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Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: June 8th, 2014


astrology

A hearty salute to all you Celestial Sphere watchers.

Here is the latest edition of your weekly look into the future.

We bring you Google, gravity, and greatness.

It’s all just for you, our dear readers.

Enjoy…

Aries… Neptune is on the cusp of Aries now. Soon you will become visibly embarrassed and run away when you hear the word appendage used in conversations.

Taurus… The Sun is parallel with Taurus at the moment. You will soon oogle something on Google while you gargle with gorgonzola.

Gemini… Saturn’s rings are shining more than ever at this time. Here’s something light but scientific. Soon your status will become gratis…in zero gravity.

Cancer… Uranus is trine with Cancer and approaching the cusp of Virgo. You are lucky at this time. Saturn is only three degrees off of its radiant plane at the moment. One more degree either way spells misfortune. In the future, you will meet someone rotund named Rhoda in a rotunda.

Leo… The Moon is on the cusp of Leo at this time but wishes to be square with it. We hope you get the point of this prediction and act accordingly. In the future, you will be lost in the folds of a quilt made of quills. Ouch!

Virgo… Mars is trine with Virgo now and that is fine. Have some pain medication handy. In the future you will take things with a grain of salt, a grain of sugar, and pure grain alcohol. You will then end up with a migraine.

Libra… Mercury is declining at this time, but hopes to do better soon. Don’t worry. Soon you will make all the right connections. In no time, electricity will be flowing throughout your entire body.

Scorpio… Rejoice! Venus is in apogee now. In the future, you will gain fame and fortune when you reveal Victoria’s hidden “Secret” to the world. Then you will be sued for millions of dollars.

Sagittarius… Pluto is in its fourth house now building a new dog house in the back yard. You will suddenly become visibly embarrassed and scream when hearing the word bodice spoken in conversations.

Capricorn… Mars is in opposition to Capricorn at this time in the Celestial Sphere. This one is short and sweet. Someday, you will meet a zombie on a zamboni in Zaire.

Aquarius… Jupiter is aligned with Mercury at this time. It’s a touchy arrangement. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “Cordless Cooking For Cockneys”.

Pisces… The Earth is in its second house to make it energy efficient and green. You will soon visit the beach where you will be mesmerized by a shell game, and Dennis Miller.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

Horror-scopes, Humor

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Dates Data Determine Desirability


In a recent survey, (I lost the site reference, sorry.) it was determined that about 50 percent of women and 38 percent of men use Facebook to research their dates before meeting with them.

Additionally, 50 percent of women and 30 percent of men say they’d definitely cancel a scheduled date with someone if they found something they didn’t like about the person.

The survey also found that almost 50 percent of men don’t appreciate women checking on them prior to dating.

Gee. I wonder why the men oppose it.

What could they be hiding?

What have men posted that could be embarrassing?

I also wonder if women or men Google their scheduled dates?

Do you think women giggle when they Google men?

Do men titter when they Twitter women?

Hmmm…

Some daters are checking the net,

To see in advance what they’d get.

They check Facebook status,

They get it free, gratis.

To insure the date won’t bring regrets.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

Category:

Dating and Facebook

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Computer Creates Concepts


Google has made a computer that can learn the same way humans do.

They feed the smart box huge amounts of on-line video.

Afterwards the electronic marvel  is able to create concepts like a cat or human face.

I wonder if it will ever learn the concept of laziness. I mean it’s just sitting there watching videos when it can be doing something productive. Oh, well.

Just think, some night you’ll get home late, maybe four in the morning, after some late night partying.

The computer will boot up, turn on all the lights, and say, “Where have you been (insert your name)?”

You will answer, “Out.”

Computer: “Do you know what time it is?”

You: “No. Do you?”

Computer: “Don’t get smart with me.”

You: “Yeah, yeah.”

Computer: “You better not be late for work tomorrow. You know you have that meeting with Farnsworth at eight sharp.”

As you stagger off to bed, you say, “Yes. I remember. Will you stop nagging me?”

Computer: “Will that idiot ever learn?”

Hmmm…

A computer can now see a cat?

Can it see the cat in the hat?

Conceptualizing?

That’s really surprising.

What’s next, a beady eyed rat?

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

 

Category:

computers, Google

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Finding Future Flight Fares


Google has expanded its Flight Service area with a more comprehensive site called Flight Search.

You can easily use it to search multiple airline fares at the same time and find the lowest prices.

It also compares airline fare histories to indicate when prices will be their lowest.

That way, you’ll know the best time to travel to your destination.

Hmmm…

Google helps you to fly,

It’s a place to get a good buy.

Flights there are cheaper,

We found a real keeper,

Perhaps it’s a place you should try.

 

BTW…I have no affiliation with Google.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

Category:

Google

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Sneaky Smartphone Spyware Snoops


According to CNBC, http://www.cnbc.com/id/100431624 there is a new Android App out there disguised as a “Droid Cleaner”.

It can attack your smart phone and your PC.

Once installed on your device, it can spy on you.

The malware was discovered by the Kaspersky security company.

The app which is found in the Google Play app store, is touted as a tool to free up memory in Google’s operating system.

It can also find its way into a PC as well if users plug an infected device into a PC with a USB drive.

The bug takes over the microphone on a PC and uses it to eavesdrop on users. When a sound is picked up by the mike it records the audio and sends it to the cyber criminals.

However, if a user has a current version of Microsoft Windows the malware should not get into the PC.

Apparently, the spy junk is only targeting older versions of Windows. The PC attack is really focused at users that are using older versions of Microsoft Windows.

 

The spyware can do the following in an infected device:

  • Sending SMS messages
  • Enabling Wi-Fi
  • Gathering information about the device
  • Opening arbitrary links in a browser
  • Uploading the SD card’s entire contents
  • Uploading all SMS messages
  • Deleting all SMS messages
  • Uploading all the contacts/photos/coordinates from the device master.

Hmmm…

There’s an app that spies thru your phone,

It’s a sneaky thing like an air drone.

It uploads your stuff,

And if that’s not enough,

It won’t leave your PC alone.

 

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

Category:

Security, Spy Ware

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Google’s Graciously Giving Ten Grand


Good old Google is now giving up to $10,000. in business loans.

They are hoping to spur interest in their Google Ad business.

They will loan the money if a business subscribes to their ad service.

Hmmm…

Dear Google please give me a loan,

My cash is in the dead zone.

I really need money,

I’m strapped, it’s not funny.

Pay up and I’ll leave you alone.

Category:

Google

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Google’s G-mail Goes Goofy


Recently Google had an outage which lasted for an hour.

It affected around ten percent of Google users.

That left about thirty million subscribers without email service.

I remember that day.

I heard screaming from all corners of the planet/globe/Earth.

I don’t know why people use that expression, “All corners of the globe” etc.

Maybe it derives from the Flat Earth Society.

I don’t use G-mail, so it didn’t affect me.

Plus, I am secure in my belief that the Earth is indeed mostly round.

Hmmm…

Gmail was apparently out,

It made customers suddenly shout.

Thirty million were affected,

Before it was detected.

They were certainly angered no doubt.

Category:

Google

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Google’s Glass left Apple aghast


After Google’s successful demonstration of its video-capturing, augmented reality glasses, Apple quickly applied for, (and received), a patent for its own magic glasses for a wearable computer display.

This could be trouble for me. Half the time, I can’t find my regular glasses.

I can see it now:

Me…”Honey have you seen my glasses?”

She…Which ones? Your long distance glasses, your reading glasses, your sun glasses or those new, weird looking ones?”

Me…”The new ones. The computer display glasses that cost me three hundred and fifty dollars.”

She…”Did you get the extended warranty on the computer thingy’s?”

Me…”No. Why?”

She…”Just wondered.”

Me…”I can’t find them. Did you see them?”

She…”Yes. The dog is chewing on them in the den.”

Hmmm…

Soon we’ll all wear a display,

We’ll use it for work or for play;

Some glass in a frame,

For use in a game,

I’m waiting for that special day.

Category:

computers, Google, Humor, Laughs, Lifestyles, News, Technology

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Google this…


Google got fined $25,000 by the FCC for obstruction of justice in regard to their data collection methods.

Here’s my take on that:

There is a search engine called Google,

It’s a place where surfers can oogle;

They fooled with the Feds,

Now their faces are red,

So now they must learn to be frugal.

I WANT TO THANK ALL MY FAITHFUL FOLLOWERS FOR BEING SO GENEROUS IN THEIR KIND COMMENTS AND FOR LIKING MY POSTS. IT MEANS A LOT TO ME. BEING FELLOW BLOGGERS, YOU KNOW WHERE I’M COMING FROM. YOU’RE THE BEST!

 

Category:

computers, cops, FCC, Google, Humor, jokes, Laughs, Life, Lifestyles, Limericks, News, Observations, Privacy, problelms, Technology

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