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Your HORROR – scope for the week of Aug 19th, 2012


Aries… Uranus is unfavorable now. You should be aware that a curmudgeon is in your future.

Taurus… Mars is trine with itself. You will be arrested for eating arch supports in public.

Gemini… Saturn is in its seventh house for a house warming party. You won’t be happy when you discover that your cell phone has cellulite.

Leo… Venus is in opposition to Mars now. Your morning breath will soon become a military weapon.

Virgo… Pluto is having a flea problem at the moment. You will have a lot to explain when you start coughing up fur balls.

Libra… Mercury is fuming over an argument with the sun. Your idea for a new parlor game will fail. Do you really expect people to compete in Chia Pet grooming?

Scorpio… Uranus is on the cusp with its second house. A urinary infection is in your future.

Sagittarius… The Earth is mutable now. Your collection of belly button lint will not sell for much at the auction.

Capricorn… Jupiter is in opposition to Pluto. You will be trampled on by a flash mob of dancing taxidermists.

Aquarius… The sun is trine with Uranus this week. Your heart throb will be plagued by the heartbreak of psoriasis.

Pisces…The moon is on the cusp with Saturn. People may call you swell, but it’s just because you’re retaining water.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictionsare all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

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horoscope, The future

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Your “Horror”-scope for the week of June 17th, 2012


Aries… Mercury will be opposition with Venus. You’ll be up all night this week listening to their arguing.

Taurus… Soon the Earth will be in trine with Mars. Your best bet for love will be the goat herder.

Gemini… Neptune is tangent to Leo. Polish your swords. Get some new tats. You will soon discover a rewarding career opportunity as a side show entertainer.

Cancer… Venus is keeping a low profile after party crashing at the White house. Your potential as an athlete will be revealed when you become a life guard for dumpster divers.

Leo… The lion is on the prowl. You will be avatar’d and feathered while on line this week.

Virgo… The seventh moon is in the eight house. You will awaken to find yourself on a mammoth mound of manure.

Libra… Mercury is in transit and on the cusp of Pices. A crazed kleptomaniac will steal your gums while you sleep.

Scorpio… A lunar retrograde is near. Your enemies are closing in on you. You must hide in the folds of a fat gerbil, or in Dennis Miller’s beard.

Sagittarius… The sun is in trine with Venus. You will be persecuted unmercifully by a paranoid pigeon

Capricorn… The moon will soon transit Jupiter and Mercury. You are going to find an inch worm in your foot long hot dog.

Aquarius… Saturn’s transit near the moon indicates you will be run over by a terrible troll on a tricycle.

Pisces…Uranus is in conjunction with Aries. A crazed centaur will ransack your residence.

 

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his hit song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictionsare all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

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Astrology, horoscope, Humor, Laughs, Life, Observations, Predictions, The future

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Your “Horror”-scope for the week of June 10th, 2012


Aries… Mercury is in trine with Venus. Your arches will sue you for non support.

Taurus… You will laugh uncontrollably when someone whispers the word “uggums” in your ear.

Gemini…  Mercury, Venus, and Neptune form a perfect triangle. You will lose millions on your idea for feeding chickens food coloring just before Easter so they’d lay colored eggs.

Cancer… Jupiter is now misaligned with Mars. You will awaken to find yourself in a Rock quarry with Steven Tyler.

Leo… Neptune is rising near its cusp with Mercury. You will be arrested for illegal possession of a wart.

Virgo… The celestial sphere is angry with you over that twenty dollars you borrowed? Quick! Get to the nearest ATM.

Libra… Your moon is in conjunction with Earth. You will be attracted to someone’s large, hairy underarms which are home for a tribe of garden gnomes.

Scorpio… The rings of Saturn are leaving are leaving a green stain in space. You will be arrested for illegal possession of a wart.

Sagittarius… Mars reveals that your future is unfavorable now. Hide under you bed clutching a large wombat dressed in Dennis Miller’s underwear.

Capricorn… A full moon in Virgo indicates you will date a man in a gorilla suit. Be sure to bring lots of bananas.

Aquarius… Mars will be in conjunction with the moon soon, check for scorpions in your couch cushions.

Pisces…Neptune is ascending, be sure to soak your head in the salad dressing of your choice.

And… remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

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Advice, Astrology, horoscope, Humor, Laughs, Life, Lifestyles, Observations, Planets, Predictions, The future

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Your “Horror”-scope for the week of June 3rd, 2012


Aries… Pluto and Mars are feuding again. You will find a note in your cereal. Follow it to the letter. Bring three forms of identification with you.

Taurus… Venus wants to leave the Zodiac and form her own circle. Wow, what luck! You will soon discover that you are related to a wealthy mollusk.

Gemini…  Mercury is on vacation right now. He’s visiting Pluto at his summer place on Fire Island. Stay alert. You will awaken to find yourself swimming in a vat of hollandaise sauce.

Cancer… Saturn is up to no good. You will soon meet a rapper who will teach you how to rhyme in Rumanian.

Leo… The lion, which dominates your sign, ate a large bird. His in a foul mood. It’s an indication you should give your BFF another chance. Even goats need a little loving now and then.

Virgo… Pices the Fish is in your house. Smell it? There’s a good chance you will fall in love with a mullet.

Libra… Saturn is excited over a smile from Mars. Too bad for you. You’ll miss a week of work after you slip and fall on someone’s oily T-zone.

Scorpio… Pluto is flirting with Uranus again. Feel free to dunk your head in a bowl of cake batter this week.

Sagittarius… Mars is mutable and in trine with Neptune. You will be kidnapped by a gang of angry gerbils.

Capricorn… Saturn is in line with Mercury this week. This is a rare event. You will have the unstoppable urge to shout the word “thighs” in public.

Aquarius… Neptune and Jupiter are arguing over which one should pick up the check at dinner. You will find yourself the center of attention when you arrive at work dressed as a newt.

Pisces…Venus is in a stinky mood. She’s prepping for a colonoscopy. That is a bad sign. You will be locked in a closet by a garden gnome. All the air will be removed with a straw.

Remember what Weird Al says about Astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

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Advice, Astrology, horoscope, Humor, Lifestyles, Observations, Predictions, Relationships, The future

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We’re gonna need a bigger net!


Note: This will be on the next test.

A recent study revealed that Internet traffic could reach one trillion gigabytes in four years. That’s a “zetabyte”.

 It is estimated that 18.9 billion devices could be connected by then.

Hey, here’s an idea. Why not be a part of it?

Hmmm…

Soon the net will serve up a zetabyte,

That’s a number that’s really outta sight;

It’s one trillion gigs,

With angry birds and pigs,

It’s amazing it gets things mostly right.

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Internet, Limericks, New Trends, Observations, Technology, The future

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Your “Horror”-scope for the week of May 27th, 2012


Aries… Mars was in transit with the moon, but was thrown off the bus for being rowdy. You will be locked in a dungeon with an insurance salesman for an entire weekend.

Taurus…Venus is aligned with the opposition over Congressional Redistricting. A pot bellied pig will leave cracker crumbs in your bed.

Gemini…  The Twins in your sign are feuding again over who was born first. Your plans for converting New Schwanstein Castle into a theme park ride will fail.

Cancer… The crab is misaligned with Jupiter’s moon. Your enemies are on to you. To throw them off track, you must bathe in a vat of sangria with Dennis Miller.

Leo… Aquarius is leaving its fourth house and will miss its neighbors. Stop seeing that hypnotist. The ostrich eggs you’ve been sitting on will never hatch.

Virgo… The sun is trine with Neptune. You will be thrown out of a movie theater for petting a wedge of provolone cheese.

Libra…Saturn is in legal trouble with Mercury over a missing ring. A Steam Punker will steal your identity for immoral purposes.

Scorpio… Mars is in line with Neptune for a showing of My Fair Lady. Be extra careful now. You are being stalked by an aardvark.

Sagittarius…Your ruling planet, Jupiter is in its ninth house. To be safe this week, you must use the word “jowls” in every sentence spoken.

Capricorn… Saturn is in opposition to Cancer over a game of hopscotch. You will find yourself absentmindedly fondling Crenshaw melons at a local super market.

Aquarius… Uranus and Saturn are in sync. Have dinner in your underwear with a gerbil.

Pisces…Neptune now rules the seventh house with an iron fist. You must buy someone’s appendix as soon as possible.

 

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

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Advice, Astrology, horoscope, Humor, Laughs, Lifestyles, Planets, Predictions, Recommendations, Steam punk, The future

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Your “Horror”-scope for the week of May 20th, 2012


Aries… Your ruling planet, Mars is facing an uprising from the serfs. You will find yourself very uncomfortable after your laundry comes back with too much starch.

Taurus… Venus thinks Scorpio cheated in a game of Go fish. You will soon wake up with a feeling of dread when you discover you’ve become a pound of camembert cheese.

Gemini… A Mutable Mercury is quite clear now. You have permission to frolic in creamed corn with Dennis Miller.

Cancer… Your Zodiac sign has been defaced with graffiti. Rubbing butter on your aardvark will help you both to cope with life’s problems.

Leo… Aquarius is co-tangent to your ruling sun. Consult with a mathematician on this one. It forecasts stochastics in your life.

Scorpio… Taurus is in conjunction with Mars. Take that dead herring out of your glove compartment.

Virgo… There is a negative polarity with Pices now. Once again it’s time to spread strawberry preserves on your jowls.

Libra… Aries is in the seventh house for a Tupperware party. You will be arrested for illegal possession of an anchovy.

Sagittarius…Jupiter is opposite Neptune on your chart. A Congressman will accuse your spleen of treason.

Capricorn… Saturn and Venus are at odds again. You better polish your forehead with Turtle Wax to avoid the fallout.

