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Posts tagged ‘Love’

Happy Valentines’s Day 2015


I decided to repost a cartoon I did a few years ago for Valentine’s Day.

I hope you like it. 🙂

Valentine Request

 

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Feb. 15th, 2015


astrology

 

We are back with another round of unfortunate fortunes for you seekers of the weird and wild.

I trust you had (or are having, depending on your time zone), a happy Valentine’s Day.

If not, this week’s predictions may just be the icing on the cake you haven’t been looking for.

They range from dominos to gnomes.

Enjoy…if you can.

Aries… Uranus is down with the flu at this time. That spells trouble for you. Someday you will attend a Merchant Marine Academy hoping to become the Captain of a fellowship. Of course that will never happen. Your hopes will be dashed forever.

Taurus… Jupiter is aligned with Venus at the moment. This is unusual and foreboding for you. One morning, you will awaken to find that you have been changed into a dartboard at a local, busy, bar/pub. Ouch.

Gemini… Mars is depressed after being rejected by Venus. That foretells a bad experience for you. Someday, you will learn that money can’t buy love. So, you will try to steal love. An alarm will go off and your efforts will be thwarted by Cupid.

Cancer…Saturn is descending and near the cusp of Cancer. This spells trouble for you. Take note of this. One day, you will convince yourself that for the rest of your life you should dither with a zither. The International Zither Society will petition the courts to make you stop playing. You will lose all your money in a countersuit.

Leo… The Earth is trine with Leo now and that isn’t good for you. In the distant future, you will design underwear made of feathers. You will take over the chicken farm industry to insure you have an ample supply. Unfortunately, you will lose all you money when the underwear produces a fowl odor.

Virgo… The Sun is on the cusp of Virgo now. That’s never a good sign. In the future, you will be in danger in Dublin, causing you to shoot a derringer at a dirigible. You will be arrested for carrying too small a firearm.

Libra… Mercury is rising now from a deep sleep and a nightmare. That foretells problems for you. In the not too distant future, you will find yourself being extra careful and alert, but your enemies will be successful in their efforts to make you incongruous. Let us know how that works out.

Scorpio… Venus is square with Scorpio at this time. This isn’t too good. It indicates trouble. Buy a large, rubber ducky float now. In the distant future, you will dicker with a doc on a dock about a certain clock wrapped in a frock. You will end up in the water, clock-less and clueless after being shocked.

Sagittarius… The Moon is in Sagittarius at this time. It feels queasy about it. That’s not good for you. In the future, you will approach a speaker’s platform wearing noting but platform shoes while carrying a naked gnome. You will be arrested for carrying a naked gnome without a permit. You’ll later see the viral video of your arrest on YouTube.

Capricorn… Mars is square with Capricorn now. That is always a bag sign for you. In the future, you will become a fashion guru who will shun all handbags in favor of foot bags you’ll design. Your fame will dwindle as people sue you, after tripping on the bag’s straps and buckles.

Aquarius… Pluto is in its fifth house now playing dominos with some friends. It’s losing badly. That foretells trouble for you. In the not too distant future, you will see something vulgar performed a vulture while on the Volga. It will disgust you and you will never be able to remove that image from your mind in spite of years of psychiatric counseling by Dennis Miller.

Pisces… Neptune is in its second house arguing with a renter over missed monthly payments. That spells trouble for you. In the distant future, you will have the mistaken idea that if you sprinkle yeast on U.S. southern states, the south will rise again. You will be committed to a mental institution for observation for having a half-baked idea.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

The Fortune Cookie For: Dec. 24TH, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“When someone loves you, you are complete.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

The Fortune Cookie For: Dec. 8th, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014. 

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“Perfect beauty can be found in perfect love.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

The Fortune Cookie For: Nov. 17th, 2014


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

Here’s today’s fortune cookie thought for today:

“Love is the answer. You just have to find the right question.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: October 5th, 2014


astrology

 

 

Well, this is the month for horror, hobgoblins, and Halloween.

