Your HORROR – scope for the week of Oct. 14th, 2012
This week the stellar stars shoot for stunning starlit alliterations in the constellations without constant consternation or constipation.
Hopefully you will have happy, humorous and heartwarming Horror-scopic happenings…
Aries… Saturn is preparing for Halloween. Your date with succulent steamed veggies will go terribly wrong when you suddenly become ravishingly hungry.
Taurus… Jupiter is shopping for a new moon. You will awaken to find yourself on the Canadian border smothered in cold, clammy, Canadian bacon.
Gemini… Saturn is having its rings polished. You will be involved in some chicanery with a chickpea eating chicken in Chicopee, Massachusetts.
Cancer… The moon is going in for maintenance this week. You suddenly have a penchant for parchment, Parcheesi, and par boiled parsnips.
Leo… Mars is on the verge of Venus. While on vacation, you will vie for a viaduct near a villa in Veracruz.
Virgo… Mercury is pondering over appearing in a Reality Show. Your darling doggie wants to do its dastardly doody on the doorstep of Dennis Miller.
Libra… The Earth in its ninth house with a Realtor You will engage in cogent conversations with a toastmaster, a milquetoast, and Post Toasties.
Scorpio… Pluto hasn’t gotten much sleep lately and is grumpy. Your date with a transient Techno Geek will go wrong when he/she tries to troubleshoot you.
Sagittarius…. Neptune is considering taking up painting as a hobby. You will awkwardly awaken to discover that you are a hoax.
Capricorn… Jupiter is thinking of switching orbits with Mars. You will be stopped in your tricky tracks while paying taxes in Texas.
Aquarius… The moon is going in for maintenance this week. You suddenly have a penchant for parchment, Parcheesi, and par boiled parsnips.
Pisces… Mars is having its third house redecorated. You will pucker up to a hockey puck in Pawtucket, Paducah, and Patagonia.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
GRUMPY GETS GLORIOUS GIG!
ST. LOUIS (AP) — It probably won’t affect her famous mood, but Grumpy Cat now has an endorsement deal.
The frown-faced Internet sensation, real name Tardar Sauce, is now the “spokescat” for a Friskies brand of cat food, Nestle Purina PetCare announced Tuesday. The St. Louis-based company didn’t release terms of the deal.
Photos of Grumpy Cat, her brown and white face in a constant scowl, have become a constant presence on Facebook and other social media, often accompanied by crabby messages such as “I don’t like days that end in Y” or “I’m listening, I just don’t care. She also is among the biggest stars of the peculiar trend of cat dominance on Web videos and postings.
Grumpy Cat’s own Facebook page has more than 1.3 million likes. The dour animal also has more than 111,000 Twitter followers.
In addition to the relationship with Nestle Purina, which featured Grumpy Cat in an online video game series in March, the 1 ½-year-old mixed-breed feline has a merchandise line and reportedly has a movie deal in the works.
“She’s very busy,” Friskies spokeswoman Julie Catron said. “The first thing she’ll do for us is receive the lifetime achievement award.”
Catron isn’t kidding. The feline will receive the award Oct. 15 in New York as Friskies honors the best cat videos of the year as chosen through an online vote.
Grumpy Cat is owned by Tabatha Bundesen, who lives in Phoenix.
Story found at:
Grumpy will get an award,
Gosh, I’m really quite floored;
A cat with a “tude”,
Who looks really rude,
She also appears to be bored.
Her face has a constant scowl,
Like her life has run afoul;
She makes up great quotes,
So you should take notes,
The humor will make you howl.
The cat’s a star on Facebook,
Because of her serious look,
She’s big on the “Twitter”,
Though her face looks bitter,
Her fans are really quite hooked.
Now the cat has got a big deal,
That’s what Purina revealed;
She might get a movie,
Hey that would be groovy,
Who knew that she’d have such appeal?
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.