assuming you have any friends). In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “How To Be A Pest With Lemon Zest”.
Pisces… Neptune is tuning up for a celestial concert. We suggest you take slow and even breaths. In the near future, you will awaken to find yourself suspended in thin air which will later change to thick, hot, and humid air that will make you quite uncomfortable. Then you will vomit on Dennis Miller.
And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Cautious Cultural Contact
Trailblazing Colleague Makes Historic Contact With People Who Work On Other Floor
In an unprecedented encounter with a culture heretofore shrouded in mystery, Northco Logistics customer service specialist Ryan Barlow reportedly established historic contact Wednesday with the people who work on his office complex’s fourth floor.
“I met this guy Kevin who said they’d been having the same problems with the air conditioner we’ve been having,” said the 28-year-old explorer in reference to the peaceful words of greeting he exchanged in the elevator with an inhabitant of QuestTech Learning Solutions, a meeting that to this point had been considered far too perilous to be undertaken.
“He also said they had some leftover food and cake from his coworker’s birthday and that we could stop by if we wanted. He seemed very friendly.”
Though admitting that no one had yet dared journey so far, the intrepid adventurer then regaled his colleagues with the legend of the remote and uncharted seventh floor, where there was rumored to exist a vast open layout and, according to lore, a ping-pong table
Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/trailblazing-colleague-makes-historic-contact-with,36311/
He met someone from another floor,
Something not seen before,
It wasn’t much of a chore,
He did establish rapport.
He is a history maker,
This company risk taker,
It wasn’t a deal breaker,
But maybe a hand shaker.
The man offered Ryan some cake,
Perhaps while he’s on his break,
An offer he might just take,
There wouldn’t be too much at stake.
Will Ryan do it again?
Risking some personal pain,
For some sociological gain.
Will his friends think him insane?
There are legends of things in that place,
Like floors with vast open space,
Maybe work done at a slower pace,
It’d be nice if that was the case.
It was a major breakthrough,
Something some others may do,
On higher floors with a good view,
Perhaps they’ll meet someone like you.
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved