Matron Mulls Mortality
Senior Citizen Keeps Mind Active By Contemplating Death
PORTLAND, ME—
In an effort to remain mentally sharp well into her golden years, local senior citizen Evelyn Gordon, 86, told reporters Thursday she keeps her mind active by regularly contemplating her rapidly approaching death.
“For just a few minutes every day, I really try to focus in and challenge my brain by thinking about all the different ways I might die in the next few years,” said Gordon, who attempts to improve cognitive function by performing mental exercises whenever she has downtime, such as calculating the number of days she has left on earth or carefully visualizing friends and family paying their respects at her funeral.
“Then, before bed, I like to give my memory a nice workout by recalling all of the close friends and loved ones who have already passed away, and how that could realistically happen to me any day now. Of course, mostly I keep my mind sharp by concentrating on what it means to vanish into nothingness and be utterly forgotten. It really helps keep me alert.”
Gordon added that she has also taken to learning something new every day about the neurodegenerative diseases that will quite possibly claim her mind sometime soon.
Found@ http://www.theonion.com/articles/senior-citizen-keeps-mind-active-by-contemplating,38311/
Hmmm…
Evelyn contemplates death,
Taking her last living breath;
When is her last day?
Could it be today?
It seems to have shades of Macbeth.
She thinks of the ways she could die,
And the people who would surely cry;
She thinks of folks gone,
Those who have moved on,
She doesn’t look back and ask why.
She does it for mental agility,
She hopes it will help her abilities;
She thinks about dying,
Without any crying,
Death has its own grave futility.
© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh 
Mayor Mistakenly Mourns Man
SEATTLE –
The Seattle mayor’s office apologized for a news release mourning the death of a community advocate who turned out to be alive and well.
Mayor Ed Murray’s press secretary, Rosalind Brazel, emailed a news release Thursday featuring the mayor’s comments on the death of Jim Diers, a “former Seattle Department of Neighborhoods Director and community advocate,” KIRO-TV, Seattle, reported Friday.
“I’m very saddened by the death of Jim Diers,” the news release quoted the mayor as saying. “He was an innovator in bringing communities together and made a significant contribution to the foundation that makes Seattle special. His work with neighborhoods was passionate and progressive. His service to this city was unmeasurable. My thoughts go out to the Diers family. He will be missed.”
However, Brazel sent out a second email 29 minutes later with “CORRECTION” written in the subject line.
“The Mayor’s office was mistakenly informed of the death of Jim Diers,” Brazel wrote. “He is alive and well.”
Read more @ http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/02/28/Seattle-mayor-mourns-still-living-community-leader/UPI-81541393612606/#ixzz2ulFVKXUp
Hmmm…
A Mayor said a man was dead,
That is what the press release said,
The news story then quickly spread,
But the guy was alive instead.
The Mayor said the man would be missed,
His accomplishments made a large list,
But the story had a Hitchcock twist,
The great man did not cease to exist.
Read more: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/02/28/Seattle-mayor-mourns-still-living-community-leader/UPI-81541393612606/#ixzz2ulFVKXUp
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