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Your HORROR – SCOPE for the week of: Mar. 27th, 2016


horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello everyone.

Welcome to another week’s worth of wonderment.

Some of you, who spend a lot of time involved in astrology, may notice this week’s charts are not that much different then those published in the Farmer’s Almanac on June 13, 1873. 

If you do notice such similarities, I pity you. You’ve wasted a lot of frivolous time.

This week’s aggregate of angst includes: barbells, whistling, and the ever popular pickerel.

Enjoy…

Aries… The Earth is semi-transitional now and on the cusp of the Aries. That isn’t a good sign for an Aries. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “Pasta And Pickerels – A Winning Combination”.

Taurus… Mercury is in its fourth House arguing with an interior designer over what color drapes it should purchase. That’s not good for you. Sometime in the future, you will marry a goose farmer and come up with the idea for a new book called, “How To Get Down With Down”. Only a few bedding company executives will buy a copy. You will spend many hours of your days fluffing feathers.

Gemini… Venus is in high transitional orbit now. That’s never a good sign for Gemini. In the future, people will think you are odd when you try to get even with someone. They will be disappointed in you. You will lose many friends.

Cancer… The Moon is in its third house having some floors refinished. It’s not going well. That’s not a good sign for a Cancer. In the somewhat distant future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “How To Play The Barbells For Fun And Profit”. Only a few weightlifters and bodybuilders will buy a copy. Depression will set in.

Leo… The Sun is in its eighth house due to an air conditioning problem. It will cost a fortune to fix it. That’s not a good sign for a Leo. In the distant future, you will get a rash or find some trash. Either way, as a result, you’ll be scratching a lot.

Virgo… Mars is in its second house having the roof inspected. It’s not going well. That means trouble for you. In the far distant future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “The Philosophy Of Pickerels”. You will only sell a couple of copies to some university professors. You and your fish will not be happy.

Libra… Pluto is in its second house arguing with a plumber over the price of re-piping the whole place. It’s not going well. That foretells problems for you. In the distant future, you will be involved with a gravesite or a gun site. Either way you’ll have to dig yourself out of trouble. Good luck with that.

Scorpio… Neptune is rising at an alarming rate. It’s getting nervous. That’s not good for a Scorpio. Sometime in the future, you will form, The Diddly-Squat Foundation, where people can send in their hard earned money so that others can get a foundation grant and then do “diddly-squat”. You will not be happy about that.

Sagittarius… Uranus is in his fourth house meeting with a contractor after a meteor shower. It’s not going very well. That spells trouble for you. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “How To Recycle Your Cycle.” In spite of your attempts to pedal those books, you will only sell a few copies to a couple of Tour de France competitors.

Capricorn… Mars is in tri-orbital mode now. That’s never good for Capricorn. One day in the future, you will place your residence on the market. It will not sell for months. You‘ll finally realize the Stock Market isn’t the place to sell a home. You’ll be greatly embarrassed.

Aquarius… Saturn is in semi-prolongation mode now. It’s never good for an Aquarius. In the future, you will spend an entire month whistling songs whose titles will baffle you. It will drive you bananas. You’ll finally seek psychiatric help. Unfortunately, as a result, both you and the psychiatrist will end up whistling songs whose titles will baffle the both of you.

Pisces… Neptune is trying to bi-locate at this time. It is not going well. That’s bad for you. Sometime in the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “How To Promote A Pickerel”. You will only sell a few copies to some fishermen, and one to Dennis Miller. Your friends and family will think you are odd.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2016 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

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Horror-scopes

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Your HORROR-SCOPE for the week of: Mar. 20th, 2016


horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello all you lovers of lunatics, and lunar antics.

We have scoured the charts with Brillo pads and have come to several conclusions including; never use a Brillo pad on celestial charts.

This week’s offensive offerings include: rituals, palms, and the ever popular, platypus.

Enjoy…

Aries… Venus has a terrible hangover after attending a St. Patrick’s Day party. That portends problems for you. In the future, you will get lost in a complex that is so complex it will change your complexion. Let us know how that works out.

Taurus… The Earth is dexi-hedral to Taurus now. That’s never a good sign for a Taurus. One day, you will convince yourself that attending a mortuary school we’ll help you in your study of dead languages. Of course, in the end, it won’t. Unfortunately, you’ll quit your job working at a cemetery.

Gemini… Saturn is di-hedralating now. That’s never a good sign for a Gemini. Someday, you will visit a Pawn Shop in order to pawn yourself to get money for a palm reader. You’ll be thrown out of the place, ironically colliding with a palm tree. It will hurt on many levels.

Cancer… The Moon is in hyperplexic mode now. That foretells problems for you. In the future, you will spend many months and years writing a book called, ”How To Get Rich With Rituals”. Only a few voodoo priests, and Dennis Miller, will buy a copy. You will not be happy. You will spin around 30 times while balancing a platypus egg on your nose.

Leo… The Sun is in helio-tropical mode now. That’s never good for a Leo. In the distant future, you will try to stop a train with a sweet refrain, but it will be in vain…and bloody. Ouch!

Virgo… Neptune is getting nauseous from a hyper-descent now. That is not good for a Virgo. One day, you will become confused. You will take a course in archeology in order learn how to draw perfect arcs. Of course, you will fail miserably. You’ll become depressed.

Libra… Uranus is di-plexic at this time. That’s not good for you. One day in the future, in an attempt to improve safety, you will petition the music industry to change all “sharps” to “dulls”. You will be ridiculed buy musicians everywhere. You will be sad and lonely for a long time.

Scorpio… Pluto is having problems because its gravitational pull wants to become a gravitational push. That’s not a good sign for a Scorpio. In the future, you will spend many months and years writing a book called, “Sleeping With Rats For Fun And Profit”. An animal psychologist will be your only customer. Angst will set in.

Sagittarius… Mercury is semi-progenic at this time. That’s not good for a Sagittarius. One day in the future, you’re attempts to leave on time will be in vain, when you’ll be detained, whilst trying to take a train in Maine. What a pain!

Capricorn… Venus is in tri-polemic mode now. That’s never a good sign for a Capricorn. In the future whenever you talk to someone, you’ll have the irresistible compulsion to say, ”I salivated today.” People will think you are weird and avoid you. You will be overcome with sadness.

Aquarius… Jupiter is rising at such a high rate that it’s becoming nauseous. That’s never a good sign for an Aquarius. In the future, you will shock the world of English teachers with your book called, “Pickerels As Pronouns”. Only a couple of fool hearty fisherman will buy a copy. You will not be happy.

Pisces … Mercury is semi-tangent to Pisces while on the cusp of Gemini. That’s never a good sign for a Pisces. In the future, your lover will buy you a new wedding band. You will like it at first, but hate it later when they continuously play loud, hard rock music, day and night. It will drive you crazy.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2016 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Category:

Horror-scopes

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Happy St. Maewyn’s Day, everybody!


Shamrock

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DID YOU KNOW that according to Irish legend, St. Patrick’s birth name was really Maewyn Succat? Catchy, huh? Saint Patrick changed his name to Patricius after becoming a priest. If he were alive today, how many handles would he have on Twitter?

DID YOU KNOW that we should really wear BLUE on St. Patrick’s Day? His color of choice was a light shade of blue. Green didn’t become linked to the holiday until the Irish Independence day movement in the late 18th century.

DID YOU KNOW that St Patrick was British? His claim to fame came from introducing Christianity to Ireland in the year 432, but he wasn’t Irish. He was the son of Roman parents from Scotland or Wales.

Happy St. Maewyn’s Day, everybody!

DID YOU KNOW that according to Irish legend, St. Patrick’s birth name was really Maewyn Succat? Catchy, huh? Saint Patrick changed his name to Patricius after becoming a priest. If he were alive today, how many handles would he have on Twitter?

WHO CELEBRATES ST PATRICK”S DAY MORE SERIOUSLY? This is harder to quantify. Of course the Irish celebrate in a huge way by making it a national holiday. New Yorkers have a HUGE parade, one of the largest parades ever since the mid 1700s, but this parade to this day does not allow floats, cars, or other modern conveyances. But Chicago won’t be denied. They dump vivid green dye into the Chicago River, since 1962, and it takes 40 tons of dye.