Aquarius…Uranus and Saturn are both in the seventh house.  You will soon find yourself locked in a Sponge Bob lunchbox.

Pisces… Neptune and Jupiter are plotting against you. Quick! Attend a costume party dressed as an eel.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would haveto be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

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Advice, animals, Astrology, Body Parts, Developments, Health, horoscope, Humor, Laughs, Life, Lifestyles, New Trends, News, news, Observations, Planets, Politics, Predictions, problelms, Recommendations, Relationships, Signs, Space, surprise, The future

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3D Movies, move over. 3D Printers are forging ahead.


In a paper published in April, University of Glasgow scientists theorize in the future, 3D printers could be used to create customized drugs and chemicals for various medical conditions including cancer. The printer can make organic and inorganic compounds.

The researchers believe the method could be used by drug companies within the next five years to make customized medicines. It may be available to the public in 20 years.

Maybe by then, drugs can be made for each of us based on our individual chemical and biological factors.

 Hmmm.

A printer that prints in 3D,

Can make drugs for you and for me,

It can make any kind,

For the body or mind,

Oh how happy we all will soon be.

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3D Printers, computers, Developments, Drugs, Health, Life, Lifestyles, Limericks, Medicine, New Trends, News, Observations, Pharmaceuticals, Science, Technology, The future

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Your “Horror”-scope for the week of May 13th, 2012


Aries… Venus is upset with Mars because he hasn’t called her after their first date. Don’t make any long range plans until they make up. Stayed tuned.

Taurus… Uranus is in trine with your rubber ducky. That indicates luck. For instance, you won’t be home when that semi plows into your residence.

Gemini… Mercury is rising fast. Just hope it doesn’t get light headed. Your astrology chart indicates, “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.”

Cancer… Your moon is in its fourth house. It’s hiding from bill collectors. Your BFF will appreciate the gift card you gave her until she discovers it’s expired.

Leo… Aquarius is blocking the sun indicating a current medical condition. Don’t panic! We checked with the Ouija board. They’re just saddle sores.

Virgo… Mercury is now mutable. How nice. You will be stalked by a Smartphone app.

Libra… Keep plenty of cash on hand. Your moon in Virgo says a man dressed in a coyote costume will ask you to break a twenty at the start of your shift.

Scorpio… Mars is traversing Jupiter’s front yard and he’s not happy about it. Under no circumstances should you go fishing with jail bait.

Sagittarius… Jupiter is mutable now. Venus’ house is in foreclosure. Stay away from Blue-Footed Boobies.

Capricorn… Your symbol is the goat. Your moon is in the tenth house doing minor renovations in the kitchen. If you really want to make tomorrow’s headlines, go ahead and marry that hamster you’ve been dating.

Aquarius… Your ruling planets, Uranus and Saturn are practical jokesters. You will embarrass yourself this week when you fall face down onto a porcupine.

Pisces…Neptune and Jupiter are mutable now. Your urge to frolic at the beach will end in disaster when you slip on an oily fat man sunbathing. BTW, don’t ask for his autograph.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

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Advice, Apps, Astrology, counseling, horoscope, Humor, jokes, Laughs, Life, Lifestyles, News, Observations, Phones, Planets, Predictions, problelms, Recommendations, Relationships, Signs, surprise, Suspense, The future

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Your Horror-scope for the week of May 6th, 2012


Aries… Mars is favorable right now. Exercise will be good for you, especially after your bypass surgery.

Taurus… The Moon is in trine with Jupiter. Clean those party snacks out of your sinuses.

Gemini…  This is your lucky week. Uranus is on the cusp with Venus and she likes it. You will be invited to play whist with a retired mud wrestler who cheats at cards.

Cancer… Good news for you. Pluto is petitioning to become a planet again. Stop using that face cream on your wrinkles. Your mate loves the look of a Shar-Pei.

Leo… Aries is in cancer this week. Your musical talent will improve when you get a new kazoo.

Virgo… There’s  a Moon-Mars union in Virgo. Your love triangle will be cut short with a noisy chain saw.

Libra… The asteroid Zorgo is in opposition to Mars. You’ll finally meet the love of your life… at the gorilla encounter.

Scorpio… Saturn casts a shadow on your life. You’ll feel much better after you put Post Toasties in your underwear.

Sagittarius… Neptune has just been realigned by a car mechanic. You will not be mugged this week. But, it will happen.

Capricorn… A waxing moon indicates you will be overcome by your own flatulence.

Aquarius… Uranus and Saturn are at odds over a poker hand. It’s time to get rid of those piercings. Your dream of a circus career will never materialize.

Pisces…The Sun will be in Venus soon. Your idea for a Mother’s Day gift is practical. But does she really need a post hole digger?

BTW… Remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

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Astrology, counseling, Developments, Family, friends, holidays, Home, horoscope, Humor, jokes, Laughs, Life, Lifestyles, News, Observations, Predictions, problelms, Recommendations, Relationships, surprise, The future

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