Vacationing Man Excited To Try Fast Food Franchise Not Found In Hometown
VIRGINIA BEACH, VA—
Having driven to Virginia Beach to visit his sister for a brief vacation, fast food consumer and Pennsylvania native Don Turnbee expressed his interest Friday in eating at Carl’s Jr., a fast food chain not readily available in his hometown.
“I’ve seen commercials for it on TV, but there isn’t one where I live, so I haven’t tried it before,” Turnbee said of the establishment, which he said is supposed to be better than Sonic but not as good as Jack in the Box. “The closest one is five hours away, and I’m not going to drive that far just to eat there.”
“The one near my sister’s is pretty close, so that’s better,” Turnbee added. “It’s as far as the Burger King is from my house in Erie. So like a 10-minute drive.”
While Turnbee told reporters he is looking forward to trying the restaurant, he said he doesn’t quite know what to expect, adding that he’s unsure if Carl’s Jr. fries are “any good,” whether or not they do chicken nuggets or chicken tenders, or if it is the type of fast food restaurant that lets you fill up your own fountain drinks or if the “guy behind the counter does it for you.”
In addition, while he’s reportedly aware of the franchise’s signature sandwich, The Star Burger, he maintained that he doesn’t know if it “has any secret sauce or anything like that.”
“The food in the advertisements always looks pretty good,” said Turnbee, adding that along with ordering a double cheeseburger he’ll probably get a milkshake just to “see what they’re like there.” “I heard that they do something different with their hamburger buns, but I hope it’s not too different. I like buns when they have the seeds on them.”
Turnbee, who regularly patronizes the Wendy’s and Mr. Sub at the Buffalo Road Shopping Plaza in his town, said that while he’s eager to finally eat at Carl’s Jr., he hopes the dining experience will be better than when he tried White Castle for the first time during a trip to his mother-in-law’s.
“I had heard a lot about it because they do those small burgers, but I guess I like bigger burgers,” Turnbee said. “Carl’s Jr. I think will be better because they do normal-sized burgers. It looks like they have these spicy cheese fries, too, but I’m probably just going to get the regular ones.”
“If you go online, they let you build your own sandwich, but I don’t want to do that,” Turnbee continued. “I like ordering the regular way.”
Once again citing the proximity to his sister’s house, the 41-year-old confirmed that he would not rule out returning to the fast food franchise multiple times during his four-day visit should he enjoy the initial experience. The fast food consumer also said he would be willing to try breakfast there.
“I’m sure they have breakfast sandwiches, like sausage, egg, and cheese biscuits and stuff like that, but I don’t know what they do for hash browns,” Turnbee said. “I think they have burritos too, but I don’t like burritos for breakfast, even if they have eggs in them. Burritos are for lunch or dinner.”
Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/vacationing-man-excited-to-try-fast-food-franchise,34916/
Hmmm…
Carl’s Jr.’s on somebody’s mind,
There’s none near his home he can find;
He wants a new place,
In the fast food race,
The food may just help him unwind.
The man wants to try something new,
It’s something he thinks he should do;
He’s not sure just yet,
What he will soon get,
But it certainly wouldn’t be stew.
He’s unsure if they have hash browns,
Would they be the best ever found?
And will he take,
A yummy milk shake?
The choices do really abound.
He wonders if they have a sauce,
A secret one known by the boss;
To put on the meats,
That he would soon eat,
And do they serve Haagen Daz?
He’s not sure if he’ll get free drink refills,
That would sure be a sign of much goodwill;
He’ll know all that soon,
Eating lunch at high noon;
Free fill-ups would be kind to his food bill.
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.
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Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh 
Food Finds Infuriate Female
Woman A Leading Authority On What Shouldn’t Be In Poor People’s Grocery Carts
NORTHAMPTON, MA—
With her remarkable ability to determine exactly how others should be allocating their limited resources for food, local woman Carol Gaither is considered to be one of the foremost authorities on what poor people should and should not have in their grocery carts, sources said Thursday.
As verified by multiple eyewitness reports from supermarkets across the Northampton area, the real estate agent and mother of three is capable of scanning the contents of any low-income person’s basket and rapidly identifying those items which people like that don’t need to be buying, based on the products’ nutrition and cost.
Additionally, Gaither, 48, is widely regarded as a leading expert in determining which groceries they would purchase instead if they had any common sense or restraint.
“There’s no reason she should be loading up on those pricey TV dinners if she’s getting the government to pay for it,” Gaither told reporters at a local Super Stop and Shop, training her prodigious faculties on a welfare recipient using a benefit card in front of her in the checkout line. “If I were on food stamps, I’d just buy two whole chickens and a bag of potatoes—you could feed a family for a week on that and still have money left over.”
“All that junk she’s buying is just loaded with sugar, too,” said Gaither, identifying with uncanny speed another critical flaw in her fellow shopper’s grocery selection. “No wonder her kids are acting out like that.”
Sources said that Gaither, in addition to being a noted scholar of how the indigent squander her tax dollars at the supermarket, is able to detect with astonishing frequency instances in which poor people claim they are unable to pay their own grocery bills yet, seconds later, pull out a brand-new cell phone that’s far nicer than the one Gaither herself owns.
Moreover, as one of the most respected voices concerning the poor’s flawed eating habits, Gaither reportedly possesses the ability to instantly assess when people on public assistance keep coming back to the same fatty foods that pretty much explain how they came to look like that in the first place.
Despite her stature, Gaither has never shared her insights with any of these individuals, sources confirmed.
“The other day, I saw a woman who bought a box of name-brand Frosted Flakes because, apparently, the generic kind wasn’t fancy enough for her,” said Gaither, swiftly and decisively calculating that bagged cereal would have cost half as much. “And guess who’s going to be paying the difference in the end?”
“But then again, what do you expect?” Gaither added, making eye contact with the reporter.
Found @: http://www.theonion.com/articles/woman-a-leading-authority-on-what-shouldnt-be-in-p,35922/
Hmmm…
A woman checks grocery carts,
To her it’s become an fine art;
Though it might be rude,
She checks out the food,
She thinks that she really is smart.
She feels that the poor buy wrong foods,
They might buy according to moods;
They fail in nutrition,
Which lead to conditions,
In kids who become crude and rude.
The poor should really eat better,
Says this nutrition go-getter;
They should eat healthy stuff,
Not that Marshmallow Fluff.
They should be nutrition trend setters.
They could really save some money too,
If they bought real food, not sweet goo;
If they used common sense,
They could save many cents,
And have cash for their phone bill when due.
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
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