DID YOU KNOW St. Patty’s was strictly a religious holiday in Ireland for most of the 20th century and the nation’s pubs were closed to celebrate? The one exception for alcohol was the national dog show held on the same day. In 1970, the day was made a national holiday and the beer flowed. Yes, that day, the holiday went to the dogs.

WHAT”S UP WITH THE SHAMROCKS? According to legend, the saint used the 3-leafed clover to describe the Holy Trinity. There’s nothing like a visual.

DID YOU KNOW St. Patrick was the Pied Piper of Snakes? The Irish might be full of blarney on this one. St. Patrick gets credit for driving all snakes out of Ireland, but scientists and fossil records claim Ireland has never been a refuge for snakes. It’s too damned cold and the surrounding seas make a natural barrier. Unless snakes come in on a plane, those slithering varmints are banished.

DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE NO FEMALE LEPRECHAUNS? Whaddup with that? In traditional Irish folk tales, there are no lady wee people, or snappy dressed little guys for that matter.

DID YOU KNOW that the phrase “Erin go Bragh” is NOT the correct pronunciation? It should be “Éirinn go Brách” which means “Ireland Forever.” So get it right, people.

Found @…https://killzoneblog.com/2016/03/who-is-maewyn-succat-why-should-we-care.html

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Horror-scopes, St. Patrick's Day

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Your HORROR – SCOPE for the week of: Mar.13th, 2016


astrology

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello fellow earthlings.

Once again we present this weeks collection of chaos.

The charts have been read.

The chickens are fed.

We’ve drummed up some dread.

To play with your head.

This weeks predictions include, a Samurai, Evil Knievel, and the ever popular… pantyhose.

Enjoy…

 Aries… Uranus is yearning to be on the cusp of Aries, but can’t. That portends trouble for you. In the future your enemies will try to brainwash you in a local Laundromat. They won’t succeed, but they will rob you of all your quarters.

Taurus… Saturn is di-genital now. That’s never a good sign for a Taurus. In the future, you will study to become an artist in order to produce abstract watercolor paintings of Evil Kneivel’s underwear. Years later you will realize the folly of your efforts. You will suffer from depression.

Gemini… Venus is in its third house getting ready for a St. Patrick’s Day party. But, it’s having trouble getting the beer the right shade of green. That’s always a bad sign. In the future your enemies will attempt to pawn your palms. They will be unsuccessful but your hands will hurt a lot.

Cancer… The Moon is quadra-helial mode now. That’s not a good sign for a Cancer. In order to get into a circus, you will try to out do their sword swallowers by swallowing an actual Samurai Warrior. You will fail in your efforts and walk away in disgrace.

Leo… The Sun is dexi-helio mode now. That’s always a bad sign for a Leo. In the future, you will strain your back lifting a backdrop. It will be aggravating and painful. No medication will help.

Virgo… Mars is suing the Mars Bars Corporation for trademark infringement. It’s not going well for the red planet. That’s bad for you. In the future, you will suffer when you eat some sulphur for supper. Yuck!

Libra… Mercury is getting tired of being hot all the time. That’s not a good sign for a Libra. In the future, you will get gored while riding a skateboard. It will hurt tremendously. You will seek medical help, settling on a quack doctor who will make your condition worse.

Scorpio… Saturn’s rings are ringing and it’s very annoying. That’s a terrible sign for a Scorpio. In the future, you will dress up as a clown, then do an impression of James Brown. People will think you are weird and avoid you.

Sagittarius… Pluto is suffering from heartworms at the moment. It’s not going well. That’s bad for you. In the future, you will tell the world that Fractionality is the key to all knowledge and understanding. You will attract many followers, but later they will leave you when they realize you don’t know what you’re talking about, kind of like, Dennis Miller.

Capricorn… The Earth is preparing for St. Patrick’s Day, but it can’t find enough shillelaghs to satisfy itself. That’s not good for you. In the future, you will fall in love with a proctologist. The romance will result in a bad ending for you.

Aquarius… Jupiter is bi-coaxial now. That’s never a good sign for an Aquarius. In the future, and you will invest all of your savings in a factory to produce pantyhose for hens. You will lose all when you realize the chickens will only pay for them with eggs. Besides that, the hosiery will run.

Pisces… Venus is upset because it can’t get its cloud cover to turn a proper shade of green for St. Patrick’s Day. That’s not a good sign for a Pisces. In the future, you will be known for your sharp wit. Unfortunately you will cut yourself with it and bleed profusely.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2016 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Category:

Horror-scopes

Tagged with:

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Mar. 6th, 2016


horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello again my futuristic friends.

Once again we have a selection of prognostications for your future enjoyment.

This week’s list includes a flytrap, a card game, and the ever popular spats.

Enjoy…

Aries… Pluto is in its first house dealing with a computer problem. It’s not going well. That’s a bad sign for you. In the future your scholarship will sink and you will be banned from maritime activities. And, you’ll never finish your degree.

Taurus… Venus is stuck in a flytrap. That’s never a good sign. In the future, after a trip to Arizona, you will glue pins and needles to your body and become a human cactus.

Gemini… The Earth is in hyper drive now in can’t slow down. That’s a bad sign for a Gemini. In the future you will you will meet an alchemist named Al in Alabama. He will try to turn you into gold. He won’t succeed, but you’ll have the taste of lead in your mouth for years.

Cancer… The Moon in its fifth house waiting for an interior designer to arrive. He’s running late. That’s not a good sign for a cancer. In the future you will you will find your self at a coliseum or a mausoleum. In either case the outcome will be bad. Let us know how that works out for you.

Leo… The Sun is experiencing a solar storm right now. That’s not a good sign for a Leo. In the future you will come the conclusion that everyone else Is thoroughly insignificant. You will lose many friends. Depression will set in.

Virgo… Neptune is in its second house having the floors refinished. It’s not going well. That’s a bad sign for a Virgo. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “How To Can Your Juicy Fruit Gum”. Your sales will reach a bubble, then collapse. You will lose all.

Libra… Mars is in its eighth house playing poker with some friends and losing badly. That’s not a good sign for Libra. One day you will make a wish while full of anguish. It will come true and you’ll be sad for a long time.

Scorpio… Uranus is having a bipolar episode at the moment. That foretells problems for you. In the future, you will open a store to sell spats to sports enthusiasts. You will get a lot so stares but no sales.

Sagittarius… Mercury is complaining about the heat again. That’s never a good sign for a Sagittarius. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “Hot To Squat Like A Sasquatch”. Only a few woodsmen will buy a copy. Depression will overcome you.

Capricorn… In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “How To Date Your Date Using Carbon –14”. People will not like the idea at all.  You will become lonely and destitute.

Aquarius… Mars is on the cusp of Aquarius and in opposition to it. That’s never a good sign. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “How To Fry Frog Meat In The Fog For Fun And Profit”. Only a few amphibians and Dennis Miller will buy a copy. You will lose all.

Pisces… Saturn is in his third house having some Spanish tile put in. Things are going well. That means trouble for you. In the far future, you will spend many months and lots of money researching and writing a book called, “How To Change Antipasto Into Antimatter”. Only a few Italian scientists will buy a copy and you will end up hungry.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2016 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Category:

Horror-scopes

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WORDPRESS PROBLEMS GALORE


????????????????

All of a sudden WP isn’t working properly. When I try to like someone’s post, I get a 1/2 second popup box (white and blank) and the like doesn’t get recorded on the site. Anyone else having that problem? Bottom line, it won’t let me like anybody’s posts now.

And, the contact form for WP won’t work either. Which means they won’t help me on this.

Plus, the whole interface has changed as well. I have to jump through more hoops now to do a post.

Finally, the new Apple APP won’t work either. It won’t accept my WP user/password info???

Anyone else having these problems?

I’m getting ready to find another way to post.

WHY IN #@**# CAN’T WP PROVIDE PROPER HELP SERVICES, LIKE A LIVE CHAT TO RESOLVE PROBLEMS?

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