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Archive for November, 2015

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Nov. 29th, 2015


horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good day my friends.

Another perfect package of predictions has been perpetrated for you.

We here at HORROR – Scope Central have done our best to give you a heads-up for the rest of the week, and into the future.

This week’s selections include bulldogs, grudges, and the elusive rubber ducky.

Have fun, enjoy, it can only get worse.

We suggest you keep your feet on the ground and your eyes toward the stars.

Aries… Pluto is cross orbiting at this time. That’s always a bad sign. In the not too distant future, you will not be happy when your enemies try to de-ice you. Burrr.

Taurus… The Earth is in trans-orbital opposition now. That will bring you problems. In the somewhat distant future, you will try to chocolate wrap oyster bars and sell them. You’ll get the chocolate part right, but the result won’t be the kind of crunchiness you were aiming for. You will be sued after customers break their teeth on your creation.

Gemini… Mercury is in trans-jection mode now. That’s never good. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called “Moby Duck”. It’s the story of a Rodeo Clown in pursuit of a large, elusive, rubber ducky somewhere in the depths of his bathtub. It won’t sell very well and you will lose money.

Cancer… The Moon is tri–orbital now against Pluto. That foretells problems for you. In the future, you will have your longest desire fulfilled. A police dog will frisk you. Unfortunately you will end up spending a night in jail for a crime you didn’t commit. You will become infested with fleas, and inundated with business cards from lawyers who want you to hire them.

Leo… The Sun is flaring wildly now. That’s never a good sign. In the future, your friends will get you to stop smoking when they throw a pail of ice water on you while you relax by a pool with only your bathing suit on. It will be a shock to you. You will become paranoid and smoke even more. Let us know how that works out for you.

Virgo… Neptune is in di-hedral mode now. That promises problems for you. One day, you will become a rodeo clown for bulldogs. You will be miserable when you become inundated with fleas, dog collars, and vet bills. You won’t be happy.

Libra… Uranus is intra-orbital mode now. That will bring you trouble. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “A Pocket Full of Poppycock”. You won’t get further than the title after your muse leaves you for another writer. Anxiety will plague you.

Scorpio… Jupiter is in tri-quadrinal position now. That’s never good. One day, you will find your name in the Guinness Book of World Records after you submit your Grudge Collection. It will be listed under “The Worst Collections on Record”. Well, at least you will have tried. You will hold a grudge against them after that.

Sagittarius… Saturn is in half aspect now. That poses problems for you. In the future, you will start a new business. You will sell oars to houseboat owners. It won’t go well. Profits will sink to new lows. Depression and angst will flow in.

Capricorn… Mars sub-junctional now. Of course, that foretells problems. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “How To Pith Your Helmet”. Only a few pithy people, including Dennis Miller, will buy a copy. You will become quite depressed and lonely.

Aquarius… Pluto is in di-jection now. One day you will be heavy-handed with a handmaiden, or a handyman. In either case it won’t end well for you. You will be arrested and placed in a cell with insurance salesmen who will bug you all night to buy a Whole Life policy for your aardvark.

Pisces… Venus is omni-modal position now. That’s never good for a Pisces. In the future you will work for NASA, and later sell rockets for rocking chairs. You’re business will fizzle out after your invention sends several grandmothers into low, Earth orbit. You will be sued and lose everything. Well, at least you will have tried.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

 

 

Category:

Horror-scopes

Tagged with:

Brain Game


neurons-brain-profile-human-head-colorful-symbol-49886130

 

 

 

 

 

I found this eye/brain test in a recent email.

I thought it was amusing.

I hope you like it.

See if you can read the information in the red and green paragraphs below.

It could be a challenge.

Good luck. 

 

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15. PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15.

Here’s another challenge for you…

If you can read this, you have a great brain. Only 55 people out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

 

How did you do?

Hopefully your brain isn’t fried by now.

Mine wasn’t.

It was grilled.

Have a great day, and Thanksgiving Day if you’re celebrating it.

 

Category:

Laughs, Uncategorized

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Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Nov. 22nd, 2015


horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello again, you wonderful followers of fun and fluctuation.

Here we are once again with a mouthful of mushy meanderings for your dancing pleasure.

The charts seem to be giving us more than average weirdness lately.

So, let’s dive right in and see what’s in store for you.

This week’s catalog of carefree capriciousness includes cats, eagles, saddles, and of course, the ever popular, itchiness.

Enjoy…

Aries… Venus is in micordial mode now. That’s never a good sign. Not long from now you will become confused. You will buy a chain saw. Then, you will attempt to trim a Branch Bank. You will be arrested.

Taurus… Mars is juxta perennial mode now. That’s spells trouble. One day, you will put glitter in cat litter. It won’t improve it at all. You won’t be happy, nor will your cats…all 97 of them. Look out!

Gemini… Neptune is tri-genital now. That’s never good for a Gemini. One day in the future, you will be involved with recipes or reciprocity. It isn’t clear at this time. In any case, it won’t work out well for you. Depression will follow.

