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Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Sept. 18th, 2016


horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome back lovers of lunacy.

We’re here with another week’s worth of horror.

It’s what you been waiting for, haven’t you?

This week’s conglomeration of confusion includes: acorns, lint, and the ever-popular hemorrhoids.

Enjoy…

Aries… Uranus is in dialectic conjunction with Aries. That will only bring you problems. In the not too distant future, you will spend a lot of time and a lot of money to open a museum of lint. Only a few Laundromat executives will show up to observe your exhibits.

Taurus… Mercury is rising at an alarming rate, and in opposition to Taurus. That is not a good combination. In the future, your enemies will try to wrap you in bacon to promote you as a new snack food. They will fail, however you will be followed unmercifully by dogs and cats the rest of your life.

Gemini… Mars is in diametric mode now and on the cusp of Gemini. That is not a good combination. In the future, you will spend a lot of money and time opening a museum of toenail clippings. Only a few podiatrists will show up to look at your exhibits. From then on, things will seem dark and dreary to you.

Cancer… The Moon is rising and on the cusp of Cancer at this time. That is not a good combination. In the distant future, you will only carry on conversations with yourself. People will think you are strange. They will avoid you like they avoid Dennis Miller.

Leo… The Sun is in opposition to Leo, and in dissension at this time. That is a troubling sign. In the distant future, your enemies will dip you in chocolate. You will escape, but from that day on, people will have an urge to lick your face. You will not leave your home much afterwards.

Virgo… Pluto is in tri-geminal mode now and in opposition to Virgo. That’s not a good sign. In the future, you will have the uncontrollable urge to sit on flagpoles. You will spend a lot of time in jail. You will not be happy when you develop hemorrhoids.

Libra… In the not too distant future, you will paint yourself into a corner. Unfortunately for you, you will be using the non-dryable paint that you yourself have developed. You will spend a lot of time thinking about your folly.

Scorpio… The Earth is in tri-oppositional mode against Scorpio. That will only bring you misfortune. In the future, you will spend a lot of money and time opening a museum of warts. Only a few dermatologists will ever show up to view your exhibits. You will become depressed.

Sagittarius… Venus is square and in opposition to Sagittarius at this time. That’s definitely a bad sign. One day in the future, you will find yourself taking a selfie with a grizzly bear. Unfortunately, the photo will be taken while the bear is attacking. You will escape with minor injuries, but you will develop a fear of photos afterwards.

Capricorn… Mars is on the cusp of Capricorn and square with it. That portends problems for you. Sometime in the future, you will have a penchant for sucking acorns. Squirrels will follow you everywhere. People will think you are weird and shun you. Depression will set in.

Aquarius… Saturn is in hyper opposition to Aquarius at this time. That is never a good sign for an Aquarius. In the distant future, you will use the word repository in every conversation whether it is appropriate or not. People will think you are strange. They will avoid you. You won’t understand why that is happening.

Pisces… Neptune is in high declension at the moment. That’s not good for a Pisces. In the future, you will attempt to use a pogo stick to climb the steps of the Washington Monument. You will be arrested. No one will bail you out. You will not be happy.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2016 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Feb. 28th, 2016


horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello again blog followers and fog wallowers.

Here’s another edition of the only horoscope you’ll never need to read.

The charts for this week indicate more pain and suffering.

In other words, life as usual.

This week’s predictions include:  mannequins, proctologists, and the ever popular, Sinbad The Sailor.

Enjoy…

Aries… Mars is in disjunctive mode now. That’s never good for an Aries. In the future, you will spend many months writing a book entitled, “How to Tickle A Truffle”. Only a few Candy Chefs will buy a copy. It will be a great disappointment to you.

Taurus… Venus is having an allergic reaction to solar dust mites. That foretells problems for you. In the future, you will spend many months writing a yellow covered book entitled, “Mannequins for Dummies”. Only a few department store window dressers will buy a copy. You will become very depressed and full of regrets.

Gemini… Mercury is in transcendental mode now. That’s never good for a Gemini. In the future, during conversations, you will constantly tell people you agree with them, ”To a point”. Afterwards, your your friends and coworkers will make it a point not to talk to you.

Cancer… The Moon is in low orbital aspect now and in opposition to Cancer. That’s not a good sign for you. In the future, your enemies will try to change you into another species. They will fail, but afterwards you will become specious.

Leo… The Sun is in its seventh house dealing with a termite situation. It doesn’t look good. That foretells problems for you. Sometime in the future, after watching the movie, “Sinbad The Sailor”, you will decide to spend the rest of your life working on an answer to the question, “Did Sinbad really sin bad?” One day you will realize you’ve wasted a lot of time. You will be full of regrets.

Virgo… Uranus is quazi-transitional now. That’s never good for a Virgo. In the future, you will spend many months writing a book entitled, “Sphincter Secrets”. Only a few Proctologists, and Dennis Miller will buy a copy. Because of that, you will spend many days, months, and years trying to console your sad sphincter.

Libra… The Earth is square with, and in opposition to Libra at this time. That always brings problems. In the future, you will win first prize in an Ugly Toe Contest and be featured in The Guinness Book of World Records. You will become tired and worn out after people constantly insist on taking a “selfie” with a toe that looks like Ernest Borgnine.

Scorpio… Saturn is trying to sell off a few of its rings to pay off a bet it lost. It’s not going well. That for foretells problems for you. In the future, you will have the uncontrollable desire to have your brain tattooed. Oddly enough, from all the tattoos available, you will choose a tattoo of a brain. It will be painful.

Sagittarius… Neptune is descending into a deep depression, and it’s full of anxiety about that. Hmmm. That’s not good for a Sagittarius. In the future, you will succumb to your urge to visit a laundromat and take a spin in a commercial clothes dryer. The dizziness you will experience afterwards will last for years.

Aquarius… Pluto is trying to get certified in the International Showdog Association. It’s not going well. In the future, you will invest all your money in a new business venture called, Fake Beards for Babies. You will be sued, and lose all, when mothers realize the beards cannot be removed.

Pisces… Mars is in opposition to Pisces but on the cusp of Scorpio. That’s never a good sign. In the future, after considering the large number of things and people that vanish into thin air, you will lobby the government to make the air thicker. People will think you are weird and avoid you.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2016 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: January 11th, 2015


astrology

Hello again, fellow campers.

It’s time for your favorite source of prognostications.

This week’s listing includes everything from badgers to bruising, and water to Weird Al.

There’s not much else to say, my friends.

Enjoy…

Aries Venus is rising again, and for some reason it’s painful. That’s bad. In the distant future, you will be arrested for subway surfing without a permit. You will spend a week in jail with Dennis Miller. He will have been arrested for eating a dictionary in public without a permit. You’ll ask to be placed in solitary confinement.

TaurusSaturn is in its fifth house cleaning up after a wild, New year’s Eve party with the moons of Jupiter. Not long from now, you will fail in your attempt to start a “Badger Helper” business for disabled people.

GeminiMars is in court this week on jury duty. That portends bad luck for you. In the future, you will try to pay a plumber in plums, but he won’t accept it as payment. As a result he will re-pipe your dwelling, trapping you in your bathroom.

CancerThe Moon is on the cusp of Capricorn now. That isn’t good. Sometime in the future, you will profit from a prophet. However your wealth will be short lived when you succumb to your urge to bet on the latest gambling craze, Spleen Racing.

Leo… The Sun is in its seventh house planning a new solar flare. That’s not good for you. In the future, you will spend  your life, and lose all your money trying to train your gerbil to speak Armenian. It won’t go well.

Virgo… Uranus is trine with Virgo at this moment. That’s unfortunate for you. Sometime in the near future, you will try to stylize a stye in your eye, but it will make you look grotesque. People will reject you, causing you to go into a deep depression.

Libra… Neptune is square with Libra now. That isn’t very good for you. Not too long from now, you will spend all your money purchasing a local bar, for sale at a bargain price. But you’ll be barred from opening it. Too bad for you.

Scorpio… The Earth is on the cusp of Scorpio at this time. That spells trouble for you. In the future, you will spend years writing a self-help book called, “How To Patina Yourself For Fun & Profit.” Unfortunately, you will only sell two copies. One will be will be bought by a lonely aardvark. Weird Al will buy the other and make a fortune with it.

Sagittarius… Pluto is sick with the Solar Flu now. That’s bad for you. Not long from now, you will awaken to find yourself standing on a street corner in tattered clothing, holding a sign, which says, “Will cough up phlegm for tattoos”. That won’t go well at all.

Capricorn… Mars is trine with Capricorn at this time. That isn’t good for you. In the distant future, you will spend years writing a non-fiction book called, “How to Poke Pork For Fun And Profit”. You will not sell a single copy. You will become penniless as a result.

Aquarius… Jupiter is aligned with Mars now. That foretells problems for you. Not long from now, you will get things done in a pinch, but everyone will complain of bruising. You will be arrested for assault and spend a lot of time behind bars playing Negro Spirituals on a harmonica.

Pisces… Mercury is descending now. That’s not good. In the near future, your friends and family will think it quite fishy when you tell them you have the desire to hitch hike to Honolulu under water.

And… remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Bard’s Behavior Befuddling


shakespear play

 

Shakespeare could have been depressed when he wrote his finest and most puzzling works, the actor Simon Russell Beale has suggested, as he examines what inspired the playwright’s “torrent of bile” during a “bad patch”.

Russell Beale, the acclaimed stage actor, said two of Shakespeare’s plays are so extraordinary they must have signalled a darkness in his personal life.

Suggesting Timon of Athens and King Lear are so “savage” they must have been written during a “bad patch”, the actor argues Shakespeare may have “temporarily lost faith in human nature.”

Russell Beale has now examined the First Folio as part of a new BBC Four series, The Secret Life of Books.

Speaking of Timon of Athens, which some believe is unfinished, he said: “To my inexpert eye it looks potentially like rather a good play, but it must have been very depressing to write, “It’s as if Shakespeare can’t stop this flow of invective and bile, like a nervous tic. So perhaps, I’m suggesting, he himself was depressed. He temporarily lost faith in human nature.”

The actor, who has recently played Lear at the National Theatre, added even that play shows the “savage rewriting” of the ending, to kill off key characters and “obliterate a happy ending entirely”.

Comparing the early “quarto” version of the play with the later publication of the First Folio, he noted changes in the play he believes reflected a darkening of mood. “He deliberately changes the end, it seems to me the most savage rewriting of a source material that I can think of,” he said. I wonder if he was going through a bad patch. I know it’s a dangerous game to play, but I can’t believe you do something so violent to your source material as that without a personal investment of some kind.”

Sam Mendes, who directed Russell Beale in King Lear, added the material contains “shocking violence” and was a “truly dark play”.

Professor Sonia Massai, from King’s College London, told Russell Beale it was sensible to consider what was happening in Shakespeare’s life at the time he was writing. “It would be foolish to assume that there is no connection between biography and art,” she told him. “It’s not wise to think of Shakespeare as someone who would write in a kind of disembodied sort of fashion, as if he didn’t belong to a place and a time and a family group and friends and fellow actors, and would be unaffected by what happened around him.”

Examining Timon of Athens, which appears in the First Folio despite appearing incomplete, Russell Beale called it a “real puzzle”. “It’s a play I’ve very fond of but it’s a mess, famously,” he said. “Not printed before the First Folio, Timon of Athens is a profoundly ugly morality tales out foolishness, ingratitude and bad faith. The writing is vital, full -throated. But Timon of Athens is almost impossible to play because Timon’s torrent of bile goes on for what seems like an eternity. So what we have here, although it might look finished, is, I think, a draft. So why is it unfinished? What went wrong?”

He added: “I’ve never been able to convince myself that it’s unrelieved darkness is caused by anything as innocent as a lack of inspiration.”

Sir Nicholas Hytner, the artistic director of the National Theatre, agreed the play “doesn’t fit together”, but warned recent scholarship appeared to show it was written with a collaborator rather just reflecting Shakespeare’s inner turmoil. “At one stage, it was thought it was so fragmented because it reflected something of Shakespeare’s inner life, that he must have been undergoing a nervous breakdown,” he said. “More recent scholarship, pretty comprehensively, has established that it was a collaboration between Shakespeare and Middleton. It feels like somebody, maybe the two writers themselves or maybe the rest of the company, said this isn’t working.”

Story found@

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/theatre/william-shakespeare/11054284/Shakespeare-could-have-been-depressed-when-he-wrote-Timon-of-Athens-Simon-Russell-Beale-says.html

Hmmm…

Was Shakespeare really depressed,

Or just a bit over stressed,

When he was put to the test,

And wrote some of his best?

 

He wrote a “torrent of bile”,

Which didn’t bring much of a smile,

It was a change of his style,

Which lasted for a short while.

 

Was Shakespeare in a dark mood?

Yes, some modern scholars conclude,

When his great works are reviewed,

Or, was The Bard being shrewd?

 

Did life cause a heavy heart,

When practicing his fine art?

Or was he just being smart?

Can life and art be apart?

 

These questions have been raised,

About Shakespeare’s great plays,

For which he has been praised,

Right up to present days.

 

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Brief Browsing Brews Blues


In a recent study (probably for a Masters or PhD) it was determined that surfing the web randomly can lead one to suffer from depression.

It revealed that depressed surfers changed between sites more frequently than others who stayed on a site longer.

I know for a fact that certain sites depress me more than others.

But, I don’t think that necessarily leads to depression.

However, not having chocolates while surfing can really become depressing.

Hmmm…

Random surfing can make an impression,

That one is suffering depression.

They surf without aim,

Not like playing a game.

And they do it session after session.

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