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Archive for the ‘Phones’ Category

Smartphone sensors make sense.

Your smartphone’ s sensors can be used to automatically record every move you make with an app called, Placeme. It knows where you’re going, where you have been, and maybe even what you were up to.

I guess it depends on the sensors involved (in the phone that is).

This can certainly put an end to the old interrogation scene:

Mom or Dad:  “Where have you been?”

Child:   “No where.”

Mom or Dad: “What did you do?”

Child: “Nothing.”

Mom or Dad: “Let me see your phone.”


Your smartphone can now track your movements,

Some people think it’s an improvement;

It knows where you are,

On foot or by car,

It might even provide some amusement.

Are they Siri-ous?

IBM, also known as Big Blue, will not let its employees talk to Apple’s “Siri” application on their 4S IPhones while at work.

The company is concerned about voice commands which are given to Siri. They think the commands may be  saved in the Siri/Apple system. IBM thinks their employees will unwittingly divulge IBM corporate secrets to Apple.

I think IBM should take a bite out of Apple, like Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden. (I know, it was a different kind of apple. Just go with this.)

Wait a minute. If IBM took a bite out of Apple, Big Blue would be thrown out of Computer Heaven. Then they would have to spend the rest of their days facing problems, law suits, falling stock prices, and lost profits.

But those things have already happened to Big Blue. Is there something else we don’t know about IBM?


Now people at work can’t use Siri,

It’s making the workers quite weary,

They work for Big Blue,

They’ve always been true,

But their bosses are making them teary.

Your “Horror”-scope for the week of May 13th, 2012

Aries… Venus is upset with Mars because he hasn’t called her after their first date. Don’t make any long range plans until they make up. Stayed tuned.

Taurus… Uranus is in trine with your rubber ducky. That indicates luck. For instance, you won’t be home when that semi plows into your residence.

Gemini… Mercury is rising fast. Just hope it doesn’t get light headed. Your astrology chart indicates, “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.”

Cancer… Your moon is in its fourth house. It’s hiding from bill collectors. Your BFF will appreciate the gift card you gave her until she discovers it’s expired.

Leo… Aquarius is blocking the sun indicating a current medical condition. Don’t panic! We checked with the Ouija board. They’re just saddle sores.

Virgo… Mercury is now mutable. How nice. You will be stalked by a Smartphone app.

Libra… Keep plenty of cash on hand. Your moon in Virgo says a man dressed in a coyote costume will ask you to break a twenty at the start of your shift.

Scorpio… Mars is traversing Jupiter’s front yard and he’s not happy about it. Under no circumstances should you go fishing with jail bait.

Sagittarius… Jupiter is mutable now. Venus’ house is in foreclosure. Stay away from Blue-Footed Boobies.

Capricorn… Your symbol is the goat. Your moon is in the tenth house doing minor renovations in the kitchen. If you really want to make tomorrow’s headlines, go ahead and marry that hamster you’ve been dating.

Aquarius… Your ruling planets, Uranus and Saturn are practical jokesters. You will embarrass yourself this week when you fall face down onto a porcupine.

Pisces…Neptune and Jupiter are mutable now. Your urge to frolic at the beach will end in disaster when you slip on an oily fat man sunbathing. BTW, don’t ask for his autograph.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Superman now has competition!

A computer chip has been designed which can turn cell phones into X-ray devices. It enables the phones to see right through plastics, walls, wood, and fabric.

Now you don’t have to buy those x-ray glasses advertised in the back of comic books. And, you can foil the plans of criminals anywhere.

I guess it’s time for lead lined clothing.


There is a young man I must say,

Whose phone can take mini x-rays;

It sees through your clothes,

Or right through your nose,

If I were you, I’d stay away.

Underwater texting

A Michigan woman was texting while walking. She fell off a pier into a river. No injuries, except maybe her pride.

Here’s my take on it:

A woman was texting one day,

She did it in her unique way;

She fell off a pier,

The river was near,

Wet butt was the price she did pay.

Stop Calling My Arm!

Nokia is developing a tattoo ink that can sense when your phone is ringing and cause your skin to vibrate. The technology would require a minor surgical procedure.

My take on that…

A guy got a tat on his arm,

It’s a phone app that sounds an alarm;

When his phone starts to ring,

It vibrates that thing,

It’s one of technology’s charms.

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