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astrology

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello again, my favorite stargazers, and old geezers.

Halloween has been laid to rest. A new month is upon us.

The holiday season is rapidly making itself known.

Christmas decorations abound.

But, I’m sure that’s not on your minds today.

You’re all anxious to find out what Your HORRO-Scope will reveal this week.

Well, here goes.

This week’s compilation includes Darth Vader, a strainer, and of course, a platypus.

Enjoy…

Aries… Venus is cross sectional at the moment. That’s not a very good sign. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “Picking The Perfect Pickerel”. Only a few fishermen, and Dennis Miller will buy a copy.

Taurus… Mercury is in di-hedral position now, and that’s never good for a Taurus. Someday you will refer to all your meals as, “Yummyliscious”. People will get tired of it, and abandon you. You will be lonely and desperate.

Gemini… The Earth is semi-conductive at the moment. That will bring you trouble. In the far future, you will spend many months, and lots of money, researching and writing a book about Darth Vader or Ralph Nader. In either case it will be a depressing experience.

Cancer… The Moon is in its seventh house now, cleaning up after a wicked Halloween party. The place is a mess. That means trouble for you. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “Using A Strainer Is A No Brainer”. Only a few short order cooks will buy a copy. You will become depressed over it.

Leo… The Sun is intra-tentional at the moment and that’s never good. One day, you will throw buckets of water at the sky when you try to douse St. Elmo’s fire. You will end up in a Psych Ward for observation.

Virgo… Jupiter is in low-quadrinal now against Virgo. That foretells problems for you. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “How To Con A Conversationalist”. Only a few public speakers, and Dennis Miller will buy a copy. You will suffer a bout of depression as a result.

Libra… Uranus is in high-dissemination at this time. That’s always bad for a Libra. One day, your enemies will try to crystalize you. It won’t be a pleasant experience. You will become paranoid as a result.

Scorpio… Saturn is in juxta-tension at this moment. That portends problems for Scorpios. One day in the future, you will wrestle with a rustler. You will lose and get hog-tied. Oh, and some rope burns as well.

Sagittarius… Pluto is in high, dexahedral now. That spells trouble for you. One day in the future, you will devise a writing a class called, “How To Plot Like A Platypus”. Only a few novelists, including Stephen King, will attend. King will shun you afterwards, but use your ideas for a new blockbuster novel. You won’t get a penny out of that. You will become depressed and annoyed over it.

Capricorn… Mars is in tri-luxural position at this time. That’s never a good sign. One day, you will be placed under observation after you continually try to stuff cheese into a Mickey Mouse watch at a Disney Store. It won’t be a happy experience.

Aquarius… The Earth is post-uranal against Aquarius at this time. That’s never good. One evening in the far future, you will become looney during a lunar eclipse. You’ll stuff yourself with moon pies, cluck like a chicken, and waddle like a duck. It won’t end well for you.

Pisces… Uranus is in tri-quadrinal position now against Pisces. That portends problems for you. In the distant future, your enemies will try to fricassee you. It will be painful. Sorry.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

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