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horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello again, you wonderful followers of fun and fluctuation.

Here we are once again with a mouthful of mushy meanderings for your dancing pleasure.

The charts seem to be giving us more than average weirdness lately.

So, let’s dive right in and see what’s in store for you.

This week’s catalog of carefree capriciousness includes cats, eagles, saddles, and of course, the ever popular, itchiness.

Enjoy…

Aries… Venus is in micordial mode now. That’s never a good sign. Not long from now you will become confused. You will buy a chain saw. Then, you will attempt to trim a Branch Bank. You will be arrested.

Taurus… Mars is juxta perennial mode now. That’s spells trouble. One day, you will put glitter in cat litter. It won’t improve it at all. You won’t be happy, nor will your cats…all 97 of them. Look out!

Gemini… Neptune is tri-genital now. That’s never good for a Gemini. One day in the future, you will be involved with recipes or reciprocity. It isn’t clear at this time. In any case, it won’t work out well for you. Depression will follow.

Cancer… The Moon is in its fifth house losing at Monopoly. That spells trouble for you. In the future you will start a business making wigs for bald eagles. Since you can’t touch a bald eagle by Federal Law, you will go out of business while you cool your heels in jail. Let us know how that works out.

Leo… The Sun is in dihedral position now. That’s a bad sign for you. In the future you will have the overwhelming desire to collect striations for a living. People will think you are crazy and avoid you.

Virgo… Jupiter is bi locating at the moment. That will bring you double trouble. In the distant future, you will try to join a tribe in order to learn how to conduct a diatribe. A witch doctor will attack you with her broom. It will be painful.

Libra… Saturn is dextracating at this time. That’s never good for a Libra. Someday, you will either become fashion conscious, or unconscious. Either way, it will present a whole new set of problems for you. Too bad.

Scorpio… The Earth is truncating at this time. That spells trouble for you. In the future, you will try to put a saddle on a woman with a ponytail. The woman in question will be upset. You won’t be successful. You won’t be happy, and you will be scorned.

Sagittarius… Mercury is dijunctated at this time. That’s not good. In the distant future, you will accumulate a huge weapons collection. Then, the government will come along and kick you in the arsenal. You won’t be happy about that.

Capricorn… Mars is in trinocturn mode at this time. That’s never good. One day, you will develop an unscratchable itch. It will drive you crazy, then it will charge you for mileage.

Aquarius… Venus is in total opposition to Aquarius at this time. That foretells trouble for you. Someday in the future, will try to unseat deceit. We’re not sure of the outcome. Good luck with that.

Pisces… Uranus is yearning for Venus now. Venus wants no part of Uranus. That spells trouble for you. One day in the future, you will become annoyed when deranged Boy Scouts brush you off, then they will try to tie knots in your hair. Ouch!

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

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