Finding The Humor In Life|A Place for Laughs|Poetry|Humorous Stories…

Archive for the ‘Laughs’ Category

Brain Game


neurons-brain-profile-human-head-colorful-symbol-49886130

 

 

 

 

 

I found this eye/brain test in a recent email.

I thought it was amusing.

I hope you like it.

See if you can read the information in the red and green paragraphs below.

It could be a challenge.

Good luck. 

 

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15. PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15.

Here’s another challenge for you…

If you can read this, you have a great brain. Only 55 people out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

 

How did you do?

Hopefully your brain isn’t fried by now.

Mine wasn’t.

It was grilled.

Have a great day, and Thanksgiving Day if you’re celebrating it.

 

Your HORROR – scope for the week of: March 23rd, 2014


horoscope chart

Hi there friends.

It’s time for another look into the future.

The past is now behind us and It’s very upset because it couldn’t catch up.

We are stuck in the present, and to make matters worse, it’s an unwrapped present.

Oh well, I guess we have to keep marching on.

Good luck and have a great life.

Here is your Horror-scope for this week.

Aries… Neptune is angry with Aries because he left cracker crumbs in bed again. Someone wants to cherish you forever…by putting you in plastic resin.

Taurus… Soon Jupiter will align with Mars but won’t be happy about it. Be on the alert. Some people will try to void you, others will try to avoid you. Some will ask you to listen to Dennis Miller.

Gemini… Your Gemini moon is in retrograde again. You will become confused and tell everyone you meet, that The Game of Thrones involves toilet fixtures.

Cancer… Your stars have crossed in an illegal manner and have been ticketed by the Solar Police. You will have the uncontrollable urge to tighten a loose woman.

Leo… Libra’s trine with wine but prefers sherry. You will put so much fiber into your body that you will become a place mat for your table.

Virgo… A Virgo moon is on the cusp of Jupiter and Neptune Your next haircut will end in shear madness.

Libra… Leo is in opposition to your mooning in Miami. You will soon suffer from sulphur while taking a selfie.

Scorpio… Scorpio is on the cusp of The Moon. You will write a bestselling book called, “Cooking With Cobwebs”.

Sagittarius… Sagittarius is on the cusp of The Sun and is about to go into retrograde. You will date a clown, then become a ringmaster in a flea circus.

Capricorn… Pluto’s alignment at the auto center tells us that in the future you will be shocked to see your electrolysis bill.

Aquarius… Your stars have crossed their legs again. Your enemies are planning to involve you in a chain reaction.

Pisces… The Earth is trine with the square of Orion. You will be thrown out of a cabinet makers office when you ask for a stool sample.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Dumped Dough Discussion


EDINBURGH, Scotland, Feb. 12 (UPI)

Papa John’s pizza said company officials are probing a photo posted online of a Scottish recycling Dumpster overflowing with pizza dough.

The photo, depicting a recycling container in Edinburgh near a Papa John’s location, was posted to Twitter Tuesday by Ailsa Burn-Murdoch, who tweeted, “I have a feeling @PapaJohnsUK owe a local sanitation worker free pizza for a year,” the Scotsman reported Tuesday.

The Kentucky-based pizza chain said it is investigating the incident with the help of the Edinburgh store.

Found @:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/02/12/Papa-Johns-probes-Scottish-Dumpster-dough-photo/UPI-42161392187052/#ixzz2t7I0jwWF

Hmmm…

A dumpster held Papa John’s dough,
So much that it overflowed,
The dumpster was full,
It’s true, it’s no bull,
Who put it there nobody knows.

They’re checking that situation,
Doing an investigation,
To find the poor Scott,
Or some stupid sot,
It’s causing PJs consternation.

A pic was attached to a Tweet,
The dough was not fit to eat,
It just sat there,
Swelling up in the air,
It’s a good thing the waste wasn’t meat.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Couple Consider Cabinet Conversations


Cabinet Couple
A Couple Never Dreamed They Would Be Able To Talk So Openly, And Honestly About Cabinets

SAN DIEGO—

Calling communication the cornerstone of their marriage, local couple Sam and Christina Garber confessed to reporters Thursday that they never dreamed they would one day be able to talk so openly and honestly about cabinets with each other.

The Garbers, who wed in 2006 and have two children, confirmed that early in their relationship it was difficult to have a constructive conversation about anything even remotely related to cabinetry, admitting that they lacked the closeness and trust to share their true feelings about wood materials, hardware, and custom accents.

“When we were newlyweds eight years ago, we could never have had an upfront and candid discussion about custom or stock-manufactured cabinets,” said Christina, 36, adding that the couple actively avoided touchy subjects such as durability, selection, and storage options. “These are not always easy conversations to have, but we’ve grown so much closer since learning to express our needs and desires for wall-hung cupboards.”

“Even if we don’t always see eye-to-eye on cabinets, it’s nice to know that we can talk through it,” continued Christina. “It’s remarkable that we now regularly communicate our feelings regarding corbels and beveled edges. I could hardly imagine that I’d ever be sharing that kind of bond with another person.”

Sam Garber acknowledged that until recently the mere mention of cabinet door styles caused him to emotionally shut down and withdraw from his wife. The 38-year-old, who would become terse and distant when the topic of raised or flat panels was broached, revealed that he didn’t feel comfortable letting his guard down and voicing his true preference for a cathedral profile.

“Looking back, I realize that I had a lot of insecurities and was afraid that my penchant for a decorative door panel made me less of a man,” said Sam, who reportedly no longer feels vulnerable about sharing his love of frosted glass inserts. “I guess I had some old-fashioned ideas. I just didn’t understand the importance of expressing your feelings about cabinets in a healthy way.”
Christina confirmed that she used to fear bringing up her dissatisfaction with crown molding to her husband, worrying that he would be unsupportive or reject her concerns. However, the mother of two told reporters that improving communication has helped the couple overcome intimacy barriers, and Sam has demonstrated that he is actually very open to trying braid, cyma, covetto, torus, ovolo, and keel molding.

The couple claimed that the frequency with which they explicitly discuss the merits of all-oak construction and split-rail paneling has allowed them to nurture their relationship and build a level of trust they never considered possible.

Though proud of how easily they exchange their thoughts on the appeal of traditional Piedmont detailing, the couple readily admits that they weren’t always so eager to address such an intimate topic with one another. Like most young couples, learning to communicate their feelings about shelving units was something they had to work on.

The Garbers’ inability to genuinely convey their feelings on toe-kicks led to strain in the relationship, as unfiltered criticisms and built-up resentment began to take their toll. Tension escalated to such a degree following the couple’s wedding that they sought the help of a licensed contractor.

“To be fair, I had my own personal baggage that I brought to the table when it came to cabinetry, and seeing a contractor together really honed in on the source of some of those issues,” said Christina, who described growing up in a cold, repressive home where laminate shelving and sculpted drawer fronts were never discussed. “But once we got past my whole thing with dovetail joinery, we were able to move forward and successfully pick out a proper pull knob.

“It’s not easy, but sharing thoughts on alternate kinds of finishes and glass accents keeps things exciting,” added Christina, glancing lovingly at her husband. “My only hope is that we can instill these values in our kids, so that they’ll be capable of someday connecting on that kind of level with someone too.”

Found@: The Onion
http://www.theonion.com/articles/couple-never-dreamed-they-would-be-able-to-talk-so,35191/

Hmmm…

A couple just couldn’t debate,
On cabinets and how they should rate,
On hardware and wood,
The bad and the good,
Some tension it sure did create.

At first they weren’t quite certain,
If they should pull back the curtain,
To talk of moldings,
And the pleasure It brings,
Their feelings were truly uncertain.

The subject was strictly taboo,
Though both of them knew what to do,
With storage and shelves,
Alone by themselves,
But they couldn’t discuss it as two.

They finally resolved their ordeal,
They now talk of drawer pulls of steel,
Their lives are first rate,
They communicate,
When they sit down to have a meal.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Your HORROR – scope for the week of: Feb 2, 2014


Wow. We’re into February already.

Time really flies when you’re having fun.

Then again, with this week’s predictions, you may not experience much fun.

Our team of crack celestial interpreters have come up with their best prognostications for the coming week.

You may be happy, you may be sad.

In any case, we’re glad to present them to you.

Aries… The Moon is rising now and is on the cusp with Aries. Soon you will find yourself in many colorful fields. Unfortunately, they will be electrical fields.

Taurus… Jupiter is descending and trine with Taurus. In the future, you will become the subject of myths.

Gemini… Venus is in perigee now. Beware and be cautious. Your enemies are planning to make you disappear in a heavy mist.

Cancer… The Earth is square with Cancer at the moment. Be on the alert. Your enemies are planning to discount you 100 percent.

Leo… Uranus is rising at this time. Sorry, but it’s true. You will soon be outsmarted by a smart phone, or Dennis Miller. It could go either way.

Virgo… Mars is on the cusp of Virgo at the moment. Be extra cautious now. Your enemies are planning to upload you somewhere.

Libra… Neptune is square with Libra now. You will be tempted to buy auto insurance to attract good karma.

Scorpio… Saturn is descending at this time. You should be on the alert. Your enemies are planning to suck the life out of you with a straw. Let’s hope they choose a large one. It will be less painful.

Sagittarius… Mercury is in its fifth house planning a Valentine’s Day party. In the near future, you will be accused of waffling while eating pancakes.

Capricorn… Pluto is on the cusp of Capricorn now. Stay alert and cautious. Your enemies are planning to turn you into a harpy.

Aquarius… The Sun is trine with Aquarius at this time. Have fun. You will soon meet a workaholic, or an alcoholic, or someone diabolic suffering from colic.

Pisces… Jupiter is square with Pisces now. Proceed with caution. Your enemies are planning to burnish your brain with steel wool. It will feel hot and weird.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Your HORROR – scope for the week of: 12-15-14


Things are moving right along at Horror-scope Central.

Our staff has been hard at work (more than usual) with the expectation of many holiday gifts from the management, including bonuses and more coffee breaks coupled with pastries.

We will be having an office party in the near future. Hopefully it won’t go bad like a few years ago when the monkeys decided that swinging from the florescent lights was the way to celebrate.

We hope this week’s predictions won’t upset you too much, (snicker, snicker).

But, we call them as we see them.

Enjoy…

Aries… Venus is trine with Aries at this time. In the future, you will be known for your ability to wilt on command,like Dennis Miller.

Taurus…
The moon is getting fuller now and brightens the evening sky. You will get a case of hay fever when you are hacked by someone hiding in a haystack.

Gemini… Mars is square with Gemini at this time. Hmmm. You will soon develop a close relationship with Gingivitis or, some other famous Greek.

Cancer… Saturn is rising now. Get ready for some embarrassment. You will soon feel that your shucking is shameful.

Leo… Uranus is at its perigee at this time. You will awaken to find that you have been adhered to a large sticky note.

Virgo… The Earth is hurtling toward another solstice at this time of year. Careful. Your enemies want to turn you into a vector drawing.

Libra… Mercury is in apogee at this moment. In the near future, your salad will be tossed with gravitas.

Scorpio… Venus is on the cusp with Scorpio. In the near future you will see something regal, a bald eagle and/or a small beagle.

Sagittarius… Pluto is in its fifth house at the moment getting ready for a holiday party. You will soon find yourself caught in a rain storm wearing only cotton candy.

Capricorn… Jupiter is descending this week and it’s getting queasy. You will soon find yourself with wet eyes in a dry gulch.

Aquarius… Neptune is tuning up for a holiday concert. You will soon have the uncontrollable urge to lift and separate.

Pisces… The Sun is on the cusp of Pisces now. Keep your eyes wide open for a certain business card, a pound of lard, and/or a cross crossing guard.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Medical Media Malpractice


Doctors and Medical Students are being told they shouldn’t use Facebook or other social media sites.

Security experts believe they could unwittingly break the doctor-patient confidentiality if they discuss patients’ medical problems.

Personally I don’t want my colonoscopy photos on Facebook.

That would be the end of me.

Hmmm…

Med people cannot go a tweeting,

Or Facebook to post a new greeting;

They can’t break their trust,

That’s really a must,

Even if a patient is bleeding.

Surfing Study Suggests Secret Searches


A survey by McAfee, a security company, found that 70 percent of children visit web sites which contain dangerous material.

And, the kids hide that fact from their parents.

That’s disturbing, but not a surprise. Kids will be kids.

Remember when surfing just mean riding the waves? That was pretty safe, save for a shark bite every now and then.

Hmmm…

We must watch our kid’s web activity,

We cannot stand by with passivity;

It’s dangerous out there,

We must be aware,

We must curb their natural proclivity.

Security Scares Suitors


Recently, a popular computer dating site admitted that it had a security breach.

As a result, a number of user passwords were leaked on-line.

As a precaution, the matchmaking firm has reset user passwords.

Hmmm…

A date site was recently breached,

A number of passwords were reached;

This nefarious antic,

Was not so romantic,

Security is now being preached.

Akinator Acts Accurately


Using deductive reasoning and the vast knowledge of the Internet, this website’s computer  can guess your thoughts.

Akinator, the Web Genius, is a very clever genie whose sole purpose is to determine what fictional or non-fictional character you’re thinking of.

She’s got a remarkable rate of success.

Just answer her Yes/No/Maybe questions, and in no time she’ll be able to deduce your character.

 

Hmmm…

The Akinator guesses your thoughts,

She’s smarter than most of the bots;

Just say yes or say no,

It will help her to know,

Then she’ll find the answer she sought.

Tag Cloud

<span>%d</span> bloggers like this: