Finding The Humor In Life|A Place for Laughs|Poetry|Humorous Stories…

Posts tagged ‘food’

Your Fortune Cookie For Today: Nov. 12th, 2014







Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

Here’s today’s fortune cookie thought for today:

“No matter how hard you try, you will not calm Beef Jerky by giving it a tranquilizer.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee or a glass of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day.”


Your Fortune Cookie For Today Nov. 11th, 2014







Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” contained in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a contest I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

You may want to read the backstory first.

Then again, you may not. It’s entirely up to you.

But, I think you really should read it in order to get the full impact it’s had on my life, and/or, death.

Here’s today’s fortune cookie reveal.

I hope you find this enlightening:

“The sound of a train whistle will make you yearn for hobos.”


© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Food Finds Infuriate Female

Grocery  shopping

Woman A Leading Authority On What Shouldn’t Be In Poor People’s Grocery Carts


With her remarkable ability to determine exactly how others should be allocating their limited resources for food, local woman Carol Gaither is considered to be one of the foremost authorities on what poor people should and should not have in their grocery carts, sources said Thursday.

As verified by multiple eyewitness reports from supermarkets across the Northampton area, the real estate agent and mother of three is capable of scanning the contents of any low-income person’s basket and rapidly identifying those items which people like that don’t need to be buying, based on the products’ nutrition and cost.

Additionally, Gaither, 48, is widely regarded as a leading expert in determining which groceries they would purchase instead if they had any common sense or restraint.

“There’s no reason she should be loading up on those pricey TV dinners if she’s getting the government to pay for it,” Gaither told reporters at a local Super Stop and Shop, training her prodigious faculties on a welfare recipient using a benefit card in front of her in the checkout line. “If I were on food stamps, I’d just buy two whole chickens and a bag of potatoes—you could feed a family for a week on that and still have money left over.”

“All that junk she’s buying is just loaded with sugar, too,” said Gaither, identifying with uncanny speed another critical flaw in her fellow shopper’s grocery selection. “No wonder her kids are acting out like that.”

Sources said that Gaither, in addition to being a noted scholar of how the indigent squander her tax dollars at the supermarket, is able to detect with astonishing frequency instances in which poor people claim they are unable to pay their own grocery bills yet, seconds later, pull out a brand-new cell phone that’s far nicer than the one Gaither herself owns.

Moreover, as one of the most respected voices concerning the poor’s flawed eating habits, Gaither reportedly possesses the ability to instantly assess when people on public assistance keep coming back to the same fatty foods that pretty much explain how they came to look like that in the first place.
Despite her stature, Gaither has never shared her insights with any of these individuals, sources confirmed.

“The other day, I saw a woman who bought a box of name-brand Frosted Flakes because, apparently, the generic kind wasn’t fancy enough for her,” said Gaither, swiftly and decisively calculating that bagged cereal would have cost half as much. “And guess who’s going to be paying the difference in the end?”
“But then again, what do you expect?” Gaither added, making eye contact with the reporter.

Found @:,35922/


A woman checks grocery carts,
To her it’s become an fine art;
Though it might be rude,
She checks out the food,
She thinks that she really is smart.

She feels that the poor buy wrong foods,
They might buy according to moods;
They fail in nutrition,
Which lead to conditions,
In kids who become crude and rude.

The poor should really eat better,
Says this nutrition go-getter;
They should eat healthy stuff,
Not that Marshmallow Fluff.
They should be nutrition trend setters.

They could really save some money too,
If they bought real food, not sweet goo;
If they used common sense,
They could save many cents,
And have cash for their phone bill when due.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Spider Stash Surprising

BANANA_SPIDER2_2848268b family


Family forced to flee home after deadly spiders found in bananas.

Father Jamie Roberts, 31, found hundreds of potentially deadly spiders in a bunch of bananas bought at the local shop.

A family was forced to flee their home and have it fumigated after hundreds of potentially deadly spiders were found in a bunch of bananas bought at the local shop.

Jamie Roberts, 31, spotted white patches of what he thought was mould covering the fruit. However, on closer inspection, he saw tiny legs and realised the bananas were hiding a nest of spiders.

He soon discovered the creatures had spread to other parts of his home.

Mr Roberts, a civil servant, said: "I knew something was wrong because then I noticed the white patches were all over the window sill and the curtains and I could see tiny legs and realised they were spiders.”

"At that point, I wasn't too concerned because I thought they looked dead. I was freaked out but I started to sweep the patches into the bin but then they all started moving.”

"It was like something out of a horror film because suddenly the window sill was moving with hundreds of these spiders."

The family called pest control and was told to immediately leave the house while it was fumigated.

Mr Roberts, his wife Crystal, 30, and their two children Georgina, seven, and five-year-old son Joshua, left their home in Hednesford, Staffordshire, on February 24.

The spiders have not been officially identified but the
family believe they could have been the world's most poisonous spider, the Brazilian wandering spider.

Guinness World Records lists the species as the most toxic spider on earth and its venom is said to be 30 times more powerful than that of a rattlesnake.

Humans bitten by one can suffer an irregular heartbeat, high blood pressure, vomiting and eventual death.

