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Posts tagged ‘Science’

Scared Swans Separating?


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Study Finds Swans Only Other Animals Who Mate For Few Years, Get Scared, End Things, Then Regret It

 

ATHENS, GA—

Revealing how closely the waterfowl’s social behavior resembles that of humans, a study released Thursday by the University of Georgia has found that swans are the only other members of the animal kingdom that mate for a few years, get scared, decide to end things, and are later filled with immense regret.

“Although most animals either procreate freely or select a single partner with which to mate for life, we observed that swans, like humans, get freaked out about their relationship after an extended period of time together, abruptly call things off, and then come to realize they made a huge mistake,” avian biologist Michael Brooks told reporters, noting that both humans and swans typically grow increasingly dissatisfied with their romantic partner following a particularly monotonous period of feeding and nesting before panicking and concluding that they’re just not ready to settle down.

“While a swan that separates from its partner will inevitably determine that this impulsive decision was foolish, by the time the bird comes to this realization, its former companion has already met someone new and is very, very happy.”

Researchers also noted that only humans and swans enter a painful spiral of regret over their lost relationship and then compulsively mate with several partners in a futile effort to recapture what they once had.

Found @   http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-finds-swans-only-other-animals-who-mate-for,38198/

Hmmm…

Swans not staying together?

They’re not mating forever?

One leaves the nest,

Perhaps due to stress,

Their relationship is severed.

 

A recent swan study has found,

They’re not ready to settle down,

They are dissatisfied,

With what they have tired,

Do they leave not making a sound?

 

Later the swans have regrets,

Does that also apply to Egrets?

When they depart,

Does it break their hearts?

Is it something they cannot forget?

 

Or, is this study a fake?

If so, please give me a break,

In so many words,

We’re not like those birds,

We don’t swim and live in a lake.

 

It’s true couples do split,

When their life styles don’t fit,

But that’s not to say,

It is the swan’s way,

That’s something you’ll have to admit.

 

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Meat Munchers Maudlin Mortality


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Study Links Meat, Sugar Consumption To Early Death Among Those Who Choose To Be Happy In Life

WASHINGTON—

According to a study published Wednesday in the Journal Of The American Medical Association, researchers have discovered a strong correlation between regular meat and sugar consumption and premature death among those who choose to lead happy and fulfilling lives.

“Our data indicate that people who eat large amounts of red meat and saccharides have, on average, markedly shorter and more satisfying life spans,” said the study’s lead author, Aubrey Schrader, adding that frequent ingestion of animal protein, chocolate, and sweetened snacks and beverages lowered the average age of onset of diabetes, heart disease, and cancer for those who take pleasure in their daily existence.”

“Evidence from our study suggests that diets rich in prime rib, pulled pork, strawberry cheesecake, flank steak, and Snickers bars were directly related to younger ages at death among men and women who embraced their life and made the absolute most of their time on earth.”

“Moreover, these individuals appeared to exhibit a greater peace in dying, able to pass on without any regrets in their lives whatsoever.”

The study also revealed that the loved ones of those who passed away prematurely and contented were typically far better suited to handle their grief due to their high levels of alcohol consumption.

Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-links-meat-sugar-consumption-to-early-death,35447/?ref=auto

Hmmm…

We’ll die from eating all meat?
And having a tempting sweet?
The data is in,
There’s no way to win,
We just have to give up those treats.

We have to watch out for all proteins,
And avoid all meats that are quite lean,
Many have died,
From those saccharides,
And maybe from consuming all beans.

Many who died were content,
Knowing their lives were well spent,
They ate all things bad,
But they were sure glad,
Mourners weren’t sad when they went.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Happiness Harms Health?


Health warning: laughter could leave you in stitches

A review of the benefits of laughter in patients by Oxford University has found that far from being the best medicine, it can lead to heart ruptures, asthma attacks and incontinence

It is said laughter is the best medicine, but research has shown a sudden fit of the giggles could be bad for health, leaving some people literally in stitches.

A study of the reported benefits and damage of laughter in patients from 1946 to the present day found a loud guffaw can causing heart rupture, torn gullets and incontinence.

Researchers from Birmingham and Oxford universities concluded laughter can have serious health implications.

One woman with racing heart syndrome collapsed and died after a period of intense laughter and laughing ‘fit to burst’ was found to cause possible heart rupture or a torn gullet.

A quick intake of breath during laughing was also discovered to often cause inhalation of foreign bodies and can also provoke asthma attacks.

Bursts of laughter were also proven to cause incontinence and trigger hernias.

However the review found that chuckling can also have a positive impact in health.

Laughter reduces arterial wall stiffness, which researchers suggest may relieve tension. And it lowered the risk of heart attack.

Hospital clowns improved lung function in patients with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and ‘genuine laughter’ for a whole day could burn 2000 calories and lower the blood sugar in diabetics.

Laughter also enhanced fertility: 36 per cent of would-be mothers who were entertained by a clown after IVF and embryo transfer became pregnant compared with 20 per cent in the control group.

The researchers say that their review challenges the view that laughter can only be beneficial but do add that humor in any form carries a “low risk of harm and may be beneficial”.

They conclude that it remains to be seen whether “sick jokes make you ill, dry wit causes dehydration or jokes in bad taste cause dysgeusia (distortion of sense of taste)”.

“We categorized the effects as beneficial or harmful, a usually clear-cut distinction. Some effects, however, such as lowering the threshold for seduction, could not be unequivocally categorized,” said the authors.

“Some readers may ignore the benefits of laughter. That would be serious. Others may dismiss its harms. We call them the laughing cavalier.”

Found @
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/10514690/Health-warning-laughter-could-leave-you-in-stitches.html

Hmmm…

Can laughter really ruin your health?
Cause problems which could drain your wealth?
Should you laugh at a clown,
In your hospital gown?
Or avoid laughing with much stealth?

Some scientists think it’s not good,
To laugh when you think you should;
You could get some stitches,
And end up with itches,
It’s something that’s misunderstood.

There are people don’t like the idea,
That laughing will cause diarrhea;
A chuckle’s a pill,
That can cure any ill,
From measles to dysgeusia.

Is laughter the best medicine?
Or something we should jettison?
You be the judge,
Just don’t hold a grudge,
Be honest with your comparison.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Disgusting Dissection Dissed


Seventh-Grade Biology Class Grossed Out At Having To Dissect Horse

MONTCLAIR, NJ—

Students at Glenville Middle School expressed disgust Thursday at having to dissect full-size horse cadavers, a much-dreaded annual assignment given to all seventh-grade biology classes in the local school district.

“You always hear that [biology teacher] Mr. Becora’s going to make you dissect a 14-hand thoroughbred, but until you actually see one all pinned down on your lab table, you don’t realize how gross it’s going to be,” said Lauren Denison, 13, who has protested the policy stating that any student who refuses to participate is automatically given a C.

“They give you this horse in a tank of formaldehyde, and it’s super disgusting—you and your lab partner have to slice off the hooves one by one, and that’s before you even crack open the rib cage and remove the aorta. Yuck!”

As of press time, resident class clown Ian Levine was reportedly trying to lasso Denison using his horse’s small intestine.

Found@
http://www.theonion.com/articles/seventhgrade-biology-class-grossed-out-at-having-t,34413/

Hmmm…

Some kids had to dissect a horse,
They declined but they were forced;
Soaked in formaldehyde,
After the horse had died,
They were grossed out of course.

The kids are of middle school age,
Dissection just isn’t the rage;
They cut up the thing,
Disgust it did bring,
The teacher is not very sage.

A few didn’t participate,
In something that they really hate,
They all got a “C”,
Automatically,
A grade that isn’t so great.

They cut off the hooves one by one,
They weren’t happy when they were done,
They sliced up the heart,
And other gross parts,
It really wasn’t much fun.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Biggest Bowel Bacteria Baffling


Study Reveals American Intestinal Bacteria Most Obese In World!

SEATTLE—A study published Tuesday by the University of Washington revealed that the gastrointestinal bacteria of American citizens are the most obese in the world.

“We found that American intestinal microorganisms consume an unhealthy diet rich in sugars, fats, and processed foods, and as a result, tend to be severely overweight compared to international averages,” said researcher Benjamin Singh, highlighting electron microscope images of American Bifidobacteria cultures that showed their bulging plasma membranes and thick layers of internal cytoplasm.

“Indeed, most intestinal microbes residing in U.S. residents had difficulty propelling themselves around the GI tract with their flagella and spent most of their time ingesting saccharides in the same stationary position in the gut, which leaves them at high risk for chronic health problems and a shorter life cycle overall.”

Singh added that there was little hope of curbing the obesity epidemic in the near future, noting that most American intestinal bacteria live in areas where nutritious food options simply are not available.

Found at: http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-american-intestinal-bacteria-most-obese-in-w,34614/

Hmmm…

Americans have real big germs,
They got them on their fatty terms;
They can’t move around,
In places they’re found,
The thought of it all makes me squirm,

They’re gobbling up too many sweets,
From people who eat lots of treats;
They’re awfully obese,
From sugars and grease,
They really should watch what they eat.

They lie around down in the gut,
They seem to be in quite a rut;
They eat and get fat,
Enough said about that,
It’s something that we can’t rebut;

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Surprise Supercomputer Sizzles


From BBC News

“A China-based supercomputer has leapfrogged rivals to be named the world’s most powerful system.

Tianhe-2, developed by the government-run National University of Defense Technology, topped the latest list of the fastest 500 supercomputers, by a team of international researchers.

Chinese officials said the news was a “surprise” since the system had not been expected to be ready until 2015.

China last held the top rank for supercomputers between November 2010 and June 2011.

Tianhe-2 ( meaning Milky Way-2) operates at 33.86 petaflop/sec, the equivalent of 33,860 trillion calculations per second.

