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Bacon Battle Begins


Bacon

Bacon festival attendees lodge complaints with Maryland attorney general’s office

People are upset that the Beer Bacon Music festival wasn’t really all-you-can-eat.

FREDERICK , Md., May 21 (UPI) –

Some bacon fans are getting the authorities involved after they allegedly paid up to $125 for an all-you-can-eat event and only received a few strips.

Multiple Beer Bacon Music festival-goers have complained to the Maryland attorney general’s office after attending the two-day festival in Frederick.

More than 5,000 people attended the festival and they were supposed to get a chance to indulge in two tons of bacon and more than 100 varieties of beer.

Irene Hafner waited for over an hour-and-a-half for her shot at the bacon bar and walked away empty-mouthed. “Not one piece of bacon got in my mouth,” she told the Frederick News-Post. “I got a T-shirt, a turkey sandwich and probably a total of one beer for $125.”

Event promoter Kevin MacFawn said that at least 35 people have asked for refunds but that it’s uncertain whether those requests will be granted.

An attorney who attended the event, James Braswell, said that MacFawn would be hearing from him via a complaint mentioning unfair trade practices and fraud. “If one is going to advertise all-you-can-eat bacon, you better have all-you-can-eat bacon,” he said.

Read more: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/05/21/Bacon-festival-attendees-lodge-complaints-with-Maryland-attorney-generals-office/6941400676053/#ixzz32MC50L8R

Hmmm…

Some folks got upset over bacon,
Their poor hearts were truly achin’.
Some attendees were surely shaken,
So legal action was taken.

They thought that could eat,
A lot of the tasty treat.
But there wasn’t enough of the meat,
Many customers felt defeat.

They were promised at least two tons,
So that they could have some fun,
Eating bacon with or sans buns,
But they ran out, making folks stunned.

They paid a lot of cash,
For that big bacon bash,
But their hopes were soon dashed,
Now comes a legal clash.

Some people are calling it fraud,
So they called up a legal squad,
To sue, which isn’t so odd,
Over planning that was truly flawed.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

Humor, News

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Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: May 18th, 2014


horoscope chart

A celestial welcome to all of you.

Here are this week’s best predictions.

It has been a difficult week.

Several of our crack staff (four capuchin monkeys) are out with the swine flu.

The aardvark and one monkey named Merlin were left to interpret the charts.

Well, that’s life in the big world of Horror-scoping.

Enjoy…

Aries… Uranus is square with Aries now. You won’t need a bow tie for this. Your enemies are planning to squeeze you into a quiver.

Taurus… Neptune is tuning up for a celestial concert. Soon you will encounter an old valise, the local police and possibly Cyd Charisse. It isn’t clear at this time.

Gemini… Mercury is in its fifth house meeting with a realtor. Get out your autograph book. In the future, you will meet Mini Driver while driving a Mini.

Cancer… The Earth is trine with Cancer at the moment. Soon you will encounter something scary, something very hairy, and then you will become quite weary.

Leo… Saturn is descending and in opposition to Leo at this time. Play it cool. In the future, you will be called Hot Pockets.

Virgo… The Moon is in its second house waiting for a pest control technician. In the future, you will visit Sarasota, become addicted to serotonin, and crave Sara Lee pastries.

Libra… Venus is square with Libra now. You will awaken to find that your vagus nerve has gone to Las Vegas to gamble and lose all your savings.

Scorpio… Neptune is rising at the moment. Be prepared. In the future you may become insane, or just incontinent. It could go either way.

Sagittarius… The sun is rising somewhere at this moment. You will develop spider veins, then suddenly you will become an arachnophobic.

Capricorn… Mercury is descending at this time. In the distant future, the site of a scythe will make you sigh.

Aquarius… Pluto is busy digging up old bones. In the future, you will be proven innocent, but you will then become incoherent, like Dennis Miller.

Aquarius… Jupiter is aligned with Venus at the moment. In the future, you will eat pork, or a pork pie hat. It could go either way.

Pisces… Venus is in opposition to Pisces now. In the future, the simple pleasures of life will become complex and difficult, but your pet aardvark will not notice any of your problems.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

Astrology, Horror-scopes, Humor

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Eerie Ear Extraction


Rep-Joe-Garcia

Rep. Joe Garcia caught on camera picking his ear and eating it

WASHINGTON, May 14 (UPI) –

A Florida congressman who was elected to the House of Representatives in 2012 was caught on camera last week doing something that might have people picking differently when he runs for re-election.

Rep. Joe Garcia was at a House Judiciary Committee hearing last week when a C-SPAN camera appeared to capture him picking his ear and then eating what he had dug out.

In the clip, Garcia appears to look back down at this finger and then go back for seconds while Rep. Suzan DeIbene was speaking.

After getting some grief about the video, Garcia took to Twitter and blamed the whole thing on a hangnail.

Read more @: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/05/14/Rep-Joe-Garcia-caught-on-camera-picking-his-ear-and-eating-it/7481400071474/#ixzz31hQZvDP5

Hmmm…

A congressman picking his ear,
On camera so it does appear;
He picked some foul stuff,
If that ain’t enough,
He ate it without any fear.

A camera picked up his gross action,
To the congressman’s dissatisfaction,
It went on the air,
But he didn’t care,
About his constituent’s reaction.

Is that guy concerned about wax,
Or some legislative facts?
He went back for more,
While a speech he ignored,
Is he just a political hack?

He’s trying to get re-elected,
Even though he was detected;
Having a lick,
Of ear wax he picked,
Let’s hope that he isn’t selected.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

Humor, News, Observations

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Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: April 27th, 2014


horoscope chart

Hi there, fellow Horror-Scope aficionados.

Here is your weekly dose of prognostication perfection.

As usual, it’s got some good news, and some bad news.

We suggest you focus on the good, if you can find it.

In the mean time, stay away from all sticky substances this week.

Enjoy…

Aries… Uranus is in perigee at the moment and on the cusp of Aries. In the future, you will be enchanting with your chanting of a Carol Channing song.

Taurus… Saturn is rising now and square with Taurus. Soon you will have trouble with a lease, the police, and some hot grease.

Gemini… Pluto is suing some government officials over a dog license. Get out the rosin. You will soon yodel while eating yogurt with Yo-Yo Ma, and Dennis Miller.

Cancer… The moon is becoming new again after a make-over. You will gain fame and fortune when you write a bestselling book called, “The Fat Lip Diet”.

Leo… Neptune is in its fifth house for a poker game. In the future you will write an abstract about abstract art while abstaining from artifacts.

Virgo… The Sun is warming up to the moon in hopes for a date. You will not lose much weight if you plan on dieting on diopters.

Libra… The Earth is on the cusp of Libra at the moment. You will soon be harassed by a roving gang of silly cilantro.

Scorpio… Venus is descending and is square with Scorpio. You will be offered a position at a cemetery when someone notices your constant use of the phrase, “I dig it, man.”

Sagittarius… Mars is ready to sue the Earth for invasion of privacy. Beware and be forewarned. Your phaser will jam up just when you need it most.

Capricorn… Mercury is in its seventh house checking for loose change lost in the couch and stuffed chairs. Your idea for a theme park based on Yellow Duckies is cute, but it won’t float.

Aquarius… Pluto is trine with Aquarius at this moment. In the future, you will suddenly develop a bad drinking habit which will upset your camel.

Pisces… Jupiter is aligned with Mars for some shenanigans. Get ready to tweet. You will awaken to find yourself in a large bowl of bird’s nest soup.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

Horror-scopes, Humor

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Casinos Cultivate Catastrophe


Casino

Casinos Getting People To Play Longer By Telling Them Rest Of Civilization Destroyed

LAS VEGAS—

Calling the practice a proven method for keeping players engaged, several Nevada casinos confirmed this week they often tell patrons that the rest of civilization has been obliterated in a worldwide catastrophic event and that the gambling facilities contain the last vestiges of humanity left on earth.

“Whenever our security cameras spot someone empty their last cup of quarters or walk away from a gaming table, we send an employee over to inform them that society as we know it no longer exists and that the world beyond our lobby is an uninhabitable wasteland,” Luxor general manager Paul Milton said, adding that they typically soften the blow by offering customers a complimentary drink or free tickets to see Criss Angel.

“It’s surprising how quickly most people will return to the casino floor once they’ve been told that everyone they’ve ever cared about has been vaporized in an inescapable cataclysm and that our walls are their only shield against deadly radiation.
In fact, for the slots players, you can barely get two words out about humankind’s downfall before they’ve turned around and started hurrying back to the machines.”
For less compliant patrons, Milton added that the casino will typically throw in a free night in its hotel while they decide if they want to stay and gamble or venture out and take their chances with The Horde.

Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/casinos-getting-people-to-play-longer-by-telling-t,35848/

Hmmm…

The casinos want people to stay,
And continue to gamble and play,
An air of concern is displayed,
Gambling should not be delayed.

The world is full of radiation,
It covers every nation,
In very large gradations,
Above all expectations.

The gamblers quickly comply,
Cause they do not want to die,
Escape? They don’t even try,
They just believe the big lie.

They go on spending their cash,
Even the cash from their stash,
Not one tries to dash,
It’s one big gambling bash.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

Humor, News, Uncategorized

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Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: April 13th, 2014


horoscope chart

Good day sunshine.

The Earth says, “Hello”.

It also wants the twenty dollars you borrowed from it three weeks ago.

It’s time for another week of non-profit prognostications from your friends at Horror-Scope Central.

Things are a bit more settled down this week, after an accumulation of allergic aberrations.

Hopefully this week’s predictions will be more tolerable, or not.

Enjoy…

Aries… Mercury is square and descending at the moment. It’s almost too much to handle. We hope your Karate skills are sharp. Soon you will be attacked by a hack in Hackensack.

Taurus…The Sun is trine with Taurus and is uncomfortable about it. Make sure you have a current passport. In the near future, you will be very busy. You will eat Yoplait then yodel while spinning a yoyo in Yokohama.

Gemini… The Moon is on the cusp of Gemini now. You poor dear. Soon you will become a deer in the headlights of life.

Cancer… Uranus is upset after losing money in the US Stock Market. Be cautious at this time. Your enemies are plotting against you. They plan to conceal you in a confinement center with Dennis Miller.

Leo… Jupiter is in apogee now and is loving it. We see a throne in your future. You will soon have an argument with your colon. It will win out in the end.

Virgo… Neptune is rising after a short nap. We’re certainly not lying when we say; soon you will write a bestseller called, “Vying For Viaducts and Violins”.

Libra… The Earth is in its fifth house spraying for pesky bugs. Get ready for this if you can. You will soon portend, pretend, and extend yourself.

Scorpio… Mars is square with the cusp of Scorpio. You will soon become the center of attention when you write a bestseller called, “Fun With Funnels”.

Sagittarius… Saturn is in its second house looking for loose change for the Laundromat. This may be a stretch, but soon you’ll yearn to build a home out of yarn. We think the address will be knit one, pearl two, Wool Street.

Capricorn… Pluto is in conjunction with Capricorn and isn’t too sure what to do about it. You will soon give your autograph to someone. They will run off with it. Later the police will call you and tell you they found it in a dumpster.

Aquarius… Venus is upset with Mars over some unpaid debts and for some unknown reason, wants to take it out on Aquarians. In the future, you will become famous for you recipe for Machu Picchu pea soup, but you will then be sued when it produces botulism.

Pisces… The Earth is in its fifth house, and trine with Pisces now. You will star in your own food Network TV show called, “Cooking With Ambiguity”.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

Horror-scopes, Humor, Observations, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

Clueless Clothes Consulting


Men's Curling Gold Medal Match Between Canada And Norway

Canadians Sledders
Strange Olympic Uniforms: Wacky Outfits

The HuffingrtonPost

The Winter Olympics isn’t just about the sports: fashion plays a huge role in the Games.

It’s an event where teams get outfitted by famous fashion designers , where judges have been known to be swayed by figure skaters’ pretty outfits and where costumes are carefully scrutinized and often ripped apart by critics, as Team USA recently found out.

It’s also an event where athletes can have a lot of fun with their style as Team Mexico’s only skier recently proved when he showed off his mariachi-inspired uniform complete with black bolero jacket and ruffled tuxedo shirt.

Sometimes, as the Canadian bobsled team recently showed us, they need not wear anything at all.

To celebrate the 2014 Winter Olympics, we take a look at the creative and strange uniforms of Olympics past and present.

Found @:
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/01/28/strange-olympic-uniforms_n_4682488.html

Hmmm…

A guy wears loud pants while he’s curling,
His teammates pants were all unfurling,
The pic made my mind ago a whirling,
I thought that I would be then hurling.

The Canadians were almost bare,
In that ice cold wintry air,
They did it without a care,
Inviting many a stare.

Who designs such weird attire,
And then sells it to a clothes buyer?
Should the outfits be thrown in the fire?
Should the strange concepts then be retired?

It’s all about custom designs,
To last through the games daily grind,
If they’re weird should you really mind?
Or say nothing and be extra kind.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

Humor, News, Olympics, Uncategorized

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Your HORROR – scope for the week of: March 23rd, 2014


horoscope chart

Hi there friends.

It’s time for another look into the future.

The past is now behind us and It’s very upset because it couldn’t catch up.

We are stuck in the present, and to make matters worse, it’s an unwrapped present.

Oh well, I guess we have to keep marching on.

Good luck and have a great life.

Here is your Horror-scope for this week.

Aries… Neptune is angry with Aries because he left cracker crumbs in bed again. Someone wants to cherish you forever…by putting you in plastic resin.

Taurus… Soon Jupiter will align with Mars but won’t be happy about it. Be on the alert. Some people will try to void you, others will try to avoid you. Some will ask you to listen to Dennis Miller.

Gemini… Your Gemini moon is in retrograde again. You will become confused and tell everyone you meet, that The Game of Thrones involves toilet fixtures.

Cancer… Your stars have crossed in an illegal manner and have been ticketed by the Solar Police. You will have the uncontrollable urge to tighten a loose woman.

Leo… Libra’s trine with wine but prefers sherry. You will put so much fiber into your body that you will become a place mat for your table.

Virgo… A Virgo moon is on the cusp of Jupiter and Neptune Your next haircut will end in shear madness.

Libra… Leo is in opposition to your mooning in Miami. You will soon suffer from sulphur while taking a selfie.

Scorpio… Scorpio is on the cusp of The Moon. You will write a bestselling book called, “Cooking With Cobwebs”.

Sagittarius… Sagittarius is on the cusp of The Sun and is about to go into retrograde. You will date a clown, then become a ringmaster in a flea circus.

Capricorn… Pluto’s alignment at the auto center tells us that in the future you will be shocked to see your electrolysis bill.

Aquarius… Your stars have crossed their legs again. Your enemies are planning to involve you in a chain reaction.

Pisces… The Earth is trine with the square of Orion. You will be thrown out of a cabinet makers office when you ask for a stool sample.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Category:

Horror-scopes, Humor, Laughs, Lifestyles, Uncategorized

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Wacky Waffle Woman


waffles
TAMPA, Fla., Feb. 24 (UPI) –

Apparently undercooked breakfast food is an emergency in at least one state.