Mrs Roberts, who works for HMRC, bought the pack of bananas from the OneStop store near their home.

A OneStop Stores spokesman said an investigation was under way, adding it arranged for the family to stay in a hotel while the fumigation took place.

Found @


They found some spiders in fruit,
Those critters sure weren't cute,
They wanted the spiders to scoot.
Cause in England they couldn't shoot,

First they thought it was mold,
Within the bananas folds,
They thought the fruit was too old,
But then why was it sold?

They said the spiders were awful,
And may even be harmful,
They knew they had to be careful,
So they were really prayerful.

They called in some fumigators,
Who are real spider haters,
The things will be cleaned up later,
And sent back to the equator.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Wacky Waffle Woman

TAMPA, Fla., Feb. 24 (UPI) –

Apparently undercooked breakfast food is an emergency in at least one state.

According to a 911 call posted online by the Tampa Police Department, a Florida woman called the emergency number to report that she was served raw, uncooked waffles at a Village Inn in Tampa.

“They gave me some raw waffles,” the call begins “and I told him that I don’t want the waffles.”
She reported, “[The restaurant] sold me something that was uncooked, I’m already paying for the whole waffle that was already uncooked, so you want me to pay for the half of waffle too that ain’t uncooked,” the woman told the 911 operator.

She then told the operator that she wants the waffle charges taken off her bill.

According Tampa Police 911 call postings, about half of the 911 calls they receive aren’t emergencies.
“The dispatchers on the other end of the 911 line have a tough job waiting for the next emergency, but did you know that approximately 50% of the calls they receive on 911 aren’t emergencies?” the department wrote.



A woman called 911,
Most calls there aren’t much fun,
She hated her waffles,
She said they were awful,
They were completely undone.

She wanted police right away,
She thought it was not right to pay,
The waffles were raw,
They stuck in her craw,
They totally ruined her day.

The police did not come by,
To heed the poor woman’s cry,
It’s just not right,
There was no real plight,
Perhaps they thought she was high.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Fellow’s Food Fussiness Frustrating

Fussy eaterFussy Eater 38


According to sources, local fussy eater Bryan Wilcox, who is known for refusing to eat any type of food he hasn’t tried before or that falls outside of his narrow zone of comfort, is 38 years old.

“Can I just get it plain, without sauce?” asked the adult man, who was born in 1975, has a 401k, a spouse, and two young children, yet frowns and shakes his head at the sight of shellfish, most varieties of vegetable, or any sandwich that hasn’t first had its crust removed. “Is it touching tomatoes? I don’t want it if it’s touching tomatoes.”

Sources later confirmed that Wilcox, a fully grown human, just pushed his food around his plate until he got to have dessert.



This guy is fussy over food,
I guess he’s never in the mood.
He’ll cannot touch a vegetable,
Even to be sociable.

A sandwich hasn’t passed his lips,
Forget about the sirloin tips.
Tomatoes aren’t on his list,
I’m sure by now you get my gist.

Shellfish makes him very picky,
To him I guess they’re truly icky.
He pushes food around his plate,
To him the fare is just not great.

But when it comes to sweet dessert,
“I love this!” he will quickly blurt.
He drives his wife and kids insane,
To them this man is quite inane.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Carl’s Causing Consternation

Carl's Jr

Vacationing Man Excited To Try Fast Food Franchise Not Found In Hometown


Having driven to Virginia Beach to visit his sister for a brief vacation, fast food consumer and Pennsylvania native Don Turnbee expressed his interest Friday in eating at Carl’s Jr., a fast food chain not readily available in his hometown.

“I’ve seen commercials for it on TV, but there isn’t one where I live, so I haven’t tried it before,” Turnbee said of the establishment, which he said is supposed to be better than Sonic but not as good as Jack in the Box. “The closest one is five hours away, and I’m not going to drive that far just to eat there.”

“The one near my sister’s is pretty close, so that’s better,” Turnbee added. “It’s as far as the Burger King is from my house in Erie. So like a 10-minute drive.”

While Turnbee told reporters he is looking forward to trying the restaurant, he said he doesn’t quite know what to expect, adding that he’s unsure if Carl’s Jr. fries are “any good,” whether or not they do chicken nuggets or chicken tenders, or if it is the type of fast food restaurant that lets you fill up your own fountain drinks or if the “guy behind the counter does it for you.”

In addition, while he’s reportedly aware of the franchise’s signature sandwich, The Star Burger, he maintained that he doesn’t know if it “has any secret sauce or anything like that.”

“The food in the advertisements always looks pretty good,” said Turnbee, adding that along with ordering a double cheeseburger he’ll probably get a milkshake just to “see what they’re like there.” “I heard that they do something different with their hamburger buns, but I hope it’s not too different. I like buns when they have the seeds on them.”

Turnbee, who regularly patronizes the Wendy’s and Mr. Sub at the Buffalo Road Shopping Plaza in his town, said that while he’s eager to finally eat at Carl’s Jr., he hopes the dining experience will be better than when he tried White Castle for the first time during a trip to his mother-in-law’s.

“I had heard a lot about it because they do those small burgers, but I guess I like bigger burgers,” Turnbee said. “Carl’s Jr. I think will be better because they do normal-sized burgers. It looks like they have these spicy cheese fries, too, but I’m probably just going to get the regular ones.”

“If you go online, they let you build your own sandwich, but I don’t want to do that,” Turnbee continued. “I like ordering the regular way.”

Once again citing the proximity to his sister’s house, the 41-year-old confirmed that he would not rule out returning to the fast food franchise multiple times during his four-day visit should he enjoy the initial experience. The fast food consumer also said he would be willing to try breakfast there.

“I’m sure they have breakfast sandwiches, like sausage, egg, and cheese biscuits and stuff like that, but I don’t know what they do for hash browns,” Turnbee said. “I think they have burritos too, but I don’t like burritos for breakfast, even if they have eggs in them. Burritos are for lunch or dinner.”

Found @,34916/


Carl’s Jr.’s on somebody’s mind,
There’s none near his home he can find;
He wants a new place,
In the fast food race,
The food may just help him unwind.

The man wants to try something new,
It’s something he thinks he should do;
He’s not sure just yet,
What he will soon get,
But it certainly wouldn’t be stew.

He’s unsure if they have hash browns,
Would they be the best ever found?
And will he take,
A yummy milk shake?
The choices do really abound.

He wonders if they have a sauce,
A secret one known by the boss;
To put on the meats,
That he would soon eat,
And do they serve Haagen Daz?

He’s not sure if he’ll get free drink refills,
That would sure be a sign of much goodwill;
He’ll know all that soon,
Eating lunch at high noon;
Free fill-ups would be kind to his food bill.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Your Horror-scope for St. Patrick’s Day Week

The week begins with the annual St. Patrick’s Day festivities.

Of course, they will include barrels of green beer, parades, green food, green clothing, and green faces laced with hangovers.

They say everyone is a little Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. A little Irish? I guess that means we all can be lephracons. Hey, where’s my Pot o’ Gold?

The planets in the Celestial sphere are aligned just right to make St. Pat’s Day, and the rest of the week a memorable one.

Relax and enjoy this week’s predictions.

Happy St. Paddy’s Day!

Aries… Mars is busy cleaning up for a St. Patrick’s Day picnic for all the other planets. Be cautious at meal time this week. You may find a lephracon swimming in your soup.

Taurus…The moon is trying hard to get out of the Earth’s shadow at the moment. You too can become legendary in Ireland. Just round up some snakes (non-poisonous) and drive them to the sea. First, make sure you put the snakes in the trunk, and don’t forget your driver’s license.

Gemini… Mercury rules your sign this week. He’s a benevolent ruler, and a little mercurial at times. This week, be wary of that pain in your back. You may be passing a Blarney Stone.

Cancer…Venus is making a new outfit for the party Mars is having. Your costume idea for the St. Patrick’s Day party is unique. Who would imagine anyone dressed as corned beef and cabbage.

Leo…Neptune is rehearsing the song, “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling”, for the party. You should know when Irish eyes are smiling they are probably up to something.

Virgo… Saturn hasn’t found a baby sitter and is worried about attending the party. Don’t open any emails from Ireland this week. They could be sent by a Lephra-Con-Artist.

Libra…Pluto is green with jealousy because, not being an official planet, it can’t attend the party Mars is hosting. Keeping that in mind, don’t bother looking for a lephracon and his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It’s been confiscated by the U.S. Government to cover its debt.

Scorpio…The Earth is shadowing most of the moon now. You will be the hit of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade when you appear as a large float based on The Dennis Miller Show.

Sagittarius… Jupiter is busy teaching its moons Irish dancing. Your idea for a theme park based on green beer will only be appreciated on March 17th.

Capricorn…Mars is anxiously awaiting the arrival of party guests. (See Aries). You will be green with envy when your best friend elopes with a lephracon.

Aquarius…Venus rules your sign this week. She is planning to launch a new tax. You may be wrong in your thinking. Your green grocer isn’t necessarily Irish.

Pisces…Neptune is on the cusp now. Your interests this week should center on bold blogging, lephracons logging, and Irish Clogging.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Copyright 2013, Ronald J. Yarosh. All rights reserved.

Update To Prior Post RE: Great Blogs to Follow

I was reminded of something by John The Aussie,  http//

I didn’t make the web addresses for the two great blogs I recommended yesterday into proper hyperlinks for those followers who read blogs via their phones.

Sorry about that my Mobile Techno-friends.

Traveling With Teddy is at

I Love BritishTV is at

Let’s hope this works.

Great Blogs Worth Checking Out

I just had to tell you about two wordpress blogs which I follow.

I highly recommend them. I ask you to recommend them as well.

I think they deserve a visit by anyone who visits Humorous Interludes.

The first one is travelingwithteddy. It’s at

If you like travel and food blogs, this is one of the best. It’s well written and has great photos.

The second one is ilovebritishtv. It’s at

If you like British TV, this is the blog to visit. It’s another well written and informative blog complete with appropriate photos. It highlights TV shows past and present,  made by Brits. in jolly old England.

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: