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Your “Horror”-scope for the week of May 27th, 2012


Aries… Mars was in transit with the moon, but was thrown off the bus for being rowdy. You will be locked in a dungeon with an insurance salesman for an entire weekend.

Taurus…Venus is aligned with the opposition over Congressional Redistricting. A pot bellied pig will leave cracker crumbs in your bed.

Gemini…  The Twins in your sign are feuding again over who was born first. Your plans for converting New Schwanstein Castle into a theme park ride will fail.

Cancer… The crab is misaligned with Jupiter’s moon. Your enemies are on to you. To throw them off track, you must bathe in a vat of sangria with Dennis Miller.

Leo… Aquarius is leaving its fourth house and will miss its neighbors. Stop seeing that hypnotist. The ostrich eggs you’ve been sitting on will never hatch.

Virgo… The sun is trine with Neptune. You will be thrown out of a movie theater for petting a wedge of provolone cheese.

Libra…Saturn is in legal trouble with Mercury over a missing ring. A Steam Punker will steal your identity for immoral purposes.

Scorpio… Mars is in line with Neptune for a showing of My Fair Lady. Be extra careful now. You are being stalked by an aardvark.

Sagittarius…Your ruling planet, Jupiter is in its ninth house. To be safe this week, you must use the word “jowls” in every sentence spoken.

Capricorn… Saturn is in opposition to Cancer over a game of hopscotch. You will find yourself absentmindedly fondling Crenshaw melons at a local super market.

Aquarius… Uranus and Saturn are in sync. Have dinner in your underwear with a gerbil.

Pisces…Neptune now rules the seventh house with an iron fist. You must buy someone’s appendix as soon as possible.

 

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

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Advice, Astrology, horoscope, Humor, Laughs, Lifestyles, Planets, Predictions, Recommendations, Steam punk, The future

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Your “Horror”-scope for the week of May 20th, 2012


Aries… Your ruling planet, Mars is facing an uprising from the serfs. You will find yourself very uncomfortable after your laundry comes back with too much starch.

Taurus… Venus thinks Scorpio cheated in a game of Go fish. You will soon wake up with a feeling of dread when you discover you’ve become a pound of camembert cheese.

Gemini… A Mutable Mercury is quite clear now. You have permission to frolic in creamed corn with Dennis Miller.

Cancer… Your Zodiac sign has been defaced with graffiti. Rubbing butter on your aardvark will help you both to cope with life’s problems.

Leo… Aquarius is co-tangent to your ruling sun. Consult with a mathematician on this one. It forecasts stochastics in your life.

Scorpio… Taurus is in conjunction with Mars. Take that dead herring out of your glove compartment.

Virgo… There is a negative polarity with Pices now. Once again it’s time to spread strawberry preserves on your jowls.

Libra… Aries is in the seventh house for a Tupperware party. You will be arrested for illegal possession of an anchovy.

Sagittarius…Jupiter is opposite Neptune on your chart. A Congressman will accuse your spleen of treason.

Capricorn… Saturn and Venus are at odds again. You better polish your forehead with Turtle Wax to avoid the fallout.

Aquarius…Uranus and Saturn are both in the seventh house.  You will soon find yourself locked in a Sponge Bob lunchbox.

Pisces… Neptune and Jupiter are plotting against you. Quick! Attend a costume party dressed as an eel.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would haveto be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

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Advice, animals, Astrology, Body Parts, Developments, Health, horoscope, Humor, Laughs, Life, Lifestyles, New Trends, News, news, Observations, Planets, Politics, Predictions, problelms, Recommendations, Relationships, Signs, Space, surprise, The future

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Yummy!


Here’s something I wrote a few years back. It was an entry for Video Maker Magazine’s, Short Video Contest. It won second prize. Its had quite a few views on YouTube over the years. It’s a spoof of late night TV commercials. Hope you like it.

CAVEAT…It’s not for the faint of heart. Animal lovers may not like it, but it’s part of the circle of life.

I hope this works. I haven’t tried to insert a video link before.

It’s called, “The Roadkill Grill”.

Thanks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMkXxmAfQaE

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Advice, animals, Awards, Cars, Contests, Cooking, Grilling, Humor, jokes, Laughs, Life, Lifestyles, News, Recommendations, Roadkill, Taxidermy, Technology, Videos

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Your “Horror”-scope for the week of May 13th, 2012


Aries… Venus is upset with Mars because he hasn’t called her after their first date. Don’t make any long range plans until they make up. Stayed tuned.

Taurus… Uranus is in trine with your rubber ducky. That indicates luck. For instance, you won’t be home when that semi plows into your residence.

Gemini… Mercury is rising fast. Just hope it doesn’t get light headed. Your astrology chart indicates, “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.”

Cancer… Your moon is in its fourth house. It’s hiding from bill collectors. Your BFF will appreciate the gift card you gave her until she discovers it’s expired.

Leo… Aquarius is blocking the sun indicating a current medical condition. Don’t panic! We checked with the Ouija board. They’re just saddle sores.

Virgo… Mercury is now mutable. How nice. You will be stalked by a Smartphone app.

Libra… Keep plenty of cash on hand. Your moon in Virgo says a man dressed in a coyote costume will ask you to break a twenty at the start of your shift.

Scorpio… Mars is traversing Jupiter’s front yard and he’s not happy about it. Under no circumstances should you go fishing with jail bait.

Sagittarius… Jupiter is mutable now. Venus’ house is in foreclosure. Stay away from Blue-Footed Boobies.

Capricorn… Your symbol is the goat. Your moon is in the tenth house doing minor renovations in the kitchen. If you really want to make tomorrow’s headlines, go ahead and marry that hamster you’ve been dating.

Aquarius… Your ruling planets, Uranus and Saturn are practical jokesters. You will embarrass yourself this week when you fall face down onto a porcupine.

Pisces…Neptune and Jupiter are mutable now. Your urge to frolic at the beach will end in disaster when you slip on an oily fat man sunbathing. BTW, don’t ask for his autograph.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Category:

Advice, Apps, Astrology, counseling, horoscope, Humor, jokes, Laughs, Life, Lifestyles, News, Observations, Phones, Planets, Predictions, problelms, Recommendations, Relationships, Signs, surprise, Suspense, The future

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Your Horror-scope for the week of May 6th, 2012


Aries… Mars is favorable right now. Exercise will be good for you, especially after your bypass surgery.

Taurus… The Moon is in trine with Jupiter. Clean those party snacks out of your sinuses.

Gemini…  This is your lucky week. Uranus is on the cusp with Venus and she likes it. You will be invited to play whist with a retired mud wrestler who cheats at cards.

Cancer… Good news for you. Pluto is petitioning to become a planet again. Stop using that face cream on your wrinkles. Your mate loves the look of a Shar-Pei.

Leo… Aries is in cancer this week. Your musical talent will improve when you get a new kazoo.

Virgo… There’s  a Moon-Mars union in Virgo. Your love triangle will be cut short with a noisy chain saw.

Libra… The asteroid Zorgo is in opposition to Mars. You’ll finally meet the love of your life… at the gorilla encounter.

Scorpio… Saturn casts a shadow on your life. You’ll feel much better after you put Post Toasties in your underwear.

Sagittarius… Neptune has just been realigned by a car mechanic. You will not be mugged this week. But, it will happen.

Capricorn… A waxing moon indicates you will be overcome by your own flatulence.

Aquarius… Uranus and Saturn are at odds over a poker hand. It’s time to get rid of those piercings. Your dream of a circus career will never materialize.

Pisces…The Sun will be in Venus soon. Your idea for a Mother’s Day gift is practical. But does she really need a post hole digger?

BTW… Remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Category:

Astrology, counseling, Developments, Family, friends, holidays, Home, horoscope, Humor, jokes, Laughs, Life, Lifestyles, News, Observations, Predictions, problelms, Recommendations, Relationships, surprise, The future

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Your Horrorscope for the week of April 30, 2012


Aries… Venus is nearing a new moon. The secret to your success is in your landlady’s x-rays.

Taurus… You will become famous when you prove you can eat an elephant one bite at a time.

Gemini…  Your “EX” will come crawling back on his hands and knees. He wants the twenty dollars you took from his wallet.

Cancer… Go ahead. Eat that chocolate. At this point, another box isn’t going to hurt.

Leo… Be sure to make that tennis date with your new client. It will be worth the broken elbow and scrapped knees.

Virgo… Jupiter  is nearing its cusp with a quarter moon. It’s time for new arch supports.

Libra… That pony tail looks good on you. Do you think that poor colt will miss it?

Scorpio… Mercury in trine with a new moon indicates your dry cleaner will lose your best suit.

Sagittarius… Venus is now dating Mars. You’ll find more cocktail franks in your pajamas.

Capricorn… Taking the bag off your head will get the same result…Laughs!

Aquarius… Forget the makeup. Your police mug shot will look terrible anyway.

Pisces…Your rich uncle will leave you a fortune. It’s buried somewhere on his ten thousand acre ranch.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions
are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Category:

Advice, Astrology, horoscope, Humor, jokes, Laughs, Life, Lifestyles, Predictions, problelms, Recommendations, Relationships, The future

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Metagrobolize? Senryu? Rixatrix?


Confused? Puzzled? So was I. Don’t worry. There’s help on the way.

Check out Wordnik.  http://www.wordnik.com/word-of-the-day

It’s an online dictionary and a thesaurus. It publishes an unusual word every day under the tab, “Word of the day”. They even provide audio of how to pronounce them. The words are so unusual, they may be  difficult to bring into normal conversation. If you do manage to use them, people may call you a genius.

Here’s my take on that:

There was a young girl, who loved words,

Her mate thought that it was absurd;

She studied real hard,

Learned words like Asgard,

A divorce shortly after occurred.

Category:

Humor, Laughs, Life, News, Observations, Recommendations, Vocabulary, Wordnik

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