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Posts tagged ‘Weird News’

Parents Pardon Pleases Perpetrator

House fire


Despite his best efforts to conceal the damage, area teen, Kyle Towser, confirmed Wednesday that his parents could clearly tell he had a huge house fire while they were away for the weekend.

“I tried to cover it up before they came home by throwing blankets over the worst scorches on the floor and couches, but they could definitely smell smoke on me as soon as they came through the door,” said Towser, adding that what began as a small house fire soon got completely out of control and kept on going until well after 4 a.m.

“I mean, of course they were going to find out: The den, kitchen, and master bedroom are totally destroyed. Plus, the neighbors complained when it really started raging.”

Towser went on to say that his parents were surprisingly understanding since they had house fires when they were kids, too.

Found @,37647/


Young Towser witnessed a fire,

The situation was dire,

His folks were away,

Not just for the a day,

It was something no one would desire.


He tried to cover the mess,

The fire caused him some stress,

Would mom and dad yell?

When detecting the smell?

It was anybody’s guess.


His parents took it quite well,

They had their own story to tell,

Of fires they had,

They weren’t so sad,

They had their own flames to quell.


© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Cautious Cultural Contact

colleagues pic

Trailblazing Colleague Makes Historic Contact With People Who Work On Other Floor


In an unprecedented encounter with a culture heretofore shrouded in mystery, Northco Logistics customer service specialist Ryan Barlow reportedly established historic contact Wednesday with the people who work on his office complex’s fourth floor.

“I met this guy Kevin who said they’d been having the same problems with the air conditioner we’ve been having,” said the 28-year-old explorer in reference to the peaceful words of greeting he exchanged in the elevator with an inhabitant of QuestTech Learning Solutions, a meeting that to this point had been considered far too perilous to be undertaken.

“He also said they had some leftover food and cake from his coworker’s birthday and that we could stop by if we wanted. He seemed very friendly.”
Though admitting that no one had yet dared journey so far, the intrepid adventurer then regaled his colleagues with the legend of the remote and uncharted seventh floor, where there was rumored to exist a vast open layout and, according to lore, a ping-pong table

Found @,36311/


He met someone from another floor,
Something not seen before,
It wasn’t much of a chore,
He did establish rapport.

He is a history maker,
This company risk taker,
It wasn’t a deal breaker,
But maybe a hand shaker.

The man offered Ryan some cake,
Perhaps while he’s on his break,
An offer he might just take,
There wouldn’t be too much at stake.

Will Ryan do it again?
Risking some personal pain,
For some sociological gain.
Will his friends think him insane?

There are legends of things in that place,
Like floors with vast open space,
Maybe work done at a slower pace,
It’d be nice if that was the case.

It was a major breakthrough,
Something some others may do,
On higher floors with a good view,
Perhaps they’ll meet someone like you.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Cashier Causes Customer Consternation

It Almost As If A Rite Aid Cashier Doesn’t Care About The Reputation Of Rite Aid Corporation.


Citing the man’s wrinkled uniform and detached attitude, Rite Aid patrons surmised Thursday that, if appearances could be believed, it would almost seem as though cashier Gabriel Morales was wholly unconcerned with the reputation and overall corporate health of the third largest retail pharmacy chain in the United States.

“I don’t want to jump to conclusions here, but his body language and general behavior might nearly imply that he has little or no regard for the history of the Rite Aid corporation and the image that it wants to project to the world,” said pharmacy customer Michael Valetta of the 39-year-old Rite Aid employee.

“Honestly, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was just treating this job as—how should I put this—well, almost like it were any other minimum wage retail job rather than an esteemed position at one of America’s most beloved, time-honored companies,” Valetta continued.

Valetta noted that Morales’ nonexistent greeting, slow response time, and general air of indifference all but pointed to the conclusion that he perhaps did not see himself as a representative of the Rite Aid brand who has been tasked with upholding that company’s sense of tradition and character.

At press time, customers were baffled to note Morales smoking outside of the store while on a break, as though he wasn’t the public face of the country’s premier purveyor of pharmacy, health, and wellness services.

Found at:,34562/


A disheveled guy at Rite Aid,
Does he deserve to get paid?
He’s got a real “tude”,
Don’t know if he’s rude,
He doesn’t care how he’s displayed.

He’s not a “company” guy,
The customers duly cry;
He’s kind of blasé,
The shoppers all say,
The culprit had no reply.

Will he continue to work at the store?
Can the customers take any more?
Will he try a small smile?
And change his bad style?
Or will the management show him the door?

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Sucking Suggestion Spreads Sickness

CAUTION…Read this at your own risk!

The Onion News Reports the Following…

Centers For Disease Contraction Urges Americans To Suck Doorknob


According to a report released Monday by the Centers for Disease Contraction and Preservation, Americans should suck on four to five doorknobs per day, especially doorknobs to public restrooms and doorknobs covered in a noticeable film of human hand grease.

“At the Centers for Disease Contraction, we are always looking for ways Americans can get sick and spread their illnesses effectively,” said CDC Director Dr. Benjamin Campbell, adding that by sucking on doorknobs citizens could increase their chances of acquiring infectious diseases and bacterial illnesses by 450 percent.

“So if you aren’t currently suffering from the common cold or the flu, we urge you to find a doorknob in a high-traffic area, place your mouth on it, and begin sucking. Suck on it for five minutes, stop, spit on your fingers, and then rub the contaminated saliva into your eyes and nose. Then breathe on as many people as possible. Repeat this process upwards of 10 times or until you experience fever, nausea, or sharp stomach pains.”

“This is an excellent way to make yourselves susceptible to numerous illnesses including acute gastroenteritis, toxoplasmosis, and trachoma,” Campbell continued. “Please, suck on dirty doorknobs. This is your health we’re talking about.”

Saying that their goal is to keep pathogens inside the body as long as possible so they are able to do as much damage as possible, Centers for Disease Contraction officials noted that the more bacteria, fungi, and viruses that enter the digestive system, the more likely it is for an individual to acquire a debilitating urinary tract infection, tuberculosis, or even mumps.

While the report didn’t say it was absolutely necessary, it strongly recommended “group spit mixing,” in which 15 to 20 individuals stand around one single doorknob—preferably on a McDonald’s or Starbucks restroom door—and take turns sucking on it.

If a doorknob is not immediately available, the CDC said Americans could also suck on subway car poles; subway car seats; boots; pets; discarded cigarette butts; sidewalks, specifically in places where gum is stuck to the ground; rabid animals; garbage; scuzzy pond water; dirt; sauce-splattered plates; the open sores of bed-ridden sick people; and welcome mats.

“If one wants to lick the inside of a fireplace for several hours in order to contract a high fever that leads to prolonged vomiting, that’s also okay, just as long as it’s a fireplace that hasn’t been cleaned in over 20 years and has a lot of cobwebs inside of it,” said a glassy-eyed and visibly pale CDC official. “We just know that doorknobs are readily accessible, and we want Americans to feel as if the contraction of harmful diseases can be easy and quick.”

Found at:,34422/


They want you to suck on a knob,

Leave spit on it just like a slob;

Once you get your fill,

It will make you ill,

Your heart will just flutter and throb.

A restroom knob may be the best,

Open wide; let germs do the rest;

Bacteria abound,

On knobs all around,

Not sure? Just put it to the test.

In time you will be a hurtin’,

Like something from old Tim Burton;

Swap spit, lick a seat,

The floor holds a treat,

It may be your final curtain.

This story just may be a hoax,

A cruel and horrible joke;

Who wants to die?

Is the human cry,

Lick a knob and you may just croak.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved.

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