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Fighting Feeds Friendships


Couple arguing

Study Finds Backing Down In Fight With Loved One Extremely Harmful To Relationship

BOSTON—

A study published this week by psychologists at Northeastern University has determined that even a single instance of backing down during a fight with a significant other can inflict severe damage upon the relationship, often causing irreparable harm.

“When a person is in the midst of a heated argument with a romantic partner, we found that nothing is more detrimental to the stability of your relationship than budging from your point of view, regardless of how minor the conflict is,” said study co-author Jenna Herzig-Watts, adding that when an individual surrenders even an inch of ground during such a dispute, he or she appears undesirably weak and vulnerable, undermining any possibility of lasting intimacy and in many cases prompting the person’s partner to initiate a breakup, divorce, or one or more extramarital affairs.”

“According to our analysis, the best thing you can do is just dig in your heels and keep fighting.”

While it may be tempting to remain coolheaded and look for ways to resolve the disagreement, you’re ensuring the long-term strength of your bond by erupting in anger and bringing up as many hurtful and completely unrelated matters as possible.”

Herzig-Watts went on to state that a good rule of thumb for handling fights with a spouse or partner is to never stop screaming until you’re absolutely positive you’ve gotten the last word in.

Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-finds-backing-down-in-fight-with-loved-one-e,35937/

Hmmm…

You should never stop a good fight,
Regardless of who’s wrong or right;
Keep the spat going,
And love will keep growing,
Keep on fighting all through the night.

Dig your heels in, is what they say,
It is serious not just a play;
Keep your partner at bay,
Throughout the whole day,
It is really the only sound way.

You should never, ever back down,
Just keep wearing a big sad frown,
It’s all for the best,
Consider it a test,
It’s advice from someone renown.

It’s best you let out a good scream,
Or you could break up your dream team;
Yell all you can,
While you take a stand,
Regardless of how it may seem.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Boy Bemused By Bonbons


candy boy

Pudgy Doughboy With Rosy Red Cheeks Presses Nose Up Against Window Of Chocolate Shop

BOSTON

His woolen mittens dangling from the ends of his sleeves and his mouth partially agape in breathless wonder, a pudgy doughboy with rosy red cheeks is currently pressing his round button nose up against the display window of a local chocolate shop, sources confirmed.

The astonished butterball, his cheeks aglow in the biting cold, is reportedly flattening his plump face right up against the shop window, occasionally wiping the fog from the steamed-up glass as he gazes longingly at the sugary confections contained within, his mind dancing with possibility, his eyes wide with wonder.

According to sources, the sight of a fresh tray of bonbons being carried ever so tantalizingly to a display table near the front of the store has caused the transfixed doughboy’s eyes to glaze over in an almost narcotic stupor of yearning and delight.

Reports have also confirmed that the intoxicating aromas of melted chocolate, sweet cream, and fresh puff pastry wafting out of the shop’s just opened door have merged in midair to form a veritable olfactory symphony in the roly-poly tot’s imagination, each delectable scent drawing the little piglet’s flushed cheeks closer still to the glass, an inaudible “Wow!” forming on his drool-glistened lips.

At press time, the doughboy’s impatient mother was grabbing him by his coat sleeve and rushing him hurriedly along down the street.

Found @:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/pudgy-doughboy-with-rosy-red-cheeks-presses-nose-u,34792/?ref=auto

Hmmm…
A young man just loves all sweets,
He likes to consume the treats;
He looks on and dreams,
Of sugary creams,
Like candies, and pastries to eat.

On the glass he presses his nose,
As his sweet anticipation grows;
The scent of it’s nice,
Like sugar and spice,
He’d devour them all I suppose.

The kid’s a bit over weight,
He walks with an overweight gait,
The sweets make him fat,
His stomach’s not flat,
But he thinks his shape is just great.

His dear mother pulls him away,
From his intoxicating gaze;
He can’t see the stuff,
His mother’s so rough,
He must wait for another day.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Lonely Liar’s Litany of Ludicrous Lies


BOSTON—

“While speaking with his mother over the phone Monday evening, sources confirmed that 27-year-old marketing coordinator Daniel Hewitt lied about every single detail of his life in order to keep his parents from worrying about him.

Hewitt reportedly updated his mother with a litany of false information throughout the 18-minute conversation and, in an attempt to spare her from any distress, blatantly distorted the truth about his job, finances, social life, living situation, and overall level of happiness.

“Everything’s good here,” said Hewitt in the first of what would amount to over three dozen flat-out lies. “Work has been going well. It’s fun, and everyone at the office is really nice. I’m learning a lot.”

“I really love it out here,” Hewitt continued. “It’s great.”

