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Posts tagged ‘Sports’

Controversial Court Case Concluded


Panicking Tom Brady Unable To Stop Smirking Since Suspension Overturned

FOXBOROUGH, MA—

A full week after a federal judge overturned his four-game NFL suspension, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady noted with alarm Wednesday that he has been physically unable to stop smirking since the court’s ruling.

“I was obviously really happy when I heard the judge’s decision, but it’s seven days later and all the muscles in my face are still just stuck like this,” said Brady, grinning at reporters with visible fear and panic in his eyes.

“Yesterday, my wife came home upset about something that had happened earlier, and I physically could not stop smirking the whole time she was talking. Even now, I’m trying with every ounce of my strength to just stop smiling, and I can’t. I don’t know what to do—please, God, someone help me.”

At press time, after several hours of uncomfortable tossing and turning in bed, Brady had finally fallen asleep with a pained smirk still frozen on his face.

Found at: http://www.theonion.com/article/panicking-tom-brady-unable-stop-smirking-suspensio-51275

 Hmmm…

Tom Brady is wearing a smirk?

Some people still think he’s a jerk,

That under inflation,

Has swept the whole nation,

Others think he is a “Turk”.

 

To Tom the smirk is alarming,

To others it seems to be charming,

Is it pure luck,

That the smirk has just stuck?

It’s something that could be disarming.

 

There’s something about this man’s grinning,

He seems to be constantly winning,

The court went his way,

Now he can play,

Can this be a brand new beginning?

 

© 2015

Ronald J. Yarosh

All Rights Reserved

It is illegal to copy or use this poetry without the owner’s permission.

Woman Walks Wire


Woman wire 2

woman walking wire

Here is a photo of Faith Dickey of Austin, Texas (USA), walking the wire during the Women’s Highline Meeting in the Czech Republic.

As you can see, she’s wearing high-heeled shoes.

And, she’s walking on the wire in the rain.

Found @:   http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/picturesoftheday/11324996/Pictures-of-the-day-5-January-2015.html?frame=3154089

And : http://www.catersnews.com/stories/amazing/talk-about-living-the-high-life-woman-fearlessly-tackles-highline-wearing-heels/

Hmmm…

Walking a wire in the rain,

The woman could not be restrained,

It has been revealed,

She did it in heels,

Her balance was surely sustained.

 

Faith carefully managed her fear,

While the ground wasn’t so near,

She survived her walk,

Faith does walk the talk,

The crowd reacted with cheers.

 

She is the first of her kind,

There’s no one else we could find,

Who wore her high heels,

While walking on steel,

Courage has been redefined.

 

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Stats Suggest Squishy Suppleness


EDISON, NJ—

Destination Determines Desperately Demanded Dampness

An Onion report says…

“Touting his new website as the premiere online destination for visitors looking for hard-hitting analysis on the malleability and moisture of today’s NFL players, local man and incredibly creepy statistician Todd McIntosh unveiled a new website on Friday.”

“There are a lot of websites out there offering information about the game of football, but no one so far has provided facts and figures on the softness and wetness of today’s athletes that fans so desperately crave.”

“When you visit my site, you’ll have access to all the key dampness-pliability metrics, including defensive suppleness, liquid lost/yard, and QB squishiness ratings.”

” It’s all very important. I like this stuff a lot.”

“At press time, McIntosh was reportedly moistening his lips with his tongue while compiling a list of the NFL’s soggiest defensive ends.”

UPDATE:

“The U.S. Department of Justice has reportedly shut down the site just hours after its launch, taking McIntosh into custody and confiscating dozens of soaking wet photographs of Detroit Lions wide receiver Calvin Johnson.”

This story was found at:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/creepy-statistician-starts-softwetfootballfactscom,34096/

Hmmm… 

It’s all about NFL sports,

And moisture in somebody’s shorts;

A measure of sweat,

Is what we will get,

Could it be measured in quarts?

Do fans really want to know wet?

On a huge tight end for the Jets?

Why is it measured?

And the amount treasured?

It’s something I’d rather forget.

Some softness is also a factor,

In high paid NFL actors;

It’s could be didactic,

If used as a tactic,

I’m sure it will have its detractors.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved.

Robot Reporter Retorts for Sports


With the upcoming Super Bowl on the horizon, I thought this item would be appropriate.

 

Some unsatisfied, stat starved spectator has developed a robot containing a nauseating number of sobering sports statistics.

As if we don’t hear an apoplectic amount of them as it is.

Apparently Robbie the Robot Reporter (not its real name) can be used for any game with remarkable results.

I wonder if it gives betting odds for sporting events.

Hmmm…

A regular robot reporter?

I’m not sure I could be a supporter;

It would know all the stats,

Of this and of that,

But it could always become out of order.

Your HORROR – scope for the week of August 5th, 2012


The planets are aligned for the Olympic games. They show promise for some, and the agony of defeat for others.

Read on…

Aries… Mars is favorable for you now. You will win the gold in the volleyball swallowing event.

Taurus… Pluto is trine with Uranus. A bronze medal will be yours when you speed date with Polish wrestlers.

Gemini… The Earth is in its tenth house now. You will win the gold medal in the synchronized sneezing event.

Cancer… Venus is in its ninth house and trine with Pluto. You will not win a medal in the skunk sniffing event.

Leo… Saturn is on the cusp with Mars. You will be beaten out of a bronze medal in the grave digging event by a zombie from Zaire.

Virgo… Mercury is in high orbit now. You will win a gold medal in the individual sneaker tying event.

Libra… Uranus is square with the sun. You will win the Silver medal for mingling at a Dennis Miller event.

Scorpio… Earth is in opposition with Uranus. You will miss the bronze by a thousandth of a second in the rubber ducky bobbing event.

Sagittarius… Venus is in sync with Saturn. You will come in fourth in the cross country running event when you are beaten by a Chia pet.

Capricorn… Neptune is now trine with Mars and Venus. You will win the silver medal in the kayak kissing event.

Aquarius… Pluto is on the cusp with Uranus. You will win the gold for groveling.

Pisces…The moon likes you now. You will proudly wear a silver medal for your sterling performance in the medal polishing event.

 

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