Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh

Hello friends of truth, justice, and the Solar Way.

The end of this week presents us with Halloween.

It also marks the birthday of, “Your HORROR-Scope” which has been around since the beginning of Astrology itself.

This year’s holiday will be a festive time for all of you.

You will all submit to you burning desire to attend a party hosted by the most popular ghouls in town.

Lucky for you, the planets have planned for these events.

Let’s hope you can endure the humility.

Enjoy…

Aries… The Earth is Transjecting now. This always presents problems for an Aries. This Halloween you will have the desire to attend a party dressed as a penny whistle. You will be appalled when people try to play you.

Taurus… Pluto is in falling disengeneration now. That’s never good for a Taurus. This Halloween you will have the desire to make your own costume. You will go to a party dressed as a fireplug. Dogs will love you.

Gemini… Venus is tricuspidating at this time. That’s never good. This Halloween you will have the desire to go to a party dressed as a sturgeon. People will bug you for your roe, especially Dennis Miller.

Cancer… The Moon is in digenital thrusting at this time. That portends misery. This Halloween you will have the desire to give the little children rectal thermometers as treats. Your home will be egged afterwards…by their parents.

Leo… The Sun is squarely oppositional to Leo now. That’s never a good sign. This Halloween you will have the desire to go to a party dressed as an old, smelly sock. Dogs will carry you off, play rough with you, and make your life miserable.

Virgo… Uranus is tansecting at this time. Tansectination is always bad for a Virgo. This Halloween you will  have the desire to go to a party dressed as a roll of camera film. People will try to develop you. It won’t be pleasant.

Libra… Mars is under solar tension at this time. That’s never good for a Libra. This Halloween you will  have the desire to go to a party dressed as an olive. People will try to stuff you. You won’t like that at all.

Scorpio… Mercury is in truncation at this time. It hates that because it tickles. That will being you problems. This Halloween you will  have the desire to go to a party dressed as a cow. It will be udderly ridiculous. All night, people will try to milk you. It won’t be pleasant.

Sagittarius… Saturn is having another ring job done at a local space station. It isn’t going well. That means it won’t go well for you.This Halloween you will go to a party dressed as a baggage handler. People will become upset when they see you throwing luggage around the place. They will ask you to leave. You will be embarrassed.

Capricorn… Jupiter is in bifurtination now, but would rather be in trifurtination. That isn’t good. This Halloween you will have the desire to go to a party dressed as an eye ball. Party guests will poke you all night. It will be painful. You will cry.

Aquarius… Mars is dihedral to Aquarius at this time, but wants to be trihedral. That will bring you problems. This Halloween you will  have the desire to go to a party dressed as an outhouse. You will spend the entire evening in the back yard reading old Sears catalogs. It will be disgusting.

Pisces…  The Earth is trigenital to Pisces now. That’s never a good sign. This Halloween you will have the desire to go to a party dressed as a smart phone. People will continually press your buttons. It will upset you.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved