Your HORROR – Scope for the week of: Aug. 24th, 2014
Welcome fellow star gazers.
Here’s this weeks potful of portends.
We hope you enjoy them.
Pay attention, and be alert.
The stars can be fickle at times.
Aries… Pluto is in its fifth house waiting for a realtor. In the future, you will become part of the brain drain after you enemies get hold of you.
Taurus… Uranus is trine with Taurus at the moment. That’s not too good. In the not too distant future you will have wandering eyes. They will wander into the desert and get sun blinded for a long time.
Gemini… The Earth is trine with Gemini now. In the not long from now e you will travel miles and miles to meet a man named Miles.
Cancer… Mars is in opposition to Cancer now and that is foreboding. In the future, your bladder will act up. As punishment, you’ll send it to it’s room without supper to listen to Dennis Miller.
Leo… The Sun is square with Leo now. This means travel for you. In the distant future, you will have a brief encounter with a brief case in a briefing room while wearing nothing but briefs.
Virgo… Saturn is descending and dissenting at this moment. In the future, you will unsuccessfully try to attach yourself to a corset, or a cerebral cortex. It could go either way, and it won’t be pleasant.
Libra… Mars is in its second house cooking dinner for Uranus. This portends a musical endeavor. Therefore, in the future, you will mistakenly try to use poultry drum sticks on your ear drums.
Scorpio… The Moon is in its eighth house having a rummage sale. You may get weak in the knees over this. In the future, you will kick yourself for not getting knee braces when you had the opportunity.
Sagittarius… Neptune is trine with Sagittarius at this time. In the future, you will suffer from a short spasm of arrhythmia just after taking a music lesson.
Capricorn… Jupiter is aligned with Mars again and is happy about it. In the distant future, you will hire a building contractor in an attempt to improve your poor sentence structure.
Aquarius… Venus is on the cusp of Aquarius at this time. In the future something will amaze you, making your jaw drop. It will then roll under a large, heavy couch and it will be difficult to retrieve it. You will talk funny for a while afterwards.
Pisces… Mercury is in its third house having the roof inspected. You will awaken one morning to find that when you speak, you sound exactly like President Richard Nixon when he reached puberty.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh
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