According to a 911 call posted online by the Tampa Police Department, a Florida woman called the emergency number to report that she was served raw, uncooked waffles at a Village Inn in Tampa.

“They gave me some raw waffles,” the call begins “and I told him that I don’t want the waffles.”
She reported, “[The restaurant] sold me something that was uncooked, I’m already paying for the whole waffle that was already uncooked, so you want me to pay for the half of waffle too that ain’t uncooked,” the woman told the 911 operator.

She then told the operator that she wants the waffle charges taken off her bill.

According Tampa Police 911 call postings, about half of the 911 calls they receive aren’t emergencies.
“The dispatchers on the other end of the 911 line have a tough job waiting for the next emergency, but did you know that approximately 50% of the calls they receive on 911 aren’t emergencies?” the department wrote.

More@
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/02/24/Florida-woman-calls-911-about-raw-waffles/5051393269219/?spt=sec&or=on

Hmmm…

A woman called 911,
Most calls there aren’t much fun,
She hated her waffles,
She said they were awful,
They were completely undone.

She wanted police right away,
She thought it was not right to pay,
The waffles were raw,
They stuck in her craw,
They totally ruined her day.

The police did not come by,
To heed the poor woman’s cry,
It’s just not right,
There was no real plight,
Perhaps they thought she was high.


© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Category:

Humor, News, Poerty, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

Your HORROR – scope for the week of: Feb 23, 2014


horoscope chart

Welcome back for another tasty treat from the many worlds beyond.

It’s funny how the planets, and other orbs in our solar system, can just smack us around at will.

But that’s the nature of nature I guess.

The monkeys have been high on chocolate all week. They got it on sale after Valentine’s Day

Anytime you mix monkeys with sugar and space, anything can happen. And it usually does.

As a result, their prognostications may sound a little weird, but then the monkeys are a little weird to begin with.

Enjoy…

Aries… Pluto is on the cusp of Aries at the moment and it wants to move on to bigger and better things. In the future, you will buy a book from a bookie called Blackie in a bookstore in Brooklyn.

Taurus… Neptune is square with Taurus at this time, but would rather be at an odd angle instead. You will have the uncontrollable urge to date a harpist. Don’t do it. Harpists are only out to pluck you.

Gemini… The Moon is in Gemini now, and the Gemini Twins are having trouble sleeping at night. You will soon become confused and only attempt to get milk products from a dromedary.

Cancer… The sun has been caught loitering in space by the space police. It will need an attorney. Speaking of which, you will meet a tort lawyer from Tortuga with a tortoise. It will be a trying and treacherous time. Maybe you should call Dennis Miller.

Leo… Saturn is in perigee but is confused because it thinks it should be in apogee. You will soon experience temporary hypertension, water retention, or a suspension. Enjoy.

Virgo… Venus is wants to be on the cusp of Virgo, but it’s caught in traffic and may be late. You will soon want to take a peek at antique teak.

Libra… Mars is tired of all the publicity it’s getting. The paparazzi is driving it crazy. On your next flight, you will be tempted to leave the aircraft and fix a broken cloud pattern.

Scorpio… The Earth is trine with Scorpio at the moment. It’s not sure how it got in that position. It thinks it should be square. You will soon discover that the upholstery on your couch has been mysteriously removed. You will then pray that your insurance will cover it.

Capricorn… You will breathe easy after writing a bestselling children’s’ book called, “Nebby The Nebulizer”.

Sagittarius… Mercury is putting on more sun blocker in preparation for another solar flare. A lot of worry will come your way soon, so be sure to make time for it.

Aquarius… Uranus is in retrograde at the moment and is confused about it. Soon, the world will call you, “mutton cheeks” for some unknown reason.

Pisces… Neptune wants to get to apogee, but has been slowed down due to an accident involving two asteroids. You will soon experience pandemonium over a pandering panda in Panama.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Category:

Horror-scopes, Humor, Life

Tagged with:

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