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Archive for November, 2014

The Fortune Cookie For: Dec. 1st, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

 If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

                  “Tidiness is a trait of all oceans.”

 I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: November 30th, 2014


astrology

Here we are once again facing the wrath of the planets and other celestial orbs.

The future holds many problems for you.

Sorry, but that’s how the space cookie crumbles this week.

Every now and then we find ourselves in dire situations.

This is one of those times.

I hope you endure.

Here we go…

Aries … Jupiter is aligned with Pluto now. This foretells bad news. In the future, you will be known as the “Cloud Whisperer”. Unfortunately, every cloud you befriend will eventually leave you just after it rains on you. Shortly after, you will suffer from pneumonia.

Taurus … Mars is in its fourth house cleaning the basement. This portends an unfortunate situation. In the future, you will rent a car in Trafalgar but it won’t go far after the engine fails while you are in heavy traffic. The drivers around you won’t be happy about it, especially Dennis Miller.

Gemini … Neptune is in its second house installing ceiling fans. That’s bad for you. Be careful. In the future, you will meet and befriend a tattooed lady named Sadie in a town called Grady. One day she will betray you and steal all your money.

Cancer … Venus is on the cusp of Cancer now. That’s not good. Do the math and watch out. Sometime in the future, you will meet someone who’s part man, part woman, and part quarter horse. You will later get kicked in the hip by it and suffer a fracture.

Leo … Jupiter is trine with Leo now. This is a bad sign. In the future, your enemies will do everything in their power to turn your cumquats against you. It won’t be pretty when they succeed.

Virgo … The Earth is in opposition to Virgo at this time. That’s not good. In the future, you will become a chicken magnet. You’ll later get tired of eating eggs, just after you suffer a bout of salmonella.

Libra … The Sun is square with Libra now. The future isn’t too bright for you. Not long from now, you will lose an important engine belt while on a beltway as you belt down some gin. The police will not look kindly on this after you fail the Breathalyzer test.

Scorpio … Pluto is in its fifth house spraying for fleas. That isn’t good for you. In the future, you will see a whale dressed in a Mumu. It will moon you. You will moan over that and suffer severe depression for a time.

Sagittarius … Mercury is trine with Sagittarius now. This portends trouble for you. It was a tough decision, but your enemies have decided to tenderize you. It will be painful and messy.

Capricorn … The Moon is in opposition to Capricorn at this time. This isn’t good for you. In the future, you will fake something while wearing a fake fur. Unfortunately, someone will think it’s a real fur. They will throw a bucket of red paint all over you and the fur.

Aquarius … Saturn is trine with Aquarius at this time. That’s not good. In the future, your ledgers will become legendary. The government will investigate and find that you owe them back taxes and penalties.

Pisces … Uranus is descending now. This isn’t good. In the future, you will hog all the piggyback rides at a kid’s birthday party, eventually falling off and spraining your wrist and an ankle.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

The Fortune Cookie For: Nov. 29TH, 2014


cookie

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie thought for today:

“A smile can go many a mile.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

The Fortune Cookie For: Nov. 28TH, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie thought for today:

A solvent can sometimes help you solve a problem.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

The Fortune Cookie For: Nov. 27TH, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate the holiday.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie thought for today:

“A reversal of fortune may occur if you suddenly change gears.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

 

The Fortune Cookie For: Nov. 26TH, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie thought for today:

“Some of the highest grossing films are indeed the grossest.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

 

The Fortune Cookie For: Nov. 25TH, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie thought for today:

“Carrying a grudge can weigh you down.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

The Fortune Cookie For: Nov. 24th, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

Here’s the fortune cookie thought for today:

You will embrace courage and kiss determination.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

 

The Fortune Cookie For: Nov. 23rd, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

Here’s the fortune cookie thought for today:

“Things usually happen at the speed of life.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: November 23rd, 2014


astrology

Hi there, fortune seekers.

I hope you are ready for another round of potent predictions from this week’s celestial charts.

Our staff has compiled the best of the best for you this week.

But, as things usually turn out, the predictions have become somewhat unfortunate for most of you.

However, I’m sure you will endure.

Our outcomes range from cheese, to cattle to crockpots.

Enjoy…

Aries… The Sun is aligned with Aries at this time. Too bad for you. In the future, you will be arrested for speeding and evading the police on a cattle drive.

Taurus… Mercury is descending now and portends something wild. In the not too distant future, you will cluck like a chicken whenever eggs are served, mentioned, thought of, or seen.

Gemini… Venus is on the cusp of Gemini now. That’s not a good thing. In the not too distant future, you will write a best seller called, “Cheddaring Cheese For Fun And Profit”. However your accountant will lose all your money investing in non-profit, worm farms sold by Dennis Miller.

Cancer… Mars is in opposition to Cancer at the moment. In the future, you will make loads of money when you find a new function for an unction. You will later spend all your money on a ridiculous, hula-hoop idea. You will be convinced the hoop should be shaped at a right angle.

Leo… Jupiter is trine with Leo now. That will bring misfortune to all Leos. In the future, you will get in trouble when you unwittingly help a helper dog help a hapless criminal rob a jewelry store in Helsinki.

Virgo… Saturn is square with Virgo at this time. In the future, you will open a home for unwanted hair. You will later be up to your knees in dandruff, and spend all your money on carpet shampoo and vacuum cleaners.

Libra… Uranus is in opposition to Libra now. This portends bad luck for you. Your enemies are planning to simmer you in a crockpot while they are at work. We are interested in the rest of their recipe.

Scorpio… Neptune is in its fifth house making plans for a renovation project. In the not too distant future, you will buy an alligator handbag for a cute crocodile in the Nile, named Miles. Let us know how that works out.

Sagittarius… Pluto is in its third house cleaning the windows. That’s bad. In the near future, your IQ will suddenly become no higher than your shoe size, making you a candidate for public office. However you will not be elected due to a steamy relationship you will have with a hedgehog.

Capricorn… Venus is on the rise. That’s not good for you. In the not too distant future, you will have the urge to cover yourself in feathers using a hot glue gun, to the delight of all chicken pluckers.

Aquarius… The Earth is in its third house having new cabinets installed. That portends something bad. In the future, you will become a “hipster” immediately after a hip replacement by an unqualified tree surgeon.

Pisces… Uranus is aligned with Pisces now. That predicts something weird for you. In the future, you will only gargle with a gaggle of geese present.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

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