Finding The Humor In Life|A Place for Laughs|Poetry|Humorous Stories…

Archive for September, 2016

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Sept. 25th, 2016


astrology

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello again my friends of fortunes.

Another week has flown by.

Unfortunately, it crashed and burned.

We’ve worked the charts over, and they’ve given us their best.

Too bad, their best isn’t good enough.

This week’s agenda includes: gherkins, Smokey Bear, and the ever popular, Seven Dwarves.

Enjoy…

Aries… Saturn is in high transitional mode now. That is not a good sign for an Aries. In the future, you will open a nail salon where are you will trim peoples toenails with hedge clippers. Lawsuits will follow. You will lose a lot of money.

Taurus… Mars is in high substantive mode now. That will only bring you trouble. In the future, you will suddenly develop a fear of gherkins, girth, and/or Garth Brooks. You will rarely leave your home, kind of like Dennis Miller.

Gemini… Mercury is in opposition to Gemini and on the cusp of Mars. That’s a terrible sign for a Gemini. In the distant future, you will spend much time and a lot of money researching and writing a book called, ”How to be Avuncular For Fun and Profit”. Only a few social scientists we’ll buy a copy. You will not be happy with that outcome.

Cancer… The Moon is in its seventh house getting its heating system inspected. It’s not going well. That means trouble for you. One day in the future, you will be famous on Broadway for your nut roll. However, your fame will be short lived. Depression will set in.

Leo… The Sun is in its lower quadrant now and in opposition to Leo. That is not a good combination. In the distant future, you will spend much time and a lot of money researching and writing a book called, “How to Lean Forward For Fun and Profit”. Only a few fast walkers will buy a copy. You will not be happy about that.

Virgo… Uranus is in ultraphasic mode now. That is not a good sign for a Virgo. In the future, you will find yourself having difficulty memorizing the names of the Seven Dwarfs. Eventually, you will wind up sleepy, grumpy, and dopey.

Libra… Mars is in opposition to Libra and at odds with it. That’s never a good sign for a Libra. Keep a close eye on your bones this week. Your enemies are planning to disarticulate you.

Scorpio… Pluto is in super dimensional mode now. That’s a bad sign for a Scorpio. In the future, you are going to find a lot of money in those slacks you haven’t worn in months. The cash will be useful during your next Monopoly game.

Sagittarius… Saturn is in tri-gencial position now. That’s never a good sign for a Sagittarius. Soon your friends and family will think you’re strange when you constantly vibrate at a high frequency.

Capricorn… The Earth is in bi-modal mode now. That is a bad condition for a Capricorn. Things will go terribly wrong when you invite Smokey Bear to a barbecue that goes terribly wrong. As a result, he will not hug you. Afterwards, you will be sad.

Aquarius… Venus is in semi-transitional mode now. That is a terrible sign for an Aquarius. In the future, you will become confused when you try to decide whether to buy elevator shoes or escalator shoes. The whole idea will drive you batty.

Pisces… Neptune is in di-verticular mode now. That is not a good sign for a Pisces. In the future, you will write a bestselling book called, “Gathering Gussets For Fun And Profits”. Only a few gusset collectors will buy a copy. You will not be pleased over the outcome.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2016 Ronald J. Yarosh

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Sept. 18th, 2016


horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome back lovers of lunacy.

We’re here with another week’s worth of horror.

It’s what you been waiting for, haven’t you?

This week’s conglomeration of confusion includes: acorns, lint, and the ever-popular hemorrhoids.

Enjoy…

Aries… Uranus is in dialectic conjunction with Aries. That will only bring you problems. In the not too distant future, you will spend a lot of time and a lot of money to open a museum of lint. Only a few Laundromat executives will show up to observe your exhibits.

Taurus… Mercury is rising at an alarming rate, and in opposition to Taurus. That is not a good combination. In the future, your enemies will try to wrap you in bacon to promote you as a new snack food. They will fail, however you will be followed unmercifully by dogs and cats the rest of your life.

Gemini… Mars is in diametric mode now and on the cusp of Gemini. That is not a good combination. In the future, you will spend a lot of money and time opening a museum of toenail clippings. Only a few podiatrists will show up to look at your exhibits. From then on, things will seem dark and dreary to you.

Cancer… The Moon is rising and on the cusp of Cancer at this time. That is not a good combination. In the distant future, you will only carry on conversations with yourself. People will think you are strange. They will avoid you like they avoid Dennis Miller.

Leo… The Sun is in opposition to Leo, and in dissension at this time. That is a troubling sign. In the distant future, your enemies will dip you in chocolate. You will escape, but from that day on, people will have an urge to lick your face. You will not leave your home much afterwards.

Virgo… Pluto is in tri-geminal mode now and in opposition to Virgo. That’s not a good sign. In the future, you will have the uncontrollable urge to sit on flagpoles. You will spend a lot of time in jail. You will not be happy when you develop hemorrhoids.

Libra… In the not too distant future, you will paint yourself into a corner. Unfortunately for you, you will be using the non-dryable paint that you yourself have developed. You will spend a lot of time thinking about your folly.

Scorpio… The Earth is in tri-oppositional mode against Scorpio. That will only bring you misfortune. In the future, you will spend a lot of money and time opening a museum of warts. Only a few dermatologists will ever show up to view your exhibits. You will become depressed.

Sagittarius… Venus is square and in opposition to Sagittarius at this time. That’s definitely a bad sign. One day in the future, you will find yourself taking a selfie with a grizzly bear. Unfortunately, the photo will be taken while the bear is attacking. You will escape with minor injuries, but you will develop a fear of photos afterwards.

Capricorn… Mars is on the cusp of Capricorn and square with it. That portends problems for you. Sometime in the future, you will have a penchant for sucking acorns. Squirrels will follow you everywhere. People will think you are weird and shun you. Depression will set in.

Aquarius… Saturn is in hyper opposition to Aquarius at this time. That is never a good sign for an Aquarius. In the distant future, you will use the word repository in every conversation whether it is appropriate or not. People will think you are strange. They will avoid you. You won’t understand why that is happening.

Pisces… Neptune is in high declension at the moment. That’s not good for a Pisces. In the future, you will attempt to use a pogo stick to climb the steps of the Washington Monument. You will be arrested. No one will bail you out. You will not be happy.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2016 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

I’m Proud To Announce…


Hello to all of you wonderful followers of my blog.

I have an important announcement.

I’m writing to let you know there is another side to me that you haven’t seen so far. Well, you might have seen it in an obtuse way.

In between creating the stuff that makes up Your Weekly Horror-Scope, I have been spending a lot of my time writing full length mystery novels which are full of plot twists, suspense, interesting characters, and of course a touch of humor.

I have published two books in my “Johnny Sundance Mystery Series”. The first is called, “I Confess To Murder”. It’s now permanently FREE and available at: ronyaroshbooks.com. You can also find it on Amazon, iBook’s, NOOK, Kobo and in other e-book stores. There is a link inside the book offering a FREE informative and humorous publication associated with the series. I just know you’ll love it.

I’ve included my website address above for those of you who might be interested in seeing it and getting a glimpse of the books, some background on me, and a view of my ugly mug.

My second novel is titled, “Where’s Jenny?” It is available on Amazon, iBook’s, NOOK, Kobo and in other e-book stores.

The two current covers are displayed below.

I have two additional books in the editing phase. They should be out in the next few months. I am calling one of them, “Suicide or Murder?” The other is titled, “Murder-Wince-Repeat”.

The star of these books is my character, Private Eye Johnny Sundance who is a Seminole Indian as well as a former FBI Agent and former Chief of Detectives in the fictional town of Eden Palms, Florida.

I hope you will all stop by and take a look at what I’ve been up to. I thank you all for being so supportive of Humorous Interludes over these years. I really appreciate that.

All the best to you.

Ron

P.S.  If you do decide to read any or all of my books, please leave a review. They are the lifeblood of publishing these days, and they are very hard to come by.

I_Confess_To_Murder_copy (1)

where_s_jenny_01

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Sept. 11th, 2016


astrology

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello again folks.

Another week has passed…and fast.

It’s time for another dose of drudgery.

Buckle up.

The pain is about to begin.

This weeks disastrous dozen brings you: urinals, a food truck, and the ever popular, used chewing gum.

Enjoy…

Aries… Pluto is di-hexical at the moment. That’s not good for an Aries. Someday in the future, you will become world famous for your ability to reiterate. Unfortunately, that will be your only skill.

Taurus… Neptune is tri-modal now and on the cusp of Taurus. That’s not good for a Taurus. In the distant future, you are going to have a great meal. Unfortunately, afterwards, you will be hit by a food truck. Too bad for you.

Gemini… Mars is in semi-quadrant mode now. That’s never a good sign for a Gemini. Someday, you’re enemies will try to to shrink your brain to the size of an angstrom. They won’t succeed, however afterwards, you will only speak in one-word sentences, kind of like Dennis Miller.

Cancer… The Moon is in quadrinal mode now. That’s never good for a Cancer. Sometime in the future, you will spend a lot of time and all your money opening up a Museum of Urinals. Only a handful of Urologists will stop by. You will not be happy about that.

Leo… The Sun is in opposition and square with Leo. That’s an unfortunate combination. In the distant future, you will make a lot of money in the stock market, only to suffer a double-digit loss. You will lose two fingers of your dominant hand. Hopefully, you will adapt.

Virgo… Venus isn’t high dissension and in opposition to Virgo at this time. That’s not a good sign for a Virgo. In the future, you will open up a lemonade stand, followed by a microphone stand. You won’t make any money in either venture. You will become very depressed.

Libra… Mars is in semi-oppositional mode now. That’s definitely not good for a Libra. One day in the future, you will spend all your money and a lot of time opening a Museum of Used Gum found under tables and chairs. Only a few street people will stop by to add to your collection. Depression will set in.

Scorpio… Saturn is in tri-geminal mode now. That’s never good for a Scorpio. In the distant future, you’re enemies will try to to flash freeze you, so bring a heavy jacket, and gloves.

Sagittarius… Uranus is in lateral opposition to Sagittarius at this time. That portends problems for you. Not long from now, the police will arrest you for assault when they find you on a beaten path. You will spend a few days in jail.

Capricorn… The Earth is in low capsulation mode now. That spells trouble for a Capricorn. In the future, you will have the urge to return to the hospital where you were born and demand a refund on yourself. You will be committed to the Psych Ward for observation.

Aquarius… Jupiter is misaligned with Aquarius at this time. That foretells problems for all Aquarians. In the distant future, you will open a Museum of Sweat Glands. Only a few Endocrinologists will stop by.

Pisces… Neptune is in di-sectional mode now. That’s never good for a Pisces. In the distant future, you will spend a lot of time and money writing a book called, “How To Snort Snot For Fun And Profit”. Only a few ENT doctors buy a copy. You will not be happy.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2016 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Sept 4th, 2016


horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are here with another week’s worth of the wrecking ball.

We looked at the charts inside and out.

It was better inside because it was raining out.

This week’s work of wonderment includes: a kayak, monkeys, and the ever popular… bladder.

Enjoy…

Aries… Uranus is in tri-subjunctive mode at this time. That is not good for an Aries. One day in the future, you will kayak, wearing a haversack, near a yacking yak, who will charge you, causing you’re boat to capsize. Hopefully you’ll be wearing a life preserver.

Taurus… Mars is in hyper-retrograde position now, and in opposition to Taurus. That‘s not a good combination. In the future you will be known for your ability to become disheveled.

Gemini… Mercury is on the cusp of Gemini and square with it. That combination is never good for a Gemini. In the future, you will become innocent, then indecent, and finally reticent.

Cancer… The Moon is entering Spasmatosis mode now. That’s not a good sign for Cancer. In the future, you will do a remarkable standup performance in front of the monkey cage at a local zoo. You will eventually find yourself behind bars.

Leo… The Sun is nearing Quadrahedral position now. That’s never a good sign for Leo. In the future, you will make an indecent proposal to a gorilla. Afterwards, you will be arrested by the vice squad along with Dennis Miller.

Virgo… Saturn is approaching dientropic position now. That’s always a bad sign for a Virgo. In the future, you will fly low, under the radar, but you’ll eventually crash into the radar’s dish. Ouch!

Libra… Neptune is square with Libra, but in dire opposition to it. That is not a good combination. In the future, your enemies will try to to make your head the centerpiece of a wreath. They will fail, however you will develop a phobia of anything green.

Scorpio… Pluto isn’t hyper-perplectic mode at this time. That’s never good for a Scorpio. Someday in the future, you will spend many months and a lot of money researching and writing a book called, “How to Get Ahead In Lice”. Only a few entomologists will buy a copy. You will be very unhappy.

Sagittarius… The Earth is quadrangular to Sagittarius now. That’s an ominous sign. One day in the future, you will wake up and smell the coffee as you fall off a twenty story building in Manhattan, and then land on a Starbucks awning.

Capricorn… Jupiter is in hyper-distentive mode now. That’s not good for Capricorn. In the future, you will suddenly feel numbness in your adrenal glands. There’ll be no cure for it. Let’s hope your health insurance is up-to-date.

Aquarius… Venus is in diocentric mode now. That’s never good for an Aquarius. One day in the future, you will be confined to a mental hospital after you are found in the park discussing Freud with your bladder.

Pisces… Neptune is nearing hyper-endonic mode now. That’s a terrible position for a Pisces. In the future, you will hold up in a wilderness lodge, and then realize that you find no logic in anything, especially your thoughts.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2016 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: