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Archive for December, 2014

The Fortune Cookie For: Dec. 30TH, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“You should pay attention, or you may just pay a doctor.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Cat Catastrophe Case Closed


CAT Lost

Cat That Was Accidentally Sold With Mattress Gets Back Home

PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — Camo is hiding no longer.

The Oregon cat accidentally sold with a mattress set is home after 10 days on his own.

Roy Dufek wrote in a statement that his girlfriend, Hayley Crews, caught Camo in a trap Saturday night after he was reportedly seen near the Hillsboro Airport west of Portland. The trap was baited with sardines in oil and familiar scented clothing.

People across the Portland area and beyond had been on the lookout for Camo after his unusual disappearance got national attention.

Dufek sold his girlfriend’s mattress set Dec. 17 without realizing the cat was likely in a favorite hiding spot: the box spring.

Unable to find Camo at the mattress buyer’s home, Dufek took to social media for help tracking down the 5-year-old cat that likely scurried out of the box spring when the buyer, who lives near the airport, took it off the car roof.

Dufek wrote that Camo was 2 pounds lighter after 10 days outside, and had a cut lip, broken nails and a bleeding paw. On Sunday, Camo was examined by a veterinarian and given a bath by Crews.

“We can’t even imagine what he’s been through in a week and (a) half running wild near the countryside, especially in this weather,” Dufek wrote.

The couple thanked everyone for their help, saying it’s great to know friends and strangers had their back in time of need.

“We can’t ever repay or say thank you enough to all the people that spent their cherished holiday time, and resources to help us bring Camo home,” Dufek wrote Sunday. “It was quite emotional last night, we’re in shock of this whole experience, and have been holding him tight!”

Found @ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/29/cat-sold-mattress_n_6392298.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news

Hmmm…

A cat was lost in a bed,

At least that’s what has been said,

A bed set was sold,

With the five year old,

Camo immediately fled.

 

He was out ten days on his own,

Hungry and lost all alone,

He made it all right,

Through days and at night,

In places that weren’t well known.

 

They caught him with sardines as bait,

They didn’t have too long to wait,

He entered the trap,

It closed with a snap,

The cat looked like he lost some weight.

 

Camo was checked out by a Vet.,

That is as good as it gets,

Then he went home,

No more will he roam,

That wonderful special cat pet. 

 

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: December 28th, 2014


astrology

 

Welcome back my fine weathered friends.

This is the last HORROR-Scope for 2014.

We studiously studied the Celestial Sphere (even more than usual) to give you the best advice possible to make your lives livable.

We’ve discovered that the planets are aligned in such a way as to indicate the best New Year’s Resolution for you for the upcoming year.

We hope you consider the suggestion.

Happy New Year to you all.

Enjoy

Aries … Mercury is rising now. Your 2015 New Year’s Resolution should be to spend the rest of your life undulating, in spite of the fact that you will develop spinal problems as a result. Enjoy!

Taurus … Uranus is trine with Taurus at the moment. Your 2015 New Year’s Resolution should be to train your brain to dance. You will enjoy that, even while confined to a mental hospital.

Gemini … Saturn is on the cusp of Gemini now. Your 2015 New Year’s Resolution should be to twiddle your toes as much as possible. It may cost you a bundle on podiatrist visits, but it will be worth it.

Cancer … The Moon is in Cancer at this time and feels depressed. Your 2015 New Year’s Resolution should be to satisfy your secret, unconscious urge to shave Dennis Miller, and/or all squirrels in your vicinity.

Leo … Mercury is in opposition to Leo now. Your 2015 New Year’s Resolution should be to satisfy your desire to learn how to decoupage camouflage. The military will love it. They will enlist you for a lifetime.

Virgo … Venus is in its fifth house playing poker with some asteroids. Your 2015 New Year’s Resolution should be to satisfy your urge to plant farmers in a nearby field. You might be arrested for farming in a non-farming zone, but so what.

Libra … Jupiter is aligned with Libra at this time. Your 2015 New Year’s Resolution should be to put fringe on your fridge. The possibilities are unlimited. However you will glue your hands to the door.

Scorpio …Mars is rising now and on the cusp of Scorpio. Your 2015 New Year’s Resolution should be to take all your naps in a knapsack. You might lose your job when you sleep in and get to work late, but it’s worth the risk.

Sagittarius … Pluto is trine with Sagittarius now. Your 2015 New Year’s Resolution should be to quit your job, then research and write a book called, “101 Uses For A Chicken Neck”. Let us know how that works out.

Capricorn …The Earth is nearing the cusp of Capricorn at this time. Your 2015 New Year’s Resolution should be to start a new religion based on headgear. You can call it, Helmetology. You’ll be surprised at how many people will think you’re odd.

Aquarius …The Sun is in its second house preparing for a future eclipse. Your 2015 New Year’s Resolution should be to write a book called, “How To Juggle Spleens For Fun And Profit”. All Internists will applaud you. But, you will be arrested for performing in public without a permit.

Pisces…Neptune is descending now. Your 2015 New Year’s Resolution should be to write an explosive new book called, “How To Cook With Dynamite”. The government will probably ban it, and you could face jail time if indicted for possession of the substance, but it will be worth your time and effort.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

The Fortune Cookie For: Dec. 24TH, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“When someone loves you, you are complete.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

The Fortune Cookie For: Dec. 22nd, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“To be random is to be unpredictable.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

The Fortune Cookie For: Dec. 21st, 2014


cookie

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“The elephant never travels without its trunk.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: December 21st, 2014


astrology

 

Hello fellow space travelers.

Ready for another week of perilous predictions?

I hope so.

We’ve worked our tails off to find the latest interpretations of the celestial sphere and its machinations to provide you with an exclusive look into the future.

We hope it helps you endure.

In any case, enjoy…

Aries … The Sun is in Aries at this time. It is a bad sign for you. In the distant future, you will write a dissertation on calculations without qualifications. You will then be thrown out of college without a degree of dignity.

Taurus …The Earth is trine with Taurus at this moment. Be careful now. Your enemies wish to reduce you to a simple compound. It could very well be be “Compound W”, for warts.

Gemini …Pluto is digressing at the moment. That isn’t favorable for you. In the distant future, you will become infamous when you hatch a Peeping Tom from a chicken egg. Then, the public will discover it was a hoax and you will be scorned, and perhaps scorched.

Cancer …The Earth is in opposition to Cancer at this time. That portends something bad. In the distant future, will do research on dreadnoughts or, the Dread-Scott Decision. Either way, it will be dreadful for you.

Leo … The Sun is on the cusp of Leo now. In the not too distant future, you will buy some spandex for a spaniel in the span of a few minutes. However, the dog will bite you, giving you a case of rabies.

Virgo …Venus is rising now after a long nap. This foretells trouble for you. In the distant future, you will find a dime in slime just in time to see a crime. But, you will be accused of the criminal act and be arrested. Sorry.

Libra …Neptune is in its fifth house decorating for the holidays. It’s in a bad mood since half of the lights aren’t working. That’s bad for you. In the distant future, you will be disappointed when a palm reader won’t read your palm tree after you cross their palm with silver. Too bad because the prediction was going to result in a lot of cash for your your tree.

Scorpio …Mars is having tea with the Mars Rover at this time. This isn’t good for you. In the distant future, you will meet an Army Private in a public storage place. He will try to enlist your assistance in a crime against his sergeant. You will decide to help him, but you’ll get caught trying to make the sergeant eat his uniform. You will spend ten days in the brig.

Sagittarius …Jupiter is aligned with Sagittarius now. That isn’t good for you. In the distant future, you will become the poster child for “Post-it Notes”. This will prove difficult for you since you will have the tendency to stick to everything and become a nuisance.

Capricorn …Mercury is in its third house now taking a nap. This foretells problems for you. Sometime in the distant future, you will attempt to play soccer in a storage locker with Dennis Miller. You will injure yourself trying to kick the ball resulting in months of physical therapy for a pulled groin muscle. Miller won’t even send you a get well card. How sad.

Aquarius …Saturn is in opposition to Aquarius at this time. This isn’t good for you. In the future, you will travel to Poland to find a pole dancer, but end up with a polecat in your pants. Ouch!

Pisces …Uranus is in its eighth house now due to a septic tank problem. It’s in a foul mood. This isn’t good for you. In the distant future, you will be surprised when you are served spring water with actual (rusty) springs in it.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

The Fortune Cookie For: Dec. 19th, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“A lie can have a life of its own.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Parents Pardon Pleases Perpetrator


House fire

VERONA, WI—

Despite his best efforts to conceal the damage, area teen, Kyle Towser, confirmed Wednesday that his parents could clearly tell he had a huge house fire while they were away for the weekend.

“I tried to cover it up before they came home by throwing blankets over the worst scorches on the floor and couches, but they could definitely smell smoke on me as soon as they came through the door,” said Towser, adding that what began as a small house fire soon got completely out of control and kept on going until well after 4 a.m.

“I mean, of course they were going to find out: The den, kitchen, and master bedroom are totally destroyed. Plus, the neighbors complained when it really started raging.”

Towser went on to say that his parents were surprisingly understanding since they had house fires when they were kids, too.

Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/returning-parents-can-tell-son-had-huge-house-fire,37647/

Hmmm…

Young Towser witnessed a fire,

The situation was dire,

His folks were away,

Not just for the a day,

It was something no one would desire.

 

He tried to cover the mess,

The fire caused him some stress,

Would mom and dad yell?

When detecting the smell?

It was anybody’s guess.

 

His parents took it quite well,

They had their own story to tell,

Of fires they had,

They weren’t so sad,

They had their own flames to quell.

 

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

The Fortune Cookie For: Dec. 17th, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“There is no relaxing when there’s overtaxing.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

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