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Posts tagged ‘Tree Huggers’

Your HORROR – scope for the week of August 4th, 2013

Here is your weekly treasure trove of celestial treats.

The stars and planets are up to their usual surprises.

We are sure you can endure whatever presents itself.


Aries… Neptune is on the cusp of Mars now. You will awaken to find yourself in a buffet line…as a covered dish.

Taurus… Jupiter is aligned with Mercury at this time. You will become interested in an interesting interloper.

Gemini…  Venus is on the cusp of Gemini now. Stop bragging. Getting Kelsy Grammer’s autograph won’t make you an English major.

Cancer… The Sun is square with Cancer at this time. You will get the sniffles at the most inappropriate times this week.

Leo… Saturn is aligned with Leo at the moment. You will be locked in a closet over night with a boring insurance salesman.

Virgo… Atlas, a moon of Saturn, is rising now. People will definitely see your point this week, so keep it covered.

Libra… Pluto is on the cusp of Libra at this time. You will be trapped in a revolving door with a revolver and/or Dennis Miller. It could go either way.

Scorpio… The love of your life will be a rich and famous Greek named Eucalyptus Bronchitis.

Sagittarius… The Earth is in its seventh house now. You will be approached by a tree hugger or a mugger. It could go either way.

Capricorn… Uranus is trine with Capricorn this week. Your glands are planning a surprise party for you, so be available on Thursday. Act surprised.

Aquarius… Mercury is on the cusp of Aquarius at this time. The police will soon be at your door looking for an overdue library book, or a fugitive crook. The charts aren’t very clear on that.

Pisces… Our moon is square with Pisces now. A bank teller will reject you based on account of NSF (Non Sufficient Fun).

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved.

Commemorative Day Celebrations

While browsing in a local store which specializes in rare books, I found one which I believe will interest you.

It’s called The Ancient Book of Days.

From what I’ve read (on the internet) the book was originally written in Sanskrit, then later translated into Greek, and finally in English.

On the back cover of the book, I noticed a curious copyright symbol next to the name of a famous greeting card company. Could there be a connection? Hmmm.

The book contains some curious entries and suggestions for Commemorative Day Celebrations. The publication includes proper greeting cards suggestions.

There are also chapters which recommend gifts and “appropriate” decorations for each notable day to be celebrated each year.

I will attempt to chronicle these days in future postings.

I hope you will enjoy them and join in the celebrations and festivities.

My goal is to amuse you with these posts. And, you may even learn something as well.

The first one is called:

National Bring Your Badger To Work Day-Jan 26th

Let’s all celebrate heartily!

For those few of you out there who are not fortunate enough to have a badger, this day may be meaningless.

Of course, if you don’t have a badger of your own, I’m sure you know someone who does, (they are quite popular) so you can celebrate along with those in the know who do own one.

The badger is a member of the weasel family which is why they are most popular among lawyers, politicians, and IRS Agents.

According to Wikipedia, there are 11 species of badgers around the world. Others say there are 7 species. Frankly, does that statistic matter to anyone but badgers? I doubt it.

Badgers apparently have an excellent sense of hearing and smell, but don’t have very good eyesight.

I know this for a fact. I recently saw one at my Optometrist’s office waiting to see the doctor. I guess they are the Mr. Magoos of the forest.

The Ferret Badger may sleep in trees from time to time. So do many human Tree Huggers.

The Indonesian and Palawan Stink Badgers can squirt a foul smelling and terribly tasting substance from their anal glands to deter enemies. That is how they got their name.

Here’s a helpful hint. Never lift a Stink Badger’s tail (Or Dennis Miller’s tail) for any reason.

It was once believed that if a badger stopped in front of you and scratched the ground, you would soon die.

This is true if you are standing in the middle of a busy street or if you jump out of a high flying 747 without a parachute.

It is reported that a badger joined some people for a run and kept up with them for almost 200 feet, winning a marathon race.

The badger was eventually disqualified after it was discovered that she took a subway train to a point just before the finish of the race.

In the children’s book, The Wind in the Willows, a badger is friendly to most of the animals in the forest, including two characters named, Ratty and Mole.

It should be known, that the badger in that book was eventually dissed by the duo when he brought an inappropriate gift to a birthday party.

There are a number of sports teams named after the short legged omnivore, such as The Wisconsin Football Badgers. The Bogotá Badgers and the Beverly Badgers.

What do you bring to a Bring Your Badger To Work Day celebration?

A bag of grubs, or worms would make a nice gift, unless the badger in question is a vegetarian. In that case, bring it a nice tuber or some fresh honey.

For more information on this unique animal, look them up on line.

Hey, I can’t do everything for you.


© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

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