Wall Street analyst, Eric Jackson says Facebook won’t last another decade. He thinks the company is failing to take control of the mobile market, which will be its downfall.
Will Facebook flounder?
What about its founder?
I thought the business was sounder.
Hmmm…
Some people think Facebook won’t last long.
It sounds like the words to a blues song;
It hasn’t failed yet,
Is it a sure bet?
Or will people just give it the old gong?
Aries… Neptune is slowly rising after an all-nighter. A chuckling chipmunk will nip you on your neck while you sit on a park bench.
Taurus… Saturn wants to give a ring to Uranus. A cocky cockroach will offer a crooked smile from your cereal bowl this week.
Gemini… Mars is in retrograde again. Buy lots of facial tissues. Soon you will be stalked by a town crier in his pajamas.
Cancer…. Your ruling celestial body, the moon, wants to abdicate. Stay away from mahjong tiles and Dennis Miller this week.
Leo… Pluto is suing over being demoted from planet status. Get ready for some fun, if you like porcupines in bed with you.
Virgo… Earth is in trine with the moon. It’s time to throw out that leftover egg salad sandwich under your couch cushions.
Libra… Mercury is taking a week off and phoned in its prediction. You will continuously pirouette while looking for your nemesis.
Scorpio…Saturn is in opposition to Mars. Time to take those marshmallows out of your ears.
Sagittarius… A new moon in conjunction with Saturn indicates you should cooperate with your enemies. After all, they are your parents.
Capricorn…Venus is dominant right now. Your encounter with a milkman will turn sour.
Aquarius… Uranus is about to go in transit with Mercury. Stop playing dumb. There is no need for it. Everyone knows your SAT scores.
Pisces…Pices is heading south for the winter. Heed this warning. If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day. If you teach him how to fish, he’ll probably lose your favorite lure.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
Google will start testing its newest development (self driving cars) in Nevada. They will be the first licensed automated vehicles in the U.S.
I can see it now. As we’re going down the road, a computer voice will yell:
“Will you kids stop arguing back there?”
“Stop it or I’ll turn this car around and we’ll go right home.”
“You should have gone to the bathroom before we left.”
“I’m never using Google Maps again.”
“I don’t need to stop and ask for directions. I know how to get there.”
Personally, I hope the program knows when I want to take a restroom break.
Hmmm.
Google has got a new plan,
For a self driving car or a van;
Nevada said sure,
If it’s really secure,
If it’s bad we will put out a ban.
Dish Network has been sued by Fox, CBS, and NBC over its Hopper DVR. The TIVO like device automatically skips over ads, cutting into broadcasters’ revenue.
God forbid we should miss an advert on TV.
Oh, where did I put that box of tissues? I’m going to ruin the new wood flooring with my copious tears for the networks.
I haven’t felt this bad since my last colonoscopy prep.
Hmmm.
Dish has been sued for its Hopper,
It is a real ad stopper;
It skips over ads,
For me that’s not bad,
I won’t have to watch that floor mopper.
The US Congress has introduced a bill which will require black boxes in vehicles. If it passes all vehicles made in the U.S. will have the recorders installed. The government will be able to see where we go, and how we drive our vehicles.
Talk about an invasion of privacy.
Hmmm…
U.S. cars may all get a black box,
The government will make the box talk;
It will tell where we’ve been,
Again and again,
An intrusion worse than the Small Pox.
There is new wallpaper coming that has particles specially designed to keep Wi-Fi signals from escaping your house. It’s scheduled to go on sale sometime in 2013.
Hmmm….
Wallpaper can block all Wi-Fi,
It sounds like a wonderful buy;
The signal is blocked,
Security is locked,
I think it is something to try.
Aries… Your ruling planet, Mars is facing an uprising from the serfs. You will find yourself very uncomfortable after your laundry comes back with too much starch.
Taurus… Venus thinks Scorpio cheated in a game of Go fish. You will soon wake up with a feeling of dread when you discover you’ve become a pound of camembert cheese.
Gemini… A Mutable Mercury is quite clear now. You have permission to frolic in creamed corn with Dennis Miller.
Cancer… Your Zodiac sign has been defaced with graffiti. Rubbing butter on your aardvark will help you both to cope with life’s problems.
Leo… Aquarius is co-tangent to your ruling sun. Consult with a mathematician on this one. It forecasts stochastics in your life.
Scorpio… Taurus is in conjunction with Mars. Take that dead herring out of your glove compartment.
Virgo… There is a negative polarity with Pices now. Once again it’s time to spread strawberry preserves on your jowls.
Libra… Aries is in the seventh house for a Tupperware party. You will be arrested for illegal possession of an anchovy.
Sagittarius…Jupiter is opposite Neptune on your chart. A Congressman will accuse your spleen of treason.
Capricorn… Saturn and Venus are at odds again. You better polish your forehead with Turtle Wax to avoid the fallout.
Aquarius…Uranus and Saturn are both in the seventh house. You will soon find yourself locked in a Sponge Bob lunchbox.
Pisces… Neptune and Jupiter are plotting against you. Quick! Attend a costume party dressed as an eel.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would haveto be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
How about this…
There’s a USB drive with an new twist on a hot, old idea. The stick can be sealed with an emblem made of wax. It verifies the data has not been opened by anyone since being sealed.
Who knows, maybe you will be able to make crayons with the seals afterwards. Imagine if the wax came in various scents? Maybe even flavored, for the wax chewers out there. You know who you are.
Hmmm… Should I wax poetic?
My flash drive now has a wax seal,
To insure what’s inside’s really real;
It’s easy to use,
No bolts or no screws,
For me it has lots of appeal.
In a paper published in April, University of Glasgow scientists theorize in the future, 3D printers could be used to create customized drugs and chemicals for various medical conditions including cancer. The printer can make organic and inorganic compounds.
The researchers believe the method could be used by drug companies within the next five years to make customized medicines. It may be available to the public in 20 years.
Maybe by then, drugs can be made for each of us based on our individual chemical and biological factors.
A printer that prints in 3D,
Can make drugs for you and for me,
It can make any kind,
For the body or mind,
Oh how happy we all will soon be.
News Flash… California is SIXTEEN BILLION DOLLARS in the RED.
Hold on to your wallets.
California’s Gov., Jerry Brown made a pitch to voters for TAX HIKES and deeper spending cuts. I guess he doesn’t realize that people (and their money) are fleeing California for tax friendlier places. Spending cuts? Dream on Jerry.
Californians, you got what you asked for when you re-elected J.B.
Socialism is great until you run out of other people’s money!
Hmmm…
California is now out of money,
To me that is awfully funny,
They spend more than they make,
Millions still on the “take”,
I guess CA is not very sunny.
Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh 
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