Apple Employee Fired For Thinking Different
Brent Barlow, 27, a software analyst and beta-tester at Apple Computer headquarters in Cupertino, was fired Monday for “thinking a little too different.”
Apple spokespersons said the firing was necessary because Barlow “consistently failed to adhere to the normal standards of conduct and daily routines expected of employees of Apple Computer.”
Among the floutings of convention cited in Barlow’s Apple employee file: developing a pulley system to store his mountain bike above his workstation, listening to Bob Dylan on his headphones while testing software, and taking barefoot walks around the Apple campus to “feel more connected to the creative energy of others.”
“It’s okay to think outside the box,” said Avie Tevanian, Apple senior vice-president of software engineering. “In fact, we very much encourage that sort of thing here at Apple. But in Mr. Barlow’s case, he went just a bit too far.”
Barlow was first written up in September 1996, when he was cited for “unprofessional and inappropriate personal modifications to his workspace.” In addition to taped-up pictures of Mahatma Gandhi, Albert Einstein and R. Buckminster Fuller, Barlow painted a large red question mark on the side of his monitor, scanned and displayed a non-approved desktop screen image of Jim Henson, and replaced his computer’s trademarked Apple system beep with a snippet of the John Lennon song “Imagine.”
“I like to explore problems from unusual angles,” said the ponytailed Barlow, cleaning out the desk he has occupied since joining Apple in 1995. “And being in a free-form environment of my own creation really helps me get in the right frame of mind.”
Barlow’s most recent formal write-up came last Thursday, when his team supervisor caught him doing a headstand.
“I was stuck on this bug I discovered in the new Mac OS X system software that Apple’s developing. No matter what I tried, nothing worked,” Barlow said. “So I thought to myself, what I need to do is turn my whole approach to this problem upside-down. And what better way to do that than by standing on your head?”
In an effort to prevent such incidents of “excessive iconoclasm” in the future, Apple has developed a manual outlining the company’s rules and regulations regarding individualism. Permitted will be such unorthodox activities as removing shoes when seated or within four feet of a desk; whistling when given prior written permission from a direct supervisor; and kicking puddles, provided the kicking is conducted during one’s lunch hour and the puddle is one of the 35 on the Apple campus specifically designated for such a purpose. Prohibited will be such “gratuitously idiosyncratic” behaviors as singing out loud, flying kites and catching butterflies.
“Of course, we want our employees to be individuals and ‘do their own thing,’ so to speak,” Apple director of corporate communications Michael Landau said. “But Mr. Barlow’s behavior consistently crossed the line. If he wants to think that different, he can do it on his own time.”
Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/apple-employee-fired-for-thinking-different,773/
A man got fired for thinking,
Not for on the job drinking,
Or chauvinistic winking,
His heart is certainly sinking.
His thinking wasn’t the same,
He had only himself to blame,
He wasn’t too good at their game,
His firing is quite a shame.
He had his own frame of mind,
While working the daily grind,
Uniqueness is what he refined,
He is surely one of a kind.
He did things all on his own,
He wasn’t an Apple Corp. clone,
He’d stand on his head all alone,
Causing his bosses to groan.
His thinking just didn’t fit in,
Like hanging his two wheeled Schwinn,
Above his desk; oh what a sin,
Wearing his bosses’ nerves thin.
Though Barlow had lots of grit,
To them he was just a misfit,
It’s something he might admit,
But now he is going to split.
© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Pondering Parental Predicament
Homeless Man Has No Idea What To Do With Visiting Parents
With a long-planned weekend visit from his parents looming closer, local homeless man David Ruffner told reporters Friday he has been scrambling to come up with things to do with his mother and father during their stay.
“I don’t know. I guess I can show them my spot under the bridge here, but that’s only going to kill an hour at most,” said Ruffner, 38, speaking loudly to make himself heard above the din of a train passing overhead.
“And of course I’ll give them a tour of the park where I sleep when the weather’s nice, and direct them toward a discreet place to defecate, but after that I’m gonna be a pretty boring host.”
Sighing in apparent resignation, Ruffner confirmed he would probably end up walking around the downtown area with his parents and maybe grabbing dinner from a restaurant dumpster.
Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/homeless-man-has-no-idea-what-to-do-with-visiting,29486/
There is a man without a home,
Among the cold streets he does roam,
Not sure if he owns any phone,
He worries if his folks will groan.
They don’t know of his situation,
Where his meals are always rationed,
Like many folks across the nation.
Will it cause them aggravation?
What will he do with his folks,
Tell them some sad homeless jokes,
While his campfire he does stoke,
With apprehensive poker strokes?
There isn’t much for them to see,
A railway bridge, perhaps some trees,
Or maybe the spot where he pees,
If his parents do agree.
Perhaps he’ll be a boring host,
Who cannot offer them a roast,
Or even a slice of morning toast,
Nor drinks to raise and make a toast.
He’ll grab dinner from out the trash,
Then he will make a rapid dash,
To be gone in a silent flash,
Since he hasn’t got any cash.
That’s the life he lives today,
He has no home where he can stay,
Nor job which can provide some pay,
The future is not bright; it’s gray.
© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved