Ready for another week of pain? (Well some of you.)
We have another variety of prognostications for you.
Looks like many of you will become famous authors.
And, enjoy the week if that’s possible.
Aries… The Earth is trine with Aries now and it feels good about that. Sorry. This will make a lot of tiring work for you. You will invent and produce, “The Happiness Parade”, but no one will show up for it. Not even you.
Taurus… The Moon is square with Taurus at this time. We are not sure if either prediction will bring you pleasure. You will soon find yourself surrounded by creatures, or preachers. It is unclear at the moment
Gemini… Pluto is in its ninth house having new drapery installed. Just between us friends they look horrible. Let’s hope you like eggs. You will write a bestseller called, “Omelet Tossing For Fun And Profit”.
Cancer… Uranus is suffering from a sinus condition at the moment. You may need to see an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor after this. You will make a fortune after you write a bestseller called, “Creative Screaming”.
Virgo… Venus is deliberating about changing orbit. We don’t know the consequences of that, if it should happen. You may want to invest in a lot of air fresheners. You will make a fortune after you write a bestseller called, “Fish Licking for Fun And Profit”.
Libra… Mars is laughing like crazy at this time because the rover is in its tickling zone. We’d like to see a copy of your endeavors. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “Fringe Farming For Fun And Profit”. Please let us know how it is going.
Scorpio… Mercury is on the cusp of Scorpio at this time. You may just end up in Egypt doing research for this project. You will write a bestseller called, “How To Make Money Marrying Mummies”.
Sagittarius… Saturn is trine with Sagittarius and also descending now. Poor, poor you. We already feel your pain. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “How To Live Life In A Rut”.
Capricorn… The Moon is in opposition with Capricorn at this time. In the near future you will witness a quick brown fox jump over a lazy dog. Then the fox will go straight for your throat.
Aquarius… Jupiter is in its ninth house changing light bulbs to those new, twisty ones. I guess it wants to go green. You just might lose a lot friends over this (assuming you have any friends). In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “How To Be A Pest With Lemon Zest”.
Pisces… Neptune is tuning up for a celestial concert. We suggest you take slow and even breaths. In the near future, you will awaken to find yourself suspended in thin air which will later change to thick, hot, and humid air that will make you quite uncomfortable. Then you will vomit on Dennis Miller.
And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved