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Eerie Ear Extraction


Rep-Joe-Garcia

Rep. Joe Garcia caught on camera picking his ear and eating it

WASHINGTON, May 14 (UPI) –

A Florida congressman who was elected to the House of Representatives in 2012 was caught on camera last week doing something that might have people picking differently when he runs for re-election.

Rep. Joe Garcia was at a House Judiciary Committee hearing last week when a C-SPAN camera appeared to capture him picking his ear and then eating what he had dug out.

In the clip, Garcia appears to look back down at this finger and then go back for seconds while Rep. Suzan DeIbene was speaking.

After getting some grief about the video, Garcia took to Twitter and blamed the whole thing on a hangnail.

Read more @: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/05/14/Rep-Joe-Garcia-caught-on-camera-picking-his-ear-and-eating-it/7481400071474/#ixzz31hQZvDP5

Hmmm…

A congressman picking his ear,
On camera so it does appear;
He picked some foul stuff,
If that ain’t enough,
He ate it without any fear.

A camera picked up his gross action,
To the congressman’s dissatisfaction,
It went on the air,
But he didn’t care,
About his constituent’s reaction.

Is that guy concerned about wax,
Or some legislative facts?
He went back for more,
While a speech he ignored,
Is he just a political hack?

He’s trying to get re-elected,
Even though he was detected;
Having a lick,
Of ear wax he picked,
Let’s hope that he isn’t selected.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Burger King Broadens Breakfast


spam

TOKYO, May 1 (UPI) –

The fast food breakfast war in Japan is in full effect and Burger King has decided to enter the fray with a new offering — a SPAM and cheese burger.

BK Japan’s SPAM & Cheese, which comes on a whole-wheat bun with usual burger fixings like pickles, mayo and lettuce, is priced at $3.42 and comes with a coffee or juice.

Other new breakfast items at BK Japan include a BK Hot Dog with ketchup and mustard, a Bolognese Burger with tomato sauce or a BLT Burger.

This is apparently not the first time that BK Japan has chosen to put SPAM on its menu.

The chain also debuted a line of mini SPAM sliders in June 2011 that were marketed towards Japanese women with the slogan, “What women want, what women get.”

The Huffington Post reported that Burger King’s Hawaiian locations started selling a SPAM Platter — which featured two slices of the canned meat with white rice and scrambled eggs — in 2007.

Read more @: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/05/01/Burger-King-introduces-SPAM-and-cheese-burger-in-Japan-for-breakfast/7611398966149/#ixzz30V9zh85B

Hmmm…

BK is serving SPAM and cheese,
They’re hoping that it will soon please,
The breakfast hungry Japanese,
Selling it should be a real breeze.

They’re putting it on a wheat bun,
They’re hoping that it won’t be shunned,
When the breakfast day is all done,
In the land of the rising sun.

They tried SPAM on other isles,
They sure got a lot of smiles,
In their new Hawaiian trials,
The data’s in their files.

Now, will a BK one day,
Serve SPAM in the USA?
Will we see it on display?
It could be a daring play.

SPAM’s served with most anything,
Just plain or with lots of bling,
It could be the new dining thing,
That would make BK registers ring.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: April 13th, 2014


horoscope chart

Good day sunshine.

The Earth says, “Hello”.

It also wants the twenty dollars you borrowed from it three weeks ago.

It’s time for another week of non-profit prognostications from your friends at Horror-Scope Central.

Things are a bit more settled down this week, after an accumulation of allergic aberrations.

Hopefully this week’s predictions will be more tolerable, or not.

Enjoy…

Aries… Mercury is square and descending at the moment. It’s almost too much to handle. We hope your Karate skills are sharp. Soon you will be attacked by a hack in Hackensack.

Taurus…The Sun is trine with Taurus and is uncomfortable about it. Make sure you have a current passport. In the near future, you will be very busy. You will eat Yoplait then yodel while spinning a yoyo in Yokohama.

Gemini… The Moon is on the cusp of Gemini now. You poor dear. Soon you will become a deer in the headlights of life.

Cancer… Uranus is upset after losing money in the US Stock Market. Be cautious at this time. Your enemies are plotting against you. They plan to conceal you in a confinement center with Dennis Miller.

Leo… Jupiter is in apogee now and is loving it. We see a throne in your future. You will soon have an argument with your colon. It will win out in the end.

Virgo… Neptune is rising after a short nap. We’re certainly not lying when we say; soon you will write a bestseller called, “Vying For Viaducts and Violins”.

Libra… The Earth is in its fifth house spraying for pesky bugs. Get ready for this if you can. You will soon portend, pretend, and extend yourself.

Scorpio… Mars is square with the cusp of Scorpio. You will soon become the center of attention when you write a bestseller called, “Fun With Funnels”.

Sagittarius… Saturn is in its second house looking for loose change for the Laundromat. This may be a stretch, but soon you’ll yearn to build a home out of yarn. We think the address will be knit one, pearl two, Wool Street.

Capricorn… Pluto is in conjunction with Capricorn and isn’t too sure what to do about it. You will soon give your autograph to someone. They will run off with it. Later the police will call you and tell you they found it in a dumpster.

Aquarius… Venus is upset with Mars over some unpaid debts and for some unknown reason, wants to take it out on Aquarians. In the future, you will become famous for you recipe for Machu Picchu pea soup, but you will then be sued when it produces botulism.

Pisces… The Earth is in its fifth house, and trine with Pisces now. You will star in your own food Network TV show called, “Cooking With Ambiguity”.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Meat Munchers Maudlin Mortality


food pic

Study Links Meat, Sugar Consumption To Early Death Among Those Who Choose To Be Happy In Life

WASHINGTON—

According to a study published Wednesday in the Journal Of The American Medical Association, researchers have discovered a strong correlation between regular meat and sugar consumption and premature death among those who choose to lead happy and fulfilling lives.

“Our data indicate that people who eat large amounts of red meat and saccharides have, on average, markedly shorter and more satisfying life spans,” said the study’s lead author, Aubrey Schrader, adding that frequent ingestion of animal protein, chocolate, and sweetened snacks and beverages lowered the average age of onset of diabetes, heart disease, and cancer for those who take pleasure in their daily existence.”

“Evidence from our study suggests that diets rich in prime rib, pulled pork, strawberry cheesecake, flank steak, and Snickers bars were directly related to younger ages at death among men and women who embraced their life and made the absolute most of their time on earth.”

“Moreover, these individuals appeared to exhibit a greater peace in dying, able to pass on without any regrets in their lives whatsoever.”

The study also revealed that the loved ones of those who passed away prematurely and contented were typically far better suited to handle their grief due to their high levels of alcohol consumption.

Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-links-meat-sugar-consumption-to-early-death,35447/?ref=auto

Hmmm…

We’ll die from eating all meat?
And having a tempting sweet?
The data is in,
There’s no way to win,
We just have to give up those treats.

We have to watch out for all proteins,
And avoid all meats that are quite lean,
Many have died,
From those saccharides,
And maybe from consuming all beans.

Many who died were content,
Knowing their lives were well spent,
They ate all things bad,
But they were sure glad,
Mourners weren’t sad when they went.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Day’s Decisions Determine Direction


VDay

Nation’s Girlfriends Admit Absolutely Everything Riding On Valentine’s Day

WASHINGTON—

Confirming that it’s “all come down to this,” the nation’s girlfriends admitted Thursday that, despite anything they may have said or implied in the past, absolutely everything hinges on the outcome of this Valentine’s Day.

Describing the evening as “the indisputable make-or-break moment of our relationships,” the girlfriends explained that if Valentine’s Day fails, in any way, to live up to their standards, or if at any point they sense that not enough effort went into the occasion, then things are as good as over.

“Look, I’m gonna cut the crap here: I’ve basically funneled all my hopes for the future into this one night in which my boyfriend must achieve perfection, or else we’re through,” Virginia Beach area girlfriend Jenna Boyce, 27, told reporters, noting that she will be able to tell immediately if her boyfriend cheaps out on the flowers he has bought her or throws his gift together at the very last minute. “I expect an amazing, thoughtful, nearly flawless experience, one that is simultaneously fun and romantic, and a night I will remember for the rest of my life. Anything short of that, and I walk.”

“I know I’ve stated in the past that I believe Valentine’s Day is dumb and that it’s a commercial holiday and that it doesn’t matter to me, but I was lying,” Boyce added, in total concurrence with every other girlfriend in the country. “That was total baloney. I, in fact, care more about this than anything, by far.”

The nation’s girlfriends admitted to reporters, and to anyone who cared to know, that nothing their boyfriends have ever done for them in the past, including any and all good deeds previously rendered, will matter in the slightest if they don’t make tomorrow a day to remember.

The assembled women then confirmed that they expect the following things tomorrow, and they “don’t care” if these expectations make them appear either old-fashioned, demanding, or unrealistic: flowers; repeated romantic gestures and signs of physical affection; compliments; assorted gifts of an emotionally resonant nature; a dinner that is sufficiently high-end yet also warm and intimate; two to three fond recollections of the relationship’s origins; an outfit and attention to personal dress on the part of the boyfriend that shows he cares; extended eye contact; highly engaged conversation; no spared details; no mistakes; no jokes that in any way undermine the seriousness and romantic gravity of the evening; no mention of money or cost; and a minimum of 25 utterances of the word “love.”

“And if you don’t like it, that is too bad, because this is the attitude I am walking into tomorrow with and there is nothing you or anyone else can do to alter or subdue that attitude,” said Seattle area girlfriend Sonia Moreno, 31, noting that Valentine’s Day will be the sole metric she will use to gauge her boyfriend’s worth and romantic commitment. “That’s the reality. It’s all come down to this. And so, come tomorrow, I suppose myself and every girlfriend in America will find out for sure if their relationship has a future or not.”

The nation’s girlfriends also confirmed that if their boyfriends are able to go all out and make tomorrow truly special, then there is no reason why they couldn’t make a similar effort on every other day of the year too.

Found@
http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-girlfriends-admit-absolutely-everything-ri,35270/

Hmmm…

There are expectations this day,
And the girls have the final say,
They want dinner and wine,
And it better be fine,
Or it could be the end of foreplay.

Men must be especially nice,
Giving them sugar and spice,
Girls want some nice jewelry,
And not some tom foolery,
Perhaps a ring frozen in ice.

This is the night of decision,
Men must show love with precision,
They must make the right move,
To get her in the groove,
They must plan it with love’s perfect vision.

So men get yourselves in gear,
For it only comes once a year,
Be nice and romantic,
Do not be pedantic,
Go forward without any fear.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Your HORROR – scope for the week of: February 9th, 2013


horoscope chart

Welcome back to another serving of Your Horror-scope.

We’ve cut down on the portions a bit to help you lose the weight you swore you’d lose on New Year’s Day.

We hope that you will endure this week’s predictions with dignity and grace.

If not, well, what the hell. It’s your life. Do what you want with it.

But, we’d like those of you who have been calling us in the middle of the night (You know who you are) asking for advice, to stop.

That’s why we have the phone on the answering machine. Get the hint?

Oh, and we just got an unlisted number.

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!!

Enjoy…

Aries… Uranus is descending now and is getting nauseous. You will have the urge to date a geometry teacher. Do not, unless you are willing to drive around in circles, and listen to every new angle that’s suggested.

Taurus… Neptune is in its fifth house showing it to prospective buyers. You will fall in love with a greyhound, only to break up after dating the fake rabbit from the dog track.

Gemini… Mars is in retrograde and wants out. You may want to, but don’t date a hosier salesperson. If you break up he/she could end up stalking you.

Cancer… Saturn is rising now after a long nap and it’s groggy. In the future, you will gain favor with your boss when you stop including the words “toad face” in your daily greeting.

Leo… Venus is on the cusp of Leo at this time and is suffering an allergic reaction from it. In the future, getting a Trundle Bed will be a great idea, but don’t expect the Trundles to return for another sleep over after the last time.

Virgo… Mercury is square with Virgo now and is loving it. You will discover a paradox while parasailing in Paraguay with a parrot, or Dennis Miller.

Libra… The Earth is trine with Libra now but wants to be in opposition for some reason. In the future, you will be correct in your thinking. True love can only be found by reverse osmosis.

Scorpio… Mars is square with Scorpio and is anxious about it. Be forewarned. You will have the urge, but you should not date, a mechanic, unless you are looking for a real motor mouth.

Sagittarius… Pluto is suffering from another flea attack. And is scratching up a storm. Soon you will be preoccupied by perspicacity while wearing a polyester pantsuit in Pawtucket.

Capricorn… The Sun is square with Capricorn, but it wants to be trine. You better find those papers soon. This week you will be asked to prove your pedigree.

Aquarius… Jupiter is in opposition to Aquarius. Do you feel it? We do. Stay away from people who are precocious, preconscious, and too cautious.

Pisces… The Moon is hiding from bill collectors now. You will dive into a swimming pool filled with children only to discover that the water is quite a bit warmer than when you put your toe into it.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Couple Consider Cabinet Conversations


Cabinet Couple
A Couple Never Dreamed They Would Be Able To Talk So Openly, And Honestly About Cabinets

SAN DIEGO—

Calling communication the cornerstone of their marriage, local couple Sam and Christina Garber confessed to reporters Thursday that they never dreamed they would one day be able to talk so openly and honestly about cabinets with each other.

The Garbers, who wed in 2006 and have two children, confirmed that early in their relationship it was difficult to have a constructive conversation about anything even remotely related to cabinetry, admitting that they lacked the closeness and trust to share their true feelings about wood materials, hardware, and custom accents.

“When we were newlyweds eight years ago, we could never have had an upfront and candid discussion about custom or stock-manufactured cabinets,” said Christina, 36, adding that the couple actively avoided touchy subjects such as durability, selection, and storage options. “These are not always easy conversations to have, but we’ve grown so much closer since learning to express our needs and desires for wall-hung cupboards.”

“Even if we don’t always see eye-to-eye on cabinets, it’s nice to know that we can talk through it,” continued Christina. “It’s remarkable that we now regularly communicate our feelings regarding corbels and beveled edges. I could hardly imagine that I’d ever be sharing that kind of bond with another person.”

Sam Garber acknowledged that until recently the mere mention of cabinet door styles caused him to emotionally shut down and withdraw from his wife. The 38-year-old, who would become terse and distant when the topic of raised or flat panels was broached, revealed that he didn’t feel comfortable letting his guard down and voicing his true preference for a cathedral profile.

“Looking back, I realize that I had a lot of insecurities and was afraid that my penchant for a decorative door panel made me less of a man,” said Sam, who reportedly no longer feels vulnerable about sharing his love of frosted glass inserts. “I guess I had some old-fashioned ideas. I just didn’t understand the importance of expressing your feelings about cabinets in a healthy way.”
Christina confirmed that she used to fear bringing up her dissatisfaction with crown molding to her husband, worrying that he would be unsupportive or reject her concerns. However, the mother of two told reporters that improving communication has helped the couple overcome intimacy barriers, and Sam has demonstrated that he is actually very open to trying braid, cyma, covetto, torus, ovolo, and keel molding.

The couple claimed that the frequency with which they explicitly discuss the merits of all-oak construction and split-rail paneling has allowed them to nurture their relationship and build a level of trust they never considered possible.

Though proud of how easily they exchange their thoughts on the appeal of traditional Piedmont detailing, the couple readily admits that they weren’t always so eager to address such an intimate topic with one another. Like most young couples, learning to communicate their feelings about shelving units was something they had to work on.

The Garbers’ inability to genuinely convey their feelings on toe-kicks led to strain in the relationship, as unfiltered criticisms and built-up resentment began to take their toll. Tension escalated to such a degree following the couple’s wedding that they sought the help of a licensed contractor.

“To be fair, I had my own personal baggage that I brought to the table when it came to cabinetry, and seeing a contractor together really honed in on the source of some of those issues,” said Christina, who described growing up in a cold, repressive home where laminate shelving and sculpted drawer fronts were never discussed. “But once we got past my whole thing with dovetail joinery, we were able to move forward and successfully pick out a proper pull knob.

“It’s not easy, but sharing thoughts on alternate kinds of finishes and glass accents keeps things exciting,” added Christina, glancing lovingly at her husband. “My only hope is that we can instill these values in our kids, so that they’ll be capable of someday connecting on that kind of level with someone too.”

Found@: The Onion
http://www.theonion.com/articles/couple-never-dreamed-they-would-be-able-to-talk-so,35191/

Hmmm…

A couple just couldn’t debate,
On cabinets and how they should rate,
On hardware and wood,
The bad and the good,
Some tension it sure did create.

At first they weren’t quite certain,
If they should pull back the curtain,
To talk of moldings,
And the pleasure It brings,
Their feelings were truly uncertain.

The subject was strictly taboo,
Though both of them knew what to do,
With storage and shelves,
Alone by themselves,
But they couldn’t discuss it as two.

They finally resolved their ordeal,
They now talk of drawer pulls of steel,
Their lives are first rate,
They communicate,
When they sit down to have a meal.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Fellow’s Food Fussiness Frustrating


Fussy eaterFussy Eater 38

OMAHA, NE—

According to sources, local fussy eater Bryan Wilcox, who is known for refusing to eat any type of food he hasn’t tried before or that falls outside of his narrow zone of comfort, is 38 years old.

“Can I just get it plain, without sauce?” asked the adult man, who was born in 1975, has a 401k, a spouse, and two young children, yet frowns and shakes his head at the sight of shellfish, most varieties of vegetable, or any sandwich that hasn’t first had its crust removed. “Is it touching tomatoes? I don’t want it if it’s touching tomatoes.”

Sources later confirmed that Wilcox, a fully grown human, just pushed his food around his plate until he got to have dessert.

Found@: http://www.theonion.com/articles/fussy-eater-38,35011/

Hmmm…

This guy is fussy over food,
I guess he’s never in the mood.
He’ll cannot touch a vegetable,
Even to be sociable.

A sandwich hasn’t passed his lips,
Forget about the sirloin tips.
Tomatoes aren’t on his list,
I’m sure by now you get my gist.

Shellfish makes him very picky,
To him I guess they’re truly icky.
He pushes food around his plate,
To him the fare is just not great.

But when it comes to sweet dessert,
“I love this!” he will quickly blurt.
He drives his wife and kids insane,
To them this man is quite inane.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Horoscopes Horrible or Harmless?


horoscope chartHarmless fun? Horoscopes may be bad for you, study suggests.

Horoscopes may be bad for you as negative readings promote self-indulgent behavior as people attempt to escape their fate, scientists find.

Astrology may seem like harmless fun – but a new study suggests following your star sign could be bad for you.

Consumers who read their horoscope daily were found to be more likely to exhibit impulsive or indulgent behavior when their zodiac was negative, the research suggested.

This is because reading a poor outcome in your star sign makes you more susceptible to temptation, it is believed.

The study, published in the Journal of Consumer Research, showed that those who believed their fate could change were more prone to erratic decision-making following bad news in their zodiac.

It has long been thought that reading your star sign can improve mood and encourage people to undertake selfless activities.

However, scientists at the University of South Carolina and Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland, found the opposite effect.

A number of participants were presented with unfavorable star sign readings and asked to choose between either going to a party or cleaning their home.

Participants who selected going to a party were seen as having made an indulgent decision and those who chose to clean their home were categorized as having made a virtuous one.

The study found that those who had read a negative horoscope before making their choice were more likely to choose going to the party over the more virtuous activity.

Researchers had expected participants to chose a more virtuous action to prevent the unfavorable outcome presented in their horoscope.

“Conventional wisdom might suggest that for people who believe they can change their fate, an unfavorable horoscope should result in an attempt to improve their fate,” the authors of study, Hyeongmin Kim of Johns Hopkins University, and Katina Kulow and Thomas Kramer of the University of South Carolina, said.

“Our results showed that reading an unfavorable horoscope actually has the opposite effect on a person.”

The researchers found that those who believe they have a fixed fate showed little change in their decision making and instead remained focused on their day ahead.

Earlier this month, Arch Crawford, a former Merrill Lynch trader who earned the nickname “crash Crawford” after predicting the “flash crash” of 1962, revealed that he has used astrology to guide his trades.

A study released in November this year, suggested 37 per cent of the public read their horoscopes before making big decisions. Women were also found to be twice as likely to visit a psychic than men.

The psychic industry in the United Kingdom is worth an estimated £100 million a year.

Found @
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/10509731/Harmless-fun-Horoscopes-may-be-bad-for-you-study-suggests.html

Hmmm…

Can horoscopes make you behave?
Make you eat things you really crave?
Some people think so,
I really don’t know,
Perhaps they can make you feel brave.

Some people think it could be bad,
Reading scopes which make you feel sad;
When bad news they bring,
Do you do bad things?
Or do you always feel glad?

Can horoscopes really predict?
Or are they just nondescript?
Can they change your fate?
Help you pick a mate?
Or bring about lots of conflicts?

I guess it’s for you to decide,
Just keep your eyes open wide,
Read them if you want,
In large or small font,
My “Horror-scopes” have never lied.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Medical Media Malpractice


Doctors and Medical Students are being told they shouldn’t use Facebook or other social media sites.

Security experts believe they could unwittingly break the doctor-patient confidentiality if they discuss patients’ medical problems.

Personally I don’t want my colonoscopy photos on Facebook.

That would be the end of me.

Hmmm…

Med people cannot go a tweeting,

Or Facebook to post a new greeting;

They can’t break their trust,

That’s really a must,

Even if a patient is bleeding.

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