Scared Swans Separating?
Study Finds Swans Only Other Animals Who Mate For Few Years, Get Scared, End Things, Then Regret It
ATHENS, GA—
Revealing how closely the waterfowl’s social behavior resembles that of humans, a study released Thursday by the University of Georgia has found that swans are the only other members of the animal kingdom that mate for a few years, get scared, decide to end things, and are later filled with immense regret.
“Although most animals either procreate freely or select a single partner with which to mate for life, we observed that swans, like humans, get freaked out about their relationship after an extended period of time together, abruptly call things off, and then come to realize they made a huge mistake,” avian biologist Michael Brooks told reporters, noting that both humans and swans typically grow increasingly dissatisfied with their romantic partner following a particularly monotonous period of feeding and nesting before panicking and concluding that they’re just not ready to settle down.
“While a swan that separates from its partner will inevitably determine that this impulsive decision was foolish, by the time the bird comes to this realization, its former companion has already met someone new and is very, very happy.”
Researchers also noted that only humans and swans enter a painful spiral of regret over their lost relationship and then compulsively mate with several partners in a futile effort to recapture what they once had.
Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-finds-swans-only-other-animals-who-mate-for,38198/
Hmmm…
Swans not staying together?
They’re not mating forever?
One leaves the nest,
Perhaps due to stress,
Their relationship is severed.
A recent swan study has found,
They’re not ready to settle down,
They are dissatisfied,
With what they have tired,
Do they leave not making a sound?
Later the swans have regrets,
Does that also apply to Egrets?
When they depart,
Does it break their hearts?
Is it something they cannot forget?
Or, is this study a fake?
If so, please give me a break,
In so many words,
We’re not like those birds,
We don’t swim and live in a lake.
It’s true couples do split,
When their life styles don’t fit,
But that’s not to say,
It is the swan’s way,
That’s something you’ll have to admit.
© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh 
Meat Munchers Maudlin Mortality
Study Links Meat, Sugar Consumption To Early Death Among Those Who Choose To Be Happy In Life
WASHINGTON—
According to a study published Wednesday in the Journal Of The American Medical Association, researchers have discovered a strong correlation between regular meat and sugar consumption and premature death among those who choose to lead happy and fulfilling lives.
“Our data indicate that people who eat large amounts of red meat and saccharides have, on average, markedly shorter and more satisfying life spans,” said the study’s lead author, Aubrey Schrader, adding that frequent ingestion of animal protein, chocolate, and sweetened snacks and beverages lowered the average age of onset of diabetes, heart disease, and cancer for those who take pleasure in their daily existence.”
“Evidence from our study suggests that diets rich in prime rib, pulled pork, strawberry cheesecake, flank steak, and Snickers bars were directly related to younger ages at death among men and women who embraced their life and made the absolute most of their time on earth.”
“Moreover, these individuals appeared to exhibit a greater peace in dying, able to pass on without any regrets in their lives whatsoever.”
The study also revealed that the loved ones of those who passed away prematurely and contented were typically far better suited to handle their grief due to their high levels of alcohol consumption.
Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-links-meat-sugar-consumption-to-early-death,35447/?ref=auto
Hmmm…
We’ll die from eating all meat?
And having a tempting sweet?
The data is in,
There’s no way to win,
We just have to give up those treats.
We have to watch out for all proteins,
And avoid all meats that are quite lean,
Many have died,
From those saccharides,
And maybe from consuming all beans.
Many who died were content,
Knowing their lives were well spent,
They ate all things bad,
But they were sure glad,
Mourners weren’t sad when they went.
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
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