Cancer… The Moon is in its fifth house losing at Monopoly. That spells trouble for you. In the future you will start a business making wigs for bald eagles. Since you can’t touch a bald eagle by Federal Law, you will go out of business while you cool your heels in jail. Let us know how that works out.

Leo… The Sun is in dihedral position now. That’s a bad sign for you. In the future you will have the overwhelming desire to collect striations for a living. People will think you are crazy and avoid you.

Virgo… Jupiter is bi locating at the moment. That will bring you double trouble. In the distant future, you will try to join a tribe in order to learn how to conduct a diatribe. A witch doctor will attack you with her broom. It will be painful.

Libra… Saturn is dextracating at this time. That’s never good for a Libra. Someday, you will either become fashion conscious, or unconscious. Either way, it will present a whole new set of problems for you. Too bad.

Scorpio… The Earth is truncating at this time. That spells trouble for you. In the future, you will try to put a saddle on a woman with a ponytail. The woman in question will be upset. You won’t be successful. You won’t be happy, and you will be scorned.

Sagittarius… Mercury is dijunctated at this time. That’s not good. In the distant future, you will accumulate a huge weapons collection. Then, the government will come along and kick you in the arsenal. You won’t be happy about that.

Capricorn… Mars is in trinocturn mode at this time. That’s never good. One day, you will develop an unscratchable itch. It will drive you crazy, then it will charge you for mileage.

Aquarius… Venus is in total opposition to Aquarius at this time. That foretells trouble for you. Someday in the future, will try to unseat deceit. We’re not sure of the outcome. Good luck with that.

Pisces… Uranus is yearning for Venus now. Venus wants no part of Uranus. That spells trouble for you. One day in the future, you will become annoyed when deranged Boy Scouts brush you off, then they will try to tie knots in your hair. Ouch!

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Category:

Horror-scopes

Tagged with:

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Nov. 15th, 2015


horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bonne journée mes amis.

Here we are once again, agonizing over your misfortunes for the week.

This week’s selection includes pronouns, roaches, pickerels, and of course, a slaughter house.

I hope they will please you.

If they don’t, then the charts will prove to be correct.

Enjoy…

Aries… Pluto is transcending at this time. That’s a bad indicator. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “How To Paint Your Pronouns”. You will only sell a few copies to some English teachers. You won’t be happy about it.

Taurus… Neptune is di-lateral at this moment. That always causes trouble. One day, you will open a restaurant called, The Slaughterhouse”. Very few people will dine there once they realize it’s an actual, operating slaughterhouse.

Gemini… Uranus in full opposition now. That’s never good. Sometime in the future, you will fail in your attempt to write a book called, How To Start An Eyebrow Farm. You will get bogged down after writing the title.

Cancer… Saturn’s rings are semi-elongated at this time. That means trouble. In the future, your attempt to open a summer camp for children will fail after you name it, “Camp Maime A Lot”.

Leo… Jupiter is in juxta-trilateral mode now. That’s never good. One day in the future, you will open a restaurant. However, business will drop off dramatically when you sponsor a contest for your customers. To win, they’ll have to count the number of live roaches in a jar…in your kitchen.

Virgo… Mars is faltering at this time. That’s always a bad sign. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “How To Pluck A Politician”. Only a few wannabes will buy a copy using counterfeit money.

Libra… The Earth is in tri-natal position now. That’s always a terrible sign. In the distant future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “Pickerels As Pets”. Only a few Fish And Game Wardens will buy one. You will be terribly disappointed.

Scorpio… Venus is uni-neutral mode at this time. That will pose problems for you. One day you will try to start a fire by rubbing two stick figures together. It won’t work. People will think you are weird. You will become depressed.

Sagittarius… Mercury is tri-nodal now. That isn’t good for you. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “Take Your Pickerel On A Picnic”. Only a few chefs will buy a copy. You will take it hard, and stop fishing.

Capricorn… The Sun is in neutral-trilateral mode now. That’s never good for a Capricorn. Someday, your enemies will try to inoculate you with ice. It won’t work. And, it will feel horrible.

Aquarius… The Moon is low lunar modality now. That foretells problems for you. In the distant future, you will stare into a mirror and become overly reflective as a result. People will think you are weird. They will shun you.

Pisces… Mars is low domination now. That’s not good. In the not too distant future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “Pickerels For Prisoners”. Only a few parolees, and Dennis Miller, will buy a copy. You will lose lots of money and self respect as a result.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Category:

Horror-scopes

Tagged with:

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Nov. 8th, 2015


horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here we are again, fellow future lovers.

This week’s pile of prognostications will provide you with plenty of problems.

The list includes a squash ball, a mascot, and the ever popular, lava rock.

Enjoy…

Aries… The Earth is crosswind to Aries at this time. That’s a problematic situation. Not long from now, your enemies will attempt to magnetize you. It won’t work. The experience will be electrifying. Good luck with that.

Taurus… Mercury is degenerating now. That always poses problems. One day, you will start a business. You will try to sell Seeing Eye Dogs to those who are blind to the facts. No one will buy one. You will become quite depressed over it. We feel for you.

