Welcome again to another week of astrological logic.
The Celestial Sphere is abound with predictions for all.
What a gift, and it’s free.
The charts have been read and are ready for you.
Aries… The Moon is in opposition to Aries at this time. Eat hearty while you can. Your enemies are plotting to secretly remove your gums and sell them on the black market.
Taurus…The Sun is beating down and enjoying every moment of it. Go figure. You will be obsessed with becoming an artist by constructing a draw bridge.
Gemini… Saturn is rising to a new week. The possibilities are numerous. You will soon get a real deal on a wagon wheel, an electric eel, and/or a fishing creel.
Cancer… Venus is trembling at the moment. We don’t know why. Get out the pots, pans and a red, rubber nose. In the future, you will gain fame and fortune with a new book called, “Okra and Kale Cookery For Clowns”.
Leo… Mars is rumbling now and trine with Leo. Get ready for some excitement. You will soon be involved in something oral, something floral and/or something pectoral. It isn’t clear at this time.
Virgo… Uranus is descending and is square with Virgo at this time. Get ready for a lot of money. In the future, you will gain fame and fortune when you write a bestseller called, “Cooking With Carbuncles”.
Libra… Mercury is in its fifth house planning a big celestial pool party. Take what life gives you. You will soon meet a Phi Beta Kappa, a soul rapper, or Dweezil Zappa. It isn’t clear at this time.
Scorpio… Neptune is trine with Scorpio but wants to be square. Get out your autograph book and don’t drink the water.. In the future, you will be accused of chicanery with Sean Connery in the Congo.
Sagittarius… Venus is on the cusp of Sagittarius, but will soon be in opposition. You must be very clever. Sometime soon, you will become world famous for your manipulations of people and things. But your efforts will backfire on you.
Capricorn… Jupiter is square with Capricorn and on the cusp. You may just get caught up in this activity. You will soon grapple with grappling hooks and thieving crooks.
Aquarius… Uranus is square with Aquarius at this time. This sounds like fun. In the future, your ear lobes will thrill the globe.
Pisces… Pluto is in opposition to Pisces now. Keep your eyes open. Someday soon, a guard dog will guard you in a garden then leave at a critical moment. Perhaps when Dennis Miller arrives.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved