Funny Business
I thought this video was pretty funny.
You may have already seen it.
If not, enjoy…
http://mom.me/in-the-loop/26414-orangutan-rofls-magic-trick/
Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
Brain Game Part 2
This is a continuation of The Eye Test from my post done on Nov 25, 2015 found at…
https://ronyaroshauthor.com/2015/11/25/brain-game/
This is the last portion of the test.
I’m sure you will enjoy it.
Can you find the B’s ?
(there are 2 B’s) DON’T skip, or your wish won’t come True..
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Once you’ve found the B’s
Find the 1
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1III
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Now…Find the 6
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999699999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
Now…Find the N (it’s hard!!)
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMNMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
Now…Find the Q..
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I hope you had fun with this little test.
Good day!
Kirk Trumps Trump
I saw this photoshopped photo floating around the web.
I thought some of you might like it, especially early, Star Trek fans.
It’s from the episode, “The Trouble With Tribbles”.
Enjoy…
Fine Floor Fantasy Finally Fulfilled
EDINA, MN—
Moved by a grand and profound force to expand her maple-finish domain beyond its limited borders in the kitchen, area woman Linda Ellison finally achieved her own manifest destiny of hardwood floors throughout her home this week, sources confirmed.
“Though I understood it would be a long, arduous journey that would likely take many years to complete, I always knew deep down that one day, I would be able to look out across high-gloss, select-grade wood panels stretching all the way from the foyer to the back guest room,” said Ellison, who, despite numerous obstacles, never wavered in her pursuit of covering all 1,900 square feet of her ranch-style home in a varnished, light-tone flooring.
“Finding mold in the den underneath the old Berber carpeting and having to reroute some electrical work may have temporarily slowed us, but nothing could stop our advancement.”
“Now, at long last, every corner of the concrete subfloor has been covered in interlocking 2-and-a-quarter-inch hardwood, and this fated vision has become reality.”
Sources noted, however, that Ellison’s full-scale transformation of the household landscape had come at the cost of the forced relocation of her husband’s favorite recliner to the basement.
Found @
http://www.theonion.com/articles/woman-fulfills-manifest-destiny-of-hardwood-floor,37711/
Hmmm…
A woman got some new floors,
Her carpeting would be no more,
It’s done in light tone,
To improve her home,
It’s something she really adores.
It took many years to complete,
The nineteen hundred square feet,
Now it’s installed,
From wall to wall,
It was a difficult feat.
It cost her husband his chair,
Which had been sitting right there,
It’s been relocated,
Perhaps it was hated,
Did he consider that fair?
Whatever the case may be,
The jobs done as we can see,
The work is now over,
And she sits in clover,
A manifest destiny.
© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Funny Fake Phone
This Fake Phone Helps You Focus On Real Life
A phone that’s not a phone had raised more than $13,000 on Kickstarter as of Tuesday afternoon, well over its $5,000 original fundraising goal. The NoPhone lets you to avoid the horror of not having a smartphone in your hand by giving you a plastic phone-shaped block to hold instead of your usual iPhone or Android.
“Never again experience the unsettling feeling of flesh on flesh when closing your hand,” the New York City and Amsterdam-based designers deadpan on the Kickstarter page.
Like other pieces of plastic, the NoPhone is waterproof and non-addictive.
Van Gould, Ingmar Larsen and Ben Langeveld, the phone’s creators, told The Huffington Post in an email that they were inspired to make the NoPhone while drinking on a rooftop bar in New York City called 230 Fifth. They looked up from their phones and noticed that everyone else was holding their devices, too.
“You would have looked weird in this bar if you weren’t holding a phone,” they said. “That’s when we came up with the idea for the NoPhone.”
You may not be able to check Tinder on the NoPhone, but you might bother to look up — and end up having a drink with the person next to you instead. Then again, maybe not. Social instructions aren’t included.
The NoPhone isn’t the first product aimed at encouraging people to talk face to face. Last year, a bar in Brazil unveiled the Offline Glass — which has a chunk of its base cut out so that it can stand upright only when balanced on top of a phone.
“Smartphone addiction might be the one thing that we all have in common,” the NoPhone designers said.
The team said they are still looking into manufacturing options. For now, a $12 pledge on the Kickstarter will get you a NoPhone, to be delivered around December.
For an extra $6, you can add a reflective mirror for taking real-time selfies. And if you’re feeling fancy, you can “add a verbal hashtag by syncing your brain and vocal cords.”
Hmmm…
A phone that’s not a phone,
For work or when not alone,
The concept may make you groan,
It’s for those who are phone prone.
It’s nothing more than a prop,
To help you when trying to stop,
From phoning people nonstop,
It won’t break when it is dropped.
It will cost you 12 US dollars,
To wean you from being a caller,
But withdrawal may make you holler,
If you work or are now a scholar.
A mirror will cost you six,
They’ll throw it into the mix,
However it won’t take pics,
It’s no way to get your kicks.
© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Perfect Partners Parting
Study: Marriages Between Perfectly Matched Couples Should Still Only Last About 15 Years
ORLANDO, FL—
In a new study released Friday that challenges contemporary notions of marital satisfaction, researchers at the University of Central Florida found that unions even between perfectly matched couples should only last around 15 years.
“Contrary to the traditional idea of ‘until death do us part,’ our findings indicate that partners compatible in every way should nevertheless be married no longer than a decade and a half,” said lead researcher Dr. Hank Grossman, adding that the physical and emotional intimacy of marriage is “more or less fully depleted” by the 15-year mark, even among two people who could not have found a better fit than each other.
“The data suggests that the most personally fulfilled, satisfied couples—those who consider their partner their soul mate—choose to part ways before codependency or feelings of entrapment emerge. It’s fair to say that any marriage lasting more than 15 years is almost certainly a product of serious dysfunction.”
Grossman added that 15 years was the uppermost limit, and that two people who were truly meant to be together may exhaust their relationship in half that time.
Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-marriages-between-perfectly-matched-couples,37215/
Hmmm…
Divorce after fifteen years,
Could bring most couples to tears,
When they realize their fears,
That they’re like all their peers.
Even with the best soul mate,
Found on their first blind date,
A breakup will be their fate,
A marriage they won’t reinstate.
A study made it clear,
The results are quite severe,
It’s nothing to be cheered,
Their love will disappear.
© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
App Appreciated And Applauded
Popular New Exercise App Just Tells Users They Ran 5 Miles A Day No Matter What
LOS ALTOS, CA—
Having reached nearly 2 million downloads within its first month of release, the new smartphone app ProMiler has quickly become one of the nation’s most popular exercise tools by informing users that they ran five miles each day no matter what, the app’s creators told reporters Friday.
“With ProMiler, achieving your exercise goals is as simple as turning on your device in the morning and being notified that you’ve already run five miles,” ProMiler spokesman John Lyons said while demonstrating the app, which uses advanced GPS technology to display a new, randomly generated five-mile running route near the user’s location every day.
“The more you take advantage of ProMiler, the better runner you become, as the app automatically reduces your running time by several seconds per day. And with our ‘Calories Burned’ counter staying fixed at the number 1,000 each day, 100 percent of our users report hitting their fitness targets. The results speak for themselves.”
Officials added that the app comes pre-synced with Facebook, allowing users to automatically post their time and running route on their feed for all their friends to see.
Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/popular-new-exercise-app-just-tells-users-they-ran,37096/
Hmmm…
The Promiler app is now here,
It may cause some people to cheer,
It says you’ve run miles,
Which brings lots of smiles,
Then you’re ready to have a cold beer.
It tells you that you have just run,
It logs in the miles; oh what fun,
It’s something to get,
For miles to be met,
It tells all your friends what you’ve done.
It registers calories burned,
But not the applause that you’ve earned,
It’s something to try,
On health you rely,
So surely you should be concerned.
The device is designed to please,
You ran without even a wheeze,
The app does the work,
While you wear a smirk,
And dig in to burgers with cheese.
© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Cannibals Couldn’t Cook Kerry
Eclipse Comes Just In Time To Save John Kerry From Tribe Of Island Cannibals
THE ISLE OF EMBERS—
With the natives’ drumbeats suddenly falling silent as a mysterious midday darkness rolled across the island, sources confirmed that a solar eclipse occurred just in time Friday to stop imperiled U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry from being cooked alive by cannibals.
“See what you’ve done? I bring the darkness! I command the sun! I am a very powerful man!” Kerry reportedly shouted after quickly assessing the situation, causing the tribe’s shaman to cry out in fear and fall prostrate to the ground while several tribesmen hastily lowered the roasting spit on which they had been carrying the United States’ top diplomat toward a blazing fire.
“You cannot kill me, for I am a god! Release me now, and perhaps I will restore the light I have taken from you!” At press time, reports confirmed that the cannibals were reverently chanting the former Massachusetts senator’s name as they bore him on a luxurious sedan chair to a feast prepared in his honor.
Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/eclipse-comes-just-in-time-to-save-john-kerry-from,36788/
Hmmm…
Cannibals roasting John Kerry?
For him it must have been scary,
In addition to being contrary,
Making his entourage wary.
He’s lucky the sun went away,
Changing the outlook that day,
“I’m a god”, Kerry did say,
Fooling them was child’s play.
He told them he might give them light,
Ending the mysterious night,
To end the poor cannibal’s plight,
And improve their diminished sight.
After he used his quick wit,
They took him off of the spit,
Away from the burning pit,
To Kerry’s sole benefit.
After John’s status increased,
They gave him a wonderful feast,
Perhaps giving him roasted beast,
And soon after old John was released.
© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Aug. 10th, 2014
Welcome friends of the future.
We bring you another week of celestial prognostications.
We hope they satisfy your needs in every way.
However, as usual, they probably won’t.
So, hold on to your hats and be forewarned of the future.
Enjoy…
Aries… Uranus is on the cusp of Aries at this time causing trouble for you. Be on the alert. Your enemies are plotting to steal a Cabbage Patch doll you will acquire, and turn it in to coleslaw.
Taurus… The Moon is trine with Taurus at the moment and wishes it were in opposition for some reason. Hmmm…Soon you will have the uncontrollable urge to linger. In fact, you will love lingering . Let us know how that goes for you.
Gemini… Saturn is rising now and getting ready for some action. You will soon have the urge to love and worship all uneven surfaces. I know that sounds weird, but that’s what the charts say. Go figure.
Cancer… Pluto is in perigee at this time and is confused. Be on the alert. In the near future, your enemies will try to dwindle you. We haven’t come up with a defense for that, so be careful.
Leo… Mars is in its fifth house having it repainted after a wild party. Get ready for a new friend. One day you will meet a Barrister named Barry on the Great Barrier Reef. He will borrow money from you and won’t return it because he’s a shyster.
Virgo… Mercury is square with Virgo and will soon be on the cusp. You’ll waste a lot of time over this. It won’t be long before you have the tendency to dawdle while you yodel.
Libra… Venus is in its ninth house wondering why it has nine houses to contend with. Get your creative juices flowing. In the future, you will write a bestselling ebook called, “How To Banter For Fun And Profit”.
Scorpio… The Sun is on the cusp of Scorpio now. Bottoms up! Soon, in the future, you will spend your last dime on liquor. Luckily you will have many paper dollars left, unfortunately it will be Monopoly money.
Sagittarius… Neptune is in its fifth house counting calories. Could this be a fly by night scheme? Sometime in the near future, a large bird will break into a bank and sit on your nest egg.
Capricorn… Venus is on the cusp of Capricorn now. This could get sticky. Sometime soon, you will have the uncontrollable urge to send a tube of Crazy Glue to a psychiatrist for therapy.
Aquarius… Uranus is in its third house having the cabinets replaced and is having trouble with the contractor. Get ready to scratch. In the future, you will suddenly awaken and find that you are the star attraction in a flea circus.
Pisces… The Earth is trine with Pisces now and that is fine. Good news and bad news. In the future you will be very good, then very bad, then you will be force to be very, very good, then you jail sentence (with cell mate Dennis Miller) will be over. Good luck with that.
And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: July 27th, 2014
Here we are once again folks with another serving of readings from the Celestial Sphere.
We hope they agree with you, but they probably won’t.
We can’t control the planets any more than the weather forecaster can control the weather.
So, let’s all take it on the chin, and live with it.
What else can we do?
Enjoy.
Aries… You are a clever one. The Moon is in the seventh house repairing a roof leak. In the future, in order to save on car leasing charges for mileage use, you will back up everywhere you go.
Taurus… Apparently you aren’t afraid of heights. Neptune is in opposition at this time. In the future, you will do some house sitting. Unfortunately you will misunderstand the idea of house sitting, and you will fall off the roof after just a few minutes of getting comfy up there.
Gemini… You will seek security. Saturn is rising now and ready to go. You will become a prisoner of your front door, (never moving more than ten feet away from it), when you become overly obsessed with checking to see if it you locked it.
Cancer… Get your water wings ready. Mars is square with Cancer at this time. One day you will swim with the dolphins. Unfortunately it will occur shortly after the ship you are on sinks.
Leo… Hail to the conquering hero. Mercury is descending at this moment. You will inhale a strange substance which will cause you to attack the statue of a local war hero in an attempt to give it a hickey causing you to break two teeth in the process.
Virgo… Ready to play chicken? The Sun is trine with Virgo now. In the near future, you will have the uncontrollable urge to watch rotisserie chickens revolve.
Libra… This could be deadly. Venus is on the cusp of Libra now. Better get some menthol ointment. Soon you will be invited to a celebration. It may just be a surprise autopsy party.
Scorpio… Uranus is in its fifth house fixing a blocked toilet. Whew! In the future, you will go to Dublin and have a great time until someone in a pub does the Irish Jig on your windpipe.
Sagittarius… Jupiter is aligned with Mars now. Maybe you should buy some kind of helmet. Why? In the future, something will make you smile a lot. It could be the result of some head trauma.
Capricorn… Pluto is rising at this time. You will meet someone named Basil who will try to add spice to your life.
Aquarius… The Earth is in its third house waiting for a roofing contractor. You will become a powerful force in nature when you begin to attract lightning, or Dennis Miller.
Pisces… You must be interested in hard science. The Sun is square with Pisces now. You will have the uncontrollable urge to put certain letters of alphabet soup in the freezer in order to make iced “T”.
And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh 
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