Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: December 14th, 2014
Once again we present you with this weeks offering of future events.
We studied the celestial charts quite thoroughly.
Unfortunately, the future may not be too pleasant for most of you.
The predictions range between spoiled leftovers and itching powder.
All in all, it’s not too promising.
Oh well, I guess we just have to live with it.
Aries … Uranus is in opposition now. That’s not good. In the future, a left-handed person will soon become your “right hand man” and serve you tainted leftovers.
Taurus …Neptune is in its third house now having the carpets cleaned after a party. That indicates trouble. Be extra careful. Your enemies are planning to exfoliate you using foliage.
Gemini … Mercury is on the cusp of Gemini at this time. That portends something bad. In the distant future, will become the Ambassador to Itchtenberg, a very small European Country. (It’s not even on the map.) It’s known for making potent, itching powder. You may just scratch yourself into oblivion.
Cancer …The Moon is in opposition to Cancer now. That’s not good for you. In the distant future, you will become involved in re-writing a long, drawn out theses, or falling into some feces. Either way it will stink.
Leo … The Sun is trine with Leo now. That foretells bad luck. In the distant future, you will become a tree surgeon. You later will be sued when you amputate the wrong limb.
Virgo … Saturn is rising now. Not good. In the not too distant future, you will only surf on Google, while wearing gaudy goggles. Your friends and family will ridicule you.
Libra … Mars is descending at this time. This foretells problems for you. In the distant future, will insist that you need a Seeing Eye dog to check the blind spots in your car while you are driving. You will ne denied.
Scorpio … The Earth is on the cusp of Scorpio now. This foretells problems for you. In the distant future, you will write a book called, “How To Ricochet For Fun And Profit”. Unfortunately, it will not bring you any fun, or profits, just misery and pain.
Sagittarius … Mercury is trine with Sagittarius at this time. That spells trouble for you. In the distant future, you will drink a tainted daiquiri, or be involved in medical quackery. Either way, it won’t be a happy ending.
Capricorn … Venus is in opposition to Capricorn now. That isn’t too good for you. In the not too distant future, you will awaken to discover that your shins are shunning you.
Aquarius … Pluto is trine with Aquarius at this time. That portends trouble for you. Be on the alert. Your enemies are planning to hyphenate you.
Pisces … Jupiter is aligned with Mars now. This spells trouble for you. Be careful. Your enemies are planning to trap you between two parentheses. What’s the answer to that dilemma? Check with Dennis Miller. He may suggest a way out for you.
And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Horoscopes Horrible or Harmless?
Harmless fun? Horoscopes may be bad for you, study suggests.
Horoscopes may be bad for you as negative readings promote self-indulgent behavior as people attempt to escape their fate, scientists find.
Astrology may seem like harmless fun – but a new study suggests following your star sign could be bad for you.
Consumers who read their horoscope daily were found to be more likely to exhibit impulsive or indulgent behavior when their zodiac was negative, the research suggested.
This is because reading a poor outcome in your star sign makes you more susceptible to temptation, it is believed.
The study, published in the Journal of Consumer Research, showed that those who believed their fate could change were more prone to erratic decision-making following bad news in their zodiac.
It has long been thought that reading your star sign can improve mood and encourage people to undertake selfless activities.
However, scientists at the University of South Carolina and Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland, found the opposite effect.
A number of participants were presented with unfavorable star sign readings and asked to choose between either going to a party or cleaning their home.
Participants who selected going to a party were seen as having made an indulgent decision and those who chose to clean their home were categorized as having made a virtuous one.
The study found that those who had read a negative horoscope before making their choice were more likely to choose going to the party over the more virtuous activity.
Researchers had expected participants to chose a more virtuous action to prevent the unfavorable outcome presented in their horoscope.
“Conventional wisdom might suggest that for people who believe they can change their fate, an unfavorable horoscope should result in an attempt to improve their fate,” the authors of study, Hyeongmin Kim of Johns Hopkins University, and Katina Kulow and Thomas Kramer of the University of South Carolina, said.
“Our results showed that reading an unfavorable horoscope actually has the opposite effect on a person.”
The researchers found that those who believe they have a fixed fate showed little change in their decision making and instead remained focused on their day ahead.
Earlier this month, Arch Crawford, a former Merrill Lynch trader who earned the nickname “crash Crawford” after predicting the “flash crash” of 1962, revealed that he has used astrology to guide his trades.
A study released in November this year, suggested 37 per cent of the public read their horoscopes before making big decisions. Women were also found to be twice as likely to visit a psychic than men.
The psychic industry in the United Kingdom is worth an estimated £100 million a year.
Can horoscopes make you behave?
Make you eat things you really crave?
Some people think so,
I really don’t know,
Perhaps they can make you feel brave.
Some people think it could be bad,
Reading scopes which make you feel sad;
When bad news they bring,
Do you do bad things?
Or do you always feel glad?
Can horoscopes really predict?
Or are they just nondescript?
Can they change your fate?
Help you pick a mate?
Or bring about lots of conflicts?
I guess it’s for you to decide,
Just keep your eyes open wide,
Read them if you want,
In large or small font,
My “Horror-scopes” have never lied.
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.
horoscopes, Humor, News, Observations