 We hope you are ready for it.

The stars certainly are.

The charts have revealed a whole new list of problems to worry about.

They range from art to Avon.

Go figure.

Enjoy…

 

Aries… Uranus is in its third house repainting. This can be electrifying. In the not too distant future, you will have the overwhelming urge to remove all protons from your body.

Taurus…Mercury is descending into a horrible funk now. You will become rich and famous for your bestseller, “101 Ways To Rub Onions On Your Bunions”, with a forward by Dennis Miller.

Gemini… The Sun is on the cusp of Gemini now. Tea for two? In the near future, you will have the urge to bifurcate on command.

Cancer… The Moon is in its second house now meeting with an Avon Lady. Get ready for some damp times. In the not too distant future, you will suddenly cry when your cloths do not drip dry. We don’t know why. Deal with it.

Leo… Pluto is square with Leo now. In the future, you will try, to look at the sky, with an evil eye, resulting in a sty.

Virgo… The Earth is in the second house vacuuming the rugs. You will suffer impetigo or vertigo while on the go in Kokomo.

Libra… Venus is trine with Libra now but wants to be square. Hmmm. Here’s a problem for you. In the future, you will either get scabies, or change diapers on babies. Either way the situation will stink.

Scorpio…Saturn is in its second house having some landscaping installed. You will need to buy a new toothbrush. In the near future, you will have the urge to show everyone your new overbite in your new underwear.

Sagittarius… Neptune is trending higher now. This causes confusion. In the distant future, you will lock you lips on many hips while on a trip. Could they be hippos? Who knows? Good luck with that.

Capricorn… Mars is in apogee at this time and is feeling nauseous. This portends love. In the future, you will meet an artist and develop a long, drawn out relationship, which you will later want to erase from your memory.

Aquarius… Jupiter is on the cusp of Aquarius now. This portends travel for you. In the distant future, you will be plagued with the obsession to launch yourself into hyperspace.

Pisces…Mercury is aligned with Mars now. This isn’t good for you. Your enemies were planning to brainwash you, but now they want to send your brain to the dry cleaners. But, your brain won’t be ready when promised.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Aug. 31st, 2014


astrology

 

 

Hello friends of the unknown and unexpected.

Another week has flown by at supersonic speeds.

It’s time for another round of predictions for your enjoyment and wonder.

This week they range from toffee to gingerbread, and bunnies to bugs.

We hope you can make it through the week after you learn what’s in store for you.

Here we go…

Aries… Neptune is in its fifth house making arrangements for card party. Be cautious. You will either eat sticky, sloppy toffee, or spill some hot coffee in your lap. It could go either way. In any case, a stain will result.

Taurus… Mercury is rising steadily now, but at a snails pace in space. Use caution. In the future, you will slam your knee into a fireplug, or get bit by a nasty bug. Either way you’re in for some awful pain.

Gemini… The Earth is in its seventh house cooking dinner for some friends. This may sound cliché, but one day, you will take a long walk down a short pier then peer into a beer for a little cheer.

Cancer… Mars is on the cusp of Cancer at the moment. In the future, your sworn enemies will manipulate you. Then they will call you a fraud. Afterwards, they’ll stick you with a cattle prod, one by one. Ouch! Then again, they may force you to listen to The Dennis Miller radio show.

Leo…The Sun is in transit now looking for some shade. In the not too distant future, you will fall in love with the scent of skunk. You will become rich and famous when you turn that smell into cologne. Veterinarians and politicians will especially love it. But your friends and family will avoid you.

Virgo… Neptune is on the cusp of Virgo at this time. In the future, you will earn a fist full of money for doing something funny with a crazy bunny and some sticky honey. Or, you might get arrested for animal cruelty. Either way, fur will fly.

Libra… Mercury is in its second house dusting its chotskies. Be careful with whom you associate. Your enemies want to throw you into a pit of shame.

Scorpio… Venus is trine with Scorpio at the moment. We have good news and maybe some bad news. Be sure to step gingerly. In the future, you will eat some gingerbread or trip and fall on a gingerbread house. It could go either way. In any case, you will make a small child unhappy.

Sagittarius…The Moon is in its third house mooning Sagittarians. You certainly are a clever one. In the distant future, you will become extremely greedy. Then you will break a treaty with someone’s sweetie using only graffiti.

Capricorn… Saturn is square with Capricorn now. In the future, you will mistakenly bring catnip and kitty litter to a catfish dinner. The smell will be awful. Your friends will remind you to bring fresh litter if you are ever invited there again.

Aquarius… Jupiter is in its sixth house washing the floors. Be on extra high alert. Your enemies are planning to shoot you out of a canon into Never Never Land or Dennis Miller’s backyard depending on their aim.

Pisces… Pluto is in its fifth house building a doghouse for itself. In the future, you will have a devil of a time making snow angels.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Aug. 10th, 2014


astrology

 

Welcome friends of the future.

We bring you another week of celestial prognostications.

We hope they satisfy your needs in every way.

However, as usual, they probably won’t.

So, hold on to your hats and be forewarned of the future.

Enjoy…

 

Aries…  Uranus is on the cusp of Aries at this time causing trouble for you. Be on the alert. Your enemies are plotting to steal a Cabbage Patch doll you will acquire, and turn it in to coleslaw.

Taurus… The Moon is trine with Taurus at the moment and wishes it were in opposition for some reason. Hmmm…Soon you will have the uncontrollable urge to linger.  In fact, you will love lingering . Let us know how that goes for you.

Gemini…  Saturn is rising now and getting ready for some action. You will soon have the urge to love and worship all uneven surfaces. I know that sounds weird, but that’s what the charts say. Go figure.

Cancer…  Pluto is in perigee at this time and is confused. Be on the alert. In the near future, your enemies will try to dwindle you. We haven’t come up with a defense for that, so be careful.

Leo…  Mars is in its fifth house having it repainted after a wild party. Get ready for a new friend. One day you will meet a Barrister named Barry on the Great Barrier Reef. He will borrow money from you and won’t return it because he’s a shyster.

Virgo…  Mercury is square with Virgo and will soon be on the cusp. You’ll waste a lot of time over this. It won’t be long before you have the tendency to dawdle while you yodel.

Libra…  Venus is in its ninth house wondering why it has nine houses to contend with. Get your creative juices flowing. In the future, you will write a bestselling ebook called, “How To Banter For Fun And Profit”.

Scorpio… The Sun is on the cusp of Scorpio now.  Bottoms up! Soon, in the future, you will spend your last dime on liquor. Luckily you will have many paper dollars left, unfortunately it will be Monopoly money.

Sagittarius… Neptune is in its fifth house counting calories. Could this be a fly by night scheme? Sometime in the near future, a large bird will break into a bank and sit on your nest egg.

Capricorn…  Venus is on the cusp of Capricorn now. This could get sticky. Sometime soon, you will have the uncontrollable urge to send a tube of Crazy Glue to a psychiatrist for therapy.

Aquarius… Uranus is in its third house having the cabinets replaced and is having trouble with the contractor. Get ready to scratch. In the future, you will suddenly awaken and find that you are the star attraction in a flea circus.

Pisces…  The Earth is trine with Pisces now and that is fine. Good news and bad news. In the future you will be very good, then very bad, then you will be force to be very, very good, then you jail sentence (with cell mate Dennis Miller) will be over. Good luck with that.

And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Fighting Feeds Friendships


Couple arguing

Study Finds Backing Down In Fight With Loved One Extremely Harmful To Relationship

BOSTON—

A study published this week by psychologists at Northeastern University has determined that even a single instance of backing down during a fight with a significant other can inflict severe damage upon the relationship, often causing irreparable harm.

“When a person is in the midst of a heated argument with a romantic partner, we found that nothing is more detrimental to the stability of your relationship than budging from your point of view, regardless of how minor the conflict is,” said study co-author Jenna Herzig-Watts, adding that when an individual surrenders even an inch of ground during such a dispute, he or she appears undesirably weak and vulnerable, undermining any possibility of lasting intimacy and in many cases prompting the person’s partner to initiate a breakup, divorce, or one or more extramarital affairs.”

“According to our analysis, the best thing you can do is just dig in your heels and keep fighting.”

While it may be tempting to remain coolheaded and look for ways to resolve the disagreement, you’re ensuring the long-term strength of your bond by erupting in anger and bringing up as many hurtful and completely unrelated matters as possible.”

Herzig-Watts went on to state that a good rule of thumb for handling fights with a spouse or partner is to never stop screaming until you’re absolutely positive you’ve gotten the last word in.

Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-finds-backing-down-in-fight-with-loved-one-e,35937/

Hmmm…

You should never stop a good fight,
Regardless of who’s wrong or right;
Keep the spat going,
And love will keep growing,
Keep on fighting all through the night.

Dig your heels in, is what they say,
It is serious not just a play;
Keep your partner at bay,
Throughout the whole day,
It is really the only sound way.

You should never, ever back down,
Just keep wearing a big sad frown,
It’s all for the best,
Consider it a test,
It’s advice from someone renown.

It’s best you let out a good scream,
Or you could break up your dream team;
Yell all you can,
While you take a stand,
Regardless of how it may seem.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Your HORROR – scope for the week of: February 15th, 2013


horoscope chart

We here at Horror-scope Central hope you had a wonderful Valentine’s Day full of candy, flowers, champagne, and fine dining.

Perhaps one or more of you were presented with a diamond ring during a marriage proposal. If so, good luck with that, considering that your lives are overshadowed by weekly, horrorscopic predictions.

But don’t let that worry you.

Life is full of surprises. Things may even work out better than prognosticated.

Then again, maybe not.

Get ready. Here we go!

Enjoy…

Aries… Pluto is descending now after a day of flea scratching. You will become rich and famous for your ability to delve. Then lose it all to a vagabond.

Taurus… Neptune is tuning up for a concert in space. You will satisfy your urge to eat nuts, only to be molested by a roving band of squirrels.

Gemini…The Earth is square with Gemini now after many years of being in debt. In the near future, you will meet someone perceptive, someone deceptive and someone receptive. It may even be the same person. Enjoy.

Cancer… Mars is on the cusp of Cancer at this time and, for some reason, is anxious to get past it. In the future, will soon encounter fake jade, a long, boring parade and foul tasting lemonade.

Leo… Venus is in perigee and is in anticipation of being in apogee. Be alert. Your enemies are planning to turn you into an intransitive verb to be used (incorrectly) by Dennis Miller on his radio show.

Virgo… Mercury is trine with Virgo at the moment. Be careful. A rock guitarist will try to woo you with a giant geode.

Libra… Saturn is rising and shining at the moment. You will awaken to find everyone at a televised, national bowling tournament watching you…the head pin.

Scorpio… Jupiter is in alignment with Mars, and Venus at this moment. Your love life will heat up when you start using pepper spray as a breath freshener.

Sagittarius… The sun is in perihelion at this time. This week your interests will lead you to someone diabolic, something hyperbolic, and an angry alcoholic.

Capricorn… Pluto is on the cusp of Capricorn now. Beware of a sneaky snooper, a pooper scooper, and something not so super.

Aquarius… Uranus is all excited because it’s going into business making urinals called Uranus’ Urinals. You should know that your cuticles are soon going to turn into uglicles.

Pisces… The Moon is full at the moment. It was just perfect for Valentine’s Day. It won’t be long until you’ll be trolling uncontrollably with a troll and/or a trollop on a trolley.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

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