Diesel Driver Dilemma
More misery for diesel drivers
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/road-and-rail-transport/11009290/More-misery-for-diesel-drivers.html
According to The Telegraph, a crackdown begins on drivers who leave engines running, as council officials say they will target diesel vehicles.
Diesel drivers face further penalties due to a crackdown on vehicles left idling outside school gates and on shopping runs as part of attempts to meet European environmental targets.
Islington Council last week announced it is to clamp down on drivers who leave their engines running in stationary vehicles, with on the spot fines for those deemed to be causing unnecessary pollution.
It is believed to be the first council in England to launch a concerted campaign against the practice, with officials claiming they will target buses, lorries and diesel cars in particular.
Other London councils are believed to be considering a similar tough approach to idling, while Dudley Council in the West Midlands has been examining how to tackle the problem of parents leaving engines running outside schools.
Under the clampdown announced by Islington Council, drivers who refuse to turn off their engines while waiting could be fined £20, which would rise to £40 if it is not paid promptly.
The measures are the latest blow for drivers of diesel cars after Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, announced that they will face paying an extra £10 to enter central London from 2020 under plans for a new “ultra-low emission zone”.
Matthew Jaffa of the Federation of Small Businesses said on Sunday that the new charge would drive small firms out of the capital and called for a “root and branch” review of how the congestion charge is calculated.
“This is an attack on business,” he said. “If we want to be open for business, this sends the wrong message in that respect.”
A number of councils across the UK are considering similar measures as they attempt to meet European clean air targets, with almost 20 cities currently forecast to continue exceeding safe levels of nitrogen dioxide pollution until after 2020.
Motoring groups have accused the government of “betraying” drivers who have until now been given tax incentives to choose diesel vehicles over petrol ones, which contribute more to global warming.
But although diesel emits less carbon dioxide, it gives off more nitrogen dioxide which causes local pollution and has been linked to thousands of premature deaths every year in the UK.
Councils gained the power to issue £20 spot fines for idling under the Road Traffic Regulations 2002, rising to £40 if left unpaid, but until now the rule has not been widely enforced. Camden Council launched a crackdown on buses which flout the rules in 2008, but did not target motorists.
Islington Council has now warned that fines will be issued to any drivers who refuse to turn off an engine in a stationary vehicle which is running unnecessarily when asked to do so.
This could include buses and taxis idling on stands, or motorists who leave their car running by the side of the road, but not “common sense” situations such as vehicles which are stopped in a traffic jam.
Cllr Claudia Webbe, Islington Council’s executive member for environment, said, “We are committed to improving air quality in Islington which is why we are clamping down on idling buses, lorries and diesel cars.”
But Brandon Lewis, the Communities Minister, warned that Islington’s council’s approach could drive people away from high streets, describing the spot fines as a way to “tax drivers by stealth”.
“This is systematic of a clipboard-wielding culture in many town halls where every response to a policy challenge involves a new tax or a fine on local residents,” he said.
Other councils are likely to follow suit, with the Chair of London Councils’ Transport and Environment Committee, which represents the 32 London boroughs, writing to the Environment Secretary last year calling for more action to improve air quality in the capital.
Among the measures they called for were tougher action against idling, including a “stronger deterrent” of £130 spot fines, as well as higher taxes for diesel drivers.
Hmmm…
Diesels are now under fire,
Like lorries, and taxis for hire,
The situation is dire,
For every new London car buyer.
It is a pollution concern,
Diesel is bad when it’s burned,
Pollution is something they spurn,
An environmental concern.
A 130 pound fine,
For idling isn’t so fine,
And taxes that aren’t benign,
Is far from being sublime.
What’s a diesel car driver to do,
When fines and high taxes accrue,
Except to start sing the blues,
And have a Hopshackle or two.
© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh 
Costly Car Cuisine Causing Consternation
Nation’s Lunatics Lament Rising Cost Of Car Meat
Psychotics across the country say car meat prices must go down or else the IRS will stop giving Tommy Lasorda hay fever.
WASHINGTON—
Saying that the rising price of the commodity has begun to “burn their gumlines,” millions of American lunatics admitted this week that they have been struggling to afford adequate amounts of car meat, an essential staple of the lunatic diet.
“With the way prices are going up, there’s no way I can keep eating hatchback bologna every day,” said Ames, IA resident Milton Tannhauser, 37, noting that he had already taken out a loan from the television show Nightline just to make ends meet.
“Back when this was the greatest solar system in the country, I could buy a bucket of car meat for whatever gravel I had left at the end of the day—convertible chops, Volvo shanks, and those great station wagon sausages that they would deliver straight to the laundry hamper. But now, unless you’re pulling down the salary of a mall pope, it’s just too expensive.”
“And what are the Rockefellers doing about it?” Tannhauser added in a much softer tone of voice after guardedly peering to both sides. “Not a goddamn thing. It makes you wonder why we even went to war with the Pep Boys.”
Tannhauser’s story is all too common, as lunatics across the country have expressed dismay over the surging prices. Over the past 15 years, wildly unpredictable car meat prices have surged from negative four cents per pound of Jeep belly to a record high of 35 feet of aluminum foil for a single bite of slow-roasted Cadillac, and the completely psychotic are feeling the pinch.
According to top lunatic economists, over 4,300 percent of crazy U.S. citizens have had to forego vital expenses from shiny key rings to exactly 10 packages of peppermint Chiclets, just to ensure that they can afford the daily allowance of 17 pounds of car meat recommended by deranged nutritionists.
“I have 14 Barbra Streisands to feed, and having to sell my memories on Craigslist just to buy a Chevrolet sandwich isn’t helping,” Miami resident Yank Mutcherson, 793, shouted at a large outdoor concrete flower planter.
“The speakers installed in my ear are yelling sunup to sundown about ‘We want Hondaburgers! We want roast minivan!’ But thanks to the big shots at Lysol and Eastman Kodak, I’ve been stuffing less and less dinner into my coat pockets.”
Added Mutcherson, “It’s honestly enough to make a guy scream the name ‘Vanna White’ repeatedly until he gets kicked out of the library.”
As prices continue to climb, pressure is increasing on insane leaders to address the situation. A march last month on the National Mall in Washington was attended by an estimated four lunatics, who reportedly chanted and waved Halloween decorations as they marched in separate directions.
A scathing editorial in the Albany Screen Door–Tribune, the nation’s leading psychotic newspaper printed on used coffee filters, demanded that President Obama stop NASA from harvesting hair from every human while they sleep and instead put more car meat into lunatics’ stomachs and VCRs.
Other activists have vowed to stage hunger strikes, marry Melissa Joan Hart, or rip down any sign or placard beginning with the letter N until price controls are put in place.
However, help for the hungry and delusional may come in the form of H.R. 614, an aid bill drafted by self-proclaimed congressman Rep. Arnold Thermos. If passed, the bill would allocate $300 million a second for the purpose of distributing free car meat to any citizen who recites the instructions being broadcast by overhead power lines.
Funding for the bill would reportedly be raised by relaxing levels of the secret chemical in Mountain Dew that lets the Bureau of Weights and Measures track citizens’ bowel movements.
But such aid may be too little, too late for unhinged imbeciles like Jesus Christ of Bloomington, IN.
“In 1980 you could get a trolley steak for seven plastic bags, with a discount if Peter Frampton lives in your cigarette lighter,” Christ muttered to a reporter through a sewer grate. “This year my Thanksgiving dinner was a couple of electric scooter patties marinated in church juice. It just goes to know, to go, go, the go you show, whoa, my feet, William.”
Found @:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-lunatics-lament-rising-cost-of-car-meat,35046/
Hmmm…
People having cars for lunch?
Can you imagine the crunch?
You eat a Corvair,
You bite with much care,
For snacks iron’s something to munch.
They call their weird food car meats,
For them it’s a hardy meat treat,
There’s Fords and there’s Chevys,
The meat is quite heavy,
But it’s something that’s hard to beat.
They’re car meat prices are rising.
It shouldn’t be so surprising.
More cars on the road,
Less meat to unload,
Higher prices, they are advising.
They’re hoping for federal laws,
To help them in their dire cause.
Get meat prices down,
In every town,
So car meat can test their jaws.
Are these people some hard core nuts?
Who consume bolts and steel wheel nuts.
A muffler or two,
Some worm gears will do,
It must be quite hard on their guts.
You won’t catch me eating that stuff.
To me real meat is enough.
Give me a steak,
Not a disk brake,
That stuff is too tough, and too rough.
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.
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