Gemini… Mars is in oppositional diametrics now. That will bring you trouble. At some point in the future your enemies will attempt to bequeath you to the world at large. You won’t enjoy the process. You will sue them and lose.

Cancer… The Moon is tri-modal at this time. That foretells trouble for you. One day, you will try to squash a squash ball. You will not be successful. You’ll feel squished and depressed. Hopefully you will overcome it.

Leo… Venus is extra-tense at the moment. That will bring you problems. One day in the future, you will continuously soak your head after you’re diagnosed with dry scalp. We hope you survive it.

Virgo… The Earth is trine with Virgo, and in diametric opposition now. That portends trouble for you. One day in the future, you will lose your Labrador in a lab, in Labrador. You won’t find it, leading to severe angst, and lots of unused dog food. Good luck with that.

Libra… The Sun is bi-trinal now. That’s never good for a Libra. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “How To Make Love To A Lava Rock”. Just a few lonely geologists, and Dennis Miller will buy a copy. You will suffer depression as a result. Let’s hope you can cope.

Scorpio… Pluto is in tri-quadrinal position now. As you may know, that always brings problems to a Scorpio. At some point in time you will become the mascot for a Maasai tribe. You will feel used and abused. You won’t be happy. Good luck with that.

Sagittarius… Jupiter is in juxta-tension at this time. That will provide you with a challenge. Not long from now your enemies will attempt to tribalize you. You won’t be happy about it. Oh well.

Capricorn… Uranus is juxta-dimentional at this time. As you may know, that’s never good for a Capricorn. Not long from now your enemies will attempt to index you. It won’t be a pleasant experience. Good luck with that.

Aquarius… Neptune is in anti-gravitational pull now. That portends problems for you. One day, not long from now, you will eat clams during a calamity. You will be scorned for it. Too bad for you.

Pisces… Mars is subjugated to Pisces at this time. One day, you will be known as, “Banana Breath”. You will be stalked by many monkeys. It will result in much anxiety. Even you will suffer from it. Let’s hope you can endure.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

 

Category:

Horror-scopes

Tagged with:

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Nov 1st, 2015


astrology

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello again, my favorite stargazers, and old geezers.

Halloween has been laid to rest. A new month is upon us.

The holiday season is rapidly making itself known.

Christmas decorations abound.

But, I’m sure that’s not on your minds today.

You’re all anxious to find out what Your HORRO-Scope will reveal this week.

Well, here goes.

This week’s compilation includes Darth Vader, a strainer, and of course, a platypus.

Enjoy…

Aries… Venus is cross sectional at the moment. That’s not a very good sign. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “Picking The Perfect Pickerel”. Only a few fishermen, and Dennis Miller will buy a copy.

Taurus… Mercury is in di-hedral position now, and that’s never good for a Taurus. Someday you will refer to all your meals as, “Yummyliscious”. People will get tired of it, and abandon you. You will be lonely and desperate.

Gemini… The Earth is semi-conductive at the moment. That will bring you trouble. In the far future, you will spend many months, and lots of money, researching and writing a book about Darth Vader or Ralph Nader. In either case it will be a depressing experience.

Cancer… The Moon is in its seventh house now, cleaning up after a wicked Halloween party. The place is a mess. That means trouble for you. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “Using A Strainer Is A No Brainer”. Only a few short order cooks will buy a copy. You will become depressed over it.

Leo… The Sun is intra-tentional at the moment and that’s never good. One day, you will throw buckets of water at the sky when you try to douse St. Elmo’s fire. You will end up in a Psych Ward for observation.

Virgo… Jupiter is in low-quadrinal now against Virgo. That foretells problems for you. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “How To Con A Conversationalist”. Only a few public speakers, and Dennis Miller will buy a copy. You will suffer a bout of depression as a result.

Libra… Uranus is in high-dissemination at this time. That’s always bad for a Libra. One day, your enemies will try to crystalize you. It won’t be a pleasant experience. You will become paranoid as a result.

Scorpio… Saturn is in juxta-tension at this moment. That portends problems for Scorpios. One day in the future, you will wrestle with a rustler. You will lose and get hog-tied. Oh, and some rope burns as well.

Sagittarius… Pluto is in high, dexahedral now. That spells trouble for you. One day in the future, you will devise a writing a class called, “How To Plot Like A Platypus”. Only a few novelists, including Stephen King, will attend. King will shun you afterwards, but use your ideas for a new blockbuster novel. You won’t get a penny out of that. You will become depressed and annoyed over it.

Capricorn… Mars is in tri-luxural position at this time. That’s never a good sign. One day, you will be placed under observation after you continually try to stuff cheese into a Mickey Mouse watch at a Disney Store. It won’t be a happy experience.

Aquarius… The Earth is post-uranal against Aquarius at this time. That’s never good. One evening in the far future, you will become looney during a lunar eclipse. You’ll stuff yourself with moon pies, cluck like a chicken, and waddle like a duck. It won’t end well for you.

Pisces… Uranus is in tri-quadrinal position now against Pisces. That portends problems for you. In the distant future, your enemies will try to fricassee you. It will be painful. Sorry.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Category:

Horror-scopes

Tagged with:

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