Your HORROR – scope for the week of May 19th, 2013
This week, the celestial bodies have revealed a pattern which frankly frightens us. In fact we may have developed a phobia over their relationships.
Of course, their positions in the Celestial Sphere directly affect your lives in frightful ways.
Don’t panic.
Your immediate future reveals a temporary condition.
It will be over before you know it—or not.
Be prepared.
Here goes.
Aries… Saturn is descending now at a great speed and it feels great. We hope you like late night TV. You will suddenly develop a fear of sleeping.
Taurus… The Moon is in its first quarter. That’s small change. Your sudden fear of air will take your breath away.
Gemini… Neptune is trine with Pluto at the moment. Try not to travel this week. You must first come to grips with your fear of luggage.
Cancer… The Earth is in its seventh house again getting ready for new tenants. Have a broom handy this week. There will be a web of mystery over your sudden fear of spiders.
Leo… Venus is on the cusp of Saturn. You may wish you never learned how to spell. You will fear all things with vowels in their names.
Virgo… Mars is at its perigee now. Please don’t go postal. There will be no way to stamp out your fear of mail.
Libra… Uranus is square with the Sun. Keep a low profile this week. Your fear of heights will prevent you from attending basketball games.
Scorpio… Mercury is in retrograde at the moment. Try to keep dry this week. Your life will be awash in fear after you develop a phobia of plumbing.
Sagittarius… Jupiter is on the cusp with Neptune now. Avoid all Ring Masters this week. Your life will become a circus after you develop a fear of clowns.
Capricorn… Pluto is trine with Neptune now. You must sit this week out. Your life will come to a temporary stand still when you discover your fear of feet.
Aquarius… The sun has just released three solar flares. Find a cave immediately. You will have a desire to become a hermit when you begin to fear conversation, especially with Dennis Miller.
Pisces…Saturn is descending at the moment. Your mobility will be curtailed when you suddenly develop a fear of floors.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
Copyright 2013, Ronald J. Yarosh. All rights reserved.
Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh 
Spider Stash Surprising
Britain…
Family forced to flee home after deadly spiders found in bananas.
Father Jamie Roberts, 31, found hundreds of potentially deadly spiders in a bunch of bananas bought at the local shop.
A family was forced to flee their home and have it fumigated after hundreds of potentially deadly spiders were found in a bunch of bananas bought at the local shop.
Jamie Roberts, 31, spotted white patches of what he thought was mould covering the fruit. However, on closer inspection, he saw tiny legs and realised the bananas were hiding a nest of spiders.
He soon discovered the creatures had spread to other parts of his home.
Mr Roberts, a civil servant, said: "I knew something was wrong because then I noticed the white patches were all over the window sill and the curtains and I could see tiny legs and realised they were spiders.”
"At that point, I wasn't too concerned because I thought they looked dead. I was freaked out but I started to sweep the patches into the bin but then they all started moving.”
"It was like something out of a horror film because suddenly the window sill was moving with hundreds of these spiders."
The family called pest control and was told to immediately leave the house while it was fumigated.
Mr Roberts, his wife Crystal, 30, and their two children Georgina, seven, and five-year-old son Joshua, left their home in Hednesford, Staffordshire, on February 24.
The spiders have not been officially identified but the
family believe they could have been the world's most poisonous spider, the Brazilian wandering spider.
Guinness World Records lists the species as the most toxic spider on earth and its venom is said to be 30 times more powerful than that of a rattlesnake.
Humans bitten by one can suffer an irregular heartbeat, high blood pressure, vomiting and eventual death.
Mrs Roberts, who works for HMRC, bought the pack of bananas from the OneStop store near their home.
A OneStop Stores spokesman said an investigation was under way, adding it arranged for the family to stay in a hotel while the fumigation took place.
Found @ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/10689098/Family-forced-to-flee-home-after-deadly-spiders-found-in-bananas.html
Hmmm…
They found some spiders in fruit,
Those critters sure weren't cute,
They wanted the spiders to scoot.
Cause in England they couldn't shoot,
First they thought it was mold,
Within the bananas folds,
They thought the fruit was too old,
But then why was it sold?
They said the spiders were awful,
And may even be harmful,
They knew they had to be careful,
So they were really prayerful.
They called in some fumigators,
Who are real spider haters,
The things will be cleaned up later,
And sent back to the equator.
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
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