Hewitt, who moved this past September from Bloomington, IL to Boston for a new job, is said to receive a phone call from home about once a week and has reportedly struggled to adjust to his new surroundings, feeling increasingly lonely and isolated. However, sources confirmed that the man who regularly questions whether he made a poor decision by relocating across the country has yet to report even one negative aspect of his life to his parents.

“My apartment’s great—it’s nice and big, so I have plenty of room,” said Hewitt, adding that his monthly rent is “pretty reasonable” and that he lives in “a really safe area” of the city. “Yeah, the heat works well, Mom—it’s nice and warm in here. And if there’s ever any problem, my landlord is very responsive and fixes things right away.”

“So, what have you and Dad been up to these days?” added Hewitt in a desperate attempt to steer the conversation away from himself.

According to reports, in order to prevent his parents from fretting about his financial situation, Hewitt vaguely claimed to be “making enough money” and “saving a little bit each month.” The 27-year-old went on to stress that he was in no need of any extra finances and neglected to mention that he currently has less than $400 in his savings account.

Hewitt, who has reportedly eaten frozen pizza for dinner four times this week and spends virtually every night after work zoning out in front of his television, then told his mother that he “started going to a gym recently.” Sources said that after he was asked about his company’s health care plan, Hewitt remained totally silent for several seconds before quickly muttering, “It’s good, really good.”

“I’ve made plenty of friends here in the last few months,” said Hewitt, reportedly doing his best to hide his congested voice so as not to alert his mother that he recently caught a cold. “I hang out with them all the time. We go out together and do all sorts of stuff. I’m definitely having a lot of fun.”

“I’m doing fine,” Hewitt added. “I’m really fine.”

Rather than explain that he spent the past weekend alone in his apartment sleeping until the late afternoon and then playing video games, Hewitt went on to say that he has “been seeing all the sights in Boston,” claiming that he has already visited a museum and that he went to a Bruins game the other week.

Fearing that she would discover the actual, authentic realities of his life, Hewitt then politely rejected his mother’s offer to come visit him, reportedly claiming that “now isn’t the best time, but maybe in a few months.”

“I’ll be sure to call you if I need anything,” lied Hewitt as the phone call drew to a close. “I actually have to get going, though. I have plans with some friends tonight.”

“Miss you, too,” added Hewitt quickly in his only moment of genuine honesty.”

Found at:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/27yearold-lies-about-every-single-aspect-of-his-li,34382/

Hmmm…

A young guy just keeps on lying,

To keep his mother from crying;

He’s having bad luck,

In a town where he’s stuck,

Without work it’s certainly trying.

 

He says he is doing okay,

When he calls his mother each day;

The weather is fine,

He’s got money to dine,

He’s certainly willing to stay.

 

Boston is where he is dwelling,

Making up lies that he’s telling;

Nothing is wrong,

Is his daily song,

Lying has gotten compelling.

 

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved.

Your HORROR – scope for the week of Oct. 7th, 2012


This week, the star charts are predicting many, wonderful, wacky, and whimsical encounters with the wildlife of the Earth.

Enjoy…

Aries… Uranus is not in phase with Mercury at this time. You will dance in a tutu with a tortoise in Tunisia.

Taurus… The moon is traversing Traverse City, Michigan at the moment. You will be harassed by a leg of lamb searching for some mint sauce.

Gemini…  Mars is in its twelfth house collecting overdue rent. You will be inclined to coddle crazed cattle in the country in a Corvair convertible.

Cancer… Pluto is feeling low lately. It’s infested with ticks. Your illicit affair with a marmaduke will make Yahoo headlines.

Leo… Saturn is descending at a higher than normal rate. You could find yourself belittling a blundering blow-fish in a birdbath in Botswana .

Virgo… Venus is suffering from pollution at the moment. You will have a recurring dream of marching monkeys in mukluks in Minnesota.

Libra… The Earth is considering a new orbit at considerably lower prices. You will be pecked on your posterior in Patagonia by a pouting penguin in pajamas worn by Dennis Miller.

Scorpio… Mercury is rising again after leaving its fourth house in a huff. You will awaken to find yourself doing a swan dive into a sumo wrestler in Somali land.

Sagittarius… Neptune is considering moving to a new galaxy where the rents are lower. You will be pestered in Peru by a priggish pig in a pink pork-pie hat.

Capricorn… Your sign is on the cusp of a calamity. You will have the overpowering urge to cluck like a Chechnyan chicken while chowing down on chunky clam chowder in Chinatown.

Aquarius… Uranus is undecided about entering its seventh house due to an infestation of termites. You will fall in the fall for a funky featherless fowl from the Falklands.

Pisces…You will get into a brawl with a brutish British bouncer in a black beret while imbibing bitters in Boston.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

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