The benchmark measures real-world performance – but in theory the machine hit a “peak performance” of 54.9 petaflop/sec.

The project was sponsored by the Chinese government’s 863 High Technology Program. It’s an effort to make the country’s hi-tech industries more competitive and less dependent on overseas rivals.

Chinese officials said it intends to install the equipment at the National Supercomputer Center in Guangzhou, based in the country’s south-eastern Guangdong province, where it will be offered as a “research and education” resource to southern China.

The machine uses a total of 3.12 million processor cores, using Intel’s Ivy Bridge and Xeon Phi chips to carry out its calculations.

According to the list, the US has the world’s second and third fastest supercomputers, Titan and Sequoia, while Japan’s K computer drops to fourth spot.”

See more at: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-22936989

 

Hmmm… 

China’s got a super computer,

It’s not for your average commuter,

It’s stored in a center,

Where very few enter,

It’s nothing you’ll see at a Hooters.

 

It does trillions of calcs in a wink,

That’s faster than humans can think,

Intel’s found in its brain,

It’s so fast, it’s insane,

Now they’ll hack us before we can blink.

 

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

 

Your HORROR – scope for the week of April 21st, 2013


The celestial sphere is abounding with portends for us all.

You should be especially cautious this week and be on the alert.

This is especially true if there is a warning for you.

In truth, all actions have their consequences whether it be by karma, or a snake charmer.

Aries… Uranus is thinking about subdividing itself. You should be aware that someone wants to enter your cuticles in a beauty pageant.

Taurus… Neptune is wants to change its name to Nep-song. You really need to stop hiding that sock monkey in your underwear drawer.

Gemini… Saturn is still upset because it was stuck in celestial traffic last week. You will awaken to find yourself an ear wax sculptor.

Cancer… The Moon is beginning to wane and is now in gibbous form. Beware. Parasites are plotting against you.

Leo… The Sun his suffering from excess gas, so watch out. You will suddenly awaken to find yourself involved in a love triangle with Dennis Miller and a filet of flounder.

Virgo… Venus is in a bad mood at the moment. It just found out it’s considered an inferior planet. Your idea for a theme park based on laxatives will come to foul end.

Libra… Mars is upset by the number of naked eye observers. It would like some of those eyes covered. You will have the overpowering urge to do a pelvic tilt in public.

Scorpio… Mercury is not happy to find out that its tilt is the smallest of all the planets in our solar system. Your disposition will change when you water and fertilize yourself regularly, and stay out of direct sunlight.

Sagittarius… Jupiter is having itching problems with its big red spot. It might be a rash. Your colonoscopy will soon be shown on YouTube. It will go viral.

Capricorn… The Earth is not happy because it doesn’t like being mooned by the Moon. Word of warning, do not toy with that toxin, especially on toast.

Aquarius… Pluto’s moon, Charon wants to change its name to Sharon because it’s a cooler name. Pluto isn’t happy about that. You will awaken to find that you are co-habitating with a groundhog from Punxsutawney Pennsylvania.

Pisces…Uranus will approach its equinox at some time in the future. Your pet has just one wish. It wants you neutered too.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

Copyright 2013, Ronald J. Yarosh. All rights reserved.

See-through Solar Cells Will Sell Well


Scientists have developed a new type of solar cell that is transparent.

They could be used on windows.

And perhaps on the screens of our electronic devices.

I can see those applications happening.

It could be a new window of opportunity for solar energy.

Hmmm…

Solar panels are now see through.

It will give us a whole different view.

It’s a new kind of cell,

That works very well.

Gossamer energy for me and for you.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

Battery Blues Brings Brilliant Breakthrough


According to the web site Mail online http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2286714/

There is a battery breakthrough that could charge your iPhone in five SECONDS.

It’s a Graphene-based supercapacitor that can charge and discharge thousand times faster than conventional batteries.

Researchers stated that prototypes of the charger can be produced using a standard DVD burner.

The battery that can charge a mobile phone or even a car in seconds.

Called micro-scale graphene-based supercapacitors, the devices can charge and discharge a hundred to a thousand times faster than standard batteries.

It’s made from a layer of carbon, only one-atom thick. It can be manufactured and integrated into your gadgets.

Hmmm…

A battery than can charge super fast,

A quick charging miracle at last.

It’s made from Graphene,

Right on your machine.

It can make your device a real blast.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

Robot Reporter Retorts for Sports


With the upcoming Super Bowl on the horizon, I thought this item would be appropriate.

 

Some unsatisfied, stat starved spectator has developed a robot containing a nauseating number of sobering sports statistics.

As if we don’t hear an apoplectic amount of them as it is.

Apparently Robbie the Robot Reporter (not its real name) can be used for any game with remarkable results.

I wonder if it gives betting odds for sporting events.

Hmmm…

A regular robot reporter?

I’m not sure I could be a supporter;

It would know all the stats,

Of this and of that,

But it could always